Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2014 - Hope n' Change Looks Back

As 2014 draws to a close, it is only natural for Hope n' Change to reflect on the events of the year gone by in hopes of coming to a better understanding of our tics, twitches, and crying jags.

After even a cursory review (and trust us, we're cursing), it becomes clear that in 2014 Barack Hussein Obama distinguished himself as a truly historic "war president," marking significant victories in the War on Health, the War on Wealth, the War on Whites, the War on Borders, the War on Cops, the War on Israel, the War on Energy, the War on Fiscal Responsibility, the War on Veterans, the War on Racial Harmony, the War on Citizenship, the War on the Unborn and, of course, the War on the War on Terror.

There were some actual military wars, too, but the president wasn't particularly interested in them as they were unlikely to help him raise campaign funds, get votes, or improve his golf game.

And so Hope n' Change presents the following samples of cartoons from the past 52 weeks. If these don't put you in the mood to chug a bottle of champagne on New Year's Eve, then nothing will.

January

Barry kicks the year off by declaring that all he really needs to run the country is his super-duper magic Executive Pen. Little did we know that he actually meant it.

Thanks to the president's bold military decision to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, Fallujah was among the first of many bloody dominoes to fall in the Middle East. It fails to generate as much news - or political outrage - as a traffic jam in New Jersey.

February

Mr. Obama celebrates Black History Month by officially becoming the biggest liar in Black History.

March

As a gesture of good will and "spreading the wealth" to communist dictatorships, the United States spends approximately three jillion dollars on sending Michelle Obama and her daughters to China to get a better understanding of life in 5-star hotels.

The drumbeat starts revving up to bring illegal aliens "out of the shadows" and into the sunlight where they can do a better job of mowing the lawns of wealthy Democrats.

April

Following the nightmarishly bungled roll-out of the multi-billion dollar "Healthcare.gov" website, Kathleen Sibelius receives presidential accolades, a taxpayer-funded pension, and a healthcare plan which, unlike everyone else's new plan, actually involves doctors.

Having successfully ignored "Fast and Furious," Benghazi, the IRS election scandal, Black Panther voter intimidation, and the prosecution of  federal immigration laws, the never-industrious Eric Holder decides to kick off the administration's "War on Cops" with a $5 million fishing expedition.

May

Proving himself fully capable of stepping into the pantsuit of his predecessor, Secretary of State John Kerry makes the bold claim that sex slavery is even worse than Obamacare. No one believes him.

A wide-ranging scandal involving the execrable medical care at VA hospitals comes as a complete surprise to Barry because it hadn't been mentioned on ESPN.  The president declares himself to be "angry" about the situation, then does nothing about it until...
 
June

Proving that he does care about veterans, the president releases five veteran Taliban terrorists from Gitmo in exchange for suspected Army deserter Bowe Bergdahl.  Bergdahl is given a hero's welcome by Mr. Obama, after which all records relating to his possible deserter status are locked away.

Keeping the illegal alien bandwagon rolling, Obama declares that America has no future if it's relying on kids who are too stupid to break the law.

The situation in Iraq continues to worsen. Obama resents getting any blame, claiming that his military decisions were based on "bad intelligence." The same media which crucified Bush for using the same phrase suddenly declares Obama to be an innocent victim.
 
We learn that Obama had good reason to say there wasn't a "smidgen" of evidence of IRS corruption because, as part of routine office procedure, all of the IRS's hard drives, laptops, mainframes, and backup devices have been put into woodchippers.




Hillary Clinton attempts to jumpstart her 2016 presidential campaign by identifying with the little people and claiming that she and Bill were "dead broke" when they left the White House. The claim is so ridiculous, even Monica Lewinsky can't swallow it.

July

Much to the consternation, or possibly constipation, of Judge Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the Supreme Court decides that Obamacare doesn't quite trump Freedom of Religion, and Hobby Lobby doesn't have to pay to terminate the lives of the unborn.


