Monday, December 19, 2016

Alleged Home for the Holidays

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, christmas, vacation, hawaii
Because "Mele Kalikimaka" is so difficult to pronounce
The left-leaning media is still hyperventilating about Russian interference with our election, going so far in some cases as to declare that we are no longer a free country and that Vladimir "Nice Pecs" Putin has successfully pulled off a massive coup d'etat. Apparently, his evil goal is to destroy us from within by facilitating the appointment of brain surgeons to cabinet positions.

All of which would seem considerably more like a terrifying existential crisis if Barack Obama cared enough to have skipped his annual bajillion-dollar Christmas getaway to the five-star environs of Hawaii. But there he is again, thousands of miles from the Oval Office - golfing, gnawing shave ice, eschewing any traditional symbols of Christmas or Christianity entirely, and (understandably) avoiding contact with family members as much as possible...

It's all the more impressive considering her deep sense of hopelessness.
Frankly, we're so sick of the first family and their wretched excesses that we pulled these cartoons out of the vault and can't really work up any enthusiasm about coming up with fresh ways to disparage them today. We're tired, we detest them, and we just want them gone.

Not that it's a bad start having them on Oahu. Which, by wild coincidence, is what we'll be shouting when they're escorted (hopefully forcefully) out of the White House on January 20th.

BONUS: A RANDOM HOLIDAY THOUGHT...
...to help us fill out the page at least a little more.
Seriously, why isn't PETA all over this?!
ADDITIONAL BONUS: YEP, IT'S MONDAY
Unlike sunny, expensive Oahu, it got darned cold in north Texas last night...and we've discovered that the pipes have frozen in one of the bathrooms. We've now got a heat lamp on the exterior wall, and a battery of space heaters and hair dryers blowing on the interior pipes (the area with the actual blockage can't be reached directly).

There is also a real sense of suspense, wondering if - at any moment - our bathroom faucet will simply return to normal operations...or we'll discover that a ruptured pipe is filling the walls of our home with water just in time for a randomly selected plumber to earn enough money for all of his Christmas shopping. And a Hawaiian vacation.

SO STILTON, HOW'S YOUR OBAMACARE DOING?
Thank you for asking. Healthcare.gov finally conceded my imaginary earning status for 2017 so that I could select another crappy, overpriced HMO plan - which I did.

And I assume all of that went smoothly, because last week I received six - count 'em - six new ID cards from Blue Cross. Three for me, and three for Mrs. Jarlsberg who isn't on the policy anymore.  Then on Saturday, I received two more ID's, both of which are in my name but showing different policy numbers.  So there's at least some chance that I now have 8 insurance policies.

None of which stopped Healthcare.gov from sending me daily reminders that I was not insured and needed to hurry to beat the cutoff deadline. Which they've now extended since the website (for the umpteenth time) failed to keep up with the traffic.

They've also let me know that I can pay my multiple insurance policies by giving them my banking information and letting their crack computers siphon money whenever they feel like it.  I'd sooner hand over my information to a Nigerian prince who wants to share his fortune.

(Noon Update: I swear on all that's Holy that I just got two more ID cards in today's mail.)

TRIPLE BONUS: MULLIGAN'S ISLAND
Not, of course, that there's anything wrong with that.

28 comments:

Sortahwitte said...

I just wondered if Bo, lamont's dog, will be around after Christmas. He's getting big enough to "have" for Christmas dinner. If you know what I mean and I think you do. He's enough to feed everyone including mooch's family. Want some gravy train with that? After all, lamont doesn't need to pretend that he's not a muzzie anymore.

Barry said...

