Squeeze Player

And don't neglect the paperwork afterwards.

In a final effort to suck the last iota of optimism out of Americans as the new year approaches, Barack Obama has declared that he intends to spend the next 12 months "squeezing every ounce of change" out of our country.

As verbs go, "squeezing" is at once unappealing and even threatening - calling to mind things like squeezing blood from a stone (or taxpayer) or applying crushing pressure to forceps in a federally-funded Planned Parenthood clinic. By its very nature, squeezing suggests a goal to which there will be resistance...and a bad outcome for that which is being squeezed.

To date, the president hasn't announced the specifics of what he intends to squeeze, preferring to make it "a surprise" much like the kind received by those who opened their door to the Boston Strangler.

But it's a safe bet that some of his choke holds will be applied to causes known to be close to his cold, withered, community-organizing heart. Like increasing the flood of immigrants (only a sprinkling of whom want to commit mass murder), stifling business and the economy to combat "climate change," making more Americans dependent on entitlements (and voting for the right party) to survive, and the further destruction of our healthcare system.

And because he is seemingly tireless, in the midst of all this chaotic change he'll also manage to squeeze in another 52 rounds of golf.

Don't laugh - in this picture, you're Curly.

Haappy Holidaays!

Your taax dollaars aat work.

As a surefire cure for the post-Christmas blues, if Kwanzaa didn't exist it would have to be invented. Which, come to think of it, it was. In 1966, by a professor of African Studies in (surprise!) California. The 7-day holiday begins on December 26th which, by long tradition, is the day that a lot of candy and gifts are marked down to half-price.

Unlike other year-end holidays, there is no religious or historic significance to Kwanzaa. Rather it is a celebration of African heritage, ethnicity and, judging by the "seven principles," the flagrant overuse of vowels.

While some might feel that a week-long holiday devoted exclusively to race is insensitive and exclusionary, keep in mind that there is precedent in the white community, which celebrates a months-long holiday called "Nascar."

And whatever your complexion, Kwanzaa can be a time of warmth and nostalgia, filled with wonderful holiday traditions and memories. Hearing Bing Crosby sing Nguzo Saba, watching "How the Grinch Stole Odu Ifa," or just settling in with a cup of hot cocoa to watch Jimmy Stewart in the classic "It's a Wonderful Walimwengu."

All of this and more is surely happening right now in Hawaii ("The Least Christmas-y State") as America's first family celebrates the holiday by spending millions of dollars on golf, parties, trips to the beach, golf, dining in 5-star restaurants, golf, shopping, playing "pin the tail on the Secret Service agent," golf, and the solemn traditional lighting of the seven Kwanzaa candles (which, by executive order, can now be replaced with Swisher Sweet cigars in honor of Saint Michael Brown).

Enjoy your holiday, Mr. president! And, from the bottom of our hearts, don't hurry back.

The traditional "Haands Up, Don't Shoot" candle holder.

Christmas 2015

And don't forget that you can download our free Christmas album at this link (feel free to share the link with others) or listen to the album below:

A Trip Down Memory Lame

Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton is attempting to elbow Dr. Ben Carson aside in brain expertise, claiming that if she's elected she'll eradicate Alzheimer's disease by 2025.

It's a cause close to the former first lady's heart, as both she and her husband have repeatedly suffered the devastating effects of memory loss when giving sworn testimony. According to a Clinton campaign spokesperson, "we think there's a definite causal link between Alzheimer's and subpoenas."

Certainly, it would be a boon to our nation and the world if the scourge of Alzheimer's was finally ended with a real cure. After all, what could be sadder than losing the special moments related to those who are nearest and dearest to you? No memories of a mother's funeral, a daughter's wedding, a grandchild's birth, or...hey, wait a minute.  According to Hillary, those were the memories stored on her private email server and she wiped them all rather than ever think about them again!

Still, Hope n' Change believes that a cure for Alzheimer's would be a blessing for those people, unlike Hillary, who have the human capability of loving or being loved. We just have a hunch that if she is elected, this will be one of the first promises that she willingly forgets.

BONUS: CHRISTMAS MEMORIES

Fortunately, there's nothing wrong with our memories here at Hope n' Change. Which is why we'd like to share these cartoons from Christmas seasons gone by...

The Farce Awakens

While it may not initially be obvious, the two cartoons are most definitely linked - specifically, because they both address the preposterous state of our current political scene.

New House Speaker Paul Ryan quickly passed a budget bill (with more Democrats than Republicans voting for it) which essentially gave Barack Obama and his cronies everything they could possibly want with no fight whatsoever. 

Cash for Planned Parenthood butchery? Full funding for the resettling of immigrants and refugees in the nation's vulnerable heartland? Taxpayer dollars to combat alleged climate change? All this and much, much, MUCH more was rubber stamped "to keep the government open," making a complete mockery of the hard fought elections which finally gave the House and Senate to Republicans under the mistaken impression that it might make a difference.

And we conservatives can scream, complain, and debate amongst ourselves all we want, but to what end? Everything we stand against is already funded through next year.

Meanwhile, a similar dog-and-pony show continues during the oh-so-suspenseful process of picking a Democrat nominee for the presidential election. In Saturday night's debate, the most interesting and widely-discussed moment came from Hillary taking too long with her bathroom break, which we suppose is a hazard of doing a campaign lunch stop at Taco Bell.

