Hope n' Change Cartoons

Honesty is the Best Pelosi

2012-01-27T00:01:00.003-06:00

After a week of ugly, bareknuckle politics from the GOP, and an appalling State of the Union speech from Barack Hussein Obama (assuming that's who he is), we here at Hope n' Change Cartoons were in desperate need of a little comic relief.

Which is why we're so glad that the Arecibo Observatory took time off this week from looking for extraterrestrials and instead used their radio telescopes to intercept a particularly amusing transmission from Planet Pelosi.

In it, Queen Nancy (who, interestingly, has no eyelids) gleefully declared that she and only she knows a horrible secret which assures that Newt Gingrich will never be King of the Earthlings. She then cackled until she grew breathless and had to take several deep hits off a tank of carbon botoxide, which is what her world uses for air.

To his credit, Newt is laughing off the entire thing and daring Nancy to "bring it on." Which could genuinely mean that he's got nothing to hide or, alternately, that he knows she would suffer just as much political damage as he would if she reveals that they did a helluva lot more than just sit together on that sofa, billing and cooling about the importance of cap and trade legislation.

Frankly, Hope n' Change would like to say we're surprised that Pelosi is actually able to get airtime solely on the strength of saying "I know something that I'm not telling," but sadly that amounts to pretty solid journalism in these sad times.

Even if it is running mostly on the SyFy channel.

-
The picture that destroyed two careers and a lot of appetites.
-

Foundling Fathers

2012-01-25T00:01:00.004-06:00

Barack Obama has a funny way of reading the Constitution - and we don't just mean because his lips move and he touches himself inappropriately. Rather, it's his interpretations of Constitutional language which are funny - though definitely not in the "ha-ha" way.

Most recently, this has been demonstrated by his radical new claim that abortion-on-demand is a clear Constitutional right because the "pursuit of happiness" for women can apparently only occur if they can easily kill any potential children resulting from one night stands.

According to Obama, we must "continue our efforts to ensure that our daughters have the same rights, freedoms, and opportunities as our sons to fulfill their dreams." Unless, of course, those daughters aren't quite full-term yet...in which case they're not guaranteed Life, Liberty, or the Pursuit of Happiness, but will at least get one visit to Benihana.

Interestingly and, we're sure, entirely coincidentally a questionable new study has just been released (and much publicized) stating that abortions are much safer than actually giving birth. Except, of course, for the tiny little people who are killed in 100% of procedures while their moms are pursuing happiness.

It's also important to keep in mind that this is the infant-hating president who previously said of his own daughters, "if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby." Were you and Michelle "punished" twice, Mr. Obama? Is that why Michelle recently declared on national television that you two are out of the conception business? (Not that we're not grateful, mind you)

Moreover, this president strongly supports partial birth abortion in which a viable child is almost fully delivered - and then has its head cut off. Not totally sickened yet? Then try this on for size: as a Senator, Barack Obama opposed the "Born Alive Infant Protection Act." Specifically, if a late term abortion went "wrong" and a healthy living baby was born, Obama believes that the state should still have the ability to kill the child.

But what is his cutoff for "post-natal abortion?" An hour? A day? A week? And once precedent has been set, why not make it a year, or 10, or 80? Or simply any age if someone gets in the way of your pursuit of happiness?

With all of that being said, it's time for a bit of Hope n' Change full disclosure: while we are 99% pro-Life, we don't believe in outlawing abortion entirely. We think it should be a States Rights issue...and we especially think that it should be a rare procedure of last resort, considered seriously and soberly, instead of a selfish, nightmarish, and all too common form of government encouraged birth control.

If Obama wants to advance his radical views on abortion, he should do it without distorting and destroying the very clear language and intent of our Constitution. Because even though he's successfully leading the charge to deprive millions of children their rights to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness, some children will continue to be born in this country.

Only without the Constitution, it won't be a country worth living in.

Nothing goes better with Hope and Change than a Soylent Pink Smoothie!
-

State Fair of the Union

2012-01-23T00:01:00.005-06:00

On Tuesday night, Barack Hussein Obama will deliver what we sincerely hope will be his last State of the Union speech. And since the state of our union currently sucks, and the president can't point to a single policy success in the past three years other than his claim of taking a break in his golf game to personally kill Osama bin Laden, he's decided to focus his remarks on our glorious potential future.

In a preview of his speech sent to political allies, the president made it clear that the thrust of his speech will unsurprisingly be the same as his campaign theme: "War On Wealth."

Just kidding (barely). No, Obama is going to be proposing aggressive new initiatives to create a new Fair America in which "everybody gets a fair shot, everybody does their fair share, and everybody plays by the same rules."

In other words, we'll all soon be able to go golfing every weekend, take taxpayer-paid vacations in Hawaii and Martha's Vineyard, skip work for days at a time, and enjoy pick-up basketball games while we're supposed to be busy at our desks.

No, wait - those are still just Obama's rules.

But his speech also declared, "We can fight for where I think we need to go: building an economy that works for everyone, not just a wealthy few."

Despite adopting Occupy Wall Street's message for his State of the Union speech, it's not yet known if the Democrats attending the Joint Session will form a drum circle to emphasize the president's talking points...mostly because it's so hard to beat a drum if your hands are in someone else's pockets.

Among the other talking points the president has previewed for his speech:

• More products stamped "Made in America" (although the MLK monument, the president's "Darth Obama" tour bus, and taxpayer-funded electric cars built in Finland won't be among them).

• More American Energy - unless it has to be dug from a mine, pumped from a well, requires construction of a nuclear reactor, or if the production or transportation of that energy might "spoil the view" or discourage a caribou, snail darter, or environmentalist from having sex.

• Education and Skills for American Workers - Because for some reason that no one can figure out, the kids currently coming out of schools controlled by the nation's highly-paid teacher's unions don't know their asses from elbows.

But Obama has saved his biggest, and potentially most frightening, initiative for last:

•A Return to American Values - which he defines as "Fairness for all...Responsibility from all." And if that phrase doesn't chill your blood, let's try it in German: "Gerechtigkeit für alle, die Verantwortung von allen!" Doesn't that sound more natural? Especially if delivered in a spit-flecked shout from behind a podium?

A lot of very bad things can happen when scared and distressed people are told by a charismatic leader that their suffering is entirely the fault of oppression by "the wealthy few" and that the time has come to fight and make them pay.

That's something important for all of us to keep in mind during Tuesday night's speech as Democrats leap from their seats, cheering and clapping, in celebration of their new Führer of Fair.

Welcome to Fair America. Hang on to your wallet.

Slipping the Economy a Mickey

2012-01-20T00:01:00.002-06:00

After killing off tens of thousands of potential jobs by vetoing the Keystone oil pipeline (which his own State Department had twice pronounced to be no threat to the environment), Barack Obama traveled to Florida on Thursday to announce plans for a new pipeline which will create one million jobs!

Specifically, the president stood in front of the "Magic Castle" to announce that he wants to create a pipeline of foreign tourists coming to our country by making our borders even easier to cross (through an expedited visa process) so that they can visit Disneyworld and other parks.

Wow! Take that all of you Obama critics who say that he doesn't know how to create jobs!

The president's "Mickey Mouse Job Plan" is part of his new "We Can't Wait" initiative, in which he's making bold themepark-based executive decisions on his own to show up the "do nothing House Republicans" who unfortunately couldn't get to the theme park yesterday because they stayed in Washington to vote against raising the debt ceiling yet again. The slackards.

Of course, the president couldn't linger at Disneyworld very long either, because there's a lot of critically important work piling up on his desk. Piling up really, really high.

Which is why Air Force One flew past the Whitehouse and continued to New York for a "one-percenters only" $38,500 per plate fundraising dinner at Spike Lee's house.

Hey, he may be running a Mickey Mouse operation...but he's not Goofy enough to do his job when there's easy money for the taking.

"Gawrsh! Creatin' jobs is EASY! Hyuk-yuk-yuk-yuk!"
-

Dumb and Dumber

2012-01-18T00:01:00.003-06:00

Hey stupid! Yeah, I'm talking to YOU Hope n' Change readers (and talking to myself, too). Because even though we've tried to hide it as long as possible, Newsweek magazine has finally revealed our terrible secret in their new cover story, "Why Are Obama's Critics So Dumb?"

The article, penned by Andrew Sullivan (the crack journalist who also believes that Sarah Palin didn't give birth to her son, Trig, but instead faked her pregnancy and adopted a Down Syndrome baby for political gain ), makes the case that Obama's policies aren't failing - but that his critics are just too slackjawed, crosseyed, drooling-down-our-shirts stupid to know success when we see it.

And he has a point. After all, we Obama critics are such blithering idiots that we can't understand how if you spend more on a program this year than you did last year, that any painful financial "cuts" have been made.

We can't understand how extending unemployment benefits creates jobs.

In our banjo-plucking ignorance, we can't understand how Obamacare "bends the cost curve down" when every expense related to medicine is suddenly rising through the roof.

We can't understand why politely asking for an I.D. at a polling place is voter intimidation, but being threatened with racial epithets and billy clubs by Black Panthers isn't.

In our moronic daze, we just can't understand that a three-point foreign policy of encouraging the Muslim Brotherhood, allowing Iran to build nuclear weapons, and turning our backs on Israel has made the MidEast more stable and secure.

We can't understand that it's more important to be an unemployed Union member than to have a job - at least if you want to build jets in South Carolina.

As we sit in our tepid bathwater, passing gas and giggling as the bubbles pop, we can't understand that the way to decrease gun-related violence is to give truckloads of weapons to the sociopaths in the Mexican drug cartels.

And we can't understand why calling a committee a "supercommittee" would make anyone believe it came from the planet Krypton and had the power to leap tall buildings in a single bound, or solve economic problems that the president and his party hadn't addressed in three years.

Yep, there's no doubt about it - we Obama critics must be dumb as a bag of hammers to not understand all of these tremendous success stories.

But we're still Einsteins compared to Andrew Sullivan. Or anyone else who actually supports Obama or reads Newsweek.

We're also too dumb to recognize that Newsweek editor Eleanor Clift is totally hot.
-

King Sighs

2012-01-16T00:01:00.002-06:00

How time flies! It seems we've only just taken down all of our decorations for Kwanzaa, and it's already Martin Luther King Day! A day when the president of the United States is encouraging all of us to come together to celebrate the birthday of a truly great and historic figure in black history: Michelle Obama.

At least, that's what you'd think if you received the recent personal email from Barack Obama which only goes to important, intelligent people entrusted with the critical job of shaping American opinion and policy...and people who give fake names and claim to be potential donors, which is what we did.

The email from Barack (when you're this tight, you can use his first name) was called "FLOTUS," which should not be confused with those little bowel movements that take more than one flush to get rid of. Rather it refers to the "First Lady of the United States" who, in the words of the president, "turns 48 on Tuesday, and I know I'm not her only fan out there. So will you join me in wishing her a happy birthday?"

The link takes you to a page where you can wish Michelle a Happy Birthday by filling in your name and email address, after which you'll be hit up for donations until you rue the day you ever discovered what email was. There is, however, no need to actually pony up for an expensive gift for the first lady online, since that's already automatically included in your taxes.

Continuing in his personal letter, Barry (you can call him that if you've rubbed suntan oil on him at Kailua beach) says "This fall, Michelle and I will have been married 20 years. The next 10 months will be harder than any we've experienced together." Frankly, we're not sure what that means, but it doesn't sound good.

After all, 20 years was all Hussy (you can call him by his middle name if you've gotten crapfaced at Beer Summits together) could take of one angry, black, racist, anti-American - the Reverend Jeremiah Wright - so he might be reaching his limit with the FLOTUS, too. And on a recent television appearance, the First Lady said "there'll be no other children in the Whitehouse. I can officially make that announcement." So maybe the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" has created a little friction (or lack of friction) in the First Bedroom.

But apart from all of that, the president wants us to wish Michelle a Happy Birthday and give generously to his re-election campaign and - oh yes! - one more thing:

"PS: This weekend people are getting together to volunteer in their communities in honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day."

That's right - the first black president of the United States is honoring Dr. King with a "PS" in a fundraising email about his wife's birthday.

Perhaps a "BS" would have been more appropriate.

Bain of Our Existence

2012-01-13T00:01:00.004-06:00

Occupy Wall Street claimed a stunning victory this week when it was revealed that they have successfully established tent cities in the vacant spaces inside a number of Republican's heads.

Specifically, while Barack Obama is nonchalantly asking to borrow yet another $1.2 trillion, quite a few alleged conservatives are ignoring the issue entirely while attacking Mitt Romney for heartlessly making money and creating jobs (but not saving every worker's job) when he was affiliated with Bain Capital.

In a nutshell, Bain Capital looked for companies which were struggling and bought them at bargain rates. They would then try to determine what was dragging a company down and eliminate those factors in order to make the company profitable (thereby saving and creating jobs). Sometimes, a company couldn't be saved and went out of business, or workforces needed to be downsized - meaning that people lost jobs. That's capitalism...and it is heartless or it couldn't create the prosperity that eventually does create jobs.

But not to hear Newt Gingrich or Rick Perry tell it. Newt's SuperPac committee is running a video called "When Mitt Romney Came To Town" which accuses the photogenic Mormon businessman of every evil deed imaginable except pulling the gold fillings out of Jews' mouths at Auschwitz. Which has certainly helped Hope n' Change narrow the field of GOP candidates we're supporting...though we don't think Mr. Gingrich and Mr. Perry would like our newly revised line-up.

Yes, Mr. Romney was operating out of a desire to make a profit (who isn't?) and he couldn't save every job in every company that Bain worked with. But if Gingrich, Perry, and others find that standard unacceptable, what will come next? Will doctors who work for profit (hint: all of them) be deemed unacceptable if they can't save every patient? And if that did become the standard, what doctor would take on a high-risk case or bother to treat a terminal illness at all?

Clearly such a policy would be nonsense in medicine, it is nonsense in the world of business, and it would be disastrous if it were the mindset of yet another American president.