Just fired up the ol' crystal ball for 2017 ---
Jan 20th: Trump sworn in as president. Widespread rioting by Democrat voters. Trump blamed by MSM. Black people are killed in Chicago.
Jan 21st: Obama family flies to all expenses paid vacation in Tehran. Black people are killed in Chicago. Trump blamed by MSM.
Jan 22nd: National debt, unemployment and economic growth found to be far worse than predicted. Trump blamed by MSM. Black people are killed in Chicago.
Jan 23rd: Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate surfaces. Black people are killed in Chicago. MSM bemoans Trump’s poor record in office.
Jan 24th: First celebrity leaves for Canada – turns out to be mistaken identity. Black people are killed in Chicago. MSM blames Trump for poor race relations in USA.
Jan 25th Hillary Clinton is sainted by the Vatican and becomes Saint Hillary of Hollywood. MSM offers complete coverage. Sales of ‘glow in the dark’ St Hill statues peak in Blue states.
Jan 26th: Obama family given new $6bn home in Riyadh. Black people are killed in Chicago.
Jan 27th Obama’s college records are released. Black people are killed in Chicago.
Jan 28th Clinton Foundation declared bankrupt. MSM blames Trump. Bill and Hillary buy new $8bn home near Moscow.
And this is only the beginning!

Ed G. Mann said...

Not a chance that PETA will ever stop a favorite Southern Christmas breakfast: Soft boiled Nogs.

Bobo the Hobo said...

32 more days ...
32 more days ...
32 more days ...
32 more days ...
32 more days ...
32 more days ...
32 more days ...
32 more days ...

and Hillary Rodham Clinton will never be president! Bwahahahahahahaha!

Rod said...

Electoral College votes today. A job well-done. Will we have exit polling and winner projections, or must we wait until Jan 6th?

Geoff King said...

If only Øbonzo would increase his vacation to 4 weeks instead of just 2. That would still give him a couple of days to pack and get the hell out of our White House.

Flugelman said...

Yep, them Nogs are a crisis.
Kinda like my retirement gig was always planned to be raising Naugas for the Naugahide industry. Sadly it never panned out...

Fred Ciampi said...

And regarding the countdown clock on the H&C main page, if you right click on it and click 'open in new tab' it will be in its own tab ready to look at 1,822 times a day.

TrickyRicky said...

@Bobo- Chelsea is waiting in the wings, and from what I hear she is every bit as qualified for high public office as her lovely mother.

rickn8or said...

Tricky Ricky, besides that, Chelsea is just as likeable.

Anonymous said...

Remember when, just prior to his re-election, obviously thinking rubbing up to the Russia ns would help his "world image" for re-election, Obama whispered to Russian President Medvedev, "Tell Vladimir I can be more flexible after I'm re-elected"? Medvedev leaned forward, put his hand on Obama's knee, and whispered back, "I will tell Vladimir."

Whispered. A secret message, and a powerful, collusive one.

Not realizing that nearby microphone was on.

It was just meant for Medvedev and Putin's ears. No American was ever to know about it. WHEN HAS THAT EVER HAPPENED BEFORE? WHY WOULD THAT EVER HAPPEN?

Remember what happened after he was re-elected...Crimea, Ukraine, Syria, Aleppo, The Baltics, Kaliningrad, and more.

As far as I know, nobody has ever asked Obama what he meant by that...asked him to explain it. To explain that degree of covert complicity personally with the two Russian leaders. To think that the implications of that secret message were anything other than a green light....not one agreed to with his State Department and delivered through proper channels, but clandestinely, singularly, Manchurian President to Russian President in total secrecy.

But the microphone was on. And so far he has skated free. Leading to the slaughter of our Syrian rebel allies, the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of Syrian civilians, the overrun of Europe by refugees, the world-spread of radical Islamic terrorists.

There has never been a better time than right now, with the false-story BS about Russian support for Trump ( in the real world, their worst nightmare ), to question Obama and thoroughly investigate the secret understanding Obama accidently revealed to all of us in actual full reality with Medvedev / Putin.

Pete (Detroit) said...

rickn8or - IIRC, she has the same melodious vocal character as well...
I remember when she was a kid, hoping that she'd "grow out" of "homely / plain", along the lines of Melissa Gilbert (Laura Ingalls, "Little house on the Prarie")
Tragically, she lumped it, much as poor Amy Carter.
OTOH, regar4dless of who her dad may / not be, there's NO doubt she's Hillary's daughter.
Poor thing...

