Friday, December 30, 2011
Hope n' Change Cartoons would like to be the first to wish everyone a very "Happy NO Year!"
Because 2012 is finally the year when we can go toe-to-toe with the "Yes We Can" crowd and tell them in no uncertain terms "No You Can't!"
No you can't continue to divide Americans and set one group against another. No you can't turn your backs on America's allies and military commitments. No you can't continue to steal trillions of dollars from future generations and enrich yourselves at our expense. No you can't kill individual initiative and turn this into a socialist state. No you can't continue to pretend that patriotism is the same thing as racism.
No you can't re-elect Barack Obama.
2012 is the year that we just might save the United States of America and that's damned exciting. It's going to be a hard and ugly fight - probably the ugliest political battle ever waged in this country. Conservatives will be demonized, lied to, and lied about - and the Left will do everything in its considerable power to demoralize us if we let them.
So we won't let them.
Knowing what we believe in, and the importance of what we're fighting for, we must ignore the angry and distracting buzz which will arise in the media and amongst the naysayers - and be energized by knowing that this is a battle we'll win.
Personally, I'm excited, revved up, and looking forward to a real bare-knuckle brawl as we head into November and I hope you are too.
Because 2012 is our year. Our very Happy NO Year!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
There's clearly something magical about Hawaii that makes politicians want to spend large amounts of money (not that they ever need a big push in that direction).
As a case in point, while enjoying his $4 million vacation on Oahu, Barack Obama is expected to make a casual phonecall back to Washington this week (probably from the golf course, where he's spent more time this year than in his previous two years in office) requesting yet another $1.2 trillion in mad money.
After making a big deal of "giving" $40 to hardworking Americans last week, the cost of this latest expenditure will be $4000 to each and every man, woman, and child in the nation. So much for "pizza night" or buying insulin.
And Hawaii's warm salt air has also encouraged Nancy Pelosi (that champion of America's common people) to go on a bit of a spending spree - treating herself to a $10,000 per night suite at a luxurious vacation resort. Of course, she's got the money to do it - thanks to barely legal and highly unethical insider trading schemes which have helped this "public servant" amass a personal fortune estimated to be as high as $196 million while the net worth of average Americans nosedived.
So the question in our minds is does Hawaii create spendthrifts, or just attract them? Either way, it might be good to force politicians to stay in Washington during the long, cold winter.
It might remind them that for America's distressed, depressed, overtaxed, and unemployed that life's a bitch...and not a beach.
Monday, December 26, 2011
With our nation's economic and foreign policies in crisis, Barack Obama decided it was time to step forward and give Americans tough, honest answers...to the dumbest questions which Barbara Walters could come up with.
In a much-publicized interview "event," Barack and Michelle Obama sat with alleged journalist Walters and fielded questions which sounded like they'd be asked by an unwelcome and insufficiently medicated seat mate on a public bus.
"If you were a superhero," Babs asked while listening to the voices in her head, "What would your superpower be?"
Showing the quick, out-of-the-box thinking that he is famous for, the president said "I'd like to be able to fly." Which, when you think about it, isn't really a superpower which would do anyone else any good, but could get him to the golf course faster.
Babs then consulted her 3x5 cards to see what other questions were of earthshaking importance, and asked Michelle Obama "If you died and could come back as anyone, who would it be?"
With her many years of expensive university training, extensive world travels, and a solid grasp of history, Michelle was quick to come up with the answer: "I would want to be Bo (the Whitehouse dog), because he has got a great life."
How that great life is different in any way from the one the pampered first lady already enjoys is a bit unclear, other than Bo gets to poop in the rose garden without anyone making a big deal about it.
Walters then turned her manic gaze on the president and asked him the same question. Would he choose to return from the grave as a great economist? A brilliant, life-saving surgeon? A spiritual leader?
Nope, he wanted to come back as Bo, too - because "people do love Bo." Ouch.
The interview continued, seemingly endlessly, but nothing of any substance was ever discussed. Still, Americans did come away with clearer insights about why journalism, the economy, foreign policy, and the Whitehouse have all gone to the dogs.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Hope n' Change Cartoons wants to give sincere thanks to the brave men and women in uniform who keep us free all year around, and extend the warmest possible wishes to everyone for a wonderful Christmas Day - no matter what your faith or politics.
Let this be a day for all of us to count our blessings, and be grateful for the amazing gifts we enjoy in this wonderful country. -Stilton Jarlsberg
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Readers: As Santa could tell you, there are those people who are nice, and those who are naughty. And unfortunately, some of the naughty ones are discovering my new book "The Obama Sutra" and posting angry non-reviews on Amazon.com.
One critic says that the book is "crass and devoid of any detectable humor," and contains "every tired conspiracy" about his beloved Obama (not untrue conspiracies, mind you - just tired).
Another critic takes you, dear reader, to task and condemns the mindset of the people who read Hope n' Change, saying that it is "everything the Tea Party stands for summed up in one racist, ignorant, spite-filled cartoon."