Tens of thousands of children illegally enter the United States - apparently with the active assistance of the Obama administration - and are redistributed to secret locations around the country at huge taxpayer expense. The children who, after all, are our nation's future do not come empty-handed - bringing with them a wide variety of interesting third world diseases.


August

As things go from bad to worse in the Middle East, Barack Obama decides to send just a few troops back into action in hopes of recapturing some strategically vital popularity poll points.

Major General Harold Greene becomes the highest ranking soldier killed in Afghanistan, and the president shows himself to be also highly rank when he decides to go golfing instead of attending the funeral. He does, however, comfort Greene's family by pointing out in a brief cellphone call, "it could be worse, Harold could have ended up in a VA hospital."


Following the 100% justified shooting of not-so-gentle giant Michael Brown in Ferguson, Eric Holder decides that Officer Darren Wilson is almost certainly one of those racist cops he's been spending so much money looking for, and that "America is a nation of cowards unless we can have a race war."

September


ISIS, annoyed that Barack Obama has completely ignored them for two years as they laid waste to the Middle East, starts beheading people on YouTube in hopes that Susan Rice will see it. Joe "I think I forgot my meds again" Biden declares we'll follow ISIS to the gates of Hell, while Barry "I'm the only man in the world who calls them ISIL" Soetoro hopes merely to make them a small ongoing annoyance like jock itch. Neither of these things happen.


The Secret Service is enveloped in scandal when it's revealed that they're not actually doing a very good job of protecting the president.  Fortunately, their morale gets a significant boost when people start slapping them on the backs and buying them drinks.


Still diligently working at ginning up a race war, Barack Obama goes to the United Nations and declares that no matter what brutal human rights violations are taking place elsewhere, they can't be as bad as what the police are doing to black Americans.

October

Although it's getting late in the year, there is finally good news in October.  Bill and Hillary Clinton become grandparents when their daughter Chelsea, in a show of support with Hobby Lobby, brings a child to full term. This is not, however, the good news we were referring to. The good news is that Halloween is coming. We like Halloween.
 
Shortly after the president assures the nation that Ebola will never enter our country, Ebola enters our country and Joe Biden starts campaigning to bring it "out of the shadows" and maybe give it a free college loan.

As the days tick down to the mid-term elections, it becomes increasingly clear that Democrats would rather be seen with a projectile-vomiting Ebola patient than with their unpopular president. In a genuinely brilliant act of revenge, Obama announces that no matter where an election takes place, or who the candidate is, it's actually a referendum on his policies.
 
November

Following a landslide GOP victory in the mid-term elections, Obama decides that it wasn't a referendum on his policies after all, and that everyone who didn't vote would have voted for him if they could have, thereby giving him a mandate to kiss his sanity goodbye.


Following months of provocation from every race hustler in the United States, riots erupt when a grand jury declares that Officer Darren Wilson did nothing wrong in the self-defense shooting of Michael Brown. Barack Obama, ignoring the grand jury findings, says it is necessary for black people to demonstrate and make things "uncomfortable."

December

The president gives amnesty to five million illegal aliens and snidely implies that everyone else is here illegally too.  Clearly, we should celebrate the fact that we're a nation of outlaws - held in check only by those damned racist police officers.

The "hands up, don't shoot" gesture becomes a popular way for liberals of every race, creed, and color to say "cops are evil and something needs to be done about them."

Something is done about cops when two are (in the president's words) "made uncomfortable" by being assassinated in cold blood by a whackjob who was inflamed by anti-cop rhetoric.

Suddenly, all of the liberal race hustlers declare that they have no idea where the killer got his ideas from, looking around and shrugging as if the teacher in "A Christmas Story" had just asked them if they knew where Flick was after recess.

And that's more or less where 2014 comes to an end: our foreign affairs are in disarray, our borders have essentially collapsed, race relations are as low as they've been in a half-century, there is the looming threat of outright war between the federal government and America's police departments, and Barack Obama has decided to spend his last two years in office as an out-of-control king. And that's only counting the stories we wedged in here - there were plenty more, but the warning light on our blood pressure cuff was blinking red.