Other highlights included Bernie Sanders, who previously gave Hillary a pass for having sensitive unsecured computer data, apologizing profusely for having recently stolen some of her sensitive unsecured computer data. Meanwhile, Martin O'Malley made his strongest case for the presidency to date: that taxpayers could save thousands of dollars by not having to change the current "O" monograms on the White House towels if he is elected.

Frankly, Hope n' Change increasingly wonders if American voters actually participate in the process of running this country, or are only a captive audience forced to watch the absurdist political equivalent of "Waiting for Godot."

Perhaps we should call it "Waiting for Good Goverment."

Aloha Akbar

Following criticism of his seeming insensitivity to the largest terror attack on U.S. soil since 9/11, Barack Obama is reluctantly making a brief pit stop in San Bernardino to express scripted condolences before continuing his flight to a 5-star multi-million dollar vacation in Hawaii.

Based on his previous comments about the slaughter, we expect him to spend most of his time telling victims' families how great Muslims are, how important it is not to hold grudges ("especially at a time of year when many Americans, immigrants, and refugees celebrate the holiday of their choice"), and that he's doing everything in his power to discourage ISIS recruitment by letting terrorists out of Guantanamo Bay.

Of course, it's not just the people of San Bernardino who are affected and frightened by domestic terror, which is why the president has already issued comforting words on his way to the land of umbrella drinks, pupu platters, and Secret Service protection - saying there are no "specific and credible threats" to the homeland at the moment.

Just like the day before the bloodbath in San Bernardino.

BONUS: THE FARCE IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE

The long, long wait is nearly over. Yes, we're talking about the next Democratic presidential debate which has been curiously scheduled for Saturday night.

What's curious about that? Well, it's the last Saturday before Christmas, so presumably most people who aren't complete social pariahs will be at parties instead of huddling around the TV. And millions of others will be packing theaters to see the new Star Wars movie (spoiler alert: under the mask, Kylo Ren turns out to be a vengeful Jar Jar Binks).

Still, that leaves some people who will be eager to see a tough, head-to-head competition. Which is why they'll be watching the football game between the New York Jets and the Dallas Cowboys which is scheduled opposite the debate.

Now take Republicans, conservatives, and the clinically sane out of the remaining viewing demographics and you end up with such a tiny number of potential viewers that it's almost like the Democratic party really doesn't want people to see and hear their candidates.

And as Yoda might say, "blame them, you cannot."

The Peters Principle

Readers- At the time of this writing, the GOP debates haven't happened yet so - unlike the mainstream media - we can't do commentary yet. Fortunately (or maybe not), there's an abundance of other things to talk about. For instance...

Following his earlier, totally failed speech about the largest terror attack on US soil since 9/11, Barack Obama returned to the podium on Monday to explain his alleged strategy against ISIS and reel off a bunch of unconvincing statistics to indicate that we're winning the fight even though the enemy is getting bigger, more powerful, more deadly, and finding ways to attack us on our home soil.

But to quell our fears, the poet laureate in chief adopted his thousand-yard stare and intoned that we will "squeeze the heart" of ISIS, making it "harder to pump terror." At which point we're assuming Lt. Col. Ralph Peters (temporarily banned from Fox News for over-accuracy) probably machine-gunned his own television.

Because what the hell kind of threat is "heart squeezing?" It sounds more like the description of a Hallmark movie of the week about a blind orphan and the dying dog who gives him hope at Christmas. And speaking of the holidays...

GIFT WITH A BOWE ATTACHED

By wild coincidence, the president timed his ISIS speech in such a way that it would push another interesting story out of the news: accused deserter Bowe Bergdahl is now officially facing court martial and a possible life sentence behind bars.

As you will recall (unless you happen to be a Democrat or a member of the mainstream media), Bergdahl was swapped for five high-value Taliban members who were released from Gitmo. Of whom, "at least three" have resumed "threatening activities."

Remember too that Bergdahl's release was treated as a great patriotic moment by B. Hussein, albeit a weird one considering it involved the deserter's father reciting an Islamic prayer in a Rose Garden ceremony. And does anyone recall that one of the reasons the White House cited for the awful deal was a "frightening decline" in Bergdahl's health? It's never been mentioned again, and Bergdahl appears to be the picture of health - unlike the soldiers who died trying to find him after he abandoned his post.

Frankly, we think Bergdahl's trial should be aiming for a firing squad (no pun intended) rather than another prison which could become grist for another deal by Obama. And while on the subject of prisons (and who should be in them)...

We don't even really need to explain this one, right? And finally...

Not long ago we reported on the absolutely nightmarish process of trying to get a new insurance policy through Healthcare.gov after Blue Cross Blue Shield killed our existing plan and - in a letter to the medically homeless - specifically blamed Obamacare.

But we eventually did get a crappy, overpriced HMO policy on Healthcare.gov, and on Monday our proof of insurance cards arrived. Which is when the trouble started.

The two cards (one for each of the senior Jarlsbergs) had the names of two different PCP physicians on them (in an HMO, your "PCP" is the alleged doctor who becomes the gateway to either allow or deny all other healthcare services). Despite the fact that we'd named another doctor during the application process - indeed, we were required to pick a doctor - the new physicians were complete strangers whose names indicated they "weren't from around here," nudge-nudge wink-wink.