Here at Hope n' Change, we have our problems with Mitt Romney - but his willingness to cut programs that aren't working and his desire to keep an eye on the financial bottom line aren't among them. In fact, those are some of his better qualities.

Those candidates who are now attacking his record at Bain as "heartless" should take a deep breath and then look at what "governing from the heart" has done to our country: destroyed black families, created massive joblessness, ruined our schools, reduced our national security, and pushed our nation to the brink of extinction owing to unfunded (and unfundable) liabilities.

For any self-proclaimed "conservative" member of the GOP to ignore these truths while repositioning himself as a warmhearted populist is utterly unacceptable. And attempting to move ahead in the polls by damaging Romney's chances to win a general election is detestable.

The way to win this primary and the November election is to sincerely be more like Ronald Reagan. Not more like Barack "Hey, I need another trillion from the Evil Rich" Obama.

Nancy and Mitt enjoy watching his attack ads together.
-

READERS (Saturday Update): If you want to read the comments "old school" style (which is much easier on the eyes), just click on the hypertext title of each day's cartoon. Magically, you'll see the cartoon and comments exactly as they used to be. If you wish to leave a comment of your own, click on the tiny "Post a Comment" link after the last comment and a pop-up window will open where you can share YOUR opinion. Thanks to Chuck for bringing this to our attention!

I'll also continue trying to make this the "default" behavior for the site (if possible) to simplify things.
-

Another Define Mess

2012-01-11T00:01:00.005-06:00

After 3 years of everything conceivable getting worse for Americans, even Barack Obama's supporters are starting to ask him what the "Hope" and "Change" he promised was supposed to be. Pressed for a definition of these vague terms, Obama has now clarified "Osama bin Laden will never again walk the face of this Earth. That’s what change is!"

OHhhhhh! Somehow when he was describing "Change" during the campaign, we assumed it would involve less brain matter spattering across walls at high velocity.

Of course, he also promised "Change" in the tone of rhetoric in Washington - and he's certainly delivered on that score, too - by making it exponentially worse. In the same speech in which he was licking Osama's blood off his alleged trigger finger, the president said that evil Republicans are putting "the very core of what this nation stands for on the line. The notion that we're all in this together, that we look out for each other."

Frankly, it strikes us as odd that the president claims "we're all in this together," while trying to incite half of the country to take up arms against the other half. Maybe we don't quite understand his definition of "looking out for each other."

And what are we to make of Obama's accusation that Republicans are against people succeeding "no matter what you look like?" Seriously, if he was any faster at whipping out the race card, he'd be dealing Blackjack in Vegas.

But at least we don't actually have anything to fear from Barack Obama's violent new definition of "Change" as killing your political enemies - right?

Maybe yes, maybe no. Because Homeland Security has now been tasked with collecting personal information and keeping data banks on anyone in the country who uses "traditional and/or social media in real time to keep their audience situationally aware and informed."

Which means there's a pretty good likelihood that they're keeping an eye on Hope n' Change Cartoons.

I just hope that there won't be an ugly midnight visit from Seal Team Six when they find out that my real name is Bill Maher.
-

-
Come and get me, coppers.

READERS: Blogspot has made some odd changes to the comment section which I find unnecessarily confusing and unattractive. Well, okay, hideous and illegible are actually the words I'm trying to avoid. For now, if you click on the "Comments" link below, it will open a new "pop-up" page where you can read and leave remarks more or less the way you could before. I'll also continue trying to find a way to restore things to the way they were.

Recess Games

2012-01-09T00:01:00.001-06:00

As if things weren't crazy enough in Washington, Barack Obama has just officially run the Constitution through his Executive Shredder, ushering in an exciting new "anything goes" period in his imperial presidency.

Specifically, he avoided Constitutionally-mandated senate approval of a number of appointees by using his "Recess Appointment" powers...even though the Senate wasn't in recess.

Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid, applauded the president's bold power grab and ignored the fact that the Senate was in "pro-forma session," in which a minimum number of Senators keep the floor open specifically to prevent ill-considered Recess Appointments. And why shouldn't Reid applaud this end-run? After all, the "pro-forma" mumbo jumbo is obviously just a big, transparent, political gimmick - right?

Well, no - or at least it wasn't when Harry Reid created the "pro-forma" session gimmick in order to keep George W. Bush from making appointments which had been blocked by the Democrats.

But now that there's precedent that the president can use his recess powers even when there is no recess, then why can't Joe Biden assume that Barack Obama has abdicated even if he hasn't - and has actually just gone to the biffy?

And why should it stop there? If Biden heads into the Whitehouse Latrine carrying the sports pages, then John Boehner can take over the presidency under the assumption that Biden isn't coming back. And if Boehner is smart enough to be wearing adult undergarments, the job is his to keep!

And say, now that the rules have gone out the window, why do the rest of us need to wait until November to vote Obama out of office?!

Either the Constitution is in force, or it isn't.

And all of us, including the president, should act accordingly.
-

Frankly, Mitt Dear...

2012-01-06T00:01:00.001-06:00

Even though the Presidential election is almost a year away, Mitt Romney has magically managed to recapture all of the grass-roots excitement and passion of the 2008 race by winning the endorsement of alleged Republican John McCain.

Addressing a sobbing crowd of conservatives, the feisty Arizona Senator said "I hope you'll hold your nose and vote for Mitt, the way you held your nose to vote for me!"

Okay, he didn't really say that - but he might as well have. Because frankly Mr. McCain's wretched run for the Whitehouse still carries the kind of stink that can rub off on others - especially those who are already having trouble passing the conservative "sniff test."

Wasting no time, McCain has gone into pit bull mode for Mitt and has attacked Newt Gingrich for pointing out that Romney sometimes misrepresents his own record. Making such an accusation, according to McCain, is crossing the line of "something that we don't do in politics."

Of course, McCain is also the guy who thought that mentioning Barack Obama's middle name, drug use, nationality, terrorist friends, racist church, nonexistent political record, and devotion to socialism were also things "that we don't do it politics."

Or for that matter, winning elections - right, John?

In any event, for true conservatives, McCain's endorsement of Romney is as chilling as a cold, clammy breeze coming from the crypt which we hoped had been permanently sealed when our dreams for 2008 were interred.

Please don't make us get this out of our sock drawer.
-

Armed Farces

2012-01-04T00:01:00.004-06:00

While the mainstream media was waiting with baited breath to see which of the Republican presidential candidates was most appealing to "too white, too evangelical, too rural" corn farmers, and Barack Obama was sneaking back from Hawaii to begin the serious and vital work of planning his next vacation, some actual news occurred which - of course - didn't get much attention.

Specifically, word came out that Defense Secretary Leon Panetta will soon be announcing a radical downgrade in our nation's military capabilities owing to the automatic budget cuts imposed by no-budget Democrats, a no-show president, and a no-clue supercommittee.

Breaking with longheld national security policy, America will no longer have the capacity to fight wars on two fronts at the same time. Meaning that America's enemies are simply going to have to learn to take a number and get in line before they can fight with us, or risk getting a scathing official tweet from the United Nations.

Included in the huge cuts that Secretary Panetta is being forced to make will be reductions in the number of troops as well as reduced benefits to those who serve in uniform. Conveniently, the money saved will allow politicians to avoid reductions in their own ranks and actually increase benefits to themselves.

While some Americans might be concerned about our new inability to defend on multiple fronts while Iran, Russia, China, and North Korea are rattling their swords, we can at least take comfort from the decreased threats coming from the MidEast now that Barack Obama's "Lead-from-Behind Arab Spring of Peaceful Coexistence and Harmonious Islamo-Democracy" has been solidly established in Egypt, Libya, and Syria and is working so splendidly. Granted, Iraq looks pretty shakey - but since the networks and newspapers don't report on it anymore, who really cares?

Considering the serious longterm implications of this new cut-rate defense policy, one might well ask why the military is willing to go along with the budget cuts when no one else in Washington takes budgets seriously? And the answer is that they have to, because they're required to follow orders or face serious punishment.

Too bad our politicians are still refusing to recognize that voters are giving them orders and not just suggestions.

As troops are cut back, the military will rely on less expensive drone aircraft.
-

Oh, Bummer...

2012-01-02T00:01:00.003-06:00

Nothing takes the fun out of a fresh, unblemished new year like a centuries-old prediction that the Earth will come to an end in 2012. Seriously, who wants to get serious about dieting, exercising, or balancing the nation's budget when we're all going up in smoke in a few months?

The apocalyptic prediction is, quite literally, carved in stone - in this case, the ancient Mayan calendar. The stone calendar, hidden from view for thousands of years, was unearthed by archaeologists in 1790. But at that time, scholars had no way of knowing that the Mayan symbols for "Hope" and "Change" were meant as a dire warning rather than a benediction.

Frankly, Hope n' Change isn't overly worried about this terrifying prophecy, because the Mayan calendar is essentially a document produced by a government... and as we've seen all too clearly in recent years, anything created by a bureaucratic committee is unlikely to correlate with anything even vaguely like reality.

Still, just in case the Mayan calendar is a warning about the November ballot, we're going to do everything possible to avert electoral disaster.

And if Obama still wins? Well, then it's comforting to think there's at least a chance that flaming meteors will put us out of our misery before his next inauguration day.

On the plus side, he's given up using Greek columns for Campaign 2012.
-

1000 Cartoons

2012-01-01T00:01:00.002-06:00

This week, Hope n' Change Cartoons hit (and passed) cartoon number one thousand. Hardly an earthshaking event, but an accomplishment of sorts...and a good opportunity for me to break with the political routine and talk about the strip and the website.

There are a few features that readers (particularly new ones) should be aware of. In the top left corner of the page, there's a graphic that says "Click here to meet our cast of characters." Do so, and you'll meet some of the oddball regulars who turn up in these cartoons, and a little bit of backstory about them.

Scroll further down that left sidebar and you'll see a search box which allows you to check the archive of all 1000 cartoons. It's a fun and interesting way to track various issues through time - or a way to refresh your memory about events of the past three years.

Regarding the cartoons themselves, you can always click on them to get a much bigger view (twice the size, in fact). And as always, readers are encouraged to link to the cartoons or copy them onto their own websites, Facebook pages, or whatever else as long as they're not altered, and are not being sold. There are little icons at the bottom of each day's commentary to make it easier for you to share.

Readers should also be aware that at the bottom of each cartoon/commentary, there is a little link showing how many comments have been received. Click it, and you can not only read those comments but join in the freewheeling conversations. If you're not reading the comments, you're missing out on a significant amount of Hope n' Change fun!

Speaking of cartoons and fun, I encourage everyone to visit my other cartoon website over at Johnny Optimism. The cartoon - about a seriously but vaguely sick boy and his dog - is very dark, very funny, and (in a very odd way) intended to help all of us cope with life's challenges. Johnny's blog is a politics-free zone; he suffers enough without politicians getting involved.

Finally, on the milestone of 1000 cartoons, I want to thank all of you readers who regularly visit (and those who, just for fun, have become official "followers"). I don't create this cartoon for money - I do it because I have passionate opinions about our country and our future, and humor is the tool I was given to work with. And seeing the readership numbers helps me feel like I'm not wasting my time, or just muttering to myself like someone with brain impairment. The support I've gotten from you means the world to me, and I'm humbly appreciative.

My goal in creating Hope n' Change Cartoons, besides venting, is to help other conservatives laugh (even if it's a painful laugh all too frequently). Because if we're laughing, we're not beaten - and we're making the other guys really nervous. By lightening our political worries, it is my hope that we can remain fresh for the fight and make a real difference - especially in what I've christened this "Happy NO Year" in which we finally tell Obama and his fellow travelers "NO!" to what they want to do to this great nation.

Again, thank you for visiting, please spread the word among your friends about this site, and very best wishes for 2012!
-

Happy NO Year

2011-12-30T00:01:00.005-06:00

Hope n' Change Cartoons would like to be the first to wish everyone a very "Happy NO Year!"

Because 2012 is finally the year when we can go toe-to-toe with the "Yes We Can" crowd and tell them in no uncertain terms "No You Can't!"

No you can't continue to divide Americans and set one group against another. No you can't turn your backs on America's allies and military commitments. No you can't continue to steal trillions of dollars from future generations and enrich yourselves at our expense. No you can't kill individual initiative and turn this into a socialist state. No you can't continue to pretend that patriotism is the same thing as racism.

No you can't re-elect Barack Obama.

2012 is the year that we just might save the United States of America and that's damned exciting. It's going to be a hard and ugly fight - probably the ugliest political battle ever waged in this country. Conservatives will be demonized, lied to, and lied about - and the Left will do everything in its considerable power to demoralize us if we let them.

So we won't let them.

Knowing what we believe in, and the importance of what we're fighting for, we must ignore the angry and distracting buzz which will arise in the media and amongst the naysayers - and be energized by knowing that this is a battle we'll win.

Personally, I'm excited, revved up, and looking forward to a real bare-knuckle brawl as we head into November and I hope you are too.

Because 2012 is our year. Our very Happy NO Year!

I'd really like to slap this sticker on a certain big black campaign bus...

BONUS: Please take a few moments to watch this video that reminds us of the critical importance of this coming election.

Pupu Patter

2011-12-28T00:01:00.001-06:00

There's clearly something magical about Hawaii that makes politicians want to spend large amounts of money (not that they ever need a big push in that direction).

As a case in point, while enjoying his $4 million vacation on Oahu, Barack Obama is expected to make a casual phonecall back to Washington this week (probably from the golf course, where he's spent more time this year than in his previous two years in office) requesting yet another $1.2 trillion in mad money.

After making a big deal of "giving" $40 to hardworking Americans last week, the cost of this latest expenditure will be $4000 to each and every man, woman, and child in the nation. So much for "pizza night" or buying insulin.

And Hawaii's warm salt air has also encouraged Nancy Pelosi (that champion of America's common people) to go on a bit of a spending spree - treating herself to a $10,000 per night suite at a luxurious vacation resort. Of course, she's got the money to do it - thanks to barely legal and highly unethical insider trading schemes which have helped this "public servant" amass a personal fortune estimated to be as high as $196 million while the net worth of average Americans nosedived.