Still, 2015 is a new year and we're expecting great things. Well, not great things, but we expect Harry Reid to be absolutely miserable - and that's something.











Monday, December 29, 2014

Aloha Blow

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, hawaii, vacation, sports, espn, daily briefing
As a tumultuous and sometimes tragic year draws to a close, there is one question which is undeniably on every American's mind: is president Barry having big fun on his every conceivable expense paid Hawaiian ├╝ber-vacation?

Happily, the answer is of course he is! Per a hard-hitting story from CBS News (representing their deepest piece of investigative journalism all year), the athletically-gifted president is playing oodles of golf, visiting the gym (and lingering in the shower room), and bowling. Which is especially difficult in Hawaii because the game is played with coconuts and Tiki glasses from Trader Vic's.

Sadly, one of the reasons the president golfs so much is that his basketball game has suffered owing to the unending time demands of being the smartest and most important person in the universe. "Man, my jump shot is broke," Obama recently wept. "I've been working too hard."

And what work it is. According to a recent radio interview, when the harried and hurried president is in the White House, his daily routine is brutally inflexible. "I spend most of my time watching ESPN in the morning," he explained. "I get so much politics I don’t, you know, want to be inundated with a bunch of chatter about politics during the day." 

Which would certainly explain why he can't be bothered to attend his morning security briefings. Or meet with those darn politically-chattering Republicans. Or apparently do much of anything else with his time during the day other than meet with the likes of Al Sharpton to chat about sports. Assuming that race war can be considered a sport.

BONUS: Missing Linkster

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, kim jung un, north korea, sony, hacking, monkey
This is the kind of deplorable, racist humor that Hope n' Change won't stand for!

In a frightening escalation of tensions related to the hacking of SONY Pictures (which most people other than our government officials no longer believe can be blamed on North Korea), an official statement has been issued by the government of impish dictator Kim Jung Un which calls Barack Obama a "monkey in a tropical forest."

This is completely and entirely unacceptable, as there are plenty of non-racist ways of insulting America's first halfrican, semi-Muslim, bi-curious, socialist, lying, anti-constitutionalist, cop-hating,  dope-smoking, blow-snorting, border-busting, fiddle-dick, douchebag, undocumented imperialistic monarch without going down the sad, ugly road of simian stereotyping.

Especially from a little Korean pork-pie who looks like the Pillsbury doughboy wearing Joseph Stalin's moustache as a toupee.

Last warning, Kimster. Drop the racism and call Obama an asshole like everyone else does, or be prepared to face the awesome wrath of Hope n' Change.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Christmas 2014

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, christmas

We're turning off the politics and turning up the Christmas music for the next few days. Assuming nothing dramatic happens (which is what we told Santa we wanted), we won't be posting again until Monday.

Until then, very sincere wishes for a Merry Christmas (or the celebration of your choice) from the entire staff of Hope n' Change, the Jarlsberg family, and Penny - the official dog of Hope n' Change (who is also the reason that all of our Christmas decorations and presents are at least four feet off the ground this year).

-Stilton Jarlsberg

Santa is not sneaking in unannounced this year...

Monday, December 22, 2014

Bloody Hands

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, ferguson, nypd, murder, racism, execution


On Saturday, a lowlife loser named Ismaaiyl Brinsley pulled the trigger which ended the lives of Officers Rafael Ramos and Winjian Liu, but he didn't act alone. Not by a long shot.

He was assisted and encouraged by politicians, professional race-baiters, and a host of liberal fools who detest this country and our nation's police officers.

Topping the list is Barack Obama, who looked at the Ferguson grand jury's exoneration of Officer Darren Wilson in the self-defense killing of thug Michael Brown, and declared that there was a systemic problem with cops killing black citizens - and a streak of racism in all police forces which was as wide as our country and as long as our history. "Black people aren't making this up," he said of the entirely made up charges against Officer Wilson, then said it was "necessary" for black Americans to protest and make people "uncomfortable" to effect change.

We're pretty sure that being shot in the face, as the two NYPD officers were, is pretty damned uncomfortable.