A quick online search showed that both doctors had pretty dismal reputations. One of them only had office hours two days a week, and only for five hours each of those days. Good luck getting an appointment! The other doctor required a 45-minute drive and ran a combined "family practice and low-cost lasik surgery" center in a strip mall.

A panicked call to Blue Cross put us on hold for 50 minutes before ever speaking to a human. Finally,  we were told that we could absolutely change our PCP doctors because the ones shown on our cards were "dummy doctors."

Say what?!

"We can't process the new applications unless there's a PCP doctor, and so we just put in any doctor within driving distance," said the helpful (honest!) woman on the phone.

"But what about the doctor I was required to choose on my application?"

"Healthcare.gov doesn't share that information with the insurers."

Let that sink in for a moment. You can't get your HMO policy through Healthcare.gov without specifying the PCP physician you want, but afterwards the government discards that information and the only way for the insurers to meet their deadlines is to make assignments completely at random. This despite having multiple years and billions of dollars to design a system in which the information that is laboriously collected would actually be sent where it needs to go.

And then consider that these are the listmakers who can't keep track of how many immigrants have overstayed their visas. Who can't make meaningful terror watch lists. Who want to take away our second amendment rights based on new lists which will be compiled in secret and maintained by bureaucratic poltroons at best, and malicious political operatives at worst.

Sadly, if you liked you country...it may already be too late to keep it.

Fahrenheit Fairy Tale

While there's plenty of reason to be skeptical that ocean levels are rising, there's no question that it's time to don our hip-waders in response to the multinational climate agreement reached in Paris on Saturday.

"I believe this moment can be a turning point for the world," Mr. Obama said as a choir of angels sang.  "It's the best chance to save the one planet we've got."

Which would be a lot more impressive if the agreement had any details about how to accomplish a reduction in greenhouse gas emissions, was binding in any way, had any metrics for checking to see if countries are keeping their promises, or was rooted in anything even marginally like science or reality.

Not that the loosey-goosey nature of the agreement will keep Obama from using it as a cudgel against American industries and energy companies, both of which have been known to produce near-toxic levels of employment, wealth, and national security.

Still, the president is no hypocrite and he's doing his best, on a personal level, to get rid of noxious fossil fuels. For instance, just a few days from now he'll destroy thousands of gallons of Earth-killing petroleum products by burning them in the engines of Air Force One as he jets off to Hawaii for another Christmas (oops!) holiday vacation. And to get rid of additional fuel (good riddance!) Michelle Obama will probably again make the huge sacrifice of taking her own jet to Oahu.

But despite these efforts, not everyone is happy. Alleged presidential candidate Bernie Sanders says that the Paris agreement will not reduce global warming enough for humanity to survive, which is why he's now campaigning on a pledge to cut our nation's carbon emissions by 80% through a mixture of sky-high taxes, penalties for industries, the end of all energy exploration and development on public lands, and "a lot of sitting around very quietly in cold, dark houses."

Hoping, no doubt, for an occasional bowl of warm porridge.

BONUS: TASHFEENDISHLY CLEVER

It's a good thing that the possible reduction in global warming will mean (according to Barack Obama and John Kerry) the end of anti-western terrorism, because new details about the (ahem) intensive anti-terror security vetting process given to immigrants and visa recipients are anything but comforting.

It had already been revealed that a big part of the process is simply asking the applicants if they're terrorists, affiliated with terror groups, have experience in making bombs, or intend to wage jihad in the United States. Apparently this screening process is rooted in the notion that while radical Islamic murderers may be a lot of bad things, they're certainly not fibbers.

But we're now finding out that the background checks don't include looking into the richest conceivable source of available data - the social media of applicants. Which is why no red flags were raised following Tashfeen Malik's online comments before coming to our country that she supported jihad and hoped to wage it.

But in fairness, we can't really expect the State Department to have the time and resources to track down the emails of a potentially dangerous female jihadist. Not when they've been so preoccupied trying to track down the emails of a demonstrably dangerous former female Secretary of State.

Twas The Night Before Two Weeks To Christmas

We gave up on trying to present "Good News Fridays" here quite awhile ago, and this stinkaroo of a week certainly didn't seem to offer up anything to change the pattern. So we decided to create a little good news of our own!

To take your mind off the cares of the world, and to gleefully annoy anyone who is offended by the word "Christmas," we're giving you a free no-strings-attached downloadable album of relaxing instrumental Christmas music!

Not available in stores. Trust us on this one.

It's the Manhole Steamrising "Complete Christmas Collection" and...what's that? You never heard of Manhole Steamrising? Well, you didn't think we could afford to hire Mannheim Steamroller to record a custom album, did you?! Besides, who needs all of those fancy-shmancy synthesizers when you're trying to enjoy quiet moments with the twinkling lights on your Christmas tree and the tinkling ice in your whiskey glass?

The album is solo harp which is actually played by a real angel (we think his name is "Harold") and consists of 15 soothing tracks of Christmas favorites, two of which are "Adeste Fidelis" and are done (as Basil Fawlty would say on gourmet night) "in two extremely different ways."

It's all perfectly legal, and you're free to share the music and/or the link with as many people as you like. In fact, we encourage you to share! Please! Tis the season! Just click this link to get your download started.

