Yesterday, parachutist Felix Baumgartner stepped out of a perfectly good space capsule 24 miles above the Earth and set new records for highest freefall, fastest freefall, longest freefall, and the biggest balls since those held in honor of the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.
And Hope n' Change isn't going to try to make some strained political metaphor out of Baumgartner's accomplishment (other than the joke above). Truth be told, in these trying times we just want to celebrate a hero - who reminds us that great things can still be done by private enterterprise and, especially, a courageous and motivated individual.
This was no simple Evel Kneivel type stunt, like trying to get a steam roller to jump over an entire Occupy Wall Street encampment. Rather, this was a scientific mission intended to push the limits of our knowledge about parachuting from an unthinkably dangerous height - critically important in case of another shuttle-type disaster in which our astronauts need a chance of surviving a high-velocity, unprotected return to Earth.
The dangers were myriad and almost too terrifying to list. There were many, many ways that Baumgartner could have died horribly - and only one way he could survive, if everything went perfectly. Which is, thankfully, what happened.
So let's take a moment to forget the "You didn't build that" negativism of this administration and just savor this stunning example of determination and courage.
On an entirely unrelated note, I'm looking forward to providing casual security at a Dinesh D'Souza (conservative author and man behind the "2016" movie) event this evening in North Texas. And by "casual security," I mean that I get an official event t-shirt and if Dinesh is attacked by protesters from Code Pink, I'll be expected to throw myself on top of shrieking women dressed as giant dayglo pink vaginas.
Hey, if Felix Baumgartner was willing to take the leap, it seems like the least I can do.
Luckily for Baumgartner it was a private entrepreneur and not a govt. "we all built that" committee that actually built this and put it together. Otherwise there'd be nothing but a huge street pizza crater in the Roswell desert and a grieving widow and children.
ReplyDeleteOf course, if that were to happen, Obama would be slow jammin' and fundraising while BIden cackled and smirked a big Joker grin completely ignoring the incident or finding a way to blame Bush. But Carney and Clinton would assure us that everything went as planned, and, uh, LOOK! An anti-Mohammed video! The horror! Oh, yeah, and Obama really feels the loss of the Baumgartner family. Send $3.00 to the Obama/Biden Re-election campaign and receive an "Obama Salutes Baumgartner Who Would've Voted For Him if He Were Still Alive" bumper sticker.
What a rare and wonderful treat to see real men doing things that require real steel (you know, those spherical ones).
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this, Stilt-- and your jokes riffing on The One herefrom.
Keep it up!
If our government cannot provide the funds to do this, then I am happy having them out of the picture entirely and letting Red Bull do it. I have never tasted the stuff but I might just go buy one today to say thanks.
ReplyDeleteI thought the co-in-sid-ence was a nice fluke - weather being it's uncooperative self all week (turns out you need near dead calm to inflate and launch a balloon roughly the size of a football stadium - who knew?)yesterday was the first possible opportunity. Thus, we had the first human to travel faster than the speed of sound w/o a vehicle doing just that at approx the same time as Chuck Yeager (the fist recorded human to travel faster than the speed of sound IN a vehicle) was doing a 65th anniversary commemorative flight. As a passenger in an F-15 (hey, guy's 89, give him a break, I hope I'd be able to gt INTO an F-15, much less have the reflexes to DRIVE it). At any rate, nice coincidence, I thought.
ReplyDeleteAlso, worthy of note - a .45 handgun bullet travels ~900 ft / sec, or 620 mph. This guy WAS faster than a speeding bullet.
Super, man!
Er, Stilt? Johnny's broken again / still - (feel free to delete when you've fixed it)
ReplyDeleteThank God for private entrepreneurs now that NASA has become a Muslim outreach organization. Kudos to Felix Baumgartner and his spirit of adventure! Looks like he's got the right stuff (unlike the soon-to-be former POTUS and his grinning sidekick).
ReplyDeleteI watched the event on TV. Major congrats to Felix for this achievement. But my award for "biggest balls" still goes to Joe Kittinger, the pioneer who took the arrows in 1960 and jumped from 102K with a leaky glove and a hand swelled up to twice it's normal size. Still, with all the technology and support crew, Felix was all alone yesterday taking that plunge. To a fellow skydiver I say, "blue skies". And no, my huevos could never be that grande.
