Bernie Sanders' supporters, an easily entertained group if there ever was one, were sent into waves of ecstasy when a tiny bird recently alighted on his podium mid-speech, perhaps hoping to enjoy a refreshing bath in his impassioned flecks of flying spittle. Or maybe it was trained by someone not really clear on the whole idea of sending political "tweets."
In any event, it might as well have been the blue bird of happiness auguring a happy turn of events for Bernie: on Saturday, he kicked the former first lady's formidable rump in caucuses held in Hawaii (the warmest state), Alaska (the coldest state), and Washington (the most presidentially-named state).
Seriously, he won by absolutely crushing margins - not that Democrat superdelegates will much care. But a little bird told us that Hillary herself might not be too happy about it...
"His little bomb vest fell off" - Priceless!
ReplyDeleteA Happy Dyngus Day to all. Perogies, vodka, beer, Polkas and whipping young women with pussy willows- The Polish know how to do it.
ReplyDeleteToo bad the birdies big brother, the vulture. was distracted by hillary road kill and had to send the little fellow instead.
ReplyDelete@REM1875-I second the Dyngus Day thoughts.
ReplyDelete@Mike aka Proof- Sometimes, a punchline even tickles me.
ReplyDelete@REM1875- Dyngus Day is a wonderful and joyous holiday which doesn't get the respect it deserves. Especially from Anderson Cooper...
@TrickyRicky- Interestingly, the same rituals used to celebrate Dyngus Day are used to celebrate Sigmund Freud's birthday.
Birdie birdie in the sky,
ReplyDeletePut some whitewash in my eye,
Don't you worry, I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly!
I know I'll be called a grammar narzee, but:
ReplyDelete"Lectern, podium, pulpit, rostrum - A speaker stands behind a lectern, on a podium or rostrum, or in the pulpit."
From The Associated Press Stylebook and Libel Manual - 1998 edition.
You see the thing people stand behind called a "podium" all the time by people who should know better. They are all wrong.
Truly a magical moment for Sanders and all of his bird-brained supporters.
ReplyDeleteBernie - 'A Future to Believe In' - like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
ReplyDelete@Fred Ciampi- Yes, but in this election cycle it appears that pigs are finally flying.
ReplyDelete@John Ortmann- First, you should know that according to Snopes.com, there's no such thing as the Associated Press Stylebook. "Lectern" was the maniac who ate a guy's liver with fava beans and a nice chianti in "The Silence of the Lambs." "Rostrum" is the word the psychic kid wrote on the wall in "The Shining" just before Jack Nicholson flipped out. And of course "pulpit" is what one does to a tree to make paper.
@Geoff King- And all this time I was thinking he had bats in his belfry.
@Anonymous- Wait, what are you saying about Santa...?!
I think I'm funny. From time to time I do make people laugh their guts out. My brother though is hilariously humorous and more often than I. I've known some seriously funny folks, even those with rapier wit. But no one, absolutely no one, is consistently as funny as Stilton Jarlsberg. And hard hitting. SJ is the Jonathan Winters of politics. And we are the better for him.
ReplyDeleteBTW: are you related to my favorite cheese?
Oh my you are hilarious. Huma should certainly know a thing or two about birdie suicide bombings. But maybe madam felon taught her. The Clintons are their own mafia.
ReplyDeleteI see in the news this morning that the FBI will be speaking to madam felon. Let's hope something comes of it.
For now, let's hope the the not-so-blue-bird-of-dystopia causes Bernie some dyspepsia. Damn thing was probably just looking for a handout.
@Anonymous- Thanks for the kind words. I consider any kind of comparison to Jonathan Winters to be high praise!
ReplyDelete@Twinkie- I read the piece about the FBI getting closer to (ahem) "interviewing" Hillary, but won't get my hopes up until it really happens. I would so like to see her nailed to the wall.
And bonus points for your dystopia/dyspepsia play on words. Funny!
Karma is going to be a bitch for all of those Democrats who for the last year have been in a state of unmitigated glee watching the so-called destruction of the GOP. In reality, Trump has just provided the distraction the needed to sustain their state of denial. Their assigned candidate is just as loathsome as Trump, and even if Sanders continues to pile on delegates, it likely won't matter as the Clinton machine already owns the "superdelegates" who will ultimately nominate Hillary. The Sanders kids will no doubt throw a tantrum, but the deal will be done. The only question is how many of them will hold their noses and vote for Hillary or will just stay home.