Gosh- didn't they get the president's memo about using words that heal instead of words that wound?
In any event, it would mean a great deal to me if some of you would go to the Amazon website and post star-ratings and reviews of the book (even one sentence) just to help minimize the future damage which can be done by the trolls as they crawl out of the woodwork.
And if you haven't read the book yet (which is crass but definitely not devoid of humor), I've extended the 99¢ ebook price a bit longer to make it easy to buy or give as a gift. It's readable on Amazon's Kindle or any computer or smartphone using Amazon's free Kindle apps.
Whether you post a review or not, let me thank ALL of you for visiting Hope n' Change Cartoons so regularly. That's a gift that I enjoy, and am deeply appreciative of, every day! -Stilton Jarlsberg
Update: THANK YOU to the surprising number of people who took time to post reviews . I sort of feel like Jimmy Stewart at the end of "It's A Wonderful Life," surrounded by friends and well-wishers. You've certainly made my Christmas Eve special!
Friday, December 23, 2011
In a powerful updating of the holiday classic "A Christmas Carol," Barack Obama went before the cameras yesterday to claim that the poor, lame little ragamuffin Tiny Tim would soon die if Ebenezer Boehner didn't give the Cratchit family an extra $40 in each paycheck.
Specifically, the president and the House Republicans have been arguing over a two month extension of the "payroll tax cut," which isn't actually a tax cut at all. It's simply a short "financial holiday" during which workers won't be contributing money to their own social security plans... meaning the critically underfunded program will have even less money to work with in the future.
But Obama and his Democrat cronies have successfully positioned this as a tax cut which will magically give working Americans an extra $40 in each and every paycheck...for two whole months.
And to really seal the deal, the president asked Americans to send him sob stories about what they could do with that precious $40. Unsurprisingly, he reports that with all that money, they won't have to "choose between insulin and paying the water bill," or cancel the "family pizza night" which keeps the kids from joining gangs or contracting interesting sexually-transmitted diseases.
$40 will allow a child in Honolulu to have hot lunches at school (presumably the only low income child in America who has had to pay for a school lunch in a generation), or make an unspecified and frankly unimaginable difference to a man with inoperable cancer and (surprise!) no health insurance.
Seriously, even Tiny Tim would be gagging at all this. But as of Hope n' Change's press deadline (before the really serious drinking starts), Boehner has just caved under these maudlin arguments (and a testicular deficit amongst his Republican House members nearly as significant as the fiscal deficit) and will allow yet another flood of red ink to be added to the books.
Frankly, we're appalled at hearing Obama pretend to care about the buying power of $40 when he trivializes the loss of $1 trillion in "stimulus" spending that did nothing. With that amount of money, we could have paid $40 for insulin, "pizza night," utilities, or hot lunches 25 billion times. But instead we've gotten a shrug, a goofy grin, and an admission that there was no such thing as a shovel-ready job after all. Oopsy!
When Barack Obama then hypocritically claims that $40 is a miraculous, life-changing amount of money, we're reminded of an old story...
A group of poor kids in the inner city were bored out of their minds, had nothing to do, nowhere to go, no toys to play with, and almost no money to spend. They pooled their pocket change and came up with $3, and gave it to one boy to go into a drugstore and buy something they could have fun with.
After 5 minutes, he returns with only a box of Kotex.
"What can we do with that?!" the angry kids demand.
"Well, according to the box," the boy answers, "you can go horseback riding, you can go swimming, you can play tennis..."
Three guesses who that boy grew up to be.
- With $40, you could go to the president's web store and buy this pitcher
with his logo on the outside and, appropriately, nothing on the inside.
Actually, it's $50 - but we're pretty sure he'll lower the price if you tell him you
also need to pay your utility bills, buy insulin, and get new tips for your crutches.
with his logo on the outside and, appropriately, nothing on the inside.
Actually, it's $50 - but we're pretty sure he'll lower the price if you tell him you
also need to pay your utility bills, buy insulin, and get new tips for your crutches.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
As always, you can click the cartoon for larger size
It's that time of year when many Americans are wrapping up their desperate Christmas bargain-hunting, wondering if they'll be able to cover the bills when they arrive, and putting a little extra rum in the egg nog to help cope with their worries about making ends meet in 2012.
Except in Washington DC, of course, where our legislators are still spending like drunken sailors who even other drunken sailors would describe as being really stupendously bad with money.
Which is what makes "Wastebook" such painfully amusing reading. "Wastebook" is Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn's annual breakdown of absolutely ludicrous government expenditures, and this year he quickly found $6.5 billion in screwy spending that Barack Obama, Congress, and the superdupercommittee chose to ignore.