ReplyDelete@RandyS- The reason I love this story is because it's about initiative and accomplishment, two things which have been so attacked by this administration that it's easy to forget how central they are to our national spirit.
ReplyDelete@RightWingMilitia- I assume that when Baumgartner jogs, there is a clanging like the bells of Notre Dame.
@The Digital Hairshirt- And isn't it ironic that the private firm Red Bull funded this, while the president who's given us nothing but Red "bull" for four years is still claiming "you didn't built that" (or anything else) without government support?
@Pete(Detroit)- I think it's great that the date lined up with Yeager's accomplishment. And the thought of going supersonic outside an aircraft still makes my hair stand on end.
Regarding Johnny, the post has been fixed. I'm glad that the people who designed Blogger's new posting interface didn't also design Baumgartner's suit.
@SusieBee- I'm sure Obama would remind us that Baumgartner's achievement would have been impossible if Muslims hadn't invented the number "zero." And only a few thousand years later, we elected a zero as president.
@Angry Hoosier Dad- I look at Kittinger, Yeager, and Baumgartner and I'm reminded what sheer manliness looks like in today's emasculated metrosexual society (and yeah, I'm talking to you president mom-jeans).
ReplyDeleteBartender! Gimme another shot of testosterone and put it in a dirty glass!
Ah, some good news, inspiring news, amongst the drek -- always nice. Not even opportunity for sly jokes and sarcasm; (my rights denied!) Not even a "Let's use this method of choosing candidates -- take 'em both up, and say 'he who jumps highest and fastest wins,'"
ReplyDeleteAh, but, with great respect for men who either jump out of high flying planes, or onto large pink dayglo vaginas, I, for one, would step out of the plane. :)
Quite an accomplishment. I'd like to see Obama try that. No, seriously.
ReplyDelete@Jim Hlavac- Given a choice, so would I.
ReplyDelete@Dr Jazz- Trying to push Barry out the door of that space capsule would be like trying to put a cat into a water-filled sink for a bath - all screams and claws.
Good topic, Stilton - one where men are men. Each time I see an image of O running down airplane stairs with his bent arms in place, I'm reminded of his complete lack of manliness. Yet this inept man somehow manages to remain in the race. So many Americans seem to be out of touch with reality. That is a bigger fear than one O is to me. These people VOTE!
ReplyDeleteGee, good luck with that security gig. Hope you will be armed with some spray bottles of feminine deoderant spray - that should serve as an effective repellent. I'm sure if they want to make a maximum visual impact, some day they will decide that their impact could be enhanced by a particular smell.
ReplyDeleteMy apologies for any appetites that may have been ruined in the making of this comment.
I wonder, did Baumgartner do his jump countdown in Austrian?
ReplyDeleteHats off to Herr Baumgartner, Chuck Yeager, and others that give us reminders that we humans are capable of great things given the opportunity and freedom to do so. The government did play a role, however. The FAA agreed to keep planes away during this record shattering feat of courage. If only all of our government agencies would participate in the keeping stuff away exercise! In other words, butt the eff out and let us be!
ReplyDelete@My Dog Brewski,
I was not able to watch on TV. When Baumgartner climbed into the capsule, did he say, "I'll be back!"?
@Stilton,
Take along your big-assed cheese wheel and bash 'em if necessary. The thought of you leaping on a pile of shrieking pink vaginas is... disturbing. Also, if you get the chance, please tell Mr. D'Sousa that Colby really enjoyed his books and loved the movie, even though it scared the crap out of me. He, too, has really big, brass ... spheres!
@Irene Peduto- It wasn't really my intent to get into a major treatise on manliness, but dammit I'm tired of college professors, elitists, and metrosexuals weaking our national character.
ReplyDelete@alan markus- I don't actually expect any trouble at all; North Texas is a solid conservative stronghold, and Dinesh D'Souza is a quiet, pleasant, personable scholar who is probably still flying under the radar of most libs. Still, it will be an honor to even marginally "have his back."
@My Dog Brewski- And what is the Austrian pronunciation of "Geronimo?"
@Colby- I'm surprised the government even had their (ahem) "stuff" together enough to clear the flights below. I just read that the Whitehouse is now claiming that it took nearly 3 weeks to send the FBI to Benghazi because they couldn't arrange VISAs faster than that. Sheesh.
