Friday, July 27, 2012

You Say It's Your Birthday

For the eighth time in recent days, Barack Obama has written to supporters to remind them that the most serious issue facing America is his upcoming birthday. And what makes this cake and balloon-filled celebration so serious?

"My upcoming birthday next week could be the last one I celebrate as President of the United States."

Also, he might not get a pony for his birthday because Ann Romney owns them all. That's a fact, and you can look it up on the Internet if you doubt us.

But despite being faced with the nightmarish prospect of celebrating future birthdays like every other human being on Earth, Barack Barry Hussein Soetoro Obama is making the best of a bad situation and selling $3 lottery tickets to let some lucky peon attend a birthday party "with me and some friends at my house in Chicago." Specifically, in the backyard.

But just imagine the great time you could have and the "friends" you could meet at that cookout!

Hey, there's Bill Ayers pouring something very, very, very flammable on the grill, and Bernadine Dohrn assembling a detonator! Care for a cold beer? Ask Professor Henry Gates to limp over and grab one for you! Want to make small talk with Barry's Pee Wee Hermanish neighbor Louis Farrakhan? Just ask him about "Jews" and he'll go on longer than the Energizer bunny!

Chicago mayor Rahm Emmanuel will be there, snarfing burgers because he's boycotting chicken. And because Tony Rezko helped pay for the property you're partying on, he'll be bringing a big birthday cake...assuming it's first delivered to him in prison and has a hacksaw inside.

All in all, it's a lot of entertainment that some lucky lottery winner will get for just $3.

Unless, of course, Eric Holder stops them at the door for not presenting a photo ID.

Would you prefer your burger rare, like his kept promises,
or well-done, like nothing Barry has ever accomplished?


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Caution: Plan At Work

Barack Obama is back on the campaign trail...and it increasingly seems like a trail which has wandered a long, long way from what most people would call "reality."

Adding to previous economic pronouncements like "The private sector is doing fine," "If you've got a business, you didn't build that," and nightmarish jobless numbers are "a step in the right direction," Mr. Obama slid further into the Twilight Zone on Monday when he told supporters that tax cuts and spending cuts were a failed plan tried by previous presidents, but then "we tried our plan - and it worked!"

But, in the words of Obama's dear Native American friend Dr. Joe Medicine Crow, "How!?"

Jobs are in the toilet, consumer confidence is shot to hell, manufacturing is down, our debt and deficit are wildly out of control, homes are being foreclosed on, the cost of Obamacare has already tripled from original estimates, food stamp use is epidemic, and a new study suggests that under this president poverty has increased to levels not seen in half a century.

But supposedly counterbalancing ALL of this heartache - and proving that his economic master plan has worked - Obama says "I refused to turn my back on a great industry and American workers - and three years later, the American auto industry has come roaring back!"

Only it really hasn't. Tens of thousands of jobs were lost when Obama closed down General Motors dealerships. The much touted (and somewhat flammable) Chevy Volt is still costing taxpayers approximately $250,000 per car. And the government-owned General Motors stock (purchased with taxpayer dollars) is now worth $23 billion less than we paid for it.

That's not a "roaring success" - it's the world's most expensive, taxpayer-funded, campaign prop.

All of which goes to show that when Barack Obama talks about our economy and the way his plan has "worked," he's describing a fantasy world which isn't even remotely connected to the one the rest of us live in. Which is decidedly unsettling.

But at least he's not doing anything dangerously crazy, like...oh...thumbing through a stack of pictures of people he hates and deciding which ones to kill.

Oh wait - he does do that to prove how manly he is!

And the reason we know, according to Senate Intelligence Committee Chairwoman Dianne Feinstein, is because that classified information was leaked by some joker in the Whitehouse.

Sure, sure - the private sector is FINE! Now take your meds.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Quiet Time

Readers- Just for today, I'm taking a step back from both humor and politics. I'm not in the mood to play - not yet.

In the wake of the massacre in Colorado, there's no other story which I can pretend to be wildly interested in...but regarding the terrible shooting itself, there's currently nothing useful for me to say. And unlike the revolting media vultures and opportunistic political parasites, I know it.

Comments are open as usual, and we can talk about this or anything else.