Saturday, September 4, 2010

Sinking Feeling

Not long ago, VP Joe Biden toured the country proclaiming this to be the "Recovery Summer" in which we'd finally...finally...get results from Obama's budget-busting economic policies.

And boy, have we.

New unemployment figures show that the economy lost jobs again last month, as it did the prior two months of this "recovery summer," raising the official unemployment rate to 9.6%. Experts believe the real rate, which includes the many jobless Americans who have given up hope, to be as much as twice that number.

The president immediately blamed the dismal job situation on the lack of a bipartisan recovery plan, which sounds suspiciously like he's blaming the Republicans for not physically restraining the super-majority Democrats when they decided to turn a trillion "stimulus" dollars into party hats and confetti for their political supporters.

But thankfully, America's long, hot, miserable "recovery summer" is now over, and we can look forward to a great autumn.

Or, as Democrats will refer to it after November, "The Great Fall."


Friday, September 3, 2010

Warning Signs

Let us be very clear from the outset. Hope n' Change wishes no harm to befall Barack Obama, and it is our sincerest hope that he will live to a very ripe old age, during all of which time he will marinate in the bitterness of being accurately labeled as "America's worst president" after his single, unsuccessful term.

Rather, our point is that substituting signs for trained law enforcement officers is unbelievably useless and stupid...and if Obama's life was on the line, he'd be the first to say so.

But instead, it is the lives of citizens of Arizona (or any Americ
ans passing through Arizona) that are on the line...and the president doesn't care.

That's why Arizona's recent request for 3000 National Guard troops to control drug-related violence got them only 30 troops...and 15 large warning signs telling citizens which parts of America are now controlled by Mexican drug lords.

The Democrats are using their current "open border" policy as a political football while turning a blind eye to the growing violence on our southern border...and actually ceding control of American land to drug runners, human smugglers, and killers. It's madness, pure and simple.

But maybe the president could make a compromise. Rather than sending only 30 troops and 15 signs to Arizona, perhaps he could also assign a few Secret Service agents.

After all, he has 3200 of them.

Obama's party allows "active drug and human smuggling areas"
in America to facilitate the arrival of "unregistered Democrats."

Thursday, September 2, 2010

National Headache

As if there weren't already enough negative economic indicators, experts are now saying that the current recession has caused the American birth rate to drop to its lowest level in at least a century.

The reasoning is simple: people simply can't afford to have children if they have no jobs, companies aren't hiring, taxes are high, and the future is so uncertain. Or to put it bluntly, as long as the economy is screwed, nobody else will be.

Fortunately, the experts here at "Hope n' Change" are predicting that birth levels will recover in the near future, with an "Obaby Boom" beginning exactly 9 months after the current president is voted out of office.


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Decorator in Chief

As the old saying goes, "When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping." And so it is that Barack Obama has directed an absolutely
faaaaabulous makeover of the oval office.

When he first moved in, Obama made only
minor decorating changes, including removing a bust of Winston Churchill which England had sent to give comfort and courage to the nation following 9/11. And for whatever reason, Obama just doesn't have much interest in 9/11 knickknacks.

But this new office renovation (which was financed privately) is the real deal - new paint, new wallpaper, new furniture, and a spectacular new rug which not only displays the presidential seal, but also has inspiring quotations woven into the rim.

For instance, you'd be able to read the motto
"The Welfare of Each of Us is Dependent Fundamentally Upon the Welfare of All of Us" if you were walking around the circular rug.

Which is perfect when you think about it. After all, what could
better represent this presidency than welfare...and going in circles?

The renovation won't be quite finished until 2012.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Plastered President

In response to national polls that show an increasing number of Americans declaring that they don't know who or what Barack Hussein Obama is, the alleged president gave a special myth-debunking interview to NBC in which he forcefully declared that he's too busy to debunk myths.

Specifically, Obama said “I can’t spend all of my time with my birth certificate plastered on my forehead.” Which would have been an excellent time for a real reporter (rather than Brian Williams) to ask "Why won't you allow anyone to see your birth certificate?" or "Do you think it's because you've spent millions to hide your birth certificate?" or even "Does your birth certificate show you were born in Kenya and your real name is Barack Mohammed Mohammed Death To America Hussein Obama?"

The alleged president also struck down the growing belief that he's Muslim by saying "I'm not going to be worried too much about what rumors are floating around out there." And if that's not proof, then...hey, wait. That's not proof.

And those particular rumors are largely fostered not by rumors, but by people's own observations that Obama doesn't seem nearly as enthusiastic about Christianity as about Islam (which, according to the stranger in the Whitehouse, created virtually everything worthwhile in Western culture).

Which is perhaps why the avowed Christian president declared that he was entirely uninterested in last weekend's event in which hundreds of thousands visited Washington DC to celebrate patriotism and faith, and dismissed it as people getting "stirred up" in uncertain economic times.

Overall, Obama emphasized to NBC that he's not going to worry about rumors because he's far too busy looking to the future.

At which point he attacked President Bush's response to hurricane Katrina.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Mayor Catastrophe

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who has already declared opposition to the Ground Zero mosque to be "un-American," continues to make dumbfounding statements about the controversy.

In his latest jaw-dropper, he declared that 100% of the 9/11 families want the Ground Zero mosque to be built, and that "the lives of our loved ones were taken because the right to build a mosque was so threatening to people."

Come again? The 9/11 hijackers were so threatened by the right to build mosques in America that they murdered over 3000 people? The attacks were made to prevent the spread of Islam, and to keep mosques from being built?

Hope n' Change would like to suggest that Mayor Bloomberg do a bit of research to remind himself what really happened on that tragic September 11th, 2001.

It shouldn't be hard. It was in all the papers.

Mayor Bloomberg declares 9/11 hijackers were Islamophobes.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Two Faithed Liberals

Liberals who have been vigorously calling for the building of a Ground Zero mosque for the "healing of America" were appalled to hear Glenn Beck dare to mention
Christianity in his call for "Restoring Honor" to our country.

And what a call it was. Even news organizations that
loathe Glenn Beck and conservatives were estimating 300,000 in attendance for Saturday's event at the Lincoln Memorial, with other estimates as high as one million.

A petulant
USA Today described the crowd as "overwhelmingly white," while failing to mention that the racially-mixed crowd could more accurately be described as "overwhelmingly patriotic."

The tone of Beck's event was a mixture of religious revival, history lesson, and motivational speech...delivered to an enthusiastic crowd which was
entirely peaceful, entirely positive, and (as usual) tidied up the national mall before leaving.

Because the "Restoring Honor" event was pro-America, pro-troops, and non-partisan (Barack Obama's name was never mentioned in 3 1/2 hours of speeches), we hope that the liberal media will show as much of an open mind about
Beck's faith-based initiative as they have toward Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf's proposed Ground Zero mosque.

that'll happen.

America shows its support for "Restoring Honor." Nicely done, Glenn.