In his report, you'll find all the examples cited in the cartoon (except "D") and many more. Did you know you're funding the "Oregon Cheese Trail" and paying to create Horse-Drawn Carriage Exhibits? And to encourage broadband Internet use in "under-served communities," the government is paying to create specially targeted online soap operas so minorities will watch their computers instead of their TVs. Are you kept awake nights wondering if cocaine will cause Japanese quail to engage in high-risk sex? Good news! The government is funding a study on that very topic!
iPads for kindergartners? Why not! A "First Lady's Organic Garden" game to fight obesity? What a terrific idea! Studies of smoking amongst University students... in Jordan... who only smoke hookahs? Money well spent! $300,000 to fund interpretive dancing "to facilitate dialogue on the physics and origin of the universe?" A bargain at twice the price!
While the report (which you can download as a PDF right here) initially makes for some pretty funny reading, the joke wears pretty thin as Coburn documents page after page after page of idiotic expenditures which make a mockery of politician's claims to be careful (or even mentally competent) stewards of our money.
As much as we like to sum up the day's commentary with an original punchline here at Hope n' Change, there's no way we could beat the one that Senator Coburn came up with. Citing the fact that Congress (quite justifiably) has an approval rating of only 9%, he says "perhaps there was no bigger waste of the taxpayer's money in 2011 than Congress itself."
Now that's on the money.
Monday, December 19, 2011
The Iraq War is over. The last convoy of American troops has crossed the borders into Kuwait. And Barack Obama has already turned it into a campaign ad - a video called "A Promise Kept" which is not about the promise of freedom nor America's promise to the people of Iraq, but about Barack Obama keeping his campaign promise to pull the troops out, no matter what his generals said.
It is perhaps the most sneering and self-serving way for the president to end an American war imaginable. A war which Barack Obama called the "dumb war," the "rash war," and "the war of choice, not necessity."
You'd think that a war described as pointless by America's commander-in-chief would therefore be easy to wrap up. But the ever self-aggrandizing Obama chose to take to his presidential podium and declare that "It is harder to end a war than to begin one," neatly praising his own magnificence while taking yet another potshot at President Bush.
But does Obama's troop withdrawal really amount to "Mission Accomplished" if the mission is anything other than his re-election? Senator John McCain certainly doesn't think so, saying "It is clear that this decision was dictated by politics, and not our national security interests. I believe history will judge this president’s leadership with the scorn and disdain it deserves.”
History, however, will never doubt the integrity, honor, and sacrifices made by America's troops and their families over the course of this nine-year war. Over 1.5 million fought... more than 32,000 were wounded... and over 4,500 killed. There are no words sufficient to express our gratitude, nor our sorrow for their losses.
Whether those losses were in vain will be determined in the very near future as we find out whether Barack Obama's "Promise Kept" was to the Iraqi people, our nation's military, or only to Democratic voters who have been losing enthusiasm for their ineffectual president.
In the meanwhile, perhaps Mr. Obama's re-election team would like to raid their 2008 video vaults to make more "Promise Kept" commercials - showing how well the president has fulfilled his campaign promises to lower unemployment, balance the budget, end earmarks, bring peace to the Middle East, close Guantanamo, end partisanship in Washington, create a post-racial society, have the most transparent administration in history, and cause our planet's rising oceans to recede.
All of which were dumb promises. Rash promises. Promises of choice...and not reality.
Friday, December 16, 2011
It's not easy for an agency as boring as the Census Bureau to make news...unless they happen to say exactly what the Obama Administration and mainstream media would like them to. And so it is that we're now seeing news stories screaming "HALF OF ALL AMERICANS ARE POOR" at the same time those damn millionaire-loving Republicans are refusing to raise taxes on the rich.
But if you read past the headlines and into the fine print and weasel-wording (which too many people won't do), the narrative that half of America is eating Purina Dog Chow and living in cardboard boxes quickly unravels.
To begin with, statistics released as recently as September put the number of poor-ish people in the United States at 1-in-3. But even that highly-questionable number lacked the journalistic panache which the Left needed for their narrative... so the Census Bureau conveniently came up with a new way of measuring poverty which would include a lot more people than ever before, even though their economic status hadn't changed.
In order to cook the books, the Census Bureau added new indices to their poverty measurement methodology. They now include the cost of medical coverage (which has gone up under Obamacare) and the cost of transportation (which has gone up under Obama's "War on Fuel") and other living expenses (which have gone up under Obama's "War on Employment").
Additionally, the news articles are lumping together as "poor" both those who meet the rather generous government definition of poverty ($26,675 for a family of five)...and those people with "low incomes" which are twice the poverty level ($53,350 for that same wretched family).
But assets aren't included in the measurements, so people are still considered poor even if they're living in paid-for homes, driving nice cars, and have plenty of money in the bank.
Are many people really hurting now? Of course they are - and Obama and the Democrats are eagerly making everything worse to increase dependency on government programs.
But that's not the story that Americans are supposed to be hearing right now. We're supposed to believe that half of our country is starving owing to the oppression of the "Evil Rich" and that only Barack Obama, the self-proclaimed "warrior for the middle class," has the power to swing his vorpal sword and put things right.