Eric Holder has aggressively been stoking the fires of race hatred and anti-cop sentiment. Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and Louis Farrakhan have all been pushing the "hands up" myth, while either hinting at or actively calling for violence.

New York mayor Bill de Blasio has been allowing "hands up" demonstrators to close down city streets, assault police officers, and chant "What do we want? DEAD COPS!" - while also speculating that his own black son should be afraid of police officers.

The Congressional Black Caucus raised their hands in support of criminals instead of cops, as did congressional staffers, CNN news commentators, and any number of millionaire football players.

Liberal college professors suspended classes and tests, to allow dimwitted students to heal from the "trauma" of the grand jury decision in Ferguson - and perhaps to join in the protests (and occasional riots) to defend the all-important right of young black men to rob stores and assault the police.

Ismaaiyl Brinsley heard it all. Absorbed the messages of anger and hate which were delivered nonstop in the media and from politicians up to and including the president of the United States. We know this to be the case because, God help us all, he told the world on social media before putting a bullet into his own worthless brain.

Ismaaiyl Brinsley was not a "lone wolf" any more than was Fort Hood shooter Nidal Hasan.  He was a foot soldier who got his orders, loud and clear, from those who would use race to divide our nation for their own detestable purposes.

They aren't hard to recognize. They're the ones with their bloodstained "hands up."


Friday, December 19, 2014

Barry Mitsvah

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, hanukkah, kwanzaa, cuba, jewish, soul

In yet the latest surprising revelation about America's first half-black Irish Native-American Indo-Hawaiian Islamo-Christian president, Barack Obama has announced that he is also Jewish.

At the annual White House Hanukkah reception, the schlemiel-in-chief was greeting guests with a festive "Torah, Torah, Torah!" when he was approached by a reveler who quoted a friend as saying, "I didn't know the president was Jewish!"

After a short, gagging pause to wash down a mouthful of Matzoh with a nice not-too-expensive Mogen David wine, Obama replied "I am, in my soul."

The president then addressed the party attendees, carefully avoiding stereotypes by praising lox and latkes ("Not as good as your mom’s," he whined with a Borscht-belt accent, "but they're good") before saying, "I can’t think of a better way to mark this holiday, with its message that freedom is possible, than with the historic changes that I announced today in our Cuba policy."

Because what says Hanukkah more than embracing an oppressive regime, right? Not that Hope n' Change isn't anxious to see how the Castro brothers look sporting the new yarmulkes Mr. Obama gifted them with.

The nation's first Jewish president then concluded his holiday remarks by asking everyone to raise their glasses to join him for a traditional Yiddish toast.

"Molotov!" he said, then made a wish and blew out the candles on the Menorah.

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, hanukkah, kwanzaa, islam
...And to all a good night.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Christmas Shocking

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, cromnibus, census, federal aid, 65%, hawaii, vacation, choom

Sometimes it takes two seemingly unrelated news stories to tell the whole story. 

In this case, the first story is about a Census Bureau study which shows 65% of kids in America are in homes receiving aid from federal programs. And the second story is about Barack Obama winging his way to Hawaii ("The Least Christmassy State in America!") for yet another insanely expensive 17-day vacation and choom fest.

The Census Bureau report is based on statistics from 2011 - meaning that the actual numbers are probably even worse now. But it's shocking and depressing to think that the majority of kids in America are now being brought up with the expectation that nothing is more normal than needing and receiving a government payout. That's a mindset which suggests a very bleak future for those kids and our country.

Meanwhile, the president who has tirelessly devoted himself to gutting the middle class and turning America's citizenry into indentured servants is still living like a king (Kamehameha, to be exact) on our tax dollars.

We wish we had a snappy punchline with which to wrap up the commentary today, but those statistics have sapped our sense of humor. Maybe we need a 17-day luxury vacation...

Monday, December 15, 2014

EWWwww Tube

Reader Poll: Help us decide. Which of these cartoons should be Hope n' Change's official submission for the Pulitzer Prize this year?

1) The sophisticated play on words...

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, pelosi, torture, report, rectal feedings 

2) The classic sight gag...

