Friday, July 13, 2012

Old Black Joe

After a grueling schedule of attending fundraisers with Hollywood celebrities and high-rolling donors, Barack Obama looked at his totally empty presidential schedule yesterday and decided to blow off meeting with a bunch of colored people at the NAACP...opting instead to send Joe Biden by telling the Vice President that he'd be addressing the NCAA.

Despite the NAACP's somewhat icy reception for presidential candidate Mitt Romney the previous day, Joe Biden quickly won the audience over by pointing off the stage and, suddenly adopting the vocal stylings of Stepin Fetchit, calling "Mousey - you out there? Hey
Mouse! How ya doin', man?"

After that, Biden peered into the audience and identified Fat Albert, Old Weird Harold, Mushmouth, Mudfoot Brown, and Antonio "Huggy Bear" Fargas - none of whom were actually present - before returning to his scripted remarks about how much Joe Biden had personally learned from attending the church of Reverend Jeremiah "God-DAMN America" Wright.

Okay, we're
joking about the shoutout to the Cosby Kids and Huggy Bear, but unfortunately Biden's praise for Reverend Wright was all too real - and all too well received.

But knowing that pasty Joe Biden wouldn't satisfy the NAACP crowd (indeed, almost no one showed up for Biden's speech), Barack Obama
did send a short video message in which he told the assembled colored people that "I stand on your shoulders." And that huge weight may explain why the unemployment rate for black Americans has just risen to 14.4%... far higher than the rate for other demographic groups.

Frankly, Barack Obama is doing everything in his power to keep black Americans in forced poverty, deny their children decent educations, and reinforce their permanent dependence on Big Government.

He's not standing on their shoulders...he just has his boot on their necks.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Hearse of a Different Color

It turns out that the biggest problem with Obamacare wasn't whether it would be paid for with penalties or taxes...but rather who Obamacare will pay once it's driven all the doctors out of business!

Or so it would seem based on a recent, nonpartisan study that revealed 83% of all doctors surveyed have considered leaving their practices because of Obamacare.

But what is it about Obama's hypocritical promises that make so many doctors want to desert their Hippocratic oaths?

For starters, Obamacare moves millions of Americans into the Medicaid program...and doctors already lose money on every Medicaid patient they see. What would your reaction be if Obama suddenly ordered you to not only give your services away for free...but pay for the privilege?

But wait, there's more! Obamacare adds mountains of new paperwork which will increase doctors' costs and reduce the amount of time they have to see patients. Moreover, new layers of bureaucracy will restrict the treatments a doctor is allowed to recommend for your care: your cardiologist may want you to have a pacemaker...but instead, you'll get cheap painkillers and a greatly reduced lifespan.

Obamacare also makes sure that trial lawyers (among the top donors to the Democrats) can continue to feed like vultures on doctors by filing frivolous lawsuits, further raising the costs of medical insurance (and medical bills to patients).

So in the end, you'd pretty much have to be crazy or a damn fool to want to be a doctor under Obamacare. Which is why, quite soon, the "government medical agent" you're authorized to see probably won't be a doctor...but may still be crazy or a damn fool. All they'll have to do is enter your information in a computer, and out will pop whatever "Death Panel"-approved treatment you can or can't get.

And best of all, it won't appear to cost you anything...because the government will have already taken everything.

Fortunately, highly-trained Medical Assistants with computers
will take the place of actual doctors.


Monday, July 9, 2012

One Down...

Obamacare's Death Panel made its first official housecall last week, when the president gave a hug to the 70-year old owner of the "Ann's Place" family restaurant... and several hours later, she died of an apparent heart attack from the excitement.

And we're saying "apparent" because there's still no final ruling from Chief Justice John Roberts on whether they're called attacks or heart penalties. But either way, the poor soul has gone the way of the doornail thanks to the same chilling embrace that Barack Obama has given our economy and freedoms.

And frankly, it's surprising that more of Obama's supporters don't go toes up from the sheer excitement of being in His divine presence. So frequently do the faithful pass out that Obama actually jokes that "people faint all the time at my events." Then again, maybe the jobless ones are just passing out because they haven't been able to afford a meal in nearly four years.

Upon hearing of his supporter's untimely death, Barack Obama is reported to have high-fived everyone on his bus, blown on his fingertips, and laughed "I've still got it!"

Just kidding - nobody really reported that. Which certainly doesn't mean that it didn't happen.

Instead, an ennui-wracked Jay Carney said that the president "passed on (no pun intended) his feelings that the whole family is in his thoughts and prayers today." Which is a good thing, since the "Ann's Place" restaurant, like many small businesses, may have to be sold in order to pay Obama's death tax and make sure that this insatiable government will continue to have enough revenue to send the president on frequent luxury vacations.

But on an absolutely serious note, what killed this poor woman wasn't Obama himself... it was her belief in his myth. Her belief in his promises. Her belief in his many lies.

And those lies are surely killing our country as surely as they killed Ann - just not quite as quickly.

But four more years should be enough to finish the job.

According to Eric Holder, burial shrouds are now an acceptable form of voter ID.