TV or Not TV

When Democrats watch the news.

This is pretty much how the news looked to us this week, although the reality is quite different for most television news viewers - mostly because Hillary's multiple, escalating scandals were almost completely ignored, while Trump's ill-considered but casual joke about the Second Amendment was broadly reported as a rabid call for his opponent's assassination and armed insurrection against the government. Sheesh.

While Hope n' Change still finds itself solidly in the #NeverEnthusiasticallyTrump camp, we're standing by our plan to vote for him based on a very simple rationale: Trump says bad things, but Hillary does bad things. "Very, very bad things," to use Mr. Trump's distinctive parlance. "So, so, very, very, bad, bad things."

Hillary is, by her very nature, a skilled liar and serial lawbreaker who is pathologically power-hungry. That's a dangerous combination - and she's already hinting that her potential use of Executive Orders as president to retool America would have us looking back on the Obama administration as "the good old days."

In anything like a sane society, this week's news alone should eliminate Hillary from consideration from high office. But of course, that "sane" ship sailed - and sank - a long time ago.

BONUS: HEY KIDS, FEELING BERNED YET?

Apparently Socialism doesn't begin at home. Or in Bernie's case, THREE homes.

Socialist Climber

A recently released photo of Hillary Clinton struggling to climb a small flight of steps is raising doubt about the candidate's health - let alone her name having anything to do with actual mountain climber Sir Edmund Hillary.

Forget Sherpas - Hillary apparently now needs an entire expeditionary force of Secret Service agents just to haul her uphill, while a mysteriously ever-present special aide stands ready to give her an emergency injection of the anti-seizure medication Diazepam in case she suddenly starts foaming at the mouth and keels over from another "short circuit."

While we don't know how serious her conditions are, we do know that we've never heard sufficiently believable explanations for her previous blackouts, the severe head injury which Bill Clinton said took her "six months of hard work" to come back from, the blood clot near her brain, her thick prism glasses, and Huma Abedin's emailed warning to colleagues to handle Hillary delicately as "she's often confused."

Hillary's physical health is a genuinely legitimate issue in this election, and voters need to demand answers. Oh sure, last year she released the results of her pap smear - so we can only imagine that whatever medical condition she's hiding inside her skull must be even more terrifying.

BONUS: THE KING OF SWING

In the meanwhile, Barack Obama has made political history yet again by having just played his 300th game of golf while in office (and doing so in Martha's Vineyard, just so it would cost us more).

This is a remarkable accomplishment for a man who doesn't have time for security briefings (including the day after the bloodbath in Benghazi), who repeatedly failed to meet with his jobs council, a man who has presided in absentia over the worst economic recovery since the Great Depression, a president who presides over more Americans who are out of the work force than at any previous time in our history, a man who has created a boom (literally) in domestic and international terror, and who has opened our borders to a genuinely impressive array of vagrants, career criminals, and exotic diseases.

Happily, his final "fore" year term is nearly over. And frankly, we can't wait until he grabs his clubs and hauls his dimpled balls out of our White House.

Wreckonomics 101

Far be it from us to put words (or, like Bill Clinton, anything else) in Hillary's mouth, but as nearly as we can tell this is actually the economic plan that the former first lady is pitching to voters in the event she's made Demon-queen of the United States: she will attack the only economic sector which isn't actively collapsing.

Of course, unlike Bernie Sanders, Hillary is utterly insincere in her claims to be Wall Street's worst enemy. She relies on their donations, their political influence, and their willingness to pay millions upon millions of dollars to Chelsea's numbnut husband who recently lost 90% of the value of a hedgefund he was running.

Mind you, she's not completely lying about changing Wall Street rules...at least when it comes to poor schnooks like those in the middle class who just want to build their retirement accounts. Hillary is currently planning on making it more difficult and expensive for anyone to invