DOA DOJ

These days, creating satire is hard because the actual news is so ridiculous. Today's cartoon is a case in point. Eric Holder announced that he is resigning as Attorney General, but would serve until his replacement is found. So Hope n' Change thought "wouldn't it be funny to suggest that his replacement might be one of the few people on Earth who is even more of a race-baiting incompetent?!"

But no sooner had we finished the cartoon than we discovered that Al Sharpton is actually working with the White House to help select Holder's successor. An idea so staggeringly bad that it's almost impossible to come up with something worse.

Just kidding! There's already a worse idea floating around out there! After Holder steps down, there are rumors that Barack Obama will nominate him to fill a Supreme Court slot after the president decrees, by executive order, that Ruth Bader Ginsburg has actually been legally dead for years.

Not to overstate the case, but the thought of Eric Holder joining the Supreme Court is about as appealing as a freaking bake sale at Auschwitz. He is a genuinely despicable human being; a racist of the first order, a serial obstructor of justice (and Justice), and a slithering toady who has reached new lows in enabling the illegal and anti-American actions of a rogue president and his party.

Hope n' Change will be glad to see him go - but we'd be a lot happier seeing him go to jail.

Bonus Cartoon: FERG YOU, MR PRESIDENT

Speaking of race-baiting bastards, in his major address before the United Nations, Barack Hussein Obama went to pains (as usual) to proclaim that the United States isn't morally superior to any other country, no matter how backwards and brutal.

"In a summer marked by instability in the Middle East and Eastern Europe," professor Obama droned, "I know the world also took notice of the small American city of Ferguson, Missouri – where a young man was killed, and a community was divided. So yes, we have our own racial and ethnic tensions."

Racial and ethnic tensions unendingly stoked by Obama, Holder, Sharpton and many others for their own political and personal benefit.

To date, there is no proof of police wrongdoing in Ferguson, let alone an epidemic of beheadings, rapes, and mass killings. There is no conceivable moral equivalency. And no excuse for this president's unending denigration of our nation.

Word War III

Okay, now it's on. After fighting a years-long battle against pretty much every military expert and adviser in our armed forces, Barack Obama has finally started airstrikes against terrorist positions in Syria - exactly as Mitt Romney suggested (and Joe Biden openly mocked) way back in 2012.

But such an escalation comes at a terrible cost: specifically, ISIS spokespman Abu Muhammed al-Adnani is now punctuating his terrorist rants with scathingly witty references to our national leaders. Among al-Adnani's Oscar Wildean ripostes:  Secretary of State Kerry is an "old uncircumcised geezer," and Barack Hussein Obama is "the mule of the Jews." Bang! Pow! Zoom!

Remarks such as these must not go unanswered, and Hope n' Change stands ready (if called) to supply our military with as many weapons-grade counter-insults as necessary. We can begin with the fact that every single ISIS member has a face that looks like Willy Nelson's ball sack, and escalate from there if necessary. Or, if a fully-automated "Iron Dome" approach is preferred, cyber-insults can be fired back at the speed of light thanks to fully automated systems like this one. Either way, it won't be pretty.

The ever-jocular Al-Adnani (known on the radical Islamic comedy circuit as a "beheadliner") rounded out his stand-up routine saying "if you can, kill a disbelieving American or European - especially the spiteful and filthy French - or an Australian, or a Canadian, or any other disbeliever! Kill him in any manner or way however it may be!"

What a kidder! No wonder B. Hussein simply laughed off the threat of ISIS for so long.

"You rub it and it turns into a suitcase!"

Fencing Lesson

The Secret Service is in some not-too-secret trouble following an incident Friday in which a man with a knife climbed over the White House fence, ran 70 yards across the lawn, and then entered the White House through an unlocked front door.

Fortunately, and entirely unsurprisingly, neither the president nor his family were in the White House at the time, having left for a weekend retreat at Camp David. Not that one man with a knife could really do much damage anyway without access to ISIS's YouTube account.

Still, this breach of security raises some troubling questions. For instance, why didn't the Secret Service react immediately, why didn't the White House snipers shoot the intruder, why weren't the trained guard dogs released, and is it too freaking much to ask Barry to lock the damn front door to OUR house when he sneaks off for more golf?!

Subsequently, the president has expressed "full confidence" in the Secret Service. Then again he also had "full confidence" that Assad wouldn't use chemical weapons, that Iran would stop trying to build nukes, that Putin would leave Ukraine alone, and that Al-Qaeda was "on the run."

Interestingly, neither Obama nor the Secret Service has issued any statement that the knife-wielding intruder was not part of an evil plot by Joe Biden to take over the presidency. If you know when to read between the lines, we think that says a lot.

The intruder, Omar Gonzalez, has now been given medical care, hot meals, counseling, comfortable lodging, a Swedish massage, aromatherapy, a full complement of welfare services, permission to fly without identification or hassles from the TSA, and he'll eventually be given a comfortable home at an undisclosed location somewhere in the United States at taxpayer expense.

Only kidding! That's actually the president's "come on in, everybody's welcome" policy for the tens of thousands of illegal intruders who violate the borders and land of ordinary riff-raff Americans on a daily basis. 

Gonzalez, on the other hand, got his ass arrested all to hell and gone for walking on Barry's lawn.