Tides of War

Be on your guard, men. Sometimes the enemy waves.

On Wednesday, Barack Obama spoke at the commencement of the US Coast Guard Academy to make the graduates aware of the crucial role they'll be playing in his War On Weather.

Specifically, he declared that "climate change constitutes a serious threat to global security - an immediate risk to our national security. And make no mistake, it will impact how our military defends our country. So we need to act and we need to act now."

As if this wasn't enough to get the graduating class glancing nervously at the skies, Obama said that failure to embrace liberal climate change orthodoxy amounted to negligence and dereliction of duty.  He then linked the raping, murdering, kidnapping, slave-trading activities of pretty much every terrorist organization to the alleged reduction in the world's precious permafrost. Put another way, he's less concerned with ISIS at our doors than ices at our poles...

Okay, on that last point maybe a connection can be made between "weather" and terror.

BONUS: SEAL TEAM SEX

In the first release of information coming from the raid which killed Osama Bin Laden, US officials have revealed that besides emails and organizational information, they also recovered Osama's "extensive porn collection."

While we presume that Bin Laden's spank bank contained things like a well-worn DVD of "Deep Goat," authorities aren't releasing any details because of concerns about the "nature" of the porn. Which makes us wonder - why would they care to protect Osama's reputation? Or, might they be protecting someone else...

Explains a lot, doesn't it?

BONUS TWO: OUR HOLIDAY WISH...

We now know that pretty much everyone in the Obama administration lied their asses off about what really happened in Benghazi. In memory of those who died there, we can't think of any "grilling" we'd enjoy more than that described above.

Distaffing Up

Much like other award-winning, widely respected national news organizations, Hope n' Change is gearing up for the election season (and quite possibly the downfall of civilization as we know it) by adding qualified staffers to our elite team of commentators.

To that end, please meet the newest addition to our team. She's conservative, she's patriotic, she's...

It is critically important to point out, especially to Mrs. Jarlsberg, that Busty wasn't hired just for her looks. Assuming that she is good-looking, which we have no idea about because we're old and married and don't notice such things.

Rather, Miss Ross was hired because of her impressive journalistic background, her insight into women's issues, the fact that she drinks whiskey out of a coffee cup, and her willingness (at no additional cost) to provide armed security for the Hope n' Change office tower. Honestly, she hides guns in the darnedest places!

Busty will also become a spirited debating partner for our liberal correspondent, Lefty Lucy, who has enthusiastically accepted the new arrival as her new Best Friend Forever...

This is going to be fun.

Comfortably Mum

There is no gain, you are receding; A distant pantsuit on the horizon.

Hillary Clinton continues to say absolutely nothing about absolutely anything on the campaign trail, which is starting to make Hope n' Change wonder if she realizes that political candidates, unlike Trappist monks and Lois Lerner, are not required to take a vow of silence.

Although if we were in Hillary's sensible shoes, we'd be keeping our yap shut too. After all, what can she possibly say to look good after the former deputy director of the CIA, Mike Morell, states as a certainty that every document which was ever on her private email server was downloaded by one or more foreign intelligence agencies.

Previously, Hillary's defense was that in her entire tenure as Secretary of State, she never used any of her email devices to deal with a single piece of important or sensitive information. Which rather begs two questions: what the hell were we paying her for, and what the hell were multiple giant corporations and hostile nations bribing her for.

Neither does Hillary want to talk about her foundation skimming 90¢ of every charitable dollar for her family's own comfort and political mischief, nor her impressive political flip-flopping on issues like trade, immigration, and dealing with crime.

Meanwhile, the mainstream media seems perfectly happy to let the presumptive Democrat nominee maintain her Sphinx-like silence. But why?

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Because skeevy little butt-weasels like ABC "Newsman" George Stephanopoulos are actually active campaign supporters of Mrs. Clinton and are secretly shoveling money her way when not acting as character assassins working to discredit her critics.

If ABC has even a scintilla of journalistic integrity, we should be hearing a lot less from operatives like Stephanopoulos in the future and a lot more from the woman who wants to be president.

In other words - it's never going to happen.