Saturday, February 26, 2011

Special Announcement: Weekends Off

Readers: Original Announcement - After publishing fresh cartoons every day for over two years, I've decided to scale things back a teeny-weeny bit. You'll still get new cartoons and commentary Monday thru Friday, but the weekends will now be "catch up" time for all of us...when you can go back and read cartoons you may have missed (or visit the frequently spirited comments sections), and I can spend time working on some additional mischief.

This is purely a time-management situation (despite rumors that I just closed a $315 million dollar deal to become part of AOL-HuffPost-HopeNChange) and I assure you that I'm every bit as dedicated to Hope n' Change Cartoons as ever. I'm not going anywhere, no matter how much the Left might want me to.

And it's not impossible that the occasional weekend cartoon will turn up, depending on what kind of jackassery is in the news and whether or not I can keep my opinions bottled up for two days without having an aneurysm. (I've already delayed this announcement a couple of times as the world was unraveling).

In the meanwhile, if you're concerned about going into cartoon withdrawal, let me recommend that you visit the links in my sidebar to check out Diversity Lane, Angie comics, Day by Day, and the non-political but equally depressing Johnny Optimism. For that matter, Diversity Lane and Angie both have new, lovely, oversized paperback collections available (again, see the sidebar) and I highly recommend them...not only as well-done and funny books, but as a way to show your support for conservative cartoonists (who also happen to be really nice guys).

Which brings me around to saying "thank you" for the wonderful support that you show me on a daily basis. It gives me tremendous pleasure to see how the readership numbers have grown, and it means a lot to me when you re-post my cartoons or share them with friends who will hopefully become regular visitors to this site.

That's it for now - see you back here on Monday! -Stilton Jarlsberg

Readers: Updated Announcement - Having perhaps underestimated my OCD and need to post daily, I'm going to try posting cartoons from the "Hope n' Change Vault" on weekends, selecting cartoons that are in some way relevant to today's news and adding a quick bit of perspective from the present. Let me know what you think!


Friday, February 25, 2011

Close Shave

The FBI has arrested a 20-year old Saudi Arabian man, a college student "studying" in Texas, for buying bomb-making materials with the intent of commiting terrorist acts of jihad, including the possible assassination of President George W. Bush.

Khalid Ali-M Aldawsari, who certainly doesn't sound like an Islamic radical and surely fits no profiles, apparently got a scholarship to a small college in Lubbock, Texas specifically so he could improve his English and "blend in" better advance his actual goal of causing death and destruction.

Aldawsari had created lists of potential targets including hydroelectric dams and nuclear facilities, but had a special enmity for George W. Bush, whom he referred to as the "Tyrant"...perhaps after hearing similar descriptions from Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow, and The View.

The wannabee terrorist was investigating ways to hide his bombs inside "infant dolls," as well as possibly targeting a nightclub with a backpack bomb.

Hope n' Change wants to state, in the strongest possible way, that this does not mean anyone should be suspicious of young, surly, Arabic men who just happen to be wearing a backpack...many of whom probably have no intention of blowing themselves up to get laid.

On the other hand, if the guy is carrying a doll - run for your life.

"Assalam o alaikum! I am peace-loving Swedish
exchange student named Khalid Ali-M Aldawsari!"


Thursday, February 24, 2011

Flee Collared

There's an old saying that "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." Unfortunately, when the going gets tough, the spineless and cowardly also get going...packed into buses and headed to other states to keep Democracy from working.

At least, that's the case in Wisconsin and Indiana, with Democrats in other states feverishly examining Greyhound bus schedules looking for sanctuary states.

Frankly, we think this new Democrat "Flee Party" movement deserves a newer and more accurate mascot than the old Ass they've used previously, and Hope n' Change is happy to suggest the design seen in today's cartoon.

We think the Democrat Donkey has outlived any semblance of accuracy. After all, a donkey is actually capable of performing work, stands on its own feet, and is at least marginally lovable... none of which is true of a liberal Democrat.

But a flea? It's a blood-sucking parasite that lives off of others, it breeds promiscuously, and it's nearly impossible to get rid of. In other words, it's a perfect match!

So let us celebrate this new era in which Conservatives are finally making clear that while this has been "the land of the flea"'s once again becoming "the home of the brave."

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Mister Current Events

Libya is in flames. Civilian protesters are being gunned down in the streets, and placards and banners are being met with death-dealing salvos from tanks and jets. Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi vows that he will "die a martyr" rather than step down, and says that the root cause of this bloodbath is "the tyranny of the U.S."