Alfonso Bedoya said...

Re crystal balls, mine promises more of the same excesses after the Imam-in-Chief leaves office: taxpayer-paid Secret Service personnel to protect the first family on even more golf/vacation junkets, and freedom from prosecution for carrying off furniture and other public property when exiting the White House;

PLUS: a new Presidential library (including "free" pony rides, balloons and hot dogs for the kiddies; a new book by the Imam himself on how to properly bow towards Mecca without requiring subsequent chiropractic back adjustments; a lengthy article by the MO in the Washington Post on school lunch menus, and why "Merry Christmas" should be considered hate speech (including a 25-point list of why all Christian white men are "racist"; and a follow-up article in the New York Times on why a massive new federal prison is needed to house NRA and Tea Party Patriot members; and lastly (in California):

...a requirement to register Democrat at the DMV when you get or renew your car registration or driver's license so as to escape being classified as "unmutual" and investigated by AG Kamela Harris. The crystal ball fails to say if they will have coloring books, hot cocoa, and petting puppies in the new CA political re-education camps--?

John the Econ said...

Interesting that the left is now directing its rage exclusively at the Russians instead of Assange & WikiLeaks. I sense a conflict in the force; the left was in love with Assange & WikiLeaks when it mainly meant leaks embarrassing to Bush.

Michelle Obama: "Americans will miss having a grown-up in the White House" she says. Actually, we have for quite some time now. She also laments "loss of hope" Americans feel. Hon, it's that loss of hope you spent 8 years engendering that elected Trump.

I honestly think that the Obamas are going to be shocked as to how much America is going to forget about them by February. Sure, they and their sycophants in the media will continue to make fake news, but nobody, even amongst their former supporters will really care.

You think you know cold?: The better part of the last week was spent below zero at the Econ home. I attempted to go skiing last weekend, and riding the ski lift up, my anemometer recorded the wind chill at 41.5 below zero.

Good luck with the pipes. We got lucky a few years ago when an unexpected air leak from a superfluous (yet required by code) intake vent for a water heater to the outside funneled a steady breeze of sub-zero air to the junction of our plumbing, which killed water to the whole house. Fortunately, nothing broke. It's bad enough paying for Obama's umteenth Hawaiian vacation, but for your plumber as well?

ObamaCare: So if you now have 8 policies, does that mean that the coverage doesn't start until you've hit 8 times the deductible? Brilliant ploy on the behalf of ObamaCare!

FlyBoy said...

Hey, Stilt: Consider yourself lucky!!!! Just think how cold it would be if we didn't have global warming?

Colby Muenster said...

Some real knee slappers today, fine Doctor! So, the Obama's are off to Hawaii AGAIN spending millions of our dollars AGAIN. Have at it, I say. It's a small price to pay to get them out of our property for a while. And thank GOD it won't be long until they are out for good!! Amen and Halleluiah! I'm seriously looking forward to the day I drink for enjoyment rather than memory loss.

Question: Is that thing Michelle's riding a surfboard or a serfboard?

Sorry about the pipes, but hey... you are REALLY covered as far a health insurance goes! Well, you're covered in paper anyway. Actual coverage is likely a different story. Here's hoping that, when your pipes thaw, the water will come out where it's supposed to come out.

@Barry,
If I was a betting man, I'd lay some serious cash on your crystal ball. I think it is a bit inaccurate on January 25th and 28th, though. Black people will be killed in Chicago on those days, too.

@John the Econ,
I loved what Judge Jeanine said about Michelle Obama's self righteous BS. "Since when did 'hope' rise and fall with you?" Good one! Actually, Mooch sort of hit the nail on the head. Hope does rise and fall with the Obama's comings and goings, just not in the direction they envision.

American Cowboy said...