You'll end up with a ZIP file which, when double-clicked, will open up into a folder with your 15 songs in MP3 format. It's our way of saying "thank you" and "Merry Christmas" to everyone who visits Hope n' Change!

(UPDATE)  We got a couple of reports from readers who had problems with the download process. We've since made changes which should make it easier. If the existing link didn't work for you (it does for most people) please try THIS ONE:

http://www.mediafire.com/download/5rxrq5op8w596cp/ManholeSteamrisingHopeNChange.zip

or THIS ONE TRY THIS LINK.

But just to be sure NOBODY misses out...here's the full album which I just posted to Youtube. Enjoy!

Allah Allah In Free

Let's face it - this administration's system for vetting people coming into our country failed spectacularly in the case of the San Bernardino killers. As did domestic intelligence efforts intended to ferret out terrorists in our midst before they strike. And in the aftermath, Barack Obama once again bloodlessly lectured a frightened country - claiming that Islam had nothing to do with the violence, that the refugee "widows and orphans" entering our country are no more dangerous than tourists, and that the steps he's already taking to protect us from terror (so unsuccessfully) are all that is necessary.

And, oh yeah - Americans must resist their natural inclinations toward racism and ethnic hatred.

Much of what Obama said is demonstrably nonsense. But sadly we're also hearing nonsense of a distinctly non-helpful variety from Donald Trump. Should we consider a pause on the admission of refugees and immigrants until we figure out what went wrong with the vetting process for Tashfeen Malik? Absolutely. But simply banning all Muslims from entry (and assuming that terrorists are too stupid to lie about their faith) is a ham-handed approach which reinforces Trump's image as an overly-loud oaf who has had a few too many drinks at the bar and needs to be put in a taxi.

When speaking about Syed Farook, Trump said (and we paraphrase from memory here), "Howzabout that woman he brought in with him? Was that his first woman? Probably he'd never had a woman before! So she was able to radicalize him real fast."  Well gosh, Donald, thanks for the pithy analysis and the sophomoric locker room talk.

Additionally, Hope n' Change is tired of hearing (from numerous sources) that "we're at war!" Yes, there is a battle which we need to take seriously and need to win - but San Bernardino wasn't Pearl Harbor.

There is room - and necessity - for our nation to find the middle ground between Barack Hussein Obama's denials and Donald Trump's bellicose bombast. It is time - indeed, well past time - for all of this to be dealt with seriously, by serious people.

A personal sidebar: today, I had lunch in a McDonald's which is very near a large mosque in our neighborhood. It wasn't crowded inside, and I took note of the other people who were there. The staffers behind the counter were happily speaking to each other in Spanish. A woman wearing a headscarf was eating and looking at a video on her computer (I admit it - I looked to see if it was a "how to" on building "clocks," but it appeared to be a soap opera). Nearby, two Asian men chatted in what I presume was Chinese. And the McDonald's itself was nicely decorated for Christmas (by name) and, despite being next door to a mosque, advertising the distinctly non-Halal McRib.

As we were leaving, I held the door for a young mother wearing a head scarf as she entered while Mrs. Jarlsberg helped guide the woman's baby stroller through the door. The woman smiled and thanked us.

There's no big punchline to this story, other than that everyone was getting along just fine. At a McDonald's. And it made me wish that we could all take a deep breath and turn down the nonsensical rhetoric a bit on both sides. Not closing our eyes to very real dangers; just remembering that keeping our eyes open should have rewards which go beyond surveillance.

Seer Madness

We're writing this before Obama's Sunday night address to the nation about the largest successful terror attack on American soil since 9/11. And as much as we'd like to hold off on our commentary until he's spoken, stringent press deadlines simply won't allow it. Because by "stringent press deadlines," we mean that there's only a 50% chance that we'll be cold sober when Barry starts talking, and a 0% chance that we'll be sober afterwards.

So instead we've decided to exercise our mystic psychic powers to predict what Obama is going to say, and let you check us for accuracy. Hush now as we dim the lights, put on some eerie music, and gaze into the future...

• Obama will still give "workplace violence" as much blame as ISIS.
• Obama will say that by virtue of committing murder, the California killers weren't Muslims.
• Obama will say (feistily) that GOP candidates are stirring up a rhetoric of hate which plays into the hands of our enemies.
• Obama will partially blame that darned 1st Amendment for making it hard to keep people from finding self-radicalizing materials.
• Obama will more strongly blame the 2nd Amendment for making "weapons of war" too easily accessible.
• Obama will call for bipartisan action on gun control, express doubt that it can happen, then announce that he intends to take executive action on stricter gun control measures.
• Obama will say our nation's greatest weapon against terror is multi-culturalism and the increasing importation of refugees who are very, very carefully screened.
• Obama will not find fault with the very, very careful screening process that allowed Tashfeen Malik to enter our country for the purpose of mass murder, nor will he suggest that the process be changed.
• Obama will not make a strong statement of war against ISIS, nor concede the growth of their size, wealth, and influence on his watch.

And finally, we predict that he will end his speech by saying "God bless America" but not meaning it.
==========
POST-SPEECH REVIEW

Okay, now we've seen the remarkably passionless speech and we're going to honestly review our predictions. First, we'll say that overall Obama actually seemed to reluctantly acknowledge that radical Islam is a problem (although he didn't have much of a choice). Below are our predictions and whether we got them right, partially right, or wrong.

