Friday, August 24, 2012

Abort! Abort!

It was a real fluke of luck for Democrats when Republican senatorial candidate Todd Akin declared that there's no need to have legal abortions for rape victims because victims of "legitimate rape" don't get pregnant - a statement so mind-bogglingly stupid that experts are still trying to figure out how it didn't come out of Joe Biden's mouth.

Which is why pro-abortion activist Sandra "I spend more money on birth control than NASA spent to reach Mars" Fluke has been dragged out of bed and shoved back into the spotlight to become Barack Obama's spokeswoman for good old fashioned fetacide.

Fluke, whose name rhymes with her favorite pasttime, put her name on a fundraising letter for Obama in which she declares that Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are "in lockstep with Akin on all the major women's health issues of our time," assuming that the only major health issues in women's lives are having taxpayer-funded sex more frequently than Old Faithful blows and getting easy access to abortions.

And why do they need so many abortions? Because while Akin was too dumb to make the connection between rape and pregnancy, the Democrats have still failed to make the connection between pregnancy and sexual intercourse.
Meanwhile, the Democrats are so thrilled at the opportunity to pull their discredited "War on Women" meme back out of the mothballs, they're actually restructuring the upcoming Democratic Presidential Convention to feature Fluke and other activist speakers and be a wall-to-wall celebration of abortion. Because in their minds, next to Obama's record on the economy, even killing babies looks good.

Over 200 years ago, Benjamin Franklin observed that in this world, "nothing can be certain except death and taxes." Little could he have imagined that in 2012, the Democrats would make those words of warning into their party platform.

And you won't die from abortion. Someone else will.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

The Loan Arranger Rides Again

In the film "The Paper Chase," Professor Kingsfield's blanket assessment of college students was that they enter the halls of learning with "a skullfull of mush." And because skullfulls of mush translate so directly into Democratic votes, Barack Obama just made his umpteenth campaign appearance on a college campus.

Unsurprisingly, the president told the students that mean Mr. Romney and vicious Mr. Ryan want to slash the amount of money being given away to college students. Booooo!!!!

But Obama understands the plight of the mushy skull crowd. After all, he and Michelle ran up "a mountain of debt" from loans to go to law school - and there would have been even more debt if "Barry Soetoro" hadn't received all of those "foreign student" grants as an undergraduate.

Granted, the records which would prove whether or not Barry declared himself to be a "foreign student" have been sealed under presidential order, but Harry Reid assures us that such secrecy is a sure sign of guilt - and who are we to question a bitter, partisan, and possibly senile old lemon-sucker of a Senate Majority Leader?

But returning to Obama's speech, he promised to help every working class kid in the nation achieve the new American dream: running up an unpayable amount of debt to the government in return for an utterly useless college degree.

Just how bad is it out there in the Obamaconemy? So bad that 50% of recent college graduates are either unemployed, or severely underemployed. And right about now, those kids may be asking themselves why they racked up so much debt for so little return.

And just maybe, Barack Obama isn't the one they should be turning to for answers. After all, the first family only paid off that "mountain of lawschool debt" eight years ago...and after borrowing all that money, neither Barack nor Michelle currently has a law license.
Turns out that they'd only need them if they were interested in upholding the law.

And there's plenty more where that came from!

Monday, August 20, 2012

Fairy and Unbalanced

Now that Obama's catchphrase "Romney Hood" has failed as demonstrably as everything else the president has attempted, he's breaking in a new slogan on the campaign trail - and it's a pip! He's accusing Mitt Romney and the GOP of promising economic growth through "trickle down fairy dust." Which gets a big laugh from Obama's supporters, who know there aren't any fairies because they were all trampled to death when Barry rode into Washington on his unicorn!

But in keeping with his goal of making sure no American lives happily ever after, Obama is weaving other fairytales into his current speeches.

Specifically, he's claiming that under the Ryan budget plan (which is not on the GOP platform, and was killed by the Senate) Mitt Romney would only pay a tax rate of one percent.

"That's a pretty good deal, just paying one percent in taxes when you're making millions of dollars," the president sneered. "Now here's the kicker - they expect YOU to pick up the tab!"

Unsurprisingly, this line causes the president's Occupy-friendly audiences to "boo" enthusiastically and look around for carts with which to drag evil small business owners to the guillotine.

The problem is, Barry produced this factoid with all the flair of a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat - but it's not a rabbit, it's a baldfaced lie with no basis in reality.

And the hat he's pulling it out of looks suspiciously like his rear end.