Don't know if I'll get a chance to actually say anything to D'Souza, but will gush like a giddy schoolgirl if given the opportunity. I've been a fan of his since way before the "2016" stuff.
Stilt, @My Dog Brewski- And what is the Austrian pronunciation of "Geronimo?"
ReplyDelete- MMMMM, "Cowabunga!!" ???
((-"pb
@AHD - Yep, I too thought of Kittinger and as much respect as I have for Baumgartner, Kittinger was the pioneer.
ReplyDelete@SJ - The Evel Knievel-steamroller-OWS joke was excellent; the sort of thing Ann Coulter would say.
@Stilton - in one of your comments (3:22 p.m.) you said "but dammit I'm tired of college professors, elitists, and metrosexuals weaking (sic - sorry, I couldn't resist - it's the professor in me coming out) our national character"
ReplyDeleteI'll give you elitists and meterosexuals, but please don't tar all of us college professors with the same brush. There are some of us - granted, a minority, but we do exist - who still believe in traditional American values, and try our best to instill them in our students.
What's this country coming to, when you can't even mock college professors without pushback... ;-)
Stilton, do you want that shot of testosterone in a dirty glass with or without a human hair in it?
ReplyDeleteAnd, does anyone recognize the movie referenced?
Of the many things that bother me, one of the biggest is the metrosexuals who actually WANT to be metrosexuals. Why would anyone willingly show themselves to be such wussy-boys? Why would they willingly give their cojones to some woman to hold? Who in his right mind (who wasn't born that way-not that there's anything wrong with that) would rather be Liberace than John Wayne??????
ReplyDelete@CenTexTim - Yes, and I hear that there are at least three of you who are heterosexual.
ReplyDeleteSniff.....Forgive me as I hold back tears.....no greater love hath a man than one willing to throw oneself into a dayglo pink vagina for a friend.......
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, should you find yourself in need of a stunt dick......always ready to sproing!! into action....
Oh, a cheezy line from the Grande? who knew! (and well played, sir!)
ReplyDeleteJustaJeep, my understanding is that it gets them laid (really, one of the the prime motivators for anything). Now, laid by WHOM, I surely don't know - we don't roll that way, here in The D. I think the "Metro's" get eaten, I'm not sure. Hipsters we have, but have not seen the Metros. Then again, I'm a grumpy old fart and not likely to be seen in their typical habitat.
Ogrre - Not a clue - please elucidate?
@Stilton,
ReplyDeleteHope you had a good time last night and didn't get ovewhelmed by the... well, you know.
I will make an out-of-order motion that you just post something quick and easy tonight like maybe a Bark cartoon, and then give us a good debate commentary Thursday. All in favor...?
Though I applaud Herr Baumgartner's ballsy exploit, I am, unfortunately or otherwise, an engineer and tend to think like one when approached with problems and proposed solutions. This twisted mental process leaves me unsure of how bailing from a quietly buoyant weather balloon equates to bailing from an already hypersonic, flaming, disintegrating shuttle engaged in the act of re-entry. I'm sure there are applications for what he's done (like bailing from a spy-plane, perhaps); but I'm not convinced it would have application to a failing shuttle upon re-entry. flames and wind shear would make it most challenging, to say the least. Recall how fast Columbia came apart when her heat shields failed? Imagine a space-suit encapsulated human body enjoying that heat and those forces... Now, that said, could you get meanywhere near that balloon, let alone the door he jumped out of? I think not. Not unless there was a fecal material retention pouch strategically installed within the suit. Even then...
ReplyDelete@Stilt: hope your expectations were spot on and you didn't end up pulling a groin muscle dealing with all those dayglo pink va.... Well, this is a corporate computer. Let's just leave this there.
@Pete: Spot on, Bro. That constant steam you see coming up from the manhole covers (for all whose minds just went in precisely the wrong direction: I mean the metal disks that cover the access to the Detroit underworld; not some form of clothing) is from the pots in which the metrosexuals are cooked like lobsters: with onions, garlic, and just a touch of Old Bay.
@Pete D- This explains why Austrian paratroopers have Bart Simpson on their insignia.
ReplyDelete@Coon Tasty- I have to admit that the steamroller joke was a variant of something I'd heard someone else say at some time, but it seemed appropriate.
@CenTexTim- D'oh!! First you point out my grammatical error and then you take me to school (grin). I really don't hold college professors in low regard (I'm actually related to an excellent one)- I was really referring to those professorial types in this administration who believe they can run the country based only on textbook theory rather than any real world experience.