So the question in our minds is does Hawaii create spendthrifts, or just attract them? Either way, it might be good to force politicians to stay in Washington during the long, cold winter.

It might remind them that for America's distressed, depressed, overtaxed, and unemployed that life's a bitch...and not a beach.

Having a great time! Wish you weren't poor!
-

News Hound

2011-12-26T00:01:00.004-06:00

With our nation's economic and foreign policies in crisis, Barack Obama decided it was time to step forward and give Americans tough, honest answers...to the dumbest questions which Barbara Walters could come up with.

In a much-publicized interview "event," Barack and Michelle Obama sat with alleged journalist Walters and fielded questions which sounded like they'd be asked by an unwelcome and insufficiently medicated seat mate on a public bus.

"If you were a superhero," Babs asked while listening to the voices in her head, "What would your superpower be?"

Showing the quick, out-of-the-box thinking that he is famous for, the president said "I'd like to be able to fly." Which, when you think about it, isn't really a superpower which would do anyone else any good, but could get him to the golf course faster.

Babs then consulted her 3x5 cards to see what other questions were of earthshaking importance, and asked Michelle Obama "If you died and could come back as anyone, who would it be?"

With her many years of expensive university training, extensive world travels, and a solid grasp of history, Michelle was quick to come up with the answer: "I would want to be Bo (the Whitehouse dog), because he has got a great life."

How that great life is different in any way from the one the pampered first lady already enjoys is a bit unclear, other than Bo gets to poop in the rose garden without anyone making a big deal about it.

Walters then turned her manic gaze on the president and asked him the same question. Would he choose to return from the grave as a great economist? A brilliant, life-saving surgeon? A spiritual leader?

Nope, he wanted to come back as Bo, too - because "people do love Bo." Ouch.

The interview continued, seemingly endlessly, but nothing of any substance was ever discussed. Still, Americans did come away with clearer insights about why journalism, the economy, foreign policy, and the Whitehouse have all gone to the dogs.
-

Christmas 2011

2011-12-25T00:01:00.001-06:00

Hope n' Change Cartoons wants to give sincere thanks to the brave men and women in uniform who keep us free all year around, and extend the warmest possible wishes to everyone for a wonderful Christmas Day - no matter what your faith or politics.

Let this be a day for all of us to count our blessings, and be grateful for the amazing gifts we enjoy in this wonderful country. -Stilton Jarlsberg
-

Stilton's Little Helpers

2011-12-24T00:01:00.005-06:00

Readers: As Santa could tell you, there are those people who are nice, and those who are naughty. And unfortunately, some of the naughty ones are discovering my new book "The Obama Sutra" and posting angry non-reviews on Amazon.com.

One critic says that the book is "crass and devoid of any detectable humor," and contains "every tired conspiracy" about his beloved Obama (not untrue conspiracies, mind you - just tired).

Another critic takes you, dear reader, to task and condemns the mindset of the people who read Hope n' Change, saying that it is "everything the Tea Party stands for summed up in one racist, ignorant, spite-filled cartoon."

Gosh- didn't they get the president's memo about using words that heal instead of words that wound?

In any event, it would mean a great deal to me if some of you would go to the Amazon website and post star-ratings and reviews of the book (even one sentence) just to help minimize the future damage which can be done by the trolls as they crawl out of the woodwork.

And if you haven't read the book yet (which is crass but definitely not devoid of humor), I've extended the 99¢ ebook price a bit longer to make it easy to buy or give as a gift. It's readable on Amazon's Kindle or any computer or smartphone using Amazon's free Kindle apps.

Whether you post a review or not, let me thank ALL of you for visiting Hope n' Change Cartoons so regularly. That's a gift that I enjoy, and am deeply appreciative of, every day! -Stilton Jarlsberg

Update: THANK YOU to the surprising number of people who took time to post reviews . I sort of feel like Jimmy Stewart at the end of "It's A Wonderful Life," surrounded by friends and well-wishers. You've certainly made my Christmas Eve special!
-

40 Bellyachers and a Mule

2011-12-23T00:01:00.002-06:00

In a powerful updating of the holiday classic "A Christmas Carol," Barack Obama went before the cameras yesterday to claim that the poor, lame little ragamuffin Tiny Tim would soon die if Ebenezer Boehner didn't give the Cratchit family an extra $40 in each paycheck.

Specifically, the president and the House Republicans have been arguing over a two month extension of the "payroll tax cut," which isn't actually a tax cut at all. It's simply a short "financial holiday" during which workers won't be contributing money to their own social security plans... meaning the critically underfunded program will have even less money to work with in the future.

But Obama and his Democrat cronies have successfully positioned this as a tax cut which will magically give working Americans an extra $40 in each and every paycheck...for two whole months.

And to really seal the deal, the president asked Americans to send him sob stories about what they could do with that precious $40. Unsurprisingly, he reports that with all that money, they won't have to "choose between insulin and paying the water bill," or cancel the "family pizza night" which keeps the kids from joining gangs or contracting interesting sexually-transmitted diseases.

$40 will allow a child in Honolulu to have hot lunches at school (presumably the only low income child in America who has had to pay for a school lunch in a generation), or make an unspecified and frankly unimaginable difference to a man with inoperable cancer and (surprise!) no health insurance.

Seriously, even Tiny Tim would be gagging at all this. But as of Hope n' Change's press deadline (before the really serious drinking starts), Boehner has just caved under these maudlin arguments (and a testicular deficit amongst his Republican House members nearly as significant as the fiscal deficit) and will allow yet another flood of red ink to be added to the books.

Frankly, we're appalled at hearing Obama pretend to care about the buying power of $40 when he trivializes the loss of $1 trillion in "stimulus" spending that did nothing. With that amount of money, we could have paid $40 for insulin, "pizza night," utilities, or hot lunches 25 billion times. But instead we've gotten a shrug, a goofy grin, and an admission that there was no such thing as a shovel-ready job after all. Oopsy!

When Barack Obama then hypocritically claims that $40 is a miraculous, life-changing amount of money, we're reminded of an old story...

A group of poor kids in the inner city were bored out of their minds, had nothing to do, nowhere to go, no toys to play with, and almost no money to spend. They pooled their pocket change and came up with $3, and gave it to one boy to go into a drugstore and buy something they could have fun with.

After 5 minutes, he returns with only a box of Kotex.

"What can we do with that?!" the angry kids demand.
"Well, according to the box," the boy answers, "you can go horseback riding, you can go swimming, you can play tennis..."

Three guesses who that boy grew up to be.

- With $40, you could go to the president's web store and buy this pitcher
with his logo on the outside and, appropriately, nothing on the inside.

Actually, it's $50 - but we're pretty sure he'll lower the price if you tell him you
also need to pay your utility bills, buy insulin, and get new tips for your crutches.
-
-

Shop Till We Drop

2011-12-21T00:01:00.005-06:00

As always, you can click the cartoon for larger size

It's that time of year when many Americans are wrapping up their desperate Christmas bargain-hunting, wondering if they'll be able to cover the bills when they arrive, and putting a little extra rum in the egg nog to help cope with their worries about making ends meet in 2012.

Except in Washington DC, of course, where our legislators are still spending like drunken sailors who even other drunken sailors would describe as being really stupendously bad with money.

Which is what makes "Wastebook" such painfully amusing reading. "Wastebook" is Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn's annual breakdown of absolutely ludicrous government expenditures, and this year he quickly found $6.5 billion in screwy spending that Barack Obama, Congress, and the superdupercommittee chose to ignore.

In his report, you'll find all the examples cited in the cartoon (except "D") and many more. Did you know you're funding the "Oregon Cheese Trail" and paying to create Horse-Drawn Carriage Exhibits? And to encourage broadband Internet use in "under-served communities," the government is paying to create specially targeted online soap operas so minorities will watch their computers instead of their TVs. Are you kept awake nights wondering if cocaine will cause Japanese quail to engage in high-risk sex? Good news! The government is funding a study on that very topic!

iPads for kindergartners? Why not! A "First Lady's Organic Garden" game to fight obesity? What a terrific idea! Studies of smoking amongst University students... in Jordan... who only smoke hookahs? Money well spent! $300,000 to fund interpretive dancing "to facilitate dialogue on the physics and origin of the universe?" A bargain at twice the price!

While the report (which you can download as a PDF right here) initially makes for some pretty funny reading, the joke wears pretty thin as Coburn documents page after page after page of idiotic expenditures which make a mockery of politician's claims to be careful (or even mentally competent) stewards of our money.

As much as we like to sum up the day's commentary with an original punchline here at Hope n' Change, there's no way we could beat the one that Senator Coburn came up with. Citing the fact that Congress (quite justifiably) has an approval rating of only 9%, he says "perhaps there was no bigger waste of the taxpayer's money in 2011 than Congress itself."

Now that's on the money.

-
This $300,000 dance didn't really explain "the origin of the universe,"
but it gave us a MUCH clearer understanding of fiscal black holes.
-

Between Iraq And a Hard Place

2011-12-19T00:01:00.002-06:00

The Iraq War is over. The last convoy of American troops has crossed the borders into Kuwait. And Barack Obama has already turned it into a campaign ad - a video called "A Promise Kept" which is not about the promise of freedom nor America's promise to the people of Iraq, but about Barack Obama keeping his campaign promise to pull the troops out, no matter what his generals said.

It is perhaps the most sneering and self-serving way for the president to end an American war imaginable. A war which Barack Obama called the "dumb war," the "rash war," and "the war of choice, not necessity."

You'd think that a war described as pointless by America's commander-in-chief would therefore be easy to wrap up. But the ever self-aggrandizing Obama chose to take to his presidential podium and declare that "It is harder to end a war than to begin one," neatly praising his own magnificence while taking yet another potshot at President Bush.

But does Obama's troop withdrawal really amount to "Mission Accomplished" if the mission is anything other than his re-election? Senator John McCain certainly doesn't think so, saying "It is clear that this decision was dictated by politics, and not our national security interests. I believe history will judge this president’s leadership with the scorn and disdain it deserves.”

History, however, will never doubt the integrity, honor, and sacrifices made by America's troops and their families over the course of this nine-year war. Over 1.5 million fought... more than 32,000 were wounded... and over 4,500 killed. There are no words sufficient to express our gratitude, nor our sorrow for their losses.

Whether those losses were in vain will be determined in the very near future as we find out whether Barack Obama's "Promise Kept" was to the Iraqi people, our nation's military, or only to Democratic voters who have been losing enthusiasm for their ineffectual president.

In the meanwhile, perhaps Mr. Obama's re-election team would like to raid their 2008 video vaults to make more "Promise Kept" commercials - showing how well the president has fulfilled his campaign promises to lower unemployment, balance the budget, end earmarks, bring peace to the Middle East, close Guantanamo, end partisanship in Washington, create a post-racial society, have the most transparent administration in history, and cause our planet's rising oceans to recede.

All of which were dumb promises. Rash promises. Promises of choice...and not reality.

Pooring Their Hearts Out

2011-12-16T00:01:00.007-06:00

It's not easy for an agency as boring as the Census Bureau to make news...unless they happen to say exactly what the Obama Administration and mainstream media would like them to. And so it is that we're now seeing news stories screaming "HALF OF ALL AMERICANS ARE POOR" at the same time those damn millionaire-loving Republicans are refusing to raise taxes on the rich.

But if you read past the headlines and into the fine print and weasel-wording (which too many people won't do), the narrative that half of America is eating Purina Dog Chow and living in cardboard boxes quickly unravels.

To begin with, statistics released as recently as September put the number of poor-ish people in the United States at 1-in-3. But even that highly-questionable number lacked the journalistic panache which the Left needed for their narrative... so the Census Bureau conveniently came up with a new way of measuring poverty which would include a lot more people than ever before, even though their economic status hadn't changed.

In order to cook the books, the Census Bureau added new indices to their poverty measurement methodology. They now include the cost of medical coverage (which has gone up under Obamacare) and the cost of transportation (which has gone up under Obama's "War on Fuel") and other living expenses (which have gone up under Obama's "War on Employment").

Additionally, the news articles are lumping together as "poor" both those who meet the rather generous government definition of poverty ($26,675 for a family of five)...and those people with "low incomes" which are twice the poverty level ($53,350 for that same wretched family).

But assets aren't included in the measurements, so people are still considered poor even if they're living in paid-for homes, driving nice cars, and have plenty of money in the bank.

Are many people really hurting now? Of course they are - and Obama and the Democrats are eagerly making everything worse to increase dependency on government programs.

But that's not the story that Americans are supposed to be hearing right now. We're supposed to believe that half of our country is starving owing to the oppression of the "Evil Rich" and that only Barack Obama, the self-proclaimed "warrior for the middle class," has the power to swing his vorpal sword and put things right.

A story so ridiculous that it proves the mainstream media has completely taken leave of its census.

Another surprising finding: bankers love the sound of orphans crying.
-

Yes We MexiCan!

2011-12-14T00:01:00.002-06:00

In these tough economic times, it's been very, very, very difficult for the Obama Administration and the Democrats to find any government expenditures which can be cut. But fortunately, the president has finally found something we had way too much of: border security!

Which is why the number of National Guard troops stationed at our southern border is going to be cut by at least half next year...with the proposed number of Guardsmen patrolling the California border reduced from 264 to just 14.

The troops, originally assigned to supplement the Border Guards who were busy dodging bullets from "Fast & Furious," are said not to be needed anymore because...because...

Hang on. We've got to take a deep, cleansing breath before writing this next part which is truly staggering in its monumental stupidity.

Okay. The Department of Homeland Security says that the troops aren't needed because our southern border is now more secure than ever. And how do they know that? Not because there are fewer people crossing the border and entering our country (which they have no way of measuring). But because Homeland Security, with its diminishing resources, is catching fewer people. Which must mean security is better! Right? Right...?!

By this same logic, if we pull out all the National Guard troops and Border Guards, we won't catch anyone sneaking in...which will mean (in Washington, anyway) that we've achieved 100% effective border security which doesn't cost the taxpayers a dime!