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, pelosi, torture, report, rectal feedings

Friday, December 12, 2014

Christmas Jeer

Remember a few weeks ago when we said we wanted to start doing "Good News Fridays?" Well, there's still no good news worth mentioning and plenty of rotten news. So we decided to just have a little holiday-themed fun today...

 (All credit to JibJab.com for the animation!) 
And as long as we're pushing the boundaries of good taste...

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, christmas, i can't breathe, grand jury, garner, santa
In fairness, he WAS badly overweight and out of shape...

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Torcher

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, torture, guantanamo, cia, report

Democrats on the Senate intelligence committee put America's citizens, interests, and allies at risk yesterday with their release of a report about CIA interrogation techniques used post-9/11. Techniques which B. Hussein Obama (who enthusiastically endorsed the release of the report, whatever the negative consequences) gleefully calls torture.

Hope n' Change admits that the treatment a number of prisoners got was horrible. Which isn't quite the same as saying that they didn't have it coming, or that things went unconscionably over the line. War is unavoidably messy and violent, including the war on terror - at least, if you intend to win it.

And just maybe a few potential terrorists might be less likely to try to kill Americans if they realize that they could be in for a long period of sensory deprivation, threats, rectal feedings, and waterboarding before they eventually get their eternal prom night with 72 virgins.

Was it appropriate for the Senate to investigate and make sure that any unauthorized actions or abuses be discovered and addressed? Of course. But the Dems could have kept the specific results classified and issued a general statement that, in their opinion, we did wrong.  Instead, they chose to reveal the specifics of everything that happened and the names of every ally who helped us "off the books" under the belief that our promises of confidentiality actually meant something.

As a result of this report, CIA operatives will be afraid to act in the future, our allies will lose trust in our word, and our enemies will be enraged and emboldened.

Still, the president believes that all of the damage - and the direct risk to American lives and interests - is worth it in the name of "transparency."  A transparency which, oddly enough, he only exercises when broadcasting our nation's perceived shortcomings.

FROM THE HnC VAULT:  4/20/09



Monday, December 8, 2014

Hard To Swallow


obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, ct scan, throat, gastric, reflux

JOKE #2 - HE'S ALREADY GIVEN UP LOOSIES

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, ct scan, throat, gastric, reflux, gay, butt pirate, reggie love

Firmly believing that laughter is the best medicine, the cartoons above represent our "get well" wishes for Barack Obama, who - just like every other working stiff in America - got an all-expenses paid, multi-thousand-dollar CT scan this weekend to help diagnose his sore throat. "Painkillers instead of pacemakers," may be Obama's answer to high healthcare bills for the rabble, but apparently "cough drops instead of CAT scans" never occurred to him.

The president's throat doctors, whom we suspect formerly worked on Joan Rivers, diagnosed the problem as "gastric reflux" - a condition in which stomach acid forces its way up the esophagus owing to a weak sphincter in the throat. You read that right: Barack Obama has a freaking sphincter in his throat. Which we believe was also the major plot point in the film which made Linda Lovelace a star.

Although it hasn't been mentioned in any of the official press releases, many are speculating that the actual cause of Mr. Obama's throat problems is his incessant cigarette smoking.  Okay, many are actually speculating that he too frequently enjoys a vigorous throat boning, but Hope n' Change has far too much dignity to print such an accusation.

Anyway, if smoking is to blame then it's also possible that there's something more serious going on than simple gastric reflux - which would help explain the unusual step of subjecting the president to a CAT scan instead of simply tossing him a roll of TUMS.

In any event, Hope n' Change would like to offer the president some advice to help with his sore throat. Drink plenty of fluids, rest, and try not to talk. For at least another two years.

EXTRA: BATHROOM BULLETIN

We won't be posting on Monday and Tuesday (and there probably won't be a new cartoon Wednesday) owing to highly kinetic plumbing repair being done at the Hope n' Change office complex.

