Christmas Jeer

Remember a few weeks ago when we said we wanted to start doing "Good News Fridays?" Well, there's still no good news worth mentioning and plenty of rotten news. So we decided to just have a little holiday-themed fun today...

 (All credit to JibJab.com for the animation!) 

And as long as we're pushing the boundaries of good taste...

In fairness, he WAS badly overweight and out of shape...

Torcher

Democrats on the Senate intelligence committee put America's citizens, interests, and allies at risk yesterday with their release of a report about CIA interrogation techniques used post-9/11. Techniques which B. Hussein Obama (who enthusiastically endorsed the release of the report, whatever the negative consequences) gleefully calls torture.

Hope n' Change admits that the treatment a number of prisoners got was horrible. Which isn't quite the same as saying that they didn't have it coming, or that things went unconscionably over the line. War is unavoidably messy and violent, including the war on terror - at least, if you intend to win it.

And just maybe a few potential terrorists might be less likely to try to kill Americans if they realize that they could be in for a long period of sensory deprivation, threats, rectal feedings, and waterboarding before they eventually get their eternal prom night with 72 virgins.

Was it appropriate for the Senate to investigate and make sure that any unauthorized actions or abuses be discovered and addressed? Of course. But the Dems could have kept the specific results classified and issued a general statement that, in their opinion, we did wrong.  Instead, they chose to reveal the specifics of everything that happened and the names of every ally who helped us "off the books" under the belief that our promises of confidentiality actually meant something.

As a result of this report, CIA operatives will be afraid to act in the future, our allies will lose trust in our word, and our enemies will be enraged and emboldened.

Still, the president believes that all of the damage - and the direct risk to American lives and interests - is worth it in the name of "transparency."  A transparency which, oddly enough, he only exercises when broadcasting our nation's perceived shortcomings.

FROM THE HnC VAULT:  4/20/09

Hard To Swallow

JOKE #2 - HE'S ALREADY GIVEN UP LOOSIES

Firmly believing that laughter is the best medicine, the cartoons above represent our "get well" wishes for Barack Obama, who - just like every other working stiff in America - got an all-expenses paid, multi-thousand-dollar CT scan this weekend to help diagnose his sore throat. "Painkillers instead of pacemakers," may be Obama's answer to high healthcare bills for the rabble, but apparently "cough drops instead of CAT scans" never occurred to him.

The president's throat doctors, whom we suspect formerly worked on Joan Rivers, diagnosed the problem as "gastric reflux" - a condition in which stomach acid forces its way up the esophagus owing to a weak sphincter in the throat. You read that right: Barack Obama has a freaking sphincter in his throat. Which we believe was also the major plot point in the film which made Linda Lovelace a star.

Although it hasn't been mentioned in any of the official press releases, many are speculating that the actual cause of Mr. Obama's throat problems is his incessant cigarette smoking.  Okay, many are actually speculating that he too frequently enjoys a vigorous throat boning, but Hope n' Change has far too much dignity to print such an accusation.

Anyway, if smoking is to blame then it's also possible that there's something more serious going on than simple gastric reflux - which would help explain the unusual step of subjecting the president to a CAT scan instead of simply tossing him a roll of TUMS.

In any event, Hope n' Change would like to offer the president some advice to help with his sore throat. Drink plenty of fluids, rest, and try not to talk. For at least another two years.

EXTRA: BATHROOM BULLETIN

We won't be posting on Monday and Tuesday (and there probably won't be a new cartoon Wednesday) owing to highly kinetic plumbing repair being done at the Hope n' Change office complex.

Men with jackhammers will be whacka-whacka-whacking holes through our concrete foundation in two bathroom floors in order to repair underground pipes. This means our computers and hard drives will need to be disconnected and moved as far as possible from the construction sites so they don't get shaken to death. It also means we'll be in full compliance when the Keystone pipeline eventually runs under our office.