Of course, all of this only makes sense to someone who has way too much access to tequila. Which makes it painfully clear that this is really another thinly-veiled way for Barack Obama to throw open our borders (and increase the number of people demanding services paid for by the evil rich) during a hotly-contested election year.

Come to think of it, maybe a shot of tequila isn't such a bad idea.

As an additional security measure, the Obama Administration
is bracing the Mexican-American border fence with sturdy escalators.
-

Myth Understanding

2011-12-13T00:01:00.000-06:00

Breaking with the Whitehouse on a longstanding tenet of the Obama Administration, Harry Reid has declared that there are no unicorns.

And if that was all he said, we really wouldn't have a problem with it. But his actual quote was that millionaire job creators are "fictitious," and "like unicorns, they're impossible to find and don't exist."

Sort of like shovel-ready jobs, Harry?

But is it true that there are no millionaires anywhere who own businesses and hire employees? And which government study came up with this nugget of information on which Reid is basing policy? The answer is that neither Harry, Nancy, Barack, or any other Democrat has actually looked for a millionaire job creator (or job creation of any other kind), but that Harry heard a story on taxpayer-supported NPR that their team of crack journalists went looking for one and, amazingly, failed.

And so, despite Barack Obama's bitter salt tears, the myth of the unicorn has been put to rest, as has the myth of private job creation. Which allows the Democrats to share the financial facts of life and tell the American people where jobs really come from...

They're left by pixies under a trillion-dollar lettuce leaf.

Now It's Getting In Tents

2011-12-12T00:01:00.005-06:00

Not too long ago, our nation's top Democrats were praising Occupy Wall Street as if they'd hung the moon instead of just threatening to hang the Evil Rich.

“God bless them for their spontaneity,” Nancy Pelosi exclaimed, “It’s independent people coming together, it’s young, it’s spontaneous, it’s focused and it’s going to be effective!”

Not willing to be outdone, Barack Obama declared that the protesters "express the frustrations the American people feel" and told members of OWS "you are the reason I ran for office."

All of which makes it sound like these upstanding, spontaneous, America-representing young patriots should get front row seats at the Democratic national convention in Charlotte next year. But noooOOoooo.

The Democrats have now realized that there are "bad optics" from having Barack Obama's anti-capitalist message shouted out by scraggly, mask-wearing, drug-dealing, child molesting, lice-infested anarchists instead of having it delivered on a massive stage with greek columns and patriotic bunting by a "clean and articulate" president with a sharp crease in his trousers.

Which is why Charlotte has proposed an ordinance declaring that occupying tents in their downtown area would be an illegal "public nuisance." Just to put the icing on the cake, they're also banning "noxious substances," which should pretty much eliminate even those protesters who don't own a puptent.

Considering the love that the Democrats claimed to have for OWS until now, you'd think they'd be making a loud outcry to make sure that this "voice of the people" can be heard loud and clear as we think about who'll be running the country for the next four years.

Or just maybe, now that the American people have seen the filthy, angry, and idiotic results of what "community organizers" actually do, the Democrats would rather not offer up any reminders that this is Barack Obama's past...and our potential future.
-

Obama needs a second term, because so far America is only half-Fawked.
-

The Obama Sutra - 99¢ Till Monday!

2011-12-10T12:35:00.006-06:00

Readers: Just a gentle reminder that the 99¢ introductory price for the eVersion of "The Obama Sutra - An Illustrated Guide to 57 States of Ecstasy" will be going up on Monday.

The eBook is readable on any Kindle or on any computer or smartphone which uses the free Kindle reader app from Amazon. If you've been thinking about picking the book up for 99¢ (or gifting it to your favorite liberals) this is the weekend to do it! And of course, the print version is still an excellent choice for a "secret Santa" gift guaranteed to create chaos at any office party.

Initial sales have been terrific and I want to thank all of you. Next week, I'll be starting the hard work of promoting the book in other venues (don't worry - there won't be any interruption of cartoons and commentary here at Hope n' Change). Your Facebook posts and tweets spreading the word continue to be much appreciated, and I'd be additionally grateful for more reviews on the Amazon page!
-

Postal Disservice

2011-12-09T00:01:00.001-06:00

Obama's Department of Defense (which, apparently, is interested primarily in defending Obama) has now officially declared that the Fort Hood Massacre in which Major Nidal Hassan killed 13 soldiers and wounded 30 more while screaming "Allahu Akbar!" was an incident of "workplace violence" unrelated to terrorism or radical Islam.

Despite the fact that Hassan had been talking openly about his belief that the "infidels" around him should have their heads cut off and boiling oil poured down their throats (as outlined in the Koran), the poor bastard just went postal one day for no reason at all.

Which makes it a bit confusing about why Barack Obama gave the go-ahead to send a hellfire missile up the ass of Hassan's computer pen-pal, American born cleric Anwar al-Awlaki. The justification given at the time was that al-Awlaki "repeatedly called on individuals in the United States and around the globe to kill innocent men, women and children to advance a murderous agenda."

But if he didn't do that when swapping tweets with Nidal Hassan, who did he influence? Or, if his correspondence did cause others to commit acts of terror, how exactly can those acts be differentiated from the Allah-shouting, soldier-murdering "workplace violence" committed by Hassan?

Words mean something - a point which was made quite clearly to al-Awlaki, but which still seems to elude many in Washington who refuse to say things like "terror" or "radical Islam" no matter how high the cost in national security or lives.

And while we're on the subject, honor means something too. And by dismissing the Fort Hood Massacre as nothing more than a bad day at the office, the Obama Administration dishonors not only the dead and fallen of Fort Hood...but every American in uniform who has fought or died in the ongoing, and very real, War on Terror.

Washington would have you believe that this was caused by OSHA violations.
-

Marx Brother

2011-12-08T00:01:00.006-06:00

We now have an answer to the (previously) hypothetical question of what would happen if a sitting US president suddenly declared himself to be an anti-American, anti-capitalist, hate mongering Marxist of the first order. Because that's exactly what Barack Obama did on Tuesday...and there's been absolutely no fallout from it from the institutions which we previously, and erroneously, called "the free press."

The speech, given in Osawatamie (the Cherokee word for "diarrhea") Kansas was filled with jaw-dropping rhetoric in which Barack Obama blamed all of America's economic woes on the evil rich, and did everything short of calling for them to be hung from trees.

Rugged American individualism and a healthy skepticism of too much government? According to Barack Obama, "it doesn't work, and it's never worked." The Internet? It's destroying jobs (despite all of the studies showing that it actually is the single largest job creator) because it's putting "bank tellers and travel agents" out of work when people take care of those functions online.

America's unemployment? It's all due to greedy employers who won't hire American laborers just because they come out of our richly-funded education system not knowing anything...and the answer, according to Obama, is to give more money to teachers' unions to keep doing whatever the hell it is they're doing instead of educating our kids.

The best way to combat jobs moving overseas? More unions! Because what could be more appealing to a potential employer than his overpaid workers striking for longer breaks?

Obama then went on to say that all of these problems and many more are the fault of the top 1% of earners, innovators, and creators in this country...because the bastards are only paying taxes at a rate of 1%, instead of their "fair share." When pressed for any data whatsoever to support this ludicrous claim, the Whitehouse admitted "there isn't any" (but they say they think they might have heard someone on TV say it once). In other words, Barack Hussein Obama was lying through his teeth for the sole purpose of fomenting hatred and turning American against American.

In truth, the much-reviled top 1% of earners pay 40% of all taxes in this country... and an average of around $50 million each. So we just might want to think twice before following the president's suggestions to surround and set fire to their mansions.

Barack Obama's speech was straight out of the Marxist, Leninist playbook because after the abject failure of "Hope and Change," he's decided to run on a platform of "Hate and Chains" - and so far, the mainstream media hasn't blinked or said a word about it. In fact, they're supporting it.

Which is why the coming election will be so important, and why it's so critical to turn off the mainstream media's alleged "analysis" of the president's words, and look at them yourself.

I'd love to come up with a funny, pithy punchline to all of this...but there isn't one. The bottom line is that Barack Obama hates America, hates capitalism, hates individualism, and - if you're reading this blog - hates you.

Which is why, despite the horrors inflicted on our military 70 years ago, the greatest threat to our country to ever come out of Hawaii isn't the attack on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese, but the attack on America by alleged-Hawaiian Barack Hussein Obama.
===

Update: here's a link so you can actually watch this speech...if you can stand it.
-
Upda

Depends Department

2011-12-07T00:01:00.008-06:00

Poor Herman Cain. When three women accused him of wrongdoing, the mainstream media immediately pronounced his candidacy dead and buried (which it was, by their intent) without doing further digging to see if the accusations could be substantiated.

But why should they be? After all, women never lie about sex!

Except for that sleazy chick who recently claimed to be carrying Justin Bieber's baby. And the prostitute who claimed she was raped by the Duke lacrosse team. And Al Sharpton's beloved Tawana Brawley who lied about being raped by white police officers. And of course, Juanita Broaddrick must have been lying about being raped by Bill Clinton, as were the other people who backed up her story.

But except in those isolated cases, women are incapable of lying about being violated...which is why Herman Cain became the victim of a media lynching.

With that in mind, it struck Hope n' Change as awfully odd that three elderly women have recently charged that they felt violated, degraded, and almost raped by TSA inspectors at JFK airport and Janet Napolitano has essentially said: "they're all lying."

Considering the presumed truthfulness of women, Napolitano's statement seems pretty harsh - but then again the TSA is already accusing these senior citizens of looking like dangerous, radical "suicide grannies" which is a heckuva lot worse than being called a liar.

In these scary times, we're told to look the other way when it comes to unpleasant security issues - whether it's conducting strip searches on children or having TSA agents wave through those angry young Middle Eastern men most statistically likely to be terrorists to avoid accusations of profiling. And we're additionally told that all this is necessary, no matter how "violating" the experience is, because we just can't allow women (even old ones) to bring down an aircraft.

Too bad our media still makes it so easy for them to bring down a conservative presidential candidate.

If this woman claimed she was fondled by Herman Cain
instead of a TSA inspector, she'd have her own talk show
on MSNBC by now.
-
-

The Obama Sutra - 99¢ for H n' C Readers!

2011-12-05T00:01:00.004-06:00

Many people may be wondering how, with all of the terrible things going on in our country just now, Barack Obama has just found time to take yet another 17 day vacation to Hawaii?

The answer is simple: he found time by getting all of his Christmas shopping done at once by purchasing copies of "The Obama Sutra - An Illustrated Guide to 57 States of Ecstasy" to share with friends, world leaders, and unindicted co-conspirators!

The book, painstakingly authored and illustrated by your own Stilton Jarlsberg, is pretty much exactly what you'd expect it to be from the title: a tongue-in-cheek parody of the 2000-year old "Kama Sutra" sex manual, featuring 57 "passion positions" inspired by the words and deeds of Barack Obama.

Want to see the backbreaking gymnastics necessary to do the "Fast and Furious?" How about "Leading from Behind," "18 Holes," "The Fierce Urgency of Now," "Stimulus Package," and many, many more!

But before anyone gets the vapors, I'll confess that this is almost as tame as an alleged "sex manual" can get. The interior illustrations are black & white (as is the president, of course) and use silhouettes with no more genitalia than Barbie and Ken have...which in this case, may be anatomically correct for all I know. There's no four-letter language, and the content is in the shifty middle ground between PG-13 and a very light R-rating.

But it's funny content...and along with the 57 full-page illustrations, you also get a lengthy glossary of the 57 news stories which inspired the cartoons (and for that matter, this blog).

The Obama Sutra is available right now at Amazon.com in either paperback or Kindle eBook format (don't have a Kindle? You can still read the eVersion on any computer and most smartphones using the free Kindle apps from Amazon).

The paperback, which is not only a thing of beauty but also one of greatest "secret Santa" gifts ever, is $6.99. But the eBook version, which will be $2.99, is just 99¢ for the next day or two to say a sincere "thank you" to the readers of Hope n' Change - and because I'd like to catch Amazon's attention with a quick burst of sales.

It will also be a huge help if the Hope n' Change family (that's you!) shares the word through Facebook, twitter, and other social media...and posts reviews on Amazon (glowing reviews preferred, but anything honest is greatly appreciated).

I won't be able to keep the 99¢ sale going very long, so grab it soon to help make "The Obama Sutra" a bestseller by Christmas...and give Barack Obama something to sulk about for 17 days in Hawaii!

This is why I'm going to be audited for the rest of my life.
-

FIRST DAY SALES UPDATE: Thanks to all of you, the Kindle edition of "Obama Sutra" reached an amazing #2 in Amazon's political humor category...with uber-liberal Bill Maher pushed down to #3. Please continue to spread the word, if only to continue to annoy Bill Maher as long as possible! -Stilton
-

Meat Depress

2011-12-02T00:01:00.003-06:00

Despite candidate Barack Obama's promise that we'd all be eating pie by now (with someone else picking up the bill for it), it turns out that the real menu in these days of disastrous unemployment is quite a bit less appealing.

As a case in point, the president just signed a bill which clears the way for horses to be slaughtered for meat and be federally inspected before heading to American's tables as a mane course.

Although many people are appalled at the notion, horse meat is commonly eaten in a number of other countries. For instance, the French delight in serving entire horses with vats of melted garlic butter. Of course, this is due in no small part to the fact that the French are only courageous enough to hunt docile domestic animals who come when their names are called or can be lured with sugar cubes.

The government is trying to put the best face on their decision to facilitate the production and distribution of horseburger, calling it a good "management tool" for horse owners who can no longer afford to feed their equine friends. They don't, however, say much about why horse owners have run out of funds, why cash-strapped but hungry consumers might soon be arguing over "who gets the hoof," or what the government will ever do about our declining economy other than having Michelle Obama visit "The View" to share recipes that use Clydesdales and yams. Lots of yams.

But for the time being, whether you own horses you can't afford or not, it might be a good idea not to complain too loudly about being saddled with Washington's ongoing fiscal irresponsibility.