A story so ridiculous that it proves the mainstream media has completely taken leave of its census.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
In these tough economic times, it's been very, very, very difficult for the Obama Administration and the Democrats to find any government expenditures which can be cut. But fortunately, the president has finally found something we had way too much of: border security!
Which is why the number of National Guard troops stationed at our southern border is going to be cut by at least half next year...with the proposed number of Guardsmen patrolling the California border reduced from 264 to just 14.
The troops, originally assigned to supplement the Border Guards who were busy dodging bullets from "Fast & Furious," are said not to be needed anymore because...because...
Hang on. We've got to take a deep, cleansing breath before writing this next part which is truly staggering in its monumental stupidity.
Okay. The Department of Homeland Security says that the troops aren't needed because our southern border is now more secure than ever. And how do they know that? Not because there are fewer people crossing the border and entering our country (which they have no way of measuring). But because Homeland Security, with its diminishing resources, is catching fewer people. Which must mean security is better! Right? Right...?!
By this same logic, if we pull out all the National Guard troops and Border Guards, we won't catch anyone sneaking in...which will mean (in Washington, anyway) that we've achieved 100% effective border security which doesn't cost the taxpayers a dime!
Of course, all of this only makes sense to someone who has way too much access to tequila. Which makes it painfully clear that this is really another thinly-veiled way for Barack Obama to throw open our borders (and increase the number of people demanding services paid for by the evil rich) during a hotly-contested election year.
Come to think of it, maybe a shot of tequila isn't such a bad idea.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Breaking with the Whitehouse on a longstanding tenet of the Obama Administration, Harry Reid has declared that there are no unicorns.
And if that was all he said, we really wouldn't have a problem with it. But his actual quote was that millionaire job creators are "fictitious," and "like unicorns, they're impossible to find and don't exist."
Sort of like shovel-ready jobs, Harry?
But is it true that there are no millionaires anywhere who own businesses and hire employees? And which government study came up with this nugget of information on which Reid is basing policy? The answer is that neither Harry, Nancy, Barack, or any other Democrat has actually looked for a millionaire job creator (or job creation of any other kind), but that Harry heard a story on taxpayer-supported NPR that their team of crack journalists went looking for one and, amazingly, failed.
And so, despite Barack Obama's bitter salt tears, the myth of the unicorn has been put to rest, as has the myth of private job creation. Which allows the Democrats to share the financial facts of life and tell the American people where jobs really come from...
They're left by pixies under a trillion-dollar lettuce leaf.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Not too long ago, our nation's top Democrats were praising Occupy Wall Street as if they'd hung the moon instead of just threatening to hang the Evil Rich.
“God bless them for their spontaneity,” Nancy Pelosi exclaimed, “It’s independent people coming together, it’s young, it’s spontaneous, it’s focused and it’s going to be effective!”
Not willing to be outdone, Barack Obama declared that the protesters "express the frustrations the American people feel" and told members of OWS "you are the reason I ran for office."
All of which makes it sound like these upstanding, spontaneous, America-representing young patriots should get front row seats at the Democratic national convention in Charlotte next year. But noooOOoooo.
The Democrats have now realized that there are "bad optics" from having Barack Obama's anti-capitalist message shouted out by scraggly, mask-wearing, drug-dealing, child molesting, lice-infested anarchists instead of having it delivered on a massive stage with greek columns and patriotic bunting by a "clean and articulate" president with a sharp crease in his trousers.
Which is why Charlotte has proposed an ordinance declaring that occupying tents in their downtown area would be an illegal "public nuisance." Just to put the icing on the cake, they're also banning "noxious substances," which should pretty much eliminate even those protesters who don't own a puptent.
Considering the love that the Democrats claimed to have for OWS until now, you'd think they'd be making a loud outcry to make sure that this "voice of the people" can be heard loud and clear as we think about who'll be running the country for the next four years.
Or just maybe, now that the American people have seen the filthy, angry, and idiotic results of what "community organizers" actually do, the Democrats would rather not offer up any reminders that this is Barack Obama's past...and our potential future.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Readers: Just a gentle reminder that the 99¢ introductory price for the eVersion of "The Obama Sutra - An Illustrated Guide to 57 States of Ecstasy" will be going up on Monday.
The eBook is readable on any Kindle or on any computer or smartphone which uses the free Kindle reader app from Amazon. If you've been thinking about picking the book up for 99¢ (or gifting it to your favorite liberals) this is the weekend to do it! And of course, the print version is still an excellent choice for a "secret Santa" gift guaranteed to create chaos at any office party.
Initial sales have been terrific and I want to thank all of you. Next week, I'll be starting the hard work of promoting the book in other venues (don't worry - there won't be any interruption of cartoons and commentary here at Hope n' Change). Your Facebook posts and tweets spreading the word continue to be much appreciated, and I'd be additionally grateful for more reviews on the Amazon page!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Obama's Department of Defense (which, apparently, is interested primarily in defending Obama) has now officially declared that the Fort Hood Massacre in which Major Nidal Hassan killed 13 soldiers and wounded 30 more while screaming "Allahu Akbar!" was an incident of "workplace violence" unrelated to terrorism or radical Islam.