Men with jackhammers will be whacka-whacka-whacking holes through our concrete foundation in two bathroom floors in order to repair underground pipes. This means our computers and hard drives will need to be disconnected and moved as far as possible from the construction sites so they don't get shaken to death. It also means we'll be in full compliance when the Keystone pipeline eventually runs under our office.


Friday, December 5, 2014

Forgive Me (Founding) Fathers, For I Have Signed

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, obamacare, healthcare.gov, subsidy, insurance, redistribution
Although the road to Hell is sometimes paved with good intentions, it's even more frequently paved with unavoidable government regulations. And that's the road the Jarlsberg family just reluctantly traveled down (and down and down) to get our shiny new Obamacare policy.

As a point of principle, I didn't want to change my existing health insurance policy - but the Obamacare demons didn't give me much of a choice. Not only was the price raised another $4000 for next year (raising my premiums to around $21k), but to "provide affordable services for everyone" per ACA requirements, my insurer declared that my policy would no longer cover my rectal regions owing to some benign polyps found a decade ago.

In other words, if I ever got ass cancer (which, incidentally, Obama spreads like Typhoid Mary) my family would be wiped out (so to speak) by the totally uncovered medical bills.  So I had no choice but to get a new Obamacare policy. Gulp...

Fortunately, I have a friend who is an insurance broker who could help walk me through the process, rather than throwing myself on the tender mercies of the alleged "navigators" (and Acorn alumni) who give correct information even less frequently than the mouth-breathers manning the help lines at the IRS.

He suggested that I go through the eHealthInsurance website; no additional charge, access to Obamacare policies, and genuine tech support and advocacy if I needed it. So I filled out my application online - a very quick operation since the only questions are things like age, sex, race, citizenship (although the site emphasizes that you don't have to be a citizen to apply), whether you smoke, and if you're currently incarcerated. And of course, they ask you to take a wild guess at your income in 2015 so they can see if you'll get a magic subsidy from the government.

And that's where the (entirely legal) game playing began. According to Healthcare.gov, I have so little actual income (as opposed to assets) that my family's only option for coverage was on Medicaid. Which isn't even coverage at all; you get execrable healthcare (if you can even find it) and when you die the government forces your estate to return all of the money Medicaid spent on you. That's not insurance - it's a bad loan.

However, Obamacare also considers it "income" when I take taxable funds out of my retirement account (which I'm old enough to do). So by withdrawing a fixed amount of money, I could "create" the income of my choice to qualify for a plan better than the care given "free" to the homeless and indigents.

I then had access to a baffling range of policies, labeled Bronze, Silver, Gold, or Platinum (there is also a "Platinum with Diamonds" tier, but it's only available to federal staffers).  The information about the policies was minimal, largely inaccessible, and sometimes flat out wrong - so my friend helped walk me through making a choice.

I finally settled on a Blue Cross Bronze plan with high deductibles. The cost for the policy was almost exactly the same as my current policy (at least, before Obamacare tacked on the extra $4k). But my personal cost would only be about $500 a month with American taxpayers kicking in another $11,000 on my behalf. So the "costs" didn't really come down - but someone else's wealth was redistributed to a fare-thee-well.

Having made my choice and finished the eHealthInsurance application, I put the policy in my cart, hit the "purchase" button, and the application went whisking its way to Healthcare.gov.  Which sent me an error message within 30 seconds saying that they couldn't process my subsidy request, so they'd call me within an hour or two.

Four days later (sigh), I called eHealthInsurance and they said that the process pretty reliably hits a roadblock when Healthcare.gov gets involved. They assigned their "swat team" to shake things loose.

And sure enough, the very next day Healthcare.gov sent me a PDF file with the results of their in-depth, NSA cross-referenced subsidy investigation. A 14-page PDF file. Which had a lovely logo, a number of lines, some boxes, a scanning code, and no freaking text whatsoever.

In an act of desperation, I tried the "select all" command in the document - and magically lots of blue text boxes appeared on every page, albeit without any visible text. So I copied and pasted into a Word document and - voila! - the text appeared, minus anything remotely like formatting. Still, my subsidy was confirmed. I could finally become a truer American by being a burden to society like everyone else.