After all, look what they're doing to other creatures who were saddled...

For kids hoping to get a pony this Christmas, it's a "good news, bad news" deal.
-

Low Man on the Poll

2011-11-30T00:01:00.002-06:00

Proving once again that he can make history simply by being "present," Barack Obama has now achieved the lowest job approval rating of any President at this stage in his administration.

Achieving only a 43% approval rate, Mr. Obama's numbers are a full 8 percentage points beneath those of Jimmy Carter, a president so awful that even complimentary peanuts have nothing nice to say about him. (Okay, that's an awful joke about the peanut-farming president but astoundingly, even that punchline has more than a 43% approval rate).

Mr. Carter, gleefully adding insult to injury, has suggested that part of Mr. Obama's problem is that he doesn't really participate in leading the country... and rather than formulating legislation, he simply "lets Congress evolve multiple bills and then negotiate to get a final decision or even no decision."

Granted, the idea of getting Mr. Obama more involved in legislation is the same sort of godawful miscalculation that previously made Carter's tenure a political punchline - but he still makes a point.

And gets the last laugh.

Now available at the
Carter Presidential Library Gift Shop.
-

Above The Calls of Duty

2011-11-28T00:01:00.003-06:00

When Hillary Clinton was running for the Democratic Presidential nomination in 2008, she ran a television ad saying that when the world was in crisis and "the phone rang at 3 in the morning," she'd be ready to take the call. She already knew the world leaders and America's military capabilities. She made a good argument...but not as good (in the minds of liberals) as whatever the hell "we are the ones we've been waiting for" means.

And that scary phone which rings in the middle of the night? It's going unanswered by Barack Obama.

At least, that's how it looks to Hope n' Change as we've examined the grim news headlines this weekend. The economic crisis in Europe appears to be coming to a head, Iran has announced that they've got 150,000 missiles pointing at Israel, and Pakistan has angrily closed a U.S. airbase used for drones as well as cutting off our military supply lines to Afghanistan.

But try as we might, we couldn't find any news stories talking about what the president was doing to respond to any of these crises...at 3 in the morning, or any other time of day.

Instead, weekend news reports said that Mr. Obama went golfing for the umpteenth time, played some hoops, attended a basketball game, and took his daughters shopping at a bookstore to show his support of "Small Business Saturday" (although we think it's likely that small businesses would feel more supported if the president would stop threatening to raise their taxes).

All of which makes us wonder why, in an administration that has sworn enmity towards bankers, the president insists on keeping banker's hours and taking weekends off?

Of course, it could be a lot worse.

He might actually answer that ringing phone and try to do something.
-

Sleep well, America - your president is on the job.
-

Bed Sore

2011-11-25T00:01:00.003-06:00

Now that Thanksgiving is over, it's time to get down to the serious matter of cleaning up all the leftovers.

By which we don't mean turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie.

Rather, we're talking about all of the political "leftovers" from earlier in the year... and the year before that...and the year before that. Like the failure to control government spending, the failure to establish any realistic energy policies, the failure to make America's strength known to either her allies or enemies, and the abject failure to seriously address our nation's unemployment crisis.

The thing about leftovers is that they get less and less appealing the older they get... and the leftovers cited above are absolutely ancient.

Although Washington traditionally does even less than usual (as hard as that is to imagine) between Thanksgiving and the new year, we'd be delighted if the politicians actually decided to celebrate the fact that they're employed by doing their jobs for a change.

Because after awhile, leftovers really start to stink. Which is why when next November rolls around, we'll definitely be throwing some things out.
-

Axe Not What Your Country Can Do For You

2011-11-23T00:01:00.001-06:00

Thanksgiving Day is almost upon us. A very special, uniquely American day in which millions of people will join together to give thanks for the fact that election day is finally less than a year away.

Also among the thankful is the Whitehouse turkey (no, no - the one with feathers) who actually did receive an official pardon from Mr. Obama, and has now been offered a job in the liquor industry...just like the president's Uncle Omar, who presumably has not been invited to the Whitehouse feast and will probably have to split a frozen TV dinner with Aunt Zeituni.

In the president's official Thanksgiving proclamation, he reminds us that the original feast "honored the Wampanoag for generously extending their knowledge of local game and agriculture to the Pilgrims," a fact which is more sleep-inducing than the amount of tryptophan contained in an entire Butterball. He then goes on to say that this is an occasion to "renew our gratitude to all American Indians and Alaska Natives."

We're not sure what the Alaskan Natives had to do with Thanksgiving, considering that they've only been Americans two years longer than Barack Obama...but perhaps they're responsible for those frozen TV dinners we mentioned before.

In any event, the president also goes on to perfunctorily offer thanks to "our men and women in uniform...each other and to God" (in that order).

But apparently wishing to save expensive proclamation-grade ink, the president gives no thanks whatsoever to the 1% of taxpayers who pay 36% of the government's bills...thereby putting food on the table every day for the 45 million people who find themselves on foodstamps in the Obamaconomy.

Still, and in all sincerity, we have much to be grateful for in this wonderful country...and it can only do us all good to put politics aside on Thursday and take time to think about our blessings and to humbly give thanks.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours from Hope n' Change Cartoons.

And be sure to save room for the delicious "Lockbox Pumpkin Pie" you've been promised!
-

Craptonite

2011-11-21T00:01:00.001-06:00

With the hours ticking down to a precious few, it's becoming increasingly likely that the SuperDuperCommittee to which Barack Obama passed his fiscal leadership responsibilities is about to present us all with a special Thanksgiving sentiment: "Get stuffed!"

Because almost no one is predicting that the members of the supercommittee are about to strike a deal (and even if they did, the amount they're debating is only about 10% of what any truly serious reform would require).

Of course, this isn't exactly wildly surprising. When they had a supermajority, the Democrats didn't even bother to create or offer budgets. Obama created one which was so repugnant and unrealistic (actually raising spending in virtually every area) that it wasn't supported by even a single Democrat's vote.

In this absence of leadership, Barack Obama created a "Debt Reduction Commission" which was supposed to get everything figured out. But they didn't, and such good suggestions as they had (and there were quite a few) were quickly buried out of sight by Obama in much the same way that a cat scrapes kitty litter over anything it finds offensive.

Then (and by "then," we mean when the Tea Party came to Washington in 2010) came talk of a possible Balanced Budget Amendment - which Obama promptly shot down, saying that it was ridiculous to think that we'd need to amend the Constitution just to get legislators "to do their jobs."

Which is why it was puzzling that the president subsequently gave those very jobs to his new "Supercommittee" which would find $1.2 trillion in cuts...or else a "trigger" would go off, automatically cutting the money from budgets - with half the hit coming out of our nation's military financing. An outcome which seems almost unavoidable at this point...and one which will come as great news to those who would like to see America's military might diminished (including the commander in chief).

Meanwhile, businesses and employment are in the dumper, despairing over the fact that they'll seemingly never have a secure idea of the financial future to base their planning on - and such uncertainty is unacceptable.

But at Hope n' Change, we think they're missing the bigger picture. After all, since the day of Obama's election there hasn't been one single sincere effort to cut spending, encourage business, or balance the budget. So there's really no "uncertainty" at all; businessmen can confidently assume that everything will get worse for the foreseeable future, and make their hiring plans accordingly!

What's that? Oh yes - they already are.

One is a mythic being from another planet who has powers far greater than other men,
has a closely guarded secret identity, and fights enemies in comic book fashion.

The other one is Superman.
-
-

Inaction In Action

2011-11-18T00:01:00.003-06:00

As always, you can click on the cartoon for a larger, easier-to-read size

On Wednesday, the mainstream media was filled with stories about the "tens of thousands" of Occupy Wall Street protesters who were expected to clog the streets of New York, shut down the stock market, and basically give the Evil Rich the big spanking they so richly deserve.

And it's a good thing those stories were written, published, and telecast on Wednesday...because if the media had actually waited for the "Day of Action" to occur on Thursday, they would have had to report that it was a miserable, poorly attended, disorganized failure... just like everything else the Occupy idiots have attempted to date.

But as much as we'd like to criticize the half-witted protesters, we think the punishments they've self-administered pretty much fit their crimes: where they were once simply spoiled, bongo-whacking kids who didn't want to pay back their student loans, they are now spoiled, bongo-whacking kids who are infected with scabies, lice, tuberculosis, rickets, and STDs which don't even have names yet.

No, our real derision is reserved for the mainstream media who are the real "99%" behind this protest "movement" that was never a movement at all. The media which has whipped up false numbers, false stories, and false sympathies to promote their own political agenda (and that of pro-Occupy cheerleaders like Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi) while failing to report on the mongrel horde's taste for rape, murder, drug use, public masturbation, destruction of property, and rampant anti-Semitism.

Simply put, the many reports predicting "tens of thousands" of protesters were never about covering an event...but hoping to create one. And that's a frightening thought.

Hopefully, now that many municipalities have undergone de-lousing and closed their various Obamavilles, the whole "Occupy" myth will evaporate for lack of camera-friendly images to serve as backdrops for the talking heads.

But it would be foolish for us to either forget or forgive those who have been promoting blatant anarchy and anti-Americanism. And more foolish still to think they won't try to up the ante dangerously before next election day.
-

Fawkes News: They Report, We Deride.
-

Pipe Dream

2011-11-16T00:01:00.003-06:00

Only a few short weeks ago, a wee-wee'd up Barack Obama called a joint session of congress, told them that he had a plan for creating jobs, and demanded loudly (and repeatedly) that they "pass it now!"

Which is why it's more than a little jaw-dropping that this same president has taken a look at a plan to create thousands of new high-paying jobs which wouldn't cost taxpayers a penny...and decided to "pass on it now."

The Keystone XL project would build a pipeline to bring oil to the United States from lovable, maple-syrup distilling, beaver-pelt wearing Canada instead of sending our oil money to the "Death to America" lunatics in the Middle East... thereby giving us more of that "energy independence" that Mr. Obama usually can't shut up about, while creating jobs out the wazoo.

But despite the president's usual dedication to "the fierce urgency of now," he's decided to postpone a decision on the pipeline until after the next election...for fear of losing the votes of environmentalists who are terrified of long pipes for reasons only their Freudian psychoanalysts can understand.

And he's softened the blow by implying that Americans really wouldn't be up to the job of building the pipeline anyway...recently referring to us as soft, lazy, and lacking in the will and imagination to tackle "big jobs."

Unfortunately, Canada can't afford to wait to sell their oil...and so they're preparing to sell it to China instead. Which will be disastrous for the environment that Mr. Obama claims to be so concerned about...and probably disastrous for the United States since China is devoting a lot of their energy use these days to building up their military.

But the job of the president is to make tough decisions, and Obama has decided that his re-election is far more important than jobs, energy, or national security.

And unsurprisingly, he didn't find it a tough decision at all.

While controversial, the president's decision is not altogether unpopular.
-

Fuzzy Memory

2011-11-14T00:01:00.001-06:00

Much has been made of Governor Rick Perry's "senior moment" during the most recent GOP debate...but it seems to Hope n' Change that Barack Obama has shown much bigger and more frequent manifestations of a bad memory.

Besides forgetting that the Muslim call to prayer was "one of the sweetest sounds on Earth" while running for president, Mr. Obama also forgot the contents of every sermon that Jeremiah Wright ever gave, forgot that Tony Rezko had contributed generously (and suspiciously) to the purchase of Mr. Obama's home, and even forgot that terrorist Bill Ayers was a longtime friend and political sponsor.

And since taking office, Mr. Obama's memory seems to have only gotten worse. For instance, he's apparently forgotten to close Guantanamo Bay, forgotten that he would never sign any bill which contained earmarks, forgotten that his door would never be open to lobbyists, and forgotten that our nation likes Israel and dislikes the idea of a nuclear-armed Iran.

Even more frightening, the president's memory problems actually seem to be infectious...and the more he speaks, the less people seem to remember about what was said in the past! For instance, no one seems to remember that the president said of Obamacare "if you like your current healthcare plan, you can keep it. Period. Case closed." Otherwise, some journalist would surely ask the president why 4.5 million previously insured people have lost their employer healthcare because of Obamacare's provisions.

Similarly, there seems to be a curious memory lapse associated with the fact that the president swore that Obamacare would bend the curve of insurance costs downwards...while the exact opposite is taking place. Here at Hope n' Change, our premiums just skyrocketed 12% while reducing the coverage given. Thanks, Barack, Harry, and Nancy!

For now, we don't think that Rick Perry's memory problems are particularly serious when compared to those examples cited above...and many, many more.

And the good news is that America's problem with Barack Obama's growing forgetfulness can be easily remedied.

All we need to do is remember to vote.
=

Taking To The Streets

2011-11-11T00:01:00.002-06:00

Today is Veteran's Day and interestingly the date is 11-11-11. A date composed entirely of "ones." Which seems particularly appropriate since it's only about 1% of our population who serve in the military, guaranteeing the freedoms of the 99% who exist comfortably, noisily, and too-often ungratefully on the sidelines.

We stand in the debt of these rare heroes - not just today, but every day. And we should thank them every chance we get...because they gave us every chance, and every choice, we get.

Currently, we see our city streets and city parks littered with inarticulate and over-privileged people who know nothing of the hardships of war, yet demand domestic war and class warfare - notions which are actually being fomented and encouraged by Barack Hussein Obama and the Left.

Moreover, disingenuous politicians have passed their budget-balancing responsibilities to a "supercommittee" which seems increasingly likely to do nothing...forcing a half-trillion dollars in cuts to the military's budget and unavoidable reductions in benefits to veterans and their families. Once again, they're the first to be put in harm's way.

Hopefully, things will be changing for the better after the next election. But for today, let's put all politics aside and take time to honor those who have lived and died in service of our nation.

Make time to say "thank you" to the 1%.

Please follow this link to a moving collection of Veteran's Day images.

Hope n' Change Cartoons encourages donations to Operation Gratitude.
-

Double Header

2011-11-09T00:01:00.002-06:00

Bonus Cartoon!