@Ogrre- It depends whose hair. and I don't recognize the movie referenced, but it sounds like it should be in my Netflix queue.
@JustaJeepGuy- I don't really understand the metrosexual impulse. Perhaps it actually scores points with certain women and/or certain employers. Or maybe it's just the result of a massive conspiracy to sell grooming products.
@Queso Grande- They also serve who stand and wait. And by the way, there were no demonstrators at the event last night. Just a lot of pleasant conservatives.
@Pete(Detroit)- I suspect you're right, but I rarely ask questions if I might not like the answers.
@Colby- The Dinesh D'Souza event was great. The man is a wonderful and compelling speaker who argues a brilliant case that Obama is actively trying to dismantle America.
And I'll consider your suggestion about doing a short-term cartoon for Wednesday AM as sort of a placeholder (good idea!). Obviously the debate is what we'll want to talk about, but I don't relish the idea of starting my work day AFTER the darn thing.
@Emmentaler- Exiting a disintegrating, flaming, hypersonic craft isn't a good way to start a parachute jump, but what if there was a way to create an emergency pod designed to shelter the astronauts during the breakup of the main craft which they could exit lower in the atmosphere? I'm just making this stuff up, of course, but I suppose a good "step one" is determining whether a human body in a suit can even fall from such a distance and land intact.
ReplyDeleteAnd regarding metrosexuals, if they're cooked just right they taste like Eloi!
Emm, all agreed. NOT an engineer (thermo convinced me to choose another path) but I got two years into the program. Specifically, Aero Eng. (I just LOVE being able to say "c'mon, people, this isn't rocket science. I know, I've studied rocket science, and THIS is NOT it!) The first thing that stuck me, too, was 'Ok, free fall from space, good survival plan - AFTER you kill the 17,000 mph (or better - that's for a LOW orbit) angular momentum...
ReplyDeleteFunny about the 'sewer steam' - maybe I'm never traveling at right times to see it, but it sure seems that there's ALWAYS that misty moisture pouring up out the holes, and I've not seen the like other places - even places in MI, like Lansing and Grand Rapids. When I was a kid, we used to say the rats were having a party...
Stilt - Bart - Awesome! Years back, Yeardly Smith (who voices Lisa) was also acting in a sit com. Our Hero was trying to convince her that she had prospects for a happy romance, and her response was "Please, I'm short, my skin is blotchy, and I have a voice like a cartoon character" - I thought it was hysterical (and she *is* kinda cute, *I* think)
(Ok, rambling all over the place, better find some REAL work to do soon) Good call on not asking questions you don't want answered...
Mmmm, Eloi... Extra garlicky!!!
A great Red Bull promotion, watched it live.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't really new science; if readers want a good feeling for ballsiness, they should read about Kittinger's original dives - nobody knew then whether it was survivable, and his pressure suit malfunctioned - his hand was swollen to twice normal size with internal hemmorhages if I recall right, he just didn't mention it.
The funny thing about it was that Kittinger was seemingly the guy on the microphone to Baumgartner. I wondered why the guy on the mic didn't count down to the freefall duration record (which Baumgartner missed by pulling his chute early). But it makes perfect sense now... and Kittinger will continue to hold that record.
Kittinger had the right stuff, still has it.
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/142189
There was no new science or practical tech in this promotional stunt, and Red Bull had a 20 second video delay built in in case Baumgartner started screaming like a schoolgirl. But it was entertaining.
@Pete: At the turn of the century, the Central Heating Company began selling steam to heat buildings within the city. Detroit Edison owned it at one point (now DTE), and a company called "Detroit Thermal" now owns/manages the system. But there you have the rational explanation why there always seems to be steam emanating from Detroit's manholes (the underground tunnel access points, folks) and sewers. I seem to recall seeing similar in sections of New York and Toronto, but memories can be a funny thing. Personally, I don't think this rules out the original theory. It simply defines the heat source...
ReplyDelete@Pete D- From a design standpoint, it's pretty hard to imagine how to get astronauts out of a disintegrating vehicle in one piece. Then again, I just saw a car dropped onto Mars, so you never know.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, in the Simpsons/"small world" category, I once did some work with Julie Kavner's brother (the voice of Marge). Okay, that's not much of a story, but it's all I've got.
