Saturday, June 19, 2010

Sticky Situation

As Barack Obama told his daughter Malia, and a somewhat less inquisitive or sophisticated mainstream media, he can't just "swim down" to the ongoing oil leak and "suck it up with a straw." And in fairness, that's true - there's only so much that a president can do.

The problem is, this president isn't doing it.

And in fact, it's starting to seem that the final plague which may destroy New Orleans will not be hurricane, flood, or oil...but a sea of governmental red tape.

Louisiana officials were outraged when the Coast Guard forced 16 oil-sucking barges to stop their cleanup efforts for 24 they could be checked for "enough fire extinguishers and life jackets."

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal had to plead with federal officials for over a month to allow him to build berms to keep oil away from the Louisiana coast...and even then, the government issued permission for only 6 berms, and not the 24 that the Governor says are desperately needed.

And let us not forget that just 3 days after the initial oil blowout, other countries started offering their aid in containment and cleanup efforts. But despite such offers from 13 nations, Barack Obama turned them all down - allowing the oil and devastation to spread - in order to protect the jobs of his union supporters.

Barack Obama is "kicking ass," alright. But sadly, most of those asses are covered with oil-soaked feathers.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Ass Kicker In Chief

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It's a fact of life that disasters happen - whether natural events like hurricanes, earthquakes, and floods, or "man-caused disasters" like terror attacks. And when these disasters occur, surely no one can be more helpless than America's disabled.

Which is why it's so stunning to discover that, under the Obama Administration, FEMA has no plans whatsoever for evacuation or care of the disabled in the event of a national emergency. None. Zilch.

Currently, this administration - which adds an additional $5 billion to our national debt every day - has allocated a grand total of $150,000 a year for a single staffer whose job it is to tell the disabled that in the event of an emergency, they're totally screwed.

Presumably, this is because the braintrust inside the Whitehouse has realized that the disabled have a hard time getting to the polls...and if they can't vote, they might as well die.

This policy is cold and heartless, but fiscally pragmatic. So ask yourself...are these really the kinds of people you want making the healthcare decisions about whether you should live or die?

Special Thank You: to our good friend Johnny Optimism and his loyal dog, Lance, for appearing in today's strip!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

As The Escrow Flies

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Wow! The "kick ass" president got totally manly during his first and only (ahem) 20-minute meeting with BP's brass yesterday, and demanded that they put $20 billion dollars into an escrow account to pay for present and future damages to our country. $20 billion! That's a lot, right?!


Well, yes, it is. Unless you compare it to much, much larger numbers.

Specifically, Obama and the democrats are currently adding
$5 billion dollars in new debt to our country every single day. Meaning that the entirety of BP's escrow account would be spent by this administration in just 4 days.

Only, Obama and company won't stop spending in 4 days...which is why the damage they're doing to our country and economy is $35 billion each week...$140 billion each month...and over $1.6 trillion in just one year.

Put another way, the oil spill which Barack Obama has likened to an economic "9/11" for this country is roughly only 1% as damaging as a single year of his presidency.

So, tough guy, go suck that with a straw.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Curb Your Enthusigasm

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According to one major supermarket tabloid (which, in today's idiotic media environment, is about as trustworthy as anything else) the real reason Al Gore's 40-year marriage broke up is because he was having a 2-year affair with environmental activist Laurie David, the ex-wife of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" star, Larry David.

Laurie David is considered one of Hollywood's most-liberal liberals, and has a long history of involvement in environmental causes, perhaps including the energy-saving "share a shower with Big Al" program.

Of course, all of these big money divorces end up sending the various players to their own individual mansions, thereby vastly increasing the carbon footprints of the people involved. But apparently that didn't matter to Al or Laurie...who can exempt themselves from environmental regulations because of their presumed intellectual and moral superiority.

But on the bright side, maybe Larry and Tipper can spend a little quality time together... and perhaps think of ways to kick Global Warming in the keester for the next season of "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

"You know, Laurie, every night I sleep alone a polar bear dies."

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Last Straw

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Barack Obama has told the people of Louisiana that he can't just "swim down there and plug that hole" (sorry, Malia!) nor can he "just suck it up with a straw."

Which is somewhat surprising, considering how much the president's clean-up plan does suck.

Because other countries, with some of the most advanced technology in the world, have offered to assist with the clean-up...but the president has turned them all down, so that all the clean-up can be done by American union members who don't want foreigners cutting into their personal paychecks.

Granted, this means that the oil will spread much farther, contaminate more beaches and wetlands, kill more wildlife, and cause more economic damage.

But at least the president will be able to save that which is most precious: his cozy relationship with the unions.

No matter how much it sucks for the rest of us.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Greene and Bear It

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The Democrats are so embarrassed and bumfuzzled by their new Senatorial candidate from South Carolina, Alvin Greene, that they're falling over themselves to say he just can't be for real, despite picking up 60% of the state's Democratic vote in primary elections.

Senior Whitehouse advisor David Axelrod says that Greene "doesn't appear" to be legitimate, but was vague on specifics.

The problem that the Democrats are having with Greene is that he is unemployed, facing felony obscenity charges, and in interviews can't seem to recall if he did any campaigning, had any rallies, or much of anything else. In fact, his primary debating skill seems to be the ability to stare into space until his interviewers get bored and change the question.

We'll have to wait to find out if Greene is, as some have claimed, a "plant" from another political party, or whether his somewhat baffling campaign is legitimate.

All that we know for sure is that Democrats elected him by a wide margin...and that he'll be a force to be reckoned with if he ever gets a teleprompter and a wife with well-toned arms.

The Democratic Voice of the People

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Details Details

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When Barack Obama speaks, he usually uses language which is so vague, obscure, misleading, and ambiguous that when he actually says something that is 100% clear, we can be sure of one thing: he's lying.

As a case in point, the president ramrodded Obamacare by repeatedly promising the American public "If you like your health care plan, you will be able to keep your health care plan. Period. No one will take it away. No matter what."

Well gosh - that certainly seems clear, direct, and hard to misinterpret!

But according to a new report from the Treasury Department, under Obamacare the majority of employer-insured Americans won't be able to keep their current health care plans. Period. No matter what.

Up to 90 million Americans will be forced by the government to purchase more expensive health plans, whether they want them or not. And up to 80% of small businesses will have to scrap their current healthcare plans...and choose between purchasing more expensive government-designed plans, or simply cancelling employee insurance altogether and paying a less-expensive fine.

Of course, the only real news here is that it's now the government confirming all the dire things that conservatives had been warning about in the many months preceding the passage of Obamacare.

But seeing an approaching asteroid isn't the same thing as stopping it.