Despite the fact that Hassan had been talking openly about his belief that the "infidels" around him should have their heads cut off and boiling oil poured down their throats (as outlined in the Koran), the poor bastard just went postal one day for no reason at all.
Which makes it a bit confusing about why Barack Obama gave the go-ahead to send a hellfire missile up the ass of Hassan's computer pen-pal, American born cleric Anwar al-Awlaki. The justification given at the time was that al-Awlaki "repeatedly called on individuals in the United States and around the globe to kill innocent men, women and children to advance a murderous agenda."
But if he didn't do that when swapping tweets with Nidal Hassan, who did he influence? Or, if his correspondence did cause others to commit acts of terror, how exactly can those acts be differentiated from the Allah-shouting, soldier-murdering "workplace violence" committed by Hassan?
Words mean something - a point which was made quite clearly to al-Awlaki, but which still seems to elude many in Washington who refuse to say things like "terror" or "radical Islam" no matter how high the cost in national security or lives.
And while we're on the subject, honor means something too. And by dismissing the Fort Hood Massacre as nothing more than a bad day at the office, the Obama Administration dishonors not only the dead and fallen of Fort Hood...but every American in uniform who has fought or died in the ongoing, and very real, War on Terror.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
We now have an answer to the (previously) hypothetical question of what would happen if a sitting US president suddenly declared himself to be an anti-American, anti-capitalist, hate mongering Marxist of the first order. Because that's exactly what Barack Obama did on Tuesday...and there's been absolutely no fallout from it from the institutions which we previously, and erroneously, called "the free press."
The speech, given in Osawatamie (the Cherokee word for "diarrhea") Kansas was filled with jaw-dropping rhetoric in which Barack Obama blamed all of America's economic woes on the evil rich, and did everything short of calling for them to be hung from trees.
Rugged American individualism and a healthy skepticism of too much government? According to Barack Obama, "it doesn't work, and it's never worked." The Internet? It's destroying jobs (despite all of the studies showing that it actually is the single largest job creator) because it's putting "bank tellers and travel agents" out of work when people take care of those functions online.
America's unemployment? It's all due to greedy employers who won't hire American laborers just because they come out of our richly-funded education system not knowing anything...and the answer, according to Obama, is to give more money to teachers' unions to keep doing whatever the hell it is they're doing instead of educating our kids.
The best way to combat jobs moving overseas? More unions! Because what could be more appealing to a potential employer than his overpaid workers striking for longer breaks?
Obama then went on to say that all of these problems and many more are the fault of the top 1% of earners, innovators, and creators in this country...because the bastards are only paying taxes at a rate of 1%, instead of their "fair share." When pressed for any data whatsoever to support this ludicrous claim, the Whitehouse admitted "there isn't any" (but they say they think they might have heard someone on TV say it once). In other words, Barack Hussein Obama was lying through his teeth for the sole purpose of fomenting hatred and turning American against American.
In truth, the much-reviled top 1% of earners pay 40% of all taxes in this country... and an average of around $50 million each. So we just might want to think twice before following the president's suggestions to surround and set fire to their mansions.
Barack Obama's speech was straight out of the Marxist, Leninist playbook because after the abject failure of "Hope and Change," he's decided to run on a platform of "Hate and Chains" - and so far, the mainstream media hasn't blinked or said a word about it. In fact, they're supporting it.
Which is why the coming election will be so important, and why it's so critical to turn off the mainstream media's alleged "analysis" of the president's words, and look at them yourself.
I'd love to come up with a funny, pithy punchline to all of this...but there isn't one. The bottom line is that Barack Obama hates America, hates capitalism, hates individualism, and - if you're reading this blog - hates you.
Which is why, despite the horrors inflicted on our military 70 years ago, the greatest threat to our country to ever come out of Hawaii isn't the attack on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese, but the attack on America by alleged-Hawaiian Barack Hussein Obama.
Update: here's a link so you can actually watch this speech...if you can stand it.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Poor Herman Cain. When three women accused him of wrongdoing, the mainstream media immediately pronounced his candidacy dead and buried (which it was, by their intent) without doing further digging to see if the accusations could be substantiated.
But why should they be? After all, women never lie about sex!
Except for that sleazy chick who recently claimed to be carrying Justin Bieber's baby. And the prostitute who claimed she was raped by the Duke lacrosse team. And Al Sharpton's beloved Tawana Brawley who lied about being raped by white police officers. And of course, Juanita Broaddrick must have been lying about being raped by Bill Clinton, as were the other people who backed up her story.
But except in those isolated cases, women are incapable of lying about being violated...which is why Herman Cain became the victim of a media lynching.