@Kealolo- Granted there was a large element of showmanship in Baumgartner's jump (why else would Red Bull pay for it?). But I don't think there was much chance that Baumgartner was going to start "screaming like a schoolgirl." I believe the broadcast delay was in case he started dying horrifically on the way down.
@Emmentaler- I have nothing to add to the conversation other than, as Dave Barry would say, "Steaming Manholes" would make a good name for a rock band. And actually, if you released a "Steaming Manholer Christmas" you could probably sell a lot of CDs to unsuspecting dyslexics.
Stilton, the movie was Rustler's Rhapsody. Tom Beringer and G.W. Bailey. The town bar was one of "those tough bars" that served gin in a dirty glass with a human hair in it.
ReplyDeletePretty good movie.
Emmentaller - Thanks for the explain! certainly speaks to why they're ALWAYS steamy...
ReplyDeleteStilt - If the vehicle's still in orbit, it's no big deal - there are designs for large beach ball-ish things w/ a sprung frame and are self sealing - stand (ok, float) in front of it, release the spring, and it snaps around you, sealing up w/ like an hour's worth of air. I *think* they're staged around the ISS in case of hull puncture - theory being there's someone around to come GET you.
OR you could just drop on in - IF you could get slowed down before you hit atmo...
The problem YOU point out, is that once a vehicle *hits* atmo, it's going to be a big fat fireball as friction separates H and O from water vapor, and they recombine (not to mention just heating the gas to incandescent temperatures). Bottom line, you're going to have one big fireball until it slows, or you're going to have smaller fireballs. All agreed.
Now, might it be possible to line the passenger compartment w/ a 2nd layer of protective tile in case of such an event? Sure - but you're lifting a LOT of extra weight, each trip, "just" for insurance...
Steaming Manholes probably a 'grunge' band?
Steaming Manholer Christmas? OMFG, I'd probably buy that for the title and cover art alone!
TOO Funny!
@Ogrrre- I've heard of the film but never seen it. I'll look for it!
ReplyDelete@PeteD- I'm not really seeing a technological way of making it work, but then again I'm a cynical hermit with a bad attitude and a lot of clip art.
For a humorous punchline to all of this - and even bringing things back into the realm of politics - leave it to MSNBC to proclaim that Felix Baumgartner "traveled faster than the speed of light" on his way down. Apparently they're no better at physics than political analysis.
@Stilton: They clearly consulted with Internet Inventor, Climatologist Extraordinaire, and All Around Genius Of Things Scientific: Al Gore on that one.
ReplyDeleteOnly lasted about 25 minutes into the debate before my disdain for that taint on American history forced me to switch it off. I might try to to watch later, assuming my blood-bullshit level drops back to safe levels. Again, it is entirely against my upbringing, but I really hate that smug, narcissistic, lying bastard.
Just FYI, he was a few seconds short of longest freefall. Then again, the record is held by a guy who had a small drag chute, so that seems like maybe cheating. ;)
ReplyDeleteEmmLind, I tuned in at ~10pm, EDT.
ReplyDeleteOne guy seemed to be answering the the questions, the other whirling like a dervish.
You tell me who was which - I was 1/2 L of "wodka" into it, so...
yeah
right
anyway...
zzzzz
Oh, btw, who the EFF was that GD TROLL that was a mere 6 lbs from being labeled a 'refugee from gumdrop island' (i.e., they are shaped like gumdrops, and as such Moochelle has them hauled off and quarantined) I mean wtf, the Sally Struthers stuff on South Park was bad enough, but goddam, that troll could carry a Knight, much less pull a effing plow.. YEESH!!!
@Emmentaler- I watched the whole debate, and now need a shower. Can't decide what or how much I'll do about it tomorrow as it wasn't decisive. Mitt was good and substantive, Barry was aggressive and lying, and the moderator was in the bag for the left. I'm guessing the clueless will call it a tie or give a small win to Barry. But only the clueless.
ReplyDelete@Olie- Yeah, in a burst of hyperbole I got the "longest freefall" part wrong. Oops!
@Stan da Man- Romney seemed like a real guy giving real answers to real people, and Barry seemed like an upstart comic doing a too-well-memorized Bill Cosby impression, and occasionally remembering to call Mitt a liar or complain that it was time to change topics. In a purely metaphorical way, that little douche bag could sure use a good bitch-slap.