All that was left to do was pay my first premium in order to assure coverage by January 1, 2015. My eHealthInsurance account gave me a link to the Blue Cross website, where I confirmed a few quick factoids, chose my payment method, and clicked to send the money...

Boom! A big old error message informed me that I was not who I claimed to be and, to make matters even more surreal, that the year was 1984.

Seriously, 1984. Somewhere, George Orwell is laughing or crying.

The tech people at Blue Cross were nice enough, but couldn't resolve the problem - and seemed a bit skeptical about my problem until I sent them a screenshot of their time-traveling web page.

24 hours later, there was still no resolution - so I went back to Healthcare.gov, found a different link to Blue Cross (after about 20 failed attempts because I had a "pop-up" blocker on and Healthcare.gov seems to love pop-up windows), and followed it to a seemingly identical Blue Cross page which miraculously let me pay my $500.

All in all, the process was light-years from being "as easy as buying a TV on Amazon" per one of Barack Obama's myriad lies. But apart from being a royal pain in the rear (for which I will now be covered!) the entire process was disturbing on a lot of levels.

Do I really have insurance now, or are the errors just out of my sight (and control) now? How much other damage is being done by this bureaucracy and bungled computer programming? And if I'm ever in a strange emergency room, will I bleed out while doctors try to make sense of a blank PDF ostensibly containing my critical government medical records?

To be fair, Obamacare allowed me to spend less of my own money on health insurance and gives me better butt coverage - but only because Obamacare also made my previous, private health insurance unaffordably expensive and took away that coverage. The game is rigged, and its only goals are wealth-redistribution and consolidation of Big Government power over individuals.

But as bad as I feel about being forced into a subsidy, I can balm my conscience somewhat with the knowledge of how much I've previously poured into the government coffers over decades of self-employment - and the growing likelihood that in June of next year, the Supreme Court will declare all such subsidies by federally-run exchanges to be against the law.

At which point I fully expect to receive a bill from the government for $11,000...with interest penalties dating back to 1984.

 

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Snap Judgement


Hope n' Change is so honked off (or is it honkied off?) about the totally artificial and unnecessary race war being drummed up by the Obama administration, the media, the race hustlers and liberal anarchists that we've got three cartoons today...

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, ferguson, michael brown, police, hands upAfter meeting with cool-headed civil rights experts like Al Sharpton in the White House, Barack Obama announced plans to spend $263 million on "improving" police training ("Always remember to say please get on the ground...") and supplying 50,000 body cameras to police officers so that criminal lawyers can find even more ways to make life miserable for cops.

Philosophically, we're in favor of cameras for cops (had officer Darren Wilson been wearing one, Michael Brown's thuggish death would have been quickly covered up by the Left) - we're just afraid of how the video records will be abused to hinder law enforcement.

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, ferguson, michael brown, police, hands up, stained glass

Meanwhile, we're sick of the narrative about Michael Brown being a "gentle giant" who was brutally murdered before he was able to find a cure for cancer, write the Great American Novel, or sign a multi-million dollar contract with the Rams.

The security video on which the above cartoon is based makes it entirely clear that Brown was a huge, thieving bully. The Grand Jury found that he was the aggressor in his final confrontation with the law. He was no saint...and frankly, no great loss to society.

And speaking of the Grand Jury decision, Eric Holder made a speech in Martin Luther King Jr's former church in which he drew applause by saying that the preposterously-named "Justice" Department is still pursuing its own investigations into Michael Brown's death. One which presumably won't be encumbered by the physical evidence and witness testimony which has already exonerated officer Wilson.

Holder also declared that he will be instituting a plan to "end racial profiling, once and for all." Presumably by making it illegal for crime victims to actually describe their assailants.

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, ferguson, michael brown, police, hands up

And finally, regardless of race, creed, or color, we believe that anyone who showboats with the "Hands up, don't shoot" gesture is a complete and total race-baiting idiot. Even (or perhaps especially) if they happen to be members of the entirely segregated Congressional Black Caucus.