With that in mind, it struck Hope n' Change as awfully odd that three elderly women have recently charged that they felt violated, degraded, and almost raped by TSA inspectors at JFK airport and Janet Napolitano has essentially said: "they're all lying."
Considering the presumed truthfulness of women, Napolitano's statement seems pretty harsh - but then again the TSA is already accusing these senior citizens of looking like dangerous, radical "suicide grannies" which is a heckuva lot worse than being called a liar.
In these scary times, we're told to look the other way when it comes to unpleasant security issues - whether it's conducting strip searches on children or having TSA agents wave through those angry young Middle Eastern men most statistically likely to be terrorists to avoid accusations of profiling. And we're additionally told that all this is necessary, no matter how "violating" the experience is, because we just can't allow women (even old ones) to bring down an aircraft.
Too bad our media still makes it so easy for them to bring down a conservative presidential candidate.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Many people may be wondering how, with all of the terrible things going on in our country just now, Barack Obama has just found time to take yet another 17 day vacation to Hawaii?
The answer is simple: he found time by getting all of his Christmas shopping done at once by purchasing copies of "The Obama Sutra - An Illustrated Guide to 57 States of Ecstasy" to share with friends, world leaders, and unindicted co-conspirators!
The book, painstakingly authored and illustrated by your own Stilton Jarlsberg, is pretty much exactly what you'd expect it to be from the title: a tongue-in-cheek parody of the 2000-year old "Kama Sutra" sex manual, featuring 57 "passion positions" inspired by the words and deeds of Barack Obama.
Want to see the backbreaking gymnastics necessary to do the "Fast and Furious?" How about "Leading from Behind," "18 Holes," "The Fierce Urgency of Now," "Stimulus Package," and many, many more!
But before anyone gets the vapors, I'll confess that this is almost as tame as an alleged "sex manual" can get. The interior illustrations are black & white (as is the president, of course) and use silhouettes with no more genitalia than Barbie and Ken have...which in this case, may be anatomically correct for all I know. There's no four-letter language, and the content is in the shifty middle ground between PG-13 and a very light R-rating.
But it's funny content...and along with the 57 full-page illustrations, you also get a lengthy glossary of the 57 news stories which inspired the cartoons (and for that matter, this blog).
The Obama Sutra is available right now at Amazon.com in either paperback or Kindle eBook format (don't have a Kindle? You can still read the eVersion on any computer and most smartphones using the free Kindle apps from Amazon).
The paperback, which is not only a thing of beauty but also one of greatest "secret Santa" gifts ever, is $6.99. But the eBook version, which will be $2.99, is just 99¢ for the next day or two to say a sincere "thank you" to the readers of Hope n' Change - and because I'd like to catch Amazon's attention with a quick burst of sales.
It will also be a huge help if the Hope n' Change family (that's you!) shares the word through Facebook, twitter, and other social media...and posts reviews on Amazon (glowing reviews preferred, but anything honest is greatly appreciated).
I won't be able to keep the 99¢ sale going very long, so grab it soon to help make "The Obama Sutra" a bestseller by Christmas...and give Barack Obama something to sulk about for 17 days in Hawaii!
This is why I'm going to be audited for the rest of my life.
FIRST DAY SALES UPDATE: Thanks to all of you, the Kindle edition of "Obama Sutra" reached an amazing #2 in Amazon's political humor category...with uber-liberal Bill Maher pushed down to #3. Please continue to spread the word, if only to continue to annoy Bill Maher as long as possible! -Stilton
Friday, December 2, 2011
Despite candidate Barack Obama's promise that we'd all be eating pie by now (with someone else picking up the bill for it), it turns out that the real menu in these days of disastrous unemployment is quite a bit less appealing.
As a case in point, the president just signed a bill which clears the way for horses to be slaughtered for meat and be federally inspected before heading to American's tables as a mane course.
Although many people are appalled at the notion, horse meat is commonly eaten in a number of other countries. For instance, the French delight in serving entire horses with vats of melted garlic butter. Of course, this is due in no small part to the fact that the French are only courageous enough to hunt docile domestic animals who come when their names are called or can be lured with sugar cubes.
The government is trying to put the best face on their decision to facilitate the production and distribution of horseburger, calling it a good "management tool" for horse owners who can no longer afford to feed their equine friends. They don't, however, say much about why horse owners have run out of funds, why cash-strapped but hungry consumers might soon be arguing over "who gets the hoof," or what the government will ever do about our declining economy other than having Michelle Obama visit "The View" to share recipes that use Clydesdales and yams. Lots of yams.
But for the time being, whether you own horses you can't afford or not, it might be a good idea not to complain too loudly about being saddled with Washington's ongoing fiscal irresponsibility.
After all, look what they're doing to other creatures who were saddled...
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Proving once again that he can make history simply by being "present," Barack Obama has now achieved the lowest job approval rating of any President at this stage in his administration.