• Barry didn't blame "workplace violence" but made a point of referring to the victims as "coworkers." (partially right)
• Barry said that the ideology of ISIS is a "perversion" of Islam (partially right).
• Obama referred to "this political season" and rhetoric which plays into the hands of ISIS (right).
• Obama did not blame the 1st Amendment for access to radicalization materials (wrong).
• Barry said that making guns harder to obtain will help fight terror (right).
• He called for bipartisan gun control efforts, but did not say he was taking executive action (partially right).
• Obama praised multi-culturalism, refugees, and immigration (right).
• Obama said he is asking for a "review" of the process that let Tashfeen Malik into the country, even though other officials have already said the policy won't be changed. Still, we'll call it (wrong).
• Obama did not make a credible war cry against ISIS, or admit to its growth (right).
• Obama said "God bless the United States" but didn't mean it (right).

All in all, we'll credit ourselves with a pretty good batting average.

BONUS: DEPARTMENT OF JUST US

Just to make sure everyone knows where the battle lines are drawn, Attorney General Loretta Lynch went before a Muslim group to announce that she now intends to prosecute anyone who voices anti-Muslim opinions which "edge toward violence," whatever the heck that means.

But apparently, calls for violence are still peachy keen and totally legal as long as the persons making those calls are of the same race and political disposition as the president and his legal toady.

How else to explain the fact that Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan isn't on Lynch's radar for his frequent exhortations that white people need to die? And remember the black marchers following Al "Freddie's Fashion Mart" Sharpton who chanted, "What do we want? DEAD COPS! When do we want them? NOW!"  Days later, two officers were shot to death in their patrol car by a man who had said that this kind of anti-cop rhetoric was his inspiration.

But is Lynch prosecuting any of those people? Absolutely not. Rather, she's just announced that she's kicking off a big investigation to prosecute Irving school officials and police officers who believed "See something, Say something" was a good idea when Ahmed the Suspicious Timing Device Maker flashed his "invention" all over a school then refused to talk about it.

Let's be clear: Hope n' Change never has and never will support or tolerate calls for violence against any religious or ethnic group. But what Lynch is doing serves only to further divide our nation by applying unequal standards of law.

AND FINALLY... 

Today we remember Pearl Harbor and mourn those who lost their lives, while also giving thanks for the countless others who subsequently served our nation in wartime to ensure our freedom and that of other nations and peoples. 

Shooting Pains

Many on the Left were devastated Wednesday when it turned out that the mass shooting in San Bernardino, California did not (as originally reported) happen at a Planned Parenthood clinic, nor was it perpetrated by "three white men."

Rather, the horrendous slaughter was committed by "devout Muslim" Syed Farook and his wife, Tashfeen Malik, who are believed to have been in communication with individuals under investigation for international terrorism. Additionally, the couple's home has been described by authorities as a virtual "IED factory" for producing bombs.

Even Barack Obama is having trouble calling this "workplace violence," as much as he desperately wants to. In the face of overwhelming evidence, he grudgingly admits that the shooters may have had "mixed" motives.

We can only speculate at this point, but it seems clear that this couple - and an unknown number of others - had spent considerable time preparing to commit a massacre. Had it not been this "workplace" party, it would likely have been a mall, a church, a school, or some other soft target.

Our thoughts go out to the victims and their families, and we hope (but don't expect) that this terrible incident can finally inspire serious policy discussions about radical Islamic terror within our borders.

Relax, America. Obama has a plan to stop moderate Muslim workplace violence.

Barackalypse Now

Yes, he really said this.

On Monday, Barack Obama gave a "powerful rebuke" to ISIS terrorists by telling them that it's pretty much too late for them to do us in because western civilization is already doomed. And, unsurprisingly, it's largely the fault of stinking, greedy, energy-guzzling Americans like you.

Specifically, the Prophet Obama spake thusly: "I’ve come here personally, as the leader of the world’s largest economy and the second-largest emitter, to say that the United States of America not only recognizes our role in creating this problem, we embrace our responsibility to do something about it."

Frankly, we find the notion of Obama embracing anything remotely like responsibility to be harder to swallow than the oxymoronic scientific "evidence" that the Earth is somehow warming without a measurable rise in temperature in almost 20 years, and thickening ice caps which Al Gore (who has also been thickening) had assured us would already be gone by now.

The U.N. Climate Summit in Paris, where the president spoke, is being attended by 150 world leaders who apparently don't give a flying carbon credit that, for the past century or so, it's actually been possible to communicate electronically without the need to fly yourself, your entourage, your security team, your makeup artists, and your speechwriters via giant, exhaust-spewing, fossil fuel-burning jets.

As a case in point, for every hour Air Force One spends in the air, 11 children will die of lung disease because of the increased pollution. A statistic which is made only slightly less terrifying owing to the fact that we just made it up. Which doesn't mean that it isn't true, it just means that it's unsubstantiated by anything like empirical evidence - much like the president's assertion that anthropogenic global warming not only exists but comes with a "Made in America" label.

Of course, the real point of this apocryphal apocalypse summit isn't the climate, it's to establish the mechanics of redistribution of wealth and power (both political and physical) from the United States to other countries which are, in Mr. Obama's view, less morally loathsome than we are.

In other words, every dictatorship, caliphate, monarchy, religious oligarchy, and backwards totalitarian piss-pot hellhole on our non-warming Earth.