ReplyDeleteOf course, this is all in a year that should have been a slam dunk for the GOP. The Obama legacy that Hillary takes claim to while simultaneously repudiating is a bad joke. She's had to fight to stay relevant to the Democrat core by pandering to the left of the supposedly most leftist candidate ever. The brighter of Bernie's far left take Hillary no more seriously than we do, knowing that after the convention she'll all of a sudden become reborn as a centerist, trying to recapture the magic that worked so well for Bill 24 years ago. In a normal year, only those too young and politically experienced might buy that act. But this year, all those kids were with Bernie, who will obviously be pissed. Hillary will probably want to molify them by making Bernie their VP, which should be fun to watch as Bernie goes on lecturing about the evil of Wall Street and big banks while Hillary pockets their money.
And the GOP might actually lose to this.
I guess she just needs to know when she's licked, Huma me on this.
ReplyDeleteThe bird tried to get Bernie to stop the wind farms which were slaughtering birdkind, but Bernie told him that they must be sacrificed for the greater good of those who will vote for him.
ReplyDelete@John the Econ- I can't lie, I'm in genuine pain watching what's going on this election cycle. I've been psyching myself up for The Cleansing of The White House when Obama leaves and rather expected us to be looking at a relatively easy win. But now? Bernie Sanders has actually earned (from voters) more delegates than Hillary has (although her superdelegates are legion). Trump continues to gallumph forward, and every time the man opens his mouth I feel like we're hearing the firings of entirely random neurons. I like Cruz, but if he's been prematurely celebrating Dyngus Day (so to speak) then his run for the White House is all but over.
ReplyDeleteIt's entirely possible that there are too few rational voters anymore to save us. And before anyone writes me while having a meltdown, I still intend to vote for Trump (if necessary) over whatever Democrat is running (my money is still on Biden). But not happily. And only if he doesn't get any more ridiculous in the coming months.
@Buck O'Fama- If you think I'm going to make a joke about Hillary doing crack, you're out of your mind. Oops - I already did!
@DougM- The wind turbines chop up birds in flight, while the solar generators cause birds to burst into flames in mid-air. Maybe it is time for the little feathered "Avian Akbar!" types to start fighting back.
@ Stilton
ReplyDelete“Maybe it is time for the little feathered "Avian Akbar!" types to start fighting back”
My hero Alfred Hitchcock thought about that in 1963. For those younger H&C folks rent this and watch it. We found it to be very scary at the time.
"The Birds"
@Joseph ET- Yes, "The Birds" is still a suspenseful classic. And for years, I've been raising my glass in a toast and cheerfully saying, with an Irish brogue (like the guy in the restaurant), "it's the end of the world!"
ReplyDelete@ Stilton
ReplyDeleteImagine if that movie was remade using today's computer generated special effects. It would be awesome.
@ Stilton
ReplyDeleteMrs ET says "do it 3D Wow!
First anderson cooper needs to be whipped to death by pussy willows for that disrespectful report on Dyngus Day
ReplyDeleteAnd second they couldn't even get the traditions right. The girls get whipped with pussy willows to make them fertile.
And where was the parades, good food, booze, pretty Polish girls and polka bands?
This here Irishman has way more respect for Dyngus day that dog,(apologies to dogs everywhere) anderson cooper.
I watched the video and swear I read the bird's lips (beak?). "Hey jackwagon, I was told there was free birdseed here! WTF?"
ReplyDeleteConcerning Billary's possible indictment, I've been hoping and praying it would happen, and leave the Democrats stuck with somebody un-electable. Then it occurred to me today that, "At this point, what difference does it make?" The old hag isn't going to suspend her campaign over some trivial thing like a Federal indictment. Seriously, the lemmings that would vote for her have already proven their loyalty.
And speaking of relentless pain, how's the pinched nerve thing going, Stilton?
@Joseph ET- A 3D remake of "The Birds" could indeed be awesome if directed properly (which means it needs to be more about the actors and suspense than the CGI). While the bird attacks were certainly scary in the original, what was really terrifying was the claustrophobia of being trapped; afraid to go outside and fearful that the attackers might get in.
ReplyDelete@REM1875- As Rodney Dangerfield would say, "Dyngus Day gets no respect! No respect at all!"
@Colby Muenster- I'm hopeful about Hillary's indictment, but absolutely agree that she'd never suspend her campaign over such a triviality. And you're right that no one on the Left will care anyway. When Bill Clinton was impeached, they loved him all the more.
And thanks for asking about the pinched nerve. I sometimes think it's a bit better, and then other times think not so much (right now, my left pinky feels like I could use it to light a cigarette). The cure will apparently take time, Aleve, and less time at this computer than I'd prefer.
That was probably a little illegal alien bird. A Real American birdwould have daubed the lectern and flown off with a sneer on it beak.
ReplyDelete