Achieving only a 43% approval rate, Mr. Obama's numbers are a full 8 percentage points beneath those of Jimmy Carter, a president so awful that even complimentary peanuts have nothing nice to say about him. (Okay, that's an awful joke about the peanut-farming president but astoundingly, even that punchline has more than a 43% approval rate).
Mr. Carter, gleefully adding insult to injury, has suggested that part of Mr. Obama's problem is that he doesn't really participate in leading the country... and rather than formulating legislation, he simply "lets Congress evolve multiple bills and then negotiate to get a final decision or even no decision."
Granted, the idea of getting Mr. Obama more involved in legislation is the same sort of godawful miscalculation that previously made Carter's tenure a political punchline - but he still makes a point.
And gets the last laugh.
Monday, November 28, 2011
When Hillary Clinton was running for the Democratic Presidential nomination in 2008, she ran a television ad saying that when the world was in crisis and "the phone rang at 3 in the morning," she'd be ready to take the call. She already knew the world leaders and America's military capabilities. She made a good argument...but not as good (in the minds of liberals) as whatever the hell "we are the ones we've been waiting for" means.
And that scary phone which rings in the middle of the night? It's going unanswered by Barack Obama.
At least, that's how it looks to Hope n' Change as we've examined the grim news headlines this weekend. The economic crisis in Europe appears to be coming to a head, Iran has announced that they've got 150,000 missiles pointing at Israel, and Pakistan has angrily closed a U.S. airbase used for drones as well as cutting off our military supply lines to Afghanistan.
But try as we might, we couldn't find any news stories talking about what the president was doing to respond to any of these crises...at 3 in the morning, or any other time of day.
Instead, weekend news reports said that Mr. Obama went golfing for the umpteenth time, played some hoops, attended a basketball game, and took his daughters shopping at a bookstore to show his support of "Small Business Saturday" (although we think it's likely that small businesses would feel more supported if the president would stop threatening to raise their taxes).
All of which makes us wonder why, in an administration that has sworn enmity towards bankers, the president insists on keeping banker's hours and taking weekends off?
Of course, it could be a lot worse.
He might actually answer that ringing phone and try to do something.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Now that Thanksgiving is over, it's time to get down to the serious matter of cleaning up all the leftovers.
By which we don't mean turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie.
Rather, we're talking about all of the political "leftovers" from earlier in the year... and the year before that...and the year before that. Like the failure to control government spending, the failure to establish any realistic energy policies, the failure to make America's strength known to either her allies or enemies, and the abject failure to seriously address our nation's unemployment crisis.
The thing about leftovers is that they get less and less appealing the older they get... and the leftovers cited above are absolutely ancient.
Although Washington traditionally does even less than usual (as hard as that is to imagine) between Thanksgiving and the new year, we'd be delighted if the politicians actually decided to celebrate the fact that they're employed by doing their jobs for a change.
Because after awhile, leftovers really start to stink. Which is why when next November rolls around, we'll definitely be throwing some things out.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thanksgiving Day is almost upon us. A very special, uniquely American day in which millions of people will join together to give thanks for the fact that election day is finally less than a year away.
Also among the thankful is the Whitehouse turkey (no, no - the one with feathers) who actually did receive an official pardon from Mr. Obama, and has now been offered a job in the liquor industry...just like the president's Uncle Omar, who presumably has not been invited to the Whitehouse feast and will probably have to split a frozen TV dinner with Aunt Zeituni.
In the president's official Thanksgiving proclamation, he reminds us that the original feast "honored the Wampanoag for generously extending their knowledge of local game and agriculture to the Pilgrims," a fact which is more sleep-inducing than the amount of tryptophan contained in an entire Butterball. He then goes on to say that this is an occasion to "renew our gratitude to all American Indians and Alaska Natives."
We're not sure what the Alaskan Natives had to do with Thanksgiving, considering that they've only been Americans two years longer than Barack Obama...but perhaps they're responsible for those frozen TV dinners we mentioned before.
In any event, the president also goes on to perfunctorily offer thanks to "our men and women in uniform...each other and to God" (in that order).
But apparently wishing to save expensive proclamation-grade ink, the president gives no thanks whatsoever to the 1% of taxpayers who pay 36% of the government's bills...thereby putting food on the table every day for the 45 million people who find themselves on foodstamps in the Obamaconomy.
Still, and in all sincerity, we have much to be grateful for in this wonderful country...and it can only do us all good to put politics aside on Thursday and take time to think about our blessings and to humbly give thanks.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours from Hope n' Change Cartoons.
And be sure to save room for the delicious "Lockbox Pumpkin Pie" you've been promised!
Monday, November 21, 2011
With the hours ticking down to a precious few, it's becoming increasingly likely that the SuperDuperCommittee to which Barack Obama passed his fiscal leadership responsibilities is about to present us all with a special Thanksgiving sentiment: "Get stuffed!"
Because almost no one is predicting that the members of the supercommittee are about to strike a deal (and even if they did, the amount they're debating is only about 10% of what any truly serious reform would require).
