Soda Tax

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Congress is proposing a variety of new "sin taxes," claiming that such taxes discourage behaviors that Congress finds unappealing. You know...like earning too much money, or donating to charity.

44 Cents

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Even with the rate hikes, the post office is basically going broke because they give tremendous price breaks to junk mail. And, of course, because it costs a lot to feed the snails who deliver the mail.

Carrie Prejean, Miss California

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In these days of Hope n' Change, moral relativism is more confusing than the theory of relativity. A beauty queen is labeled a bigot for espousing the same opinion on marriage as Barack Obama, but Donald Trump can pronounce her morally fit because he finds her nude photos, taken at age 20, "beautiful."

When all is said and done, Hope n' Change isn't quite sure where this leaves us...but we're pretty sure that we got here in a handbasket.

Wanda Sykes

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A long time ago during the election campaign, Obama ran as the candidate of hope, healing, optimism, and the end of partisanship. He wouldn't be the kind of President who would laugh at vicious and hateful remarks, made in an attempt to "honor" him.

.

Then again, maybe he would be.

500 Feet

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In these days of Hope n' Change, it's good to be a "glass half full" kind of person. Especially if the glass is half full of liquor.

Pelosi's Memory

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As people get older, they tend to forget little things. Like where you put the car keys, when the CIA briefed you on national security, the 9/11 attacks, and how to blink.

Border Bucks

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This new policy fits rather well with Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano's declaration that illegal immigration "isn't a crime." Frankly, Janet, not knowing (or caring about) the definition of "illegal" is a crime.