Readers- I couldn't decide between the two cartoons shown above and decided to go with both of them today because neither really requires too much in the way of editorializing.

Iran, with tremendous support from a do-nothing American president, is on the cusp of completing nuclear weapons...and quite possibly triggering a Mideast war of survival for Israel. And part of the entirely justifiable reason that Israel is feeling so desperate is that Barack Obama is now making no secret of his lack of support for our (former) ally.

All of this is huge...but the news media continues to crank out stories about Herman Cain's accusers, the unspeakable disparities in American wealth, and other blah blah blah topics.

Which leads us rather neatly into the second cartoon. The same media which is pretending to recoil in horror at the idea that Herman Cain might have made an unwanted sexual overture (and immediately took "no" for an answer, even by his accuser's shaky account) idolizes Bill Clinton as a horndog and love machine... and makes no apologies for completely ignoring the story of his accused brutal rape of Juanita Broaddrick in 1978, which was far better documented (with contemporaneous witnesses) than anything currently being said about Herman Cain.

Put these stories together and you have a perfect (and sad) microcosm of the hypocrisy and trivialization of today's "news media."

Which contributes so much, and so directly, to the hypocrisy and trivialization found in our formerly great republic.
-

Klaatu Baracka Nikto

2011-11-07T00:01:00.003-06:00

The Obama administration recently set up a petition site at Whitehouse.gov, so that ordinary citizens could demand answers from the government about today's most important issues...if their petition gets 25,000 signatures in 30 days.

And proving to be as good as their word, the Whitehouse has now responded to a petition which was not about out-of-control spending, the politics of division, our collapsing foreign policy, the destruction of our healthcare system, or the evaporation of the jobs market...but rather, a petition that called on the government to formally acknowledge that aliens have visited Earth and the feds have been withholding the evidence.

Unsurprisingly, the Whitehouse response boils down to "Ha, ha! There are no aliens, no extra-terrestrial intelligences, and there is no evidence of a cover-up!"

Amusingly, this assertion comes approximately one week after Obama's Justice Department proposed a new rule which would allow the government to deny the existence of sensitive documents and lie when making official on-the-record statements. Comfortingly, they have now decided not to implement the policy after all...and to prove it, they issued an official on-the-record statement.

But is there an intergalatic cover-up going on under this administration? It would certainly help explain why the president cancelled NASA's exploration of space. And why his party so vehemently defends the rights of aliens. And why those "in the know" continue to spend money as if they knew that something was going to happen to mankind before the bills come due. Gulp...

In any event, it's good to see that the government is actually responding to those people who are energized enough to create and promote an online petition.

Which is why Hope n' Change is planning to start one asking Barack Obama to get serious about our economy "after you've finished exploring Uranus."

If these people aren't aliens, why does the first lady have green hands?
-

Take This Job And Cubit

2011-11-04T00:01:00.006-05:00

Although Barack Obama has aligned himself with those who are against profit, he seemingly has no problem declaring himself to be a prophet. Or so it seemed when he recently lashed out at congressional Republicans (and, oh yeah, virtually all of the Democrats) for voting to reaffirm "In God We Trust" on our nation's currency.

"In God We Trust is not putting people back to work," quoth the Prophet Obama. "I trust in God, but God wants to see us help ourselves by putting people back to work!"

It was just a bit unclear how people "help themselves" by waiting for the government to put them to work, but of course Barack Obama works in mysterious ways and has an unseen plan which we can not (and do not) fathom.

And the president's revelation also begs the question of what sort of jobs God would want to steer people towards. High-speed arks? Renewable energy from burning bushes? The development of diet-friendly low-sodium pillars of salt? And if God is keenly interested in job-creating, is he really likely to entrust the job to politicians?

Moreover, it's curious that God is spending so much intimate one-on-one time speaking to Obama these days, after the president's Guinness World Record achievement of attending Jeremiah Wright's church for 20 consecutive years without listening to a single sermon.

Still, Whitehouse spokesman and noted biblical scholar Jay Carney declares it was fair for Barack Hussein Obama to invoke the name of God when attacking Republicans because the Bible says "The Lord helps those who help themselves." Only the Bible doesn't contain those words...though this misunderstanding might explain why so many in the Obama administration believe in "helping themselves" to our money.

The president says his big problem with the vote to reaffirm "In God We Trust" is that the Republicans should have been trying to create jobs instead of wasting the country's time.

Of course, those same Republicans had already offered up 15 job-creation bills... but every one of them was shot down by the president's own Democrat-led senate.

We might not be theological experts...but that truly strikes us as a sin.

The first time Jeremiah Wright said "God Damn" in front of the congregation.
-

Oh Baby, Oh Baby

2011-11-02T00:01:00.003-05:00

The increasingly unruly "Occupy Earth" movement took a huge step this week when it added the
7 billionth person to its membership roles.

The demands of the most recent members of the group are much the same as those of smaller "occupy" groups currently inhabiting public parks: they want someone to give them food, clothing, and shelter and won't take "no" for an answer.

The United Nations - which seems to have way too much time on its hands - officially certified the "7 billionth person" number despite vigorous ongoing efforts from the Obama administration to forcibly evict many of the young occupiers from their mother's wombs.

But despite uncomfortable weather extremes, lack of access to clean water, shortages of food, and the occasional outbreak of hostilities, the "Occupy Earth" crowd claims they are "here to stay" and "not going anywhere."

Well actually, they just cried and pooped themselves...but we're pretty sure it's what they meant.

Close One

2011-10-31T00:01:00.005-05:00

Here at the editorial offices of Hope n' Change Cartoons, we're big enthusiasts for Halloween (which, in these politically correct times, is more properly referred to as "Redistribution of Fattening, Subsidized Corn Syrup-Based Corporate Products Day").

And of course, it's also a big day at the Whitehouse - because no one knows more about wearing a mask to get what you want than Barack Obama.

To celebrate, Barack and Michelle gave out treats on Saturday - which was more convenient for them than waiting until, oh, Halloween - despite the fact that bitterly cold rain and snow fell on the kids paraded for the first couple's photo-op.

The president looked out over the shivering tots and said, "You guys doing alright? It's not ideal out here. Let's give out some candy!" Which is, of course, what his teleprompter has been telling him to say for years now.

Each child received a box of M&Ms with a presidential seal (hello, Ebay!), a butter cookie in the shape of the Whitehouse (hello, Weightwatchers!) and, to ensure fond childhood memories of our gracious and generous first lady, a baggie of dried fruit.

But all too soon, the magical festivities were over and Barack Obama again turned his thoughts from All Hallow's Eve to All Hollow Promises...and making sure taxpayers are the ones left holding the bag.

In any event, HAPPY HALLOWEEN from Hope n' Change Cartoons - and remember to be generous tonight when scary-looking young people appear at your door demanding goodies.

Unless they've got drums, in which case they're probably members of Occupy Wall Street.

------

BONUS: Want some frightening art for this (or next) Halloween? Click here for a printable sized version of this scary Whitehouse Halloween painting!

BONUS #2: And don't forget the Hope n' Change Halloween videos! Great for sharing with friends or liberals on Facebook!

-

If We Build It, He Will Come

2011-10-28T00:01:00.006-05:00

One of Barack Obama's first acts as president was to tour the world telling anyone who would listen (and could provide a stage with Greek columns) that America sucks because of all the things it had done in the past.

But now, an older and more experienced Barack Obama has changed his tune and says that America sucks because we're incapable of doing things we did in the past.

Specifically, after recently criticizing Americans for being "soft," the president upped the ante while speaking to a group of liberal 1-percenters (at $5000 a seat) in San Francisco - where he declared that "We've lost our ambition, our imagination, and our willingness to do the things that built the Golden Gate Bridge and Hoover Dam and unleashed all the potential in this country."

And he makes a great point. Who can forget all of the ambitious, imaginative, and willing construction workers who finished those big projects then channeled their newly unleashed potential into freelancing and leaving flyers on doors offering to build other Golden Gate Bridges and Hoover Dams? And sadly, today's goldbricking history-deprived Americans barely remember that only a few generations ago, Hoover Dams were as common as Starbucks.

But is it really a failure of the American people and American spirit that we can no longer build anything great...or does the failure rest elsewhere?

Hope n' Change would like to suggest that the answer is, as the president likes to say, simply a matter of math.

The cost of the Golden Gate Bridge was $35 million and it's still standing. The cost of the Hoover Dam was $49 million and it's still standing. But the cost to taxpayers for government support of Solyndra was $535 million...and after little more than a year, it's gone forever.

Perhaps if Mr. Obama wasn't quite so keen on building The Great National Debt, the rest of us could finally start thinking about building The Great Anything Else.

Dream big, America.
-

Screen Test

2011-10-26T00:01:00.005-05:00

Although Barack Obama is the one currently soliciting campaign donations from the Evil Top 1% in Hollywood, it's Janet Napolitano who is getting a "screen test" - and it's not looking good for her.

Specifically, a new classified study of the TSA's methods of screening and security methods is so scathingly bad that Republican Representative John L. Mica told reporters "the failure rate for body scanning equipment would knock your socks off."

Okay, maybe the new technology isn't perfect - but a good old-fashioned "hands-on" pat down is still effective, right?

According to Mica, who originally helped create the TSA, the failure rate for pat downs is "off the charts" and the TSA's performance report would read "sort of like the record of the Marx Brothers."

Okay, technology and hands-on methods are currently failing. But that still leaves Napolitano's greatest weapon in the war on terror: our brains! Because TSA agents are now being trained in the quasi-science of "behavior detection" and interview techniques like those used by the Israelis. And that program is going great!

Actually, we were totally lying about the "great" part - but we would have easily fooled the TSA interviewers, whose handling of the new methods is described by Mica as "an idiotic mess."

All of which is a bit disconcerting considering that the government has warned us of greater terror threats following the death of Osama bin Laden. And still greater threats after the death of Anwar al-Awlaki. And then greater greater greater threats after Muammar Gaddafi's recent bloody mangling.

But what could possibly be done to improve the screening methods? According to Rep. Mica, the whole program should be turned over to private enterprise which could do the job better, and for less money. Currently, the positions are filled by federal workers because, in Mica's words, "TSA cooked the books" to hide the fact that the private sector agents would cost taxpayers less.

All of which makes us think that the first major step in establishing true security for our country should be to throw out the full-body scanners, throw out the pat downs, throw out the stupid interview questions...and replace them all with a really topnotch Bullshit Detector.

And we'd also like to suggest that Janet Napolitano get the honor of being the first one forced to walk through it...just to make sure the flashing lights and clanging bells are working properly.

--------

Bonus: We mentioned above that Obama is fundraising in Hollywood. As part of that trip, he stopped by the famous "Roscoe's Chicken" in L.A. to shake a few hands. Which gave us a creepy feeling of deja vu...but where had we seen this before?!

Then it came to us (as it should to any fans of the wonderful show "Breaking Bad"). It's a separated-at-birth likeness of murderous drug-kingpin Gus Fring shaking hands at his chicken restaurant, Los Pollos Hermanos. Which we now think should be called "Los Pollos Obamos," because these two could definitely be brothers.

-----"It's not class warfare - it's math!"----------------"It's not finger lickin' good - it's meth!"

I Came, I Saw, Iran

2011-10-24T00:01:00.002-05:00

Last week, while (not coincidentally) still smelling of manly musk from Muammar Gaddafi's death, Barack Hussein Obama announced that he's withdrawing all of the remaining troops from Iraq by year's end.

It's clearly a tremendous victory. Unfortunately, many observers believe it's a tremendous victory for Iran, which has actively been working against U.S. efforts in Iraq.

Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, whose name is at least as annoying to spell as the late Muammar Gaddafi's, is looking forward to taking de facto control over Iraq immediately following Mr. Obama's "kinetic holiday homecoming," and is apparently unworried that this additional responsibility might stretch his managerial reach too thin, what with also shooting protesters, creating nuclear weapons and preparing to wipe Israel off the map.

The secret to his impressive time management skills? No golfing!

Of course, after losing so much blood and treasure in Iraq, the United States certainly isn't going to just walk away and leave the country to be gobbled up by Iran. That's why, despite the fact that Ahmadinejad has never even remotely been impressed by a threat from the U.S., we expect him to be held in check...by another threat.

Hillary Clinton, who has finally stopped giggling and cackling over Gaddafi's corpse ("I think I wet myself!"), frowned into a camera yesterday and said that Iran would be "badly miscalculating" if they take advantage of the situation. OOoooooh!

Unfortunately, it seems unlikely that her threats can keep Iran from entering Iraq if her previous threats couldn't keep her husband from entering interns.

And it also seems unlikely that Obama's not-so-strategic withdrawal will be judged by History to be anything other than a declaration and embrace of American decline in the sad era of Hope and Change.
-

On the plus side, Iraq will be getting new construction jobs sooner than we will.
-

News Watch

2011-10-23T00:01:00.008-05:00

Sunday is laundry day. And when you have as much dirty laundry as Barack Obama, that means you not only need effective whitewashing, but also a vigorous spin cycle.

And so it is that the president, his staff, and his media lapdogs are all busily trying to erase our memories of what actually occurred in Libya over the past months, and replace it with a "new and improved" truth which is, well, not the truth at all.

Which is why Hope n' Change presents the following chronological retrospective of "Obama's War" in Libya, with links to contemporaneous stories and our past cartoons.

Lest we forget...

2008 - Claiming their mission is to shore up America's failing economy, the Federal Reserve secretly loans massive amounts of money to a Libyan bank owned by one of our stalwart allies: Muammar Gaddafi.

August 14, 2009 - The Whitehouse secretly sends a special top-level delegation to Libya to meet with Muammar Gaddafi to discuss what a great guy he is, and to celebrate our marvelous friendship. Representing the president are John McCain, Joe Lieberman, Susan Collins, and Senate Armed Services Committee Staffer Richard Fontaine. At the meeting, John McCain promises to help Gaddafi get military aid from the U.S. because he is such a great ally against terror .

Gaddafi, who commonly heaped praise on Barack Obama, "made a point of expressing his satisfaction with the improved U.S. relationship and his hope that the relationship would continue to flourish."