Of course, this isn't exactly wildly surprising. When they had a supermajority, the Democrats didn't even bother to create or offer budgets. Obama created one which was so repugnant and unrealistic (actually raising spending in virtually every area) that it wasn't supported by even a single Democrat's vote.
In this absence of leadership, Barack Obama created a "Debt Reduction Commission" which was supposed to get everything figured out. But they didn't, and such good suggestions as they had (and there were quite a few) were quickly buried out of sight by Obama in much the same way that a cat scrapes kitty litter over anything it finds offensive.
Then (and by "then," we mean when the Tea Party came to Washington in 2010) came talk of a possible Balanced Budget Amendment - which Obama promptly shot down, saying that it was ridiculous to think that we'd need to amend the Constitution just to get legislators "to do their jobs."
Which is why it was puzzling that the president subsequently gave those very jobs to his new "Supercommittee" which would find $1.2 trillion in cuts...or else a "trigger" would go off, automatically cutting the money from budgets - with half the hit coming out of our nation's military financing. An outcome which seems almost unavoidable at this point...and one which will come as great news to those who would like to see America's military might diminished (including the commander in chief).
Meanwhile, businesses and employment are in the dumper, despairing over the fact that they'll seemingly never have a secure idea of the financial future to base their planning on - and such uncertainty is unacceptable.
But at Hope n' Change, we think they're missing the bigger picture. After all, since the day of Obama's election there hasn't been one single sincere effort to cut spending, encourage business, or balance the budget. So there's really no "uncertainty" at all; businessmen can confidently assume that everything will get worse for the foreseeable future, and make their hiring plans accordingly!
What's that? Oh yes - they already are.
Friday, November 18, 2011
As always, you can click on the cartoon for a larger, easier-to-read size
On Wednesday, the mainstream media was filled with stories about the "tens of thousands" of Occupy Wall Street protesters who were expected to clog the streets of New York, shut down the stock market, and basically give the Evil Rich the big spanking they so richly deserve.
And it's a good thing those stories were written, published, and telecast on Wednesday...because if the media had actually waited for the "Day of Action" to occur on Thursday, they would have had to report that it was a miserable, poorly attended, disorganized failure... just like everything else the Occupy idiots have attempted to date.
But as much as we'd like to criticize the half-witted protesters, we think the punishments they've self-administered pretty much fit their crimes: where they were once simply spoiled, bongo-whacking kids who didn't want to pay back their student loans, they are now spoiled, bongo-whacking kids who are infected with scabies, lice, tuberculosis, rickets, and STDs which don't even have names yet.
No, our real derision is reserved for the mainstream media who are the real "99%" behind this protest "movement" that was never a movement at all. The media which has whipped up false numbers, false stories, and false sympathies to promote their own political agenda (and that of pro-Occupy cheerleaders like Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi) while failing to report on the mongrel horde's taste for rape, murder, drug use, public masturbation, destruction of property, and rampant anti-Semitism.
Simply put, the many reports predicting "tens of thousands" of protesters were never about covering an event...but hoping to create one. And that's a frightening thought.
Hopefully, now that many municipalities have undergone de-lousing and closed their various Obamavilles, the whole "Occupy" myth will evaporate for lack of camera-friendly images to serve as backdrops for the talking heads.
But it would be foolish for us to either forget or forgive those who have been promoting blatant anarchy and anti-Americanism. And more foolish still to think they won't try to up the ante dangerously before next election day.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Only a few short weeks ago, a wee-wee'd up Barack Obama called a joint session of congress, told them that he had a plan for creating jobs, and demanded loudly (and repeatedly) that they "pass it now!"
Which is why it's more than a little jaw-dropping that this same president has taken a look at a plan to create thousands of new high-paying jobs which wouldn't cost taxpayers a penny...and decided to "pass on it now."
The Keystone XL project would build a pipeline to bring oil to the United States from lovable, maple-syrup distilling, beaver-pelt wearing Canada instead of sending our oil money to the "Death to America" lunatics in the Middle East... thereby giving us more of that "energy independence" that Mr. Obama usually can't shut up about, while creating jobs out the wazoo.
But despite the president's usual dedication to "the fierce urgency of now," he's decided to postpone a decision on the pipeline until after the next election...for fear of losing the votes of environmentalists who are terrified of long pipes for reasons only their Freudian psychoanalysts can understand.
And he's softened the blow by implying that Americans really wouldn't be up to the job of building the pipeline anyway...recently referring to us as soft, lazy, and lacking in the will and imagination to tackle "big jobs."
Unfortunately, Canada can't afford to wait to sell their oil...and so they're preparing to sell it to China instead. Which will be disastrous for the environment that Mr. Obama claims to be so concerned about...and probably disastrous for the United States since China is devoting a lot of their energy use these days to building up their military.
But the job of the president is to make tough decisions, and Obama has decided that his re-election is far more important than jobs, energy, or national security.
And unsurprisingly, he didn't find it a tough decision at all.