Following days of angry protests and bloody street violence in Vatican City, Barack Obama humbly apologized to the Pope and said it was never his administration's intention to dishonor the holy book of Catholics and that he would be implenting harsh punishments for anyone in his chain of command found responsible.
Just kidding! As we all know, last week Barack Obama actually told the Pope, disgruntled Catholics, and supporters of Constitutional freedom of religion to take a flying f*ck at a rolling doughnut.
Which is why it seems such a startling contrast to see the president making multiple apologies to screaming, violent Islamists for an incident in which military personnel in Afghanistan mistakenly burned a few copies of the Koran. Suddenly, this guy is Mister Religious Sensitivity.
And while there's nothing wrong with an initial apology, Hope n' Change is pretty unhappy about the fact that Obama is continuing to make apologies even after multiple people, including two US service members, have been killed in brutal anti-American violence.
Analysts fear that Obama's continuing apologies are actually serving to make the violence worse by reaffirming that the incident was a big deal, while simultaneously showing weakness instead of resolve when our troops are attacked and murdered.
But of course, even though Obama is still sending out his emissaries to attack the Catholic Church (including Nancy Pelosi, who is telling Catholics to ignore the Pope and instead pray for Obamacare), we never really expected him to stand up to radical Islamists.
After all, if he considers the Islamic call to prayer to be one of the prettiest sounds on Earth, he probably also enjoys the sweet sound of anti-American riots.
No word yet on whether they'll accept free condoms and morning-after pills instead. -
Although we're a day late, Hope n' Change wants to wish everyone a happy Fat Tuesday - because if Barack Obama is reelected, there are reports that Michelle will officially make it "Low-Fat Tuesday" next year. And while reflecting on the wild craziness of Mardi Gras, we couldn't help but think how many parallels there are to our nation's current political climate...
The Democrats and Republicans are certainly "big parties," and people are being encouraged to fill the streets by Occupy Anyplace With Food, Sex, Music & Drugs.
Indiscriminate sex is pretty much the president's current campaign platform ("Yes You Can!"), and "beads for boobs" might as well be the new hashtag for Obama's "What would you do with $40" vote-buying scheme.
And there's also overlap when it comes to "hurricanes"- although one is a rum-based drink created in New Orleans, and the other was a natural disaster allegedly created by George W. Bush to destroy New Orleans...shortly before he holed up in the Oval Office so he could continue hurting the economy during Obama's first term.
Frankly, Hope n' Change doesn't mind the short term craziness and excesses of Mardi Gras, but four years of craziness and excesses from the current president is waaaaaaay too much.
Which is why, as is the case with any really spectacular hangover following a wild bender, we're hoping the American public will finally say "never again."
Today is President's Day. A time for us to solemnly reflect on the bold, selfless, country-changing leadership provided by George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, and ask ourselves why we now have a president who is attempting to win votes by giving away balloon animals made out of free condoms.
It's a question that deserves a serious answer, but isn't going to get one anytime soon because most voters can't keep any actual thought in their heads which is more complicated than a bumper sticker slogan. Which is why Barack Obama and his campaign team are now embroiled in a huge, Manhattan Project-style effort to come up with a new Ultimate Campaign Slogan for 2012, since none of the old ones can be re-used without causing laughter, tears, or possibly riots.
"Hope" and "Change?" Sorry - great name for a webcomic, but no longer anything that Obama can foist off on the public a second time. "Yes We Can?" - not so good, now that we know he couldn't, can't, and probably never wanted to.
And he can't exactly spin any memorable mottos taking credit for progress he's made on his promises to halve the deficit, end bipartisanship, stop earmarks, bring peace to the Middle East, end racial discord, or defend the Constitution.
Nor does he really want to run on what he actually has accomplished: adding trillions to our deficit, giving aid and comfort to the Muslim Brotherhood, sending the costs of healthcare soaring, and dividing the nation.
And so the job of his campaign team is to come up with a slogan that seems to mean everything while meaning nothing at all (hey, it worked last time). "Winning The Future" was floated for awhile, until the Whitehouse realized that the acronym WTF was a little too on the nose. "Greater Together" is getting a tryout, but might run into copyright problems since it's also the slogan of every labor union in North America. And, come to think of it, the People's Republic of China.
But given time and an endless amount of money, we're sure that Obama's team will eventually find a phrase to sum up his presidency which is short, punchy, and perfectly meaningless.
In fact, "Perfectly Meaningless" may be the slogan.
Obama's real bumper stickers (on the left) remind us, "If you can't say anything nice..." -