Sept 7, 2009 - The Lockerbie bomber, who killed 270 innocent people when he blew up Pan Am flight 103, is returned to Libya and receives a hero's welcome from Muammar Gaddafi. Obama publicly criticizes England's decision to release the bomber, and then is scolded by the British because he knew all about the deal before it happened and had no objections to it.

February, 2011 - Libyan rebels begin a credible movement to throw out Gaddafi. Barack Obama is already stinging from criticism of his unwillingness to lend aid (or even encouragement) to previous such rebellions in Iran and Egypt. But he shows disinterest in Libya's increasing bloodshed and explains that he "does not like to meddle."

March 2, 2011 - As Libyan rebels are increasingly decimated by Muammar Gaddafi, Barack Obama refuses to condemn the dictator in public, but speaks to him via phone.

Obama's "go to" arbiters of right and wrong, the U.N., having recently put Libya on their Human Rights Council, decide to temporarily postpone a report which praises Libya's dedication to human rights.

March 7, 2011 - Alarmed by the slaughter in Libya, England contemplates establishing a "no fly zone" over the embattled country. Meanwhile Barack Obama goes golfing for the 60th time since being elected.

March 18, 2011 - With Libya's rebels all but defeated, Barack Obama sees that his reluctance to become involved (yet again) is going to become a political liability. He therefore says that the U.S. will join NATO in stabilizing things and providing humanitarian aid to Libya, and our involvement will be "days, not weeks." Obama says the U.S. mission is limited to creating a "no fly" zone. That's it. period.

March 21, 2011 - Barack Obama surprisingly authorizes a humanitarian cruise-missile attack on Libya, but won't answer questions about it because he's got a really, really important trip to sun-drenched Rio de Janeiro to meet with schoolkids and talk about soccer. Navy Admiral Mullen makes clear that the United States' mission is "not about seeing Gaddafi go."

March 22, 2011- Arab States in Obama's "international coalition" protest the president's unexpected use of cruise missiles, saying that they'd joined the coalition only after being told the mission would consist only of jamming Libya's radar.

March 24, 2011 - After having forced NATO to back up his cruise missile attack on Libya, Obama suddenly pulls back U.S. involvement, leaving Germany, France, and England asking "what the hell are we doing here?!" Meanwhile, our Secretary of Defense says that things are confusing because "we've never done something like this kind of on-the-fly before."

March 26, 2011 - Accused of starting a war without consulting Congress, Barack Obama denies that there is a war, and asserts that sending cruise missiles into another country is simply "kinetic military action" which needs no more authorization than sending a Hallmark birthday card.

March 27, 2011 - Disconcertingly, it is revealed that the rebel group in Libya that Obama is supporting with our cruise missiles contains members of Al Qaeda.

March 30, 2011 - Barack Obama continues delivering kinetic humanitarian aid to Libya. Defense Secretary Robert Gates confirms that the US has "no vital interest" there.

April 26, 2011 - With oil-rich Libya thoroughly destabilized and unrest in the Mid-East reaching panic levels, the cost of gasoline skyrockets. Barack Obama explains the resulting price increases are due solely to greedy American oil companies and speculators.

May 2, 2011 - A Whitehouse spokesperson says Obama's dumbfounding lack of direction and failure to define our military objectives in Libya are really a new phenomenon called "leading from behind." Which means exactly the same thing as "covering your ass."

May 7, 2011 - After a Libyan school for children with Down syndrome is blown to smithereens, a Whitehouse spokesman says reporters should ask NATO what's going on, as the president has no idea.

May 23, 2011 - Congress, tired of getting no answers from Obama, demands that he explain himself under the provisions of the War Powers Act. Obama tells them to piss up a rope, claiming there is no war in Libya.

June 16, 2011 - Congress, still waiting for an explanation, is told by Obama's legal team that he doesn't have to answer to the War Powers Act because it's not war if the enemy is "unable to exchange meaningful fire with our forces." By which token, the attack on Pearl Harbor apparently wasn't war either.

July 4, 2011 - Barack Obama claims that U.S. involvement in Libya is now limited exclusively to providing intelligence, surveillance, and refuelling missions.

August, September, October - The American news media and Obama administration decide that the Libyan non-war that we're not involved in is no longer of any particular interest and stops speaking about it altogether, deciding that it's entirely NATO's headache. Instead, Obama furrows his brow and tells Republicans that "it's time to eat our peas" and raise the debt ceiling astronomically again. This kicks off Obama's big Class War initiative, which his legal team explains is not war because those being attacked "are unable to exchange meaningful fire."

October 20, 2011 - An outcast Muammar Gaddafi is captured by Libyan troops on the ground, brutally beaten, shot multiple times, driven around on the hood of a car as a trophy, then dumped in a walk-in freezer so Libyans can enjoy the sight of his bloody, mangled corpse (which, disturbingly, gives Hillary Clinton the giggles.)

Back in Washington, Barack Obama - the man who wouldn't talk about Libya - struts to a podium in the Whitehouse Rose Garden, elbows Nato and the Libyan rebels aside, and announces that Gaddafi's death vindicates his strategy and shows the strength of American leadership.

Mainstream media cheers Obama's extreme manliness and opines that his "foreign policy strength" should make his re-election a shoo-in.
-

Historic meeting between an evil, lying dictator...and Gaddafi.
-

Say WHAT?!

2011-10-21T00:01:00.005-05:00

For a truly compassionate conservative, there are always mixed feelings about seeing a tyrannical despot's brains being splattered.

Of course, we're not referring to the bullet-punctured noggin of Muammar Gaddafy Gaddafi Gadhafi Qaddafi who, after "months, not days," can go straight to Hell if only because we're sick of trying to spell his last name. No, we're referring to Harry Reid and Joe Biden, whose brains are not only splattered but may be missing altogether.

Majority Leader Reid, when encouraging the Senate to spend another $35 billion on government jobs, claimed that such jobs are where the real urgency is in this economy because "it's very clear that private-sector jobs have been doing just fine." Really?! Because the private sector has lost 2.5 million jobs since 2008... while the number of well-paid federal employees has gone up by 253,000 in the same time.

But for statements of sheer jaw-dropping stupidity, it's always going to be hard to beat Joe Biden - and this week he certainly didn't let us down. After being criticized for saying that there will be more murders and rapes unless Obama's Jobs Act is passed, the vice president doubled down and angrily said of stimulus critics "I wish they had some notion of what it was like to be on the other side of a gun, or [to have] a 200-pound man standing over you, telling you to submit.” (Note: As of press time, Monica Lewinsky could not be reached for comment)

Frankly, with this kind of idiocy coming at us day after day, it's no surprise that Hope n' Change feels exhausted by the end of the week.

And that our former spirit of TGIF seems to have been replaced by a heaping helping of STFU.
-

The vice president likes news reporters who give good headlines.

-

Eat (with) The Rich!

2011-10-19T00:01:00.006-05:00

Not content to sit on the sidelines, the Community Organizer In Chief has finally made it official that he stands in solidarity with the anti-capitalist "Occupy Wall Street" movement.

Preparing for his latest bus tour (in which the president actually flies to meet the monolithically black "Darth Bus" so he can be seen getting off for speaking engagements), Barack Obama declared that "the interests of the 99% of Americans (will be) well-represented on the tour!"

Ironically, the president is charging 100% of these campaign appearances to American taxpayers, and a full 30% of that money comes from...you guessed it...the Evil Top 1%.

And just to make sure that there's absolutely no confusion on the subject, Obama granted an interview to ABC News in which he declared "we are on their side." Meaning, pretty clearly, he's sure as hell not on our side.

We'd like to say that it's baffling for the president to associate himself with a group that is threatening violent class warfare, promotes anti-Semitism, is anti-American, defecates on the police, wants the government to give "everything to everybody," and has no idea where jobs or paychecks come from...but it's not baffling in the least. Barack Obama and Occupy Wall Street are as identical as Siamese twins and just as inextricably joined.

Sadly, Hope n' Change believes that Barack Obama will not be satisfied with mere protests, and will continue to stoke the fires until he attains his actual goal: rioting in the streets.

Think it couldn't happen? YouTube has plenty of videos showing OWS speakers calling for violence, Jimmy Hoffa Jr promised the president a unionized "Army" to "take sons of bitches out," and former National Security Advisor (under former "Worst President Ever" Jimmy Carter) Zbigniew Brzezinski is calling for the government to give the public lists of citizens "who make, largely through speculation, enormous amounts of money" in order to "pressure some of those people to give some of it back, back to society."

And what kind of "pressure" would that be, Zbig? The people with "pitchforks" that Obama previously threatened to set on bankers to force them to take bailouts? Molotov cocktails? Or perhaps a trip in a horsedrawn cart to visit Madame Guillotine?

It's frighteningly possible that we're now facing a true Socialist revolution. A revolution stoked and supported by the media, unions, brainwashed youth, leaders of the Democrat party and, of course, our nation's first Socialist president.

For the record, this is how "that Hope and Change thing" is working out for America.

Monumental

2011-10-17T00:01:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, Barack Obama commanded center stage at the dedication of the Martin Luther King Jr memorial and, unsurprisingly, did his best to imply that his own presidency and policies are the most meaningful legacy of the civil rights leader. "We will overcome," the president told the crowd in the National Mall, and "Let us keep climbing towards that promised land!"

Only the land that Obama and his ilk are promising doesn't actually look very good these days, and the important message of Dr. King seems to have been deliberately lost in the shuffle.

For instance, the Rev Bernice King, a daughter of Dr. King, used the occasion to say the Occupy Wall Street movement is turning her father's dream into action, praising the "radical revolution of values and reordering of priorities in this nation."

Equally cheery was her brother, who declared that the American dream has "turned into a nightmare for millions." Although not necessarily for himself or other members of Dr. King's family, who charged an $800,000 fee for permission to use his face on the monument.

US Rep John Lewis, a civil rights icon who protested alongside Dr. King, also spoke at the dedication ceremony...which is more than he was allowed to do when he recently was supposed to speak to a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters but was turned away when the hippie-ish crowd voted with "down twinkles" (wriggling fingers) to say they didn't think either the man or his history were as important as their drumming and chanting.

Which didn't keep Obama from including praise for the Occupy Wall Street protesters in his comments, saying "Dr. King would want us to challenge the excesses of Wall Street." Really? And how did you come up with that information, Mr. president? Using a Ouija board in the Oval Office?!

But apart from all of that, what is the legacy of Martin Luther King Jr...and how far have we really come since his march on Washington?

On the one hand, 2012 may mark the first presidential election in our nation's history when both candidates are black. But in response to the possible candidacy of Herman Cain, the political Left has gone into full-fledged racist mode in a way that would make a Klan member blush.

Alleged actor Sean Penn referred to the president as "The N-word in the Whitehouse" and asserted that the Tea Party wants him lynched. Alleged comedian Bill Maher (who uses that same n-word whenever he feels like it) dismissively refers to Cain as a "token black guy." On MSNBC, host Martin Bashir has appointed himself the judge of whether or not a black man is really black, and asserts that Cain's conservatism shows he's trying to "denude and diminish his own ethnicity." Meaning, apparently, that a real black man knows his place...and it's on the liberal plantation.

Meanwhile, Barack Obama continues to retreat from his promise to bring Americans of all races together, and instead enthusiastically sows hatred and division for his own political gain. And in this desperate and failing economy, black unemployment has risen to almost twice the national rate while the president does everything in his power to fight actual job creation. Even the Congressional Black Caucus has become upset that the president spends far more time golfing than working to improve life for his African-American constituents.

But Barack Obama and his liberal cronies still want to claim the legacy of the civil rights movement (despite the fact that more Republicans than Democrats supported the 1964 Civil Rights Act) and are only too happy to pose for pictures in front of a 30-foot likeness of Martin Luther King Jr which is made of stone.

Because you'd have to be made of stone not to shed a tear over what's happened to his dream.

-
-

Long Term No See

2011-10-15T00:01:00.007-05:00

Friday is the Whitehouse's favorite day to release embarrassing or damaging news, in hopes that nobody will hear it. But thanks to Hope n' Change's "Occupy Press Room" protest, we were there (with our sleeping bags and bongo drums) to hear that the president has just cancelled a key component of Obamacare because it's already failed financially.

Specifically, this was the so-called CLASS Act which was supposed to be Obamacare's replacement for private long term healthcare insurance. Unfortunately, the numbers which Obama produced when pushing his healthcare "reform" proved to be totally bogus and, far from saving taxpayer money (which was the claim), the long term care plan would have gone broke almost immediately.

What Obama and the other geniuses hadn't considered was that a lot of sick people might sign up for long term care insurance...and a lot of healthy people wouldn't (unless compelled at gunpoint, like the rest of Obamacare). Which would be bad enough when trying to balance the books, but it turns out that if EVERY American worker (healthy or sick) had signed up for the plan, it still wouldn't have had enough participants to break even. Apparently, the government never actually stopped to think about how many people actually exist.

An assistant secretary at Health and Human Services now admits that the original actuarial research into the plan was "quite thin," but cheerily notes that the program's spectacular failure has given bureaucrats "a much broader understanding of how the long-term care market works."

Keep in mind, this is the same braintrust that cobbled together all of the other numbers which supposedly show that Obamacare can work. Only their final conclusions weren't based on either math or expertise in insurance or medicine. It came only from cooking the books and lying to the American people. But if Obamacare collapses (as it is predicted to) after eliminating private health insurance companies, it will be impossible for our nation's healthcare system to ever recover.

This story is huge. But will it be big enough to still be considered newsworthy by Monday? We doubt it.

Because as inept as Barack Obama is at providing long term healthcare, he's shown himself to be remarkably shrewd about judging Americans' short term memories.

Portrait of the Founder: "Mutual of Obamacare."
-
-

There You Joe Again

2011-10-14T00:01:00.004-05:00

With all of the recent media interest in "Occupy Wall Street," very little attention has been paid to what's occupying the space between Joe Biden's ears. But that changed this week when the ever-quotable Vice President went to Flint, Michigan and declared that unless Barack Obama's tax-hiking jobs bill is passed, there would be more rapes and murders occurring.

