At Hope n' Change, we know discerning readers like you are here for trenchant commentary on current news events - not just angry rants about petty personal problems. Which is why we're going to get the news out of the way as quickly as possible so we can move on to kvetching about our petty personal problems. Ready?
Barry just let two explosives experts out of Guantanamo Bay, no doubt because the bad guys LOST two bomb experts when they blew themselves up in Brussels. Fair is fair. Which is also Barry's apparent rationale in claiming that executive "prosecutorial discretion" allows him to dictate that illegal aliens won't be prosecuted for taking tax refunds, social security, and welfare benefits they're not entitled to.
Bernie and Hillary are on the campaign trail, each saying that the other is unqualified to be president - and for once, both are right. Cruz is getting booed in New York, and Trump just swore to streamline the government by closing the "Department of Environmentals," which he abbreviated "The DEP" for reasons which are still unclear to us. All in all, Hope n' Change is sick of the primaries, we hope to avoid talking about them anymore, and we're absolutely going to vote for WHOMEVER is running against the Democratic candidate, even if it's Vlad the Impaler.
And now, on with the griping!
We're still working on our taxes, and the work involved has stretched from days to weeks. Our desk is only theoretically lurking somewhere beneath the myriad receipts, notes, notices, and scribbled ledgers which are actively reproducing in the area surrounding the computer. And we had to drop $100 for Turbotax because physical tax forms are harder to decipher than a terrorist's smartphone.
Among the things Turbotax discovered for us is that we were remiss in not creating and sending a 1099-MISC form (months ago!) to a workman who received a couple of grand from us for repadding our cell (sometimes, the news makes us a bit...agitated). The IRS will happily let you look up and download the blank form online "for educational purposes," but won't accept the form for official use unless it's printed on their Magic Paper. Which means you have to order it online and wait for "7 to 15 days" which means we were almost certainly not going to get our taxes completed on time.
One day later, we were able to eliminate the "almost" part of that statement when we discovered we ALSO needed to order Form 1096 on Magic Paper and include it with the 1099-Misc we were sending to the IRS. The Form 1096 exists to say, and we're not making this up, "there should also be a 1099-Misc in this envelope." Without the 1096, IRS examiners will only stare at the 1099-Misc in bafflement and say "what the...what the hell is this?!"
But the real blow came when computing our taxable income, owing to an "oopsy" near the end of last year. The stock market was in turmoil, and we decided to move much of our retirement money out of the bloody knife-fighting arena of stocks and stick the loot into money market funds for awhile. Such a transfer is a non-taxable event (since the money stays in the retirement account) and can be easily done in a nanosecond with a click of a mouse.
Unfortunately, it's just as easy (and irrevocable) to click that mouse button and realize that you just sold your stocks and the money is leaving your protected account - and suddenly the money you were expecting to live on for years has magically become your lump sum 2015 income! We were instantly transported to the lofty nosebleed section of tax brackets normally reserved for those evil "millionaires and billionaires" who Barry is currently shmoozing with in California to raise money.
But wait - there's more! Thanks to the unexpected surge in our apparent income, Turbotax pointed out that we no longer deserved last year's Obamacare subsidy because we'd suddenly turned loathesome - and so an additional $10,500 "payback" was added to our taxes - bringing the total up to about $40,000 which we'll be paying by tear-stained check. Of course, Hope n' Change reliably brings in about $40 a month in ad revenue, which means we'll have the whole amount paid off in just 83 years!
Still, if the money can make it easier for a few illegal aliens to enjoy their retirement, provide free college for a flag-burning youth or two, or fund just a few hours of fuel for Air Force One to go on partisan political fundraising junkets, then it's all worthwhile.
And believe us, we'd never say that if the drugs (deductible) and alcohol (not deductible) hadn't just kicked in.
BONUS: YOUR TAX DULLARDS AT WORK