AND FROM THE VAULT...

Shoots and Leaders

Let's get a few things out of the way first: the mass shooting at the Colorado Planned Parenthood clinic is an awful tragedy which should never have happened. Whatever the gunman's twisted motives (which remain unclear, although he mentioned "no more baby parts" in a rambling, disjointed conversation with police) he is nothing more, and nothing less, than a psycho killer who deserves capital punishment as quickly as the system will allow.

Clearly, the world would have been better off if this lunatic didn't have a gun. But Hope n' Change is struck by the hypocrisy of the president declaring "enough is enough" over this shooting of 12 people (3 killed, 9 wounded) while showing less interest in the holiday weekend's body count in Chicago (15 killed, 67 wounded) than he shows in sports scores.

And the reason is simple: Mr. Obama's goal remains to take guns out of the hands of the law abiding while doing nothing to curb the endemic inner city gun violence which takes so many black lives (which apparently don't #Matter to him much.) So his selective outrage is clearly political rather than moral.

Make no mistake, Hope n' Change is all for keeping guns out of the hands of homicidal lunatics. But how? What are the telltale signs which clearly signal that someone has gone around the bend?

According to voter records, which Democrats assure us are always 100% accurate, the bearded, formerly-married shooter was listed as a female. Was this a governmental error (unthinkable!) or a case of Caitlyn Jenner-itis? If it's the latter, the Left assures us that this is proof of rock solid mental stability.

The shooter also lived in tiny dwellings (sometimes a shack with neither running water nor electricity) which once might have seemed the mark of a spooky loner, but now is laudable for producing only a small, environmentally-sound carbon footprint.

Might his college records have provided a tip-off? Unlikely, since even those who spent their college days actively seeking out radicals (and later consorting with bomb-making terrorists) - as Obama boasts about in his autobiography - are clearly on the side of the angels. Still, the fact that the shooter got his degree in "public administration" suggests that he's harbored antisocial tendencies for quite awhile.

Sadly, there's no absolutely certain way to make sure that the insane (or people who have become insane over time) don't get access to guns - although Hope n' Change is genuinely open to hearing realistic ideas.

Until then, we suggest that the president drop his "weapons of war" rhetoric when talking about sane people who carry guns to help ensure public safety, and instead finally get serious about the actual wars and staggering death tolls in his Democrat-ruled inner cities.

BONUS: REBUKER IN CHIEF

Say what you will, the president isn't afraid to use Brut force.

BONUS 2: SPEAKING OF CHAMPAGNE...

Join us in wishing a very Happy Birthday to the intelligent, well-informed, lovely, and remarkably understanding woman who contributes so much to the insights and opinions expressed here on Hope n' Change!

Thanksgiving 2015

Yes, but at "double time" you'll finally get that $15 an hour you've been wanting.

As we reflect on Thanksgiving 2015, it strikes us that one of the defining qualities of the liberal left is that they demand everything but are thankful for nothing.

We suppose it's hard for them to count their blessings when they're more consumed with covetous envy of others. And it's seemingly impossible for them to swallow their pride (or is it hubris?) long enough to say "thank you" to their fellow citizens (including, especially, the "evil rich") who fund not only this nation's many generous social programs and safety nets, but the infrastructure that keeps our standard of living high and the troops who keep us safe.

We enter this Thanksgiving holiday at a time of great world tension and, sadly, legitimate concern about the quality of our political leaders. But that shouldn't stop us from drawing a deep breath, turning off the doomsayers on television for awhile, and making a calm reassessment of the incredible bounty which all Americans enjoy.

And of course, taking time to give thanks.

BONUS: POP GOES THE ISIL

To help put everyone in the holiday spirit while blood is still being mopped up in Paris and Mali, Barack Obama gave his version of FDR's proclamation that "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself." In this case, the president - who is constantly surrounded by heavily-armed Secret Service agents - said that "the most powerful tool we have to fight ISIL is to say we're not afraid."

Which would have been a lot more comforting if the State Department's CYA Bureau didn't then scare the hell out of everyone by issuing a worldwide terror warning suggesting that, according to their keen analysis of intelligence data, anything could happen, anywhere, at any time. And they advise special caution "during the holiday season and at holiday festivals or events."

So remember, don't be afraid - but make sure your Thanksgiving turkey really has a pop-up timer and not a detonator.

BONUS 2: CROCKMAKER

Young Ahmed the Clockmaker has decided that rather than settling for 15 minutes of fame, he wants 15 million dollars for alleged "damages" to his reputation.

But just what "damages" has he actually suffered? Following his brief kerfuffle with authorities in Irving, Texas, his story went viral for two major reasons: his publicity-addicted father and CAIR promoted it, and Barack Obama made it into a national news story by tweeting "cool clock, Ahmed" even though the president hadn't yet seen a picture of the device which looked like it should have been disarmed by a sweating, cursing Bruce Willis as the seconds tick down to zero.

Subsequently, Ahmed was "damaged" by receiving truckloads of goodies from tech corporations, offers of scholarships from colleges, guest shots on scads of televisions shows, and an invitation to the White House, as well as being named "Young Muslim of the Year" and getting the opportunity for his family to visit the United Nations and trash talk our country.

The family eventually announced that it was moving to Qatar to enjoy the more civilized and tolerant nature of a Muslim country, but now seems to have second thoughts about living under a system in which you can be beaten to death with rocks for filing baseless nuisance lawsuits like this one.