I just read part of Øbammy's interview on NPR where he said that after leaving office(gawd I look forward to that day)he wants to take his fambily on a well-earned vacation. WTF? Isn't that what he has been doing for the last eight frigging years??
I also read where he says America is going to get browner. I can only imagine he means that America is going to have to continue to put up with the un-castrated male bovine excrement that he and the rest of his ilk have been shoveling.

Pete said...

Hey Stilton,
A run of the mill WELDING OUTFIT, clipped onto your frozen pipe at either end will thaw out the pipe in a short time.
Extend the electrodes with auto jumper cables.
Seems questionable, but it is commonly done by those that know the trick.
Works great, and fast too.
(Heat lamp outside will just heat up the air.)
Payback for acres of very good cartoons and commentary.
Keep up the good work.
Pete
======

Rod said...

If anyone DOES want to comprehend "Mele Kalikimaka, here's the tutorial. Enjoy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2pk4p_yqH8
(I learn so much at this blog; thank you Stilt. And we get a LOT of laughs.)

Colby Muenster said...

Ok, we can all finally take a sigh of relief for a while. Trump got at least 304, and Shrillary is officially NOT OUR NEXT PRESIDENT! Who knows what Trump will be like, but we are at least spared what would surely be total economic, social, and foreign disaster.

Colby Muenster said...

Foreign policy disaster, that is...

REM1875 said...

Two nights of 11 degree temps here in Far North rural Texas (up near OK) has given us 3, yes 3 water outages. Heater in pump house does not like to work in cold weather, and No6, a young hound, positively detest faucet covers in cold weather. The other 5 doggies could care less but secretly I think they egg him on.
Tonight it is a blistering 26 degrees. So I am sneaking out the door for firewood in my t-shirt cause I am lazy.(and not to bright)
And speaking of not to bright we heard an extremely large whining noise coming from over 150 miles away toward dallas this afternoon, which despite the frosty weather warmed my heart. I suspect that drowned out the weeping, wailing and nashing of teeth from austin.
President Trump, say it with me now President Trump.

Judi King said...

I HOPE you have a better new year.
Speaking of HOPE and FLOTUS's bemoaning it's loss, I HOPE I never have to see or hear either her or her so-called husband again. There's so much HOPE for this country now that they'll be out of our house in DC.

John the Econ said...

The schadenfreude actually keeps getting better. After all of the angst and efforts from the left to intimidate electors into defecting from Trump, it was Hillary who suffered most of the defections.

So Hillary lost twice!

The left remains in denial mode. The celebrity crowd who unwittingly created more votes for Trump than Hillary in the general election doubled down and actually created less votes for Hillary in the Electoral College.

In his video plead, Martin Sheen referred to a female Elector as a male.

“It’s my job to represent the people of Kansas on Monday. It was Martin Sheen’s job to get my name right. He failed. I won’t...”

Ouch.

I can't imagine the personal angst these people must be going through now, coming to the realization that their supposed stranglehold on America was illusory. Of course, they're going to blame it all on white male racist misogynist hegemony. But the reality is that there simply aren't enough white male racist misogynists to make a difference. (Not that the left and their media aren't going to go all out trying to convince us otherwise)

gamegetter II said...

How in the h*ll did you get temp. readings from your anemometer? An anemometer is for measuring wind speed- not temperature.
Judt wondered how that was possible?

John the Econ said...

@gamegetter II, if you know the wind speed and temperature, wind chill is easily calculated. Actually, when on outdoor adventures I carry a small device with multiple sensors that gives me all that information instantly:

https://kestrelmeters.com/products/kestrel-3000-wind-meter

MAX Redline said...

None of which stopped Healthcare.gov from sending me daily reminders that I was not insured and needed to hurry to beat the cutoff deadline.

No kidding. I have enough paper from those bozos to insulate the house.

Deplorable Macker said...

Обама and his buddies squeezing in a few holes alright...at the local Bathhouse!