I Did Not Have Sucks With That Vermin

First things first: this is an appalling joke and Bill "Money Shot" Clinton should be thoroughly ashamed of himself for making us think of such a horrible gag. Oops- Now we've used "gag" in a sentence involving Bill Clinton. We'd claim it was unintentional, but you might find that hard to swallow.

Sadly and truthfully, the Zika virus is terribly serious, and the heightened risk of giving birth to a child who will suffer the lifelong physical and development consequences of microcephaly is nightmarish. It is no laughing matter.

Which is why, for the umpteenth time, Hope n' Change is sorry (but not surprised) to see Washington making a complete mess out of preparations to fight this potentially deadly invasion.

Yesterday, votes were being taken to decide how much money to allocate to this crisis. Barack Obama wanted the most, of course, saying $2 billion was required to prevent the blood-sucking parasites coming across our southern border from wreaking destruction. The $2 billion would presumably be used to put the young mosquitoes in good schools, settle their families in middle class neighborhoods, and give the grown mosquitoes some walking around money until they can find permanent blood-sucking jobs in government.

The Senate, on the other hand, seemed likely to authorize only $1.1 billion to fight the mosquitoes. Which, to us, sounds like it could do the job if the government is frugal enough to go to Costco and buy a few million spray cans of "Off!"

The House is even more reluctant to approve funds unless matching cuts can be made, although cuts tend to draw mosquitoes. And occasionally sharks.

Tea Party types such as ourselves are pointing out that Obama already paid for about $800 billion worth of shovels for his imaginary "shovel ready jobs" program - we say, pass 'em out and let people start whacking each other over the noggin whenever they see a mosquito land. Especially if they land on a Progressive who still thinks DDT is a bad idea.

But for now, let's accept two facts: this is a real danger, and the government is going to screw up anything like a meaningful response. Meaning it's up to us to be aware of things like this:

• Always use insect repellants containing DEET.
• Eliminate all sources of standing water, such as birdbaths, flower pots and any containers that could be overturned and filled with rainwater.
• Keep rain gutters cleaned out to prevent water from standing in drains.
• Cut back or get rid of unnecessary vegetation around your home where mosquitoes can breed and rest.
• Keep swimming pools covered in colder months to prevent mosquitoes from laying their eggs there, and drain any water that has collected on top of pool covers.
• Remove water from tree holes and hollow stumps.
• Keep windows and doors screened to prevent mosquitoes from getting inside your home.
• Consider using yellow light bulbs in outdoor light fixtures, as they reduce the number of flying insects around your home.
• Do not, under any circumstances, allow the mosquitoes to vote in November without presenting ID.

Imagine how much better this would work with a government shovel!