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NOTE: HOPE N' CHANGE IS TAKING FRIDAY OFF. WE WISH YOU AND YOURS A VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING AND WE'LL SEE YOU ON MONDAY!

Population Bomber

Hope n' Change believes that the current fervor about vetting refugees to avoid terrorist infiltration is dangerously shortsighted. We're being distracted from a real and much greater danger - an actual bomb capable of incalculable damage and an actual bomber already working to deploy it.

To put this statement in context, we must begin by conceding that terrorism is a real and terrible threat worldwide. But the kinds of attacks mounted in Paris and Mali, while horrorific, do not and can not amount to an existential threat for our country. In a purely clinical sense, we lose more people to automobile accidents than terror and life goes on.

That isn't to say that it isn't critically important to fight terror as vigorously as possible. Nor should we allow any refugees into our heartland without thorough vetting.

But the real threat which can destroy this nation is a population bomb - and unsurprisingly, Barack Hussein Obama is the bomber. His goal is to destroy the culture and values of the United States from within by flooding our country with immigrants who are unlikely to assimilate.

Millions of them, if Obama has his way, by the end of his second term.

It has always been this president's clear goal to sponge the alleged stain of America and American ideals from history and the map. To redress the colonialist evils he believes we've visited on the world. To assure, in the words of his spiritual mentor, that our "chickens come home to roost."

That means bringing the United States down both as a superpower and as an economic and moral force in the world. And Barack Obama has already taken us terrifyingly far down that road with a multi-pronged attack on the cohesion of the American people.

Like other western countries, the United States is seeing dramatic demographic shifts as populations age and birth rates among the most educated segments of the population decline. The liberal culture mocks traditional marriage and parenthood, infantilizes young men and women, idealizes minimum wage jobs with little chance of advancement, and aggressively promotes abortion as a "choice" to allow a selfish "me" generation to avoid the responsibility of raising a child.

Not so with the immigrant populations, legal and illegal, who enthusiastically "go forth and multiply," changing our demographics, language, beliefs, and culture.

Does this make the immigrants bad? Absolutely not. It's human nature to try to move from a bad situation to a better one. But neither are drowning people "bad" if they attempt to overload a lifeboat and, in the process, cause it to sink. When the immigration process is uncontrolled and assimilation becomes a discarded virtue, we're all in that sinking lifeboat - and Barack Obama knows it.

But this population bomb isn't the only challenge the president is mounting in his effort to erase our sense of unity and our collective national identity. He has worked tirelessly to set American against American - inflaming racial tensions, attacking police officers, and preaching pitchfork-wielding class envy while promoting economic policies designed solely to reward the rich, subsidize (and make dependent) the poor, and bleed the great American middle class out of existence.

There is no power on Earth - certainly not radical Islam - which can bring down our nation as long as we believe in ourselves and each other, and reinstitute a most American institution: the melting pot  which simultaneously celebrates ethnic, national, and religious diversity while bonding our citizenry in a proud, singular, and unifying culture.

This is what America's greatest enemy has focused his attentions on destroying.  An enemy who, ironically, was never thoroughly vetted.

You Vet Your Life

He's also a small arms expert.

In the face of increased terror activity in Europe and threatened terror activity domestically, Barack Obama has cinched up his big boy pants and made his strongest rhetorical attack to date...on Republicans.

"Apparently, they’re scared of widows and orphans coming into the United States of America," the president said of concerns about terrorists hiding among refugees. "First, they were worried about the press being too tough on them during debates.  Now they’re worried about three-year-old orphans.  That doesn’t sound very tough to me."

Actually, Mr. Obama, the worries are bipartisan and they're not about "widows and orphans." They're about you, the lies you tell, and the growing suspicion that your longterm plans for America have little to do with either national security or traditional American values.

Regarding Syrian refugees he's bringing into the country (not including those attempting to enter illegally across our federally-mandated open borders), the president says that his administration's process for vetting is "the most rigorous conceivable" and includes the use of "biometrics" which, apparently, was on his Word of the Day calendar.

And who should know more about vetting than a man who's managed to avoid being personally vetted for his entire adult life? To hear Barry tell it, the current standards for admitting Syrian refugees are more rigorous than those for being president.

Which is a good thing, now that we've seen how much damage one man can do.

UPDATE: GOING TO HEALTH IN A HANDBASKET

To paraphrase the Rolling Stones, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you can't even get what you need, dammit."

We are referring, of course, to the miracle of Obamacare. For three weeks, we've been trying to find a replacement health insurance policy for the one which was just cancelled (for 300,000 Texans) owing to the fact that the Affordable Care Act made it unaffordable for the company to offer anymore.

Try as we might, we weren't able to find ANY policy which would allow us to keep our doctors, our local hospital, our pharmacy, our money, or our dignity. Which is why we finally gave up and worked with a professional (we're not being snide - this guy saved our hiney and we're grateful) who gave us the semi-gratifying news that we weren't being stupid or imagining things, there really AREN'T any decent options available anymore.

In a two hour marathon session, we determined that our current doctors just aren't available under any Obamacare policy (a process which would have gone faster if the databases listing every freaking doctor within 25 miles were alphabetized. No, we're not kidding.)