Theoretically, this is because in Joe's simple worldview, fewer cops on the payroll equates to more violent crimes being committed. But since cops don't usually prevent those crimes, but only capture the wrongdoers after the fact, we have to try following Biden's tortured logic to its natural conclusions.

The first would be that it's unemployed cops who are the murderers and rapists, but they won't have time to engage in their hobbies if there's enough stimulus money to put them back into patrol cars.

If we want to let the cops off the hook, then the infrastructure-building Jobs Act could only cut down on violent crime if it's Michigan's construction workers who enjoy rape and murder when they have too much idle time.

Of course, it's possible that Joe simply meant that if the president's jobs bill continues to be thwarted, Obama may tell his pet mobs in the Occupy Wall Street movement to go ahead and rape, pillage, and "eat the rich" while playing bongo drums, smoking dope, and pooping on cop cars (which there won't be enough of without new stimulus money).

But the most likely possibility is that, God love him, Joe just doesn't have a freakin' clue what he's talking about, and just wanted to get out to make speeches and eat rubber chicken.

Because frankly, it's got to be really depressing hanging around the Whitehouse these days, now that even top Democrats are treating Obama like a raping, murdering, turd in the punchbowl.

Police warn that the suspect distracts victims by "asking for change"...

=======

BONUS: By popular demand, here's this year's "Hope n' Change" Halloween video, so you'll have time to send links to friends, family, or (better still) liberals via Facebook, Twitter, or whatever other devilish service you can think of!

100% Facts Free

2011-10-12T00:01:00.004-05:00

On Monday night's edition of ABC World News Tonight, alleged journalist Diane Sawyer asserted that the "Occupy Wall Street" movement has now "spread to more than a thousand countries -- every continent but Antarctica."

There's just one small problem: there are only 195 recognized countries in the entire world, and the other 800+ countries Ms. Sawyer is reporting on exist only in her imagination. And presumably, she thinks that Antarctica is the only holdout because it's populated entirely by tiny little millionaires and billionaires in tuxedos...and no one has the nerve to tell her that they're actually penguins.

Of course, it's hard to present much in the way of facts about the ongoing protests, in part because the facts are so inconvenient if the news media and Obama administration are going to to spin this as an important, wholesome, and authentic uprising by mainstream Americans.

For example, ABC probably doesn't want to report that proud communist and former Whitehouse Czar Van Jones is whipping up the crowds with demands to take everything from the evil rich people, so the new order can "give everything" to the shouting rabble. And it would be embarrassing to report that the demands of "Occupy Wall Street" include "becoming immortal, and having sex with animals."

In any event, Hope n' Change would like to suggest that ABC News dump evil millionairess Diane Sawyer as soon as possible and replace her with Warren Buffet's cleaning woman.

She may not actually be paying more taxes than Mr. Buffet, but we're betting she could deliver more facts than Ms. Sawyer.
-

Meanwhile in Antarctica...

Jumping To Confusions

2011-10-10T00:01:00.002-05:00

As we begin a new week, Marxist protestors parroting the president's class warfare rhetoric choke city streets, Harry Reed and the democrats won't touch Barack Obama's tax-raising jobs bill, employment numbers suck, and our national morale is in the dumper. So who will pull us out of our malaise and get us on our feet again?

Michelle Obama, of course! Because tomorrow the yam-growing, fat-busting, sporadically proud of America First Lady is going to attempt to capture the world record for doing Jumping Jacks!

So how many does she have to do? One thousand? Ten thousand? A million? A trillion?! Well, uh, no...she only intends to jump for one minute. But if 20,000 other people somewhere in the world decide to do a minute of jumping jacks sometime during the same 24 hour period, she figures she'll have the record.

In fairness, if she can get 20,000 people to follow her for an entire minute, she will have demonstrated greater leadership than her husband has exhibited since being elected. And her "World Record" will actually be for doing something, instead of getting a Nobel Prize for the possibility that she might do something someday.

The point of all this is for Michelle to show the American people that exercise is good! Especially if you have lots of other people doing it for you.

Which, when you think about it, is the same idea her husband is preaching about earning a living.

Pssst! You're doing it wrong...
-

Viva La Revolting

2011-10-07T00:01:00.006-05:00

Click cartoon for giant extra-readable size

Proving that he still has the ability to inspire the idealistic among us, Barack Obama's increasingly shrill anti-capitalist tirades have launched a grassroots movement (funded with George Soros' grassroots dollars) called "Occupy Wall Street," in which young, affluent, overwhelmingly white, unbelievably self-absorbed kids are marching in streets, sleeping in parks, putting on zombie makeup, weeping hysterically, and trying to get laid.

But why? Okay, the whole "get laid" thing is about hormones, and ugly people know they stand a better chance at rallies where people get intoxicated and the lighting is really bad.

But why politically are these spoiled kids suddenly chirping up about socialism, communism, the end of property rights, and joining forces with unions and MoveOn.org? And the answer is because they have demands that are even more stupid than the ones in the cartoon above. Here's what they really and truly want, with our comments interspersed

Demand one: Restoration of the living wage. This demand can only be met by ending "Freetrade" by re-imposing trade tariffs on all imported goods entering the American market to level the playing field for domestic family farming and domestic manufacturing as most nations that are dumping cheap products onto the American market have radical wage and environmental regulation advantages. Another policy that must be instituted is raise the minimum wage to twenty dollars an hr.

Translated: End free trade, start a trade war with China, send prices of all goods skyrocketing. To compensate, demand that all employers triple the wages of numbnuts doing entry level jobs (instead of actually making a profit)

Demand two: Institute a universal single payer healthcare system. To do this all private insurers must be banned from the healthcare market as their only effect on the health of patients is to take money away from doctors, nurses and hospitals preventing them from doing their jobs and hand that money to wall st. investors

Translated: Medicine should be run by the same people who've made the post office and department of motor vehicles such a perfect system. Private insurance should be eliminated, because the government will do a much better job...except with their own "long term care" insurance plan (part of Obamacare) that just quietly closed its doors because it was proved that the math showing its sustainability was from Mars.

Demand three: Guaranteed living wage income regardless of employment.

Translated: Why should a cardiac surgeon make more than a burger flipper? They're both in the heart attack business!

Demand four: Free college education.

Translated: Why should I have to be paying tuition for classes I skip anyway? That sucks!

Demand five: Begin a fast track process to bring the fossil fuel economy to an end while at the same bringing the alternative energy economy up to energy demand.

Translated: We want giant windmills everywhere, except places where there are birds or nice scenery and stuff. Also, we want the windmills to be free.

Demand six: One trillion dollars in infrastructure (Water, Sewer, Rail, Roads and Bridges and Electrical Grid) spending now.

Translated: Just because nothing happened last time doesn't mean nothing will happen this time. And by the way, find someone to cough up that trillion NOW, because we don't want to pay it when we grow up.

Demand seven: One trillion dollars in ecological restoration planting forests, reestablishing wetlands and the natural flow of river systems and decommissioning of all of America's nuclear power plants.

Translated: Okay, take "nuclear" and "hydropower" out of that list of alternative energy sources. That still leaves sun, wind, and unicorns. And we like saying "trillion" because it's a round number.

Demand eight: Racial and gender equal rights amendment.

Translated: We have no idea what's already in the Constitution and its amendments because we've never read it.

Demand nine: Open borders migration. anyone can travel anywhere to work and live.

Translated: WE sure as hell don't want to do menial labor, but we're not opposed to Mexicans doing it for us...even if it does mean that Al Qaeda can ALSO "travel anywhere to work."

Demand ten: Bring American elections up to international standards of a paper ballot precinct counted and recounted in front of an independent and party observers system.

Translated: we're still having trouble rigging the electronic ballot boxes.

Demand eleven: Immediate across the board debt forgiveness for all. Debt forgiveness of sovereign debt, commercial loans, home mortgages, home equity loans, credit card debt, student loans and personal loans now! All debt must be stricken from the "Books." World Bank Loans to all Nations, Bank to Bank Debt and all Bonds and Margin Call Debt in the stock market including all Derivatives or Credit Default Swaps, all 65 trillion dollars of them must also be stricken from the "Books." And I don't mean debt that is in default, I mean all debt on the entire planet period.

Translated: We don't want anyone to lend money to anyone else ever again. We want to go to a "cash only" economy, which will work just fine because all the good stuff will be free.

Demand twelve: Outlaw all credit reporting agencies.

Translated: Okay, so I don't know how to balance a checkbook. That's not, like, a CRIME - right?!

Demand thirteen: Allow all workers to sign a ballot at any time during a union organizing campaign or at any time that represents their yeah or nay to having a union represent them in collective bargaining or to form a union.

Translated: Thinking is waaaaaaay too hard for drones. That's something that, like, the foreman should do. Besides, that way we won't get beaten up if we vote the wrong way.

CONCLUSION: These demands will create so many jobs it will be completely impossible to fill them without an open borders policy.

Translated: We'll need more Mexicans to harvest the dollar bills off the money trees, which is the only way our Brave New Socialist World of Hope And Change will work.
-

Maybe we'll let you run the economy AFTER you've
figured out that things are backwards in a mirror.
-

Loss of Jobs

2011-10-06T00:01:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was a great day for the Obama administration, liberals, and the unwashed radicals who are "occupying" city streets to call for the overthrow of capitalism. Because Apple founder Steve Jobs died - and if we are to believe Barack Obama's rhetoric, that must be a good thing.

After all, Jobs had accrued a fortune worth billions...meaning he must have stolen that money from the working class proletariat. He was surely not paying his "fair share" in taxes (after all, according to the president, no millionaire or billionaire is). And he was famous (or infamous) for leading in a personal way, not governing by committee, and insisting on excellence - all of which are anathema to the Left.

So the world in general, and Obama's America in particular, will be better off without him - right?

Of course not.

Steve Jobs earned his money by developing products that hadn't previously existed. He didn't steal market share from others...he created it by making innovative products for which there was new demand. And in the course of making a profit, he created more jobs (both domestically and overseas) than Obama could ever dream of.

And while amassing his evil, money-hoarding fortune he also revolutionized computing, telecommunications, and the entertainment business. He empowered innumerable people to accomplish things which would have otherwise been impossible.

In the next few days, Steve Jobs will be widely eulogized...but Hope n' Change doesn't think that the loss of this one man, however great, is the real tragedy. Rather, it is that this nation has changed so radically that inventors, innovators, and job creators like Steve Jobs are now reviled and attacked rather than celebrated.

Which is something that the Obama-inspired "Occupy Wall Street" protestors might want to think about...when they're not listening to their iPods.
-

Oh boy! There's a new Arrogant Socialist app!
-
-

Facts & Spurious

2011-10-05T00:01:00.004-05:00

It's looking more and more likely that Eric Holder will finally get one of the big "show trials" he's been pushing for since joining the Obama administration. Unfortunately, the trial will be to establish whether or not the Attorney General committed perjury when he blatantly lied to Congress about his knowledge of the gunrunning operation "Fast & Furious."

"Fast & Furious" was a secret program designed by our government to put guns into the hands of Mexican drug cartel members. Theoretically, this was to find out what the gun-smuggling channels were...although this is so mind-bogglingly stupid that a broadly held opinion is that the program was actually intended to give guns to violent Mexican criminals so that our government could pretend to "discover" the weapons had been purchased in our country...after which legal domestic gun sales could be curtailed (essentially voiding the Second Amendment).

Of course, the whole plan fell to pieces...except for the part where the guns got into the hands of bloodthirsty criminals, and people started being killed - including two American Border Patrol agents. In fact, dozens or even hundreds of people may have been killed with the guns...the number will never be known because when Mexican police tried to trace the serial numbers, American authorities went into butt-covering mode and said that the numbers were untraceable.

On May 3, 2011, Eric Holder told Congress that he "probably heard about Fast and Furious for the first time over the last few weeks." Only we now know that he'd been fully informed almost a year earlier.

Holder's office has since pointed out that he did say "probably," and may have had his fingers crossed. They additionally clarified that Holder knew about Fast & Furious, but he meant that he didn't know details. And moreover, "You can take it as a finger-waggling fact that he did not have sexual relations with any gunrunning murderers!"

The Whitehouse has offered no logical explanation for Holder's weasel-worded excuses, but has started screaming and swearing at reporters who dare to ask about the story...apparently believing that "the best defense is an offensive offense."

Frankly, in these tense and contentious times, Hope n' Change thinks that a long, drawn out perjury trial for Eric Holder should be avoided, as there are faster and more reliable ways of getting to the truth.

Which is why he should be waterboarded as soon as possible.
-

Fortunately, Guantanamo Bay still has empty prison cells
for people who've aided in the deaths of uniformed Americans.
-

No Hard Feelings

2011-10-03T00:01:00.003-05:00

While the kinetic rearrangement of Al-Qaeda cleric (and Fort Hood instigator) Anwar al-Awlaki is hardly breaking news, Hope n' Change Cartoons doesn't want to pass up one of the very rare occasions when we can say something nice about Barack Hussein Obama. Nice, in this case, being that he didn't prevent the CIA from turning this asshole into a smoking grease spot.

There is debate in some quarters (hello, Ron Paul!) about whether our government had the legal or moral authority to blow the living crap out of a U.S. citizen like al-Awlaki. But in Mr. Obama's words, al-Awlaki "took the lead in planning and directing efforts to murder innocent Americans," which seems to us to trump the need to capture him alive, or take up Eric Holder's valuable time arranging hotel accomodations and theater tickets in New York for a show trial.

Besides, the Constitution calls for a "speedy trial," and it's hard to imagine anything speedier than a Hellfire missile coming through your window.

Amusingly, a second American traitor - North Carolina born Samir Khan - was also killed by the drone strike. Khan was an important Internet presence, radical blogger, and editor of Al-Qaeda's magazine "Inspire."

Which, owing to the increasing number of deadly drone strikes, will now be called "Perspire."
-