All of which might make you think that Barack Hussein Obama, who championed the cause of the Egyptian protesters as soon as they won, would have something - anything - to say about the explosive situation in Libya.

But nooOOoooo.

As the violence wears on, there has been no official word whatsoever from the alleged president, and the official Whitehouse spokesman says he doesn't expect there's going to be one anytime soon.

However, even Mr. Obama's silence is eloquent...and it clearly tells the world that the United States, at this particular moment, does not stand with any citizenry which rises up to throw off oppression, and we sure as hell aren't going to actually help by either word or deed.

Of course, if that's not the message that Barack Obama wants to send, he should speak right up and say so.

We're waiting.

Trivia Fun Facts: Barack Hussein Obama is the only American
president to shake hands with Muammar Gaddafi!


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Jurassic Pork

The cost-cutting House Republicans have voted to end funding for NPR and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, causing Liberals to declare that the end of civilization is upon us.

"Do we really want to turn back the clock on
Sesame Street," they ask, "and force children into back alleys to learn the alphabet? Should women have to use coat hangers to improve their radio reception to hear All Things Considered?"

And of course, our answer is: "Yes, please! As soon as possible!"

Defenders of the government funding say that the country is already in such incredible, unfathomable, unpayable debt that the nearly
half-billion dollars a year received by the CPB is chump change too small to worry about. Which is sort of like saying "when you're standing in the middle of a war zone, how much damage can one little bullet do?"

Liberals also say that without taxpayer funding of NPR and CPB, there will be
no programming diversity amongst the nation's other 739 television networks and 43 million radio and Internet stations.

When all else fails, liberals point to
Sesame Street, Barney & Friends, and Dora the Explorer and say that these shows are desperately needed to provide education to children who would otherwise only receive tutelage from the highest-paid and most unionized teachers on Earth. When they're not out sick.

Once upon a time, a
long time ago (before the Internet and cable TV and trillion-dollar debts, if you can imagine such a thing) NPR and CPB might have made a little sense. But now, they've gone the way of the dinosaur.

Granted, it's a
singing and dancing dinosaur - but taxpayers can no longer afford this particular song and dance.

The Corporation for Public Broadcasting - Fair and Balanced.

Monday, February 21, 2011

You Win Some...

Today is Presidents Day. And with the divisive political unrest in Wisconsin and Washington, what could be more timely than pausing to solemnly reflect on what this day really is...

An artificially created holiday to give federal employees a three-day weekend.

Oh sure, we used to celebrate the actual birthdays of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, but that didn't guarantee that our overworked and underpaid federal workers would always get a full three days to stretch out, relax, or take bus trips out of state. So the government tossed out the Presidents' names, the actual dates of their birth, and decided to make it a great national day of savings on bedding, linen and towels.

All of which seems especially appropriate in 2011, a time in which we have a president whose name (Barack Barry Hussein Soetoro Obama) is constantly changing, whose birth date is undocumented, and whose foreign policy is "throw in the towel."

But even under the reign of Obama and the crushing burden of record unemployment, Americans should give thanks for the one undeniable blessing of this day.

No new bills in the mail.


Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Plop Thickens

In Wisconsin, the Democrats are still revolting (ba-da-boom!), and across the nation unemployment claims are up (surprise!). But to counter the gloom, the Federal Reserve has just released minutes from their January meeting, and the terrific news that we've all been waiting for is: "many participants" believed the economic expansion "is on a firmer footing."

Hooray! T
he good times are back!

Or maybe not. Because there sure are a lot of economic
weasel words even in that short declaration...

For instance, the statement says "
many participants," which means "not all participants"...and since they didn't say "most participants," then the optimists must have been in the minority.

then the statement says that the optimists "believe" things are improving... as opposed to "knowing," "demonstrating," or "proving" that the economy is perking up. Uh-oh.

And finally, the statement comes to the underwhelming conclusion that this minority of experts believe that the economic recovery is "
firmer," but know...actually firm. Although if it continues sitting there long enough, and the economists brush the flies away with their Ivy League credentials, it may get firm.

So all in all, we'll have to confess to being unimpressed with this "good news," the Federal Reserve,
and the horse they rode in on.

Don't panic. The Fed assures us that what LOOKS like
economic manure is actually a delicious apple fritter.