In the end, we settled for a policy which would at least be accepted at the local hospital when our inevitable aneurysm strikes while reading the news.  It's a high deductible HMO policy for about $15,000 which required us to immediately pick a new doctor at random (nearly random; alphabetized or not, we chose a name that seemed like it might belong to an English speaker) who will be the new gatekeeper to prevent us from getting additional medical services from the HMO, while we continue to meet our actual doctors in back alleys and pay cash.

Make no mistake, the health insurance system is actively and rapidly collapsing exactly as it was designed to do under Obamacare. The nation's largest provider of health insurance is giving signals that it may exit the Obamacare market entirely in the near future, other providers are slashing coverage and choice of physicians in the face of poor enrollment numbers, and most of the much-vaunted insurance "co-ops" have already gone out of business.

But take heart. As much as it seems that the whole industry has gone to hell, rest assured that within the next several years we'll look back on the mess we have now as "the good old days."

Nidal in a Haystack

Will it still be "workplace violence" when it's your family killed in a mall, restaurant, or stadium?

Despite the carnage of the terrorist massacres in Paris, Barack Obama is continuing to treat the war on terror as a game. A game which combines "Where's Waldo?" and Russian roulette.

Specifically, the president is doubling down on his desire to bring large numbers of Syrian refugees into the United States as quickly as possible, despite the fact that many of them are males of military age and, despite White House assurances to the contrary, there is simply no effective means of vetting individuals to determine who might have terrorist ties.

Following a statement about his refusal to change any alleged strategy he has for dealing with ISIS ("what I’m not interested in doing is posing or pursuing some notion of American leadership, or America winning"), the president went on to label it "shameful" that many legislators and governors are asking him to delay the flood of Syrians long enough to weed out the ones for whom "death to America" is more than just a slogan.

Choosing to completely remove the issue of national security from the equation, Obama suggested that screening the Syrians amounted to religious persecution against Muslims. "That's not American," sneered the least-American president ever. "That's not who we are. We don't have religious tests to our compassion."

A sentiment which will come as a pretty big shock to the pro-life Christians running Hobby Lobby, who had to fight the president tooth and nail in court because their belief in compassion for the unborn didn't pass the inflexible religious tests dictated by Obamacare.

Hope n' Change isn't anti-immigration (legal immigration) nor are we against taking in refugees fleeing from genuinely life-threatening circumstances. But that being said, we place a higher priority on our national security and believe that the influx of Syrian refugees (particularly young males) should be stopped until there is clear evidence that this administration has both the capability and intent to thoroughly screen individuals before letting them in and effective methods of monitoring them afterwards.

If that's an inconvenience to the refugees, they - and Barack Hussein Obama - should blame the terrorists who killed 129 people in Paris and the radical Islamic extremists who commit atrocities worldwide every day instead of the open-hearted but justifiably cautious American people.

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UPDATE: Just to underscore the fact that he is a complete horse's ass, here's Obama's latest pronouncement on the refugee situation and the bipartisan call to slow things down: “Apparently they are scared of widows and orphans coming into the United States of America,” Obama said of the GOP. “At first, they were too scared of the press being too tough on them in the debates. Now they are scared of three year old orphans. That doesn’t seem so tough to me.”

Unfortunately for Obama's straw man argument, a short time later a female suicide bomber (perhaps a widow?) blew herself up in Paris when confronted by police officers who were conducting anti-terror raids.

No Good News is No News

Readers- Owing to the events in Paris and the "blah-blah-blah" performances in the Democratic debate, we're continuing dialogue in the comments section of our Saturday piece (immediately below) rather than post anything new today.  -Stilton

SPECIAL EDITION: TERROR IN PARIS

Will the "CBS Eye" be closed to this obvious and vitally important question?

Late on Friday the 13th, nightmarish terror struck the city of Paris - reminding us all, as if we needed reminders, that in the modern world no place is safe from the insanity of Islamic radicalism.

Ironies abound; earlier in the day (before the slaughter began) Barack Obama was interviewed by ABC News and said of ISIS "We have contained them." Just as disturbing, B. Hussein increased pressure to bring thousands of Syrian refugees into the United States at an accelerated pace, even though the majority of them are men of military age who cannot possibly be vetted to make sure they don't have terrorist connections or leanings. 

This is important. One of the Paris attackers was identified as a "Syrian refugee" based on the blood-spattered passport found amidst the shrapnel of his body after he detonated a bomb vest.

And speaking of ironies, there was this...

 

While the horrorific events were unfolding, Obama took to the airwaves to say that terror is a bad thing and that we'd stand with France. But will we?

Following the Charlie Hebdo terrorist massacre in Paris earlier this year, Obama said much the same thing. But when world leaders gathered to march arm-in-arm to stand against terror, the United States president was nowhere to be seen...

But shortly thereafter, Obama took action to show that he was really, really, really sincere about standing with France and standing up to terrorism. Specifically, he gave his Secretary of State a very important mission...

Clearly, the deployment of "Folksong Team Six" didn't dissuade Islamic radicals from committing new acts of barbarism, perhaps because the sorry spectacle showed the utter lack of seriousness and credibility of this president's anti-terror policies.

France is already taking strong measures to root out those responsible for the attacks on their people. We can only hope that their efforts will be successful, and further hope that our own nation will someday show leadership instead of lip service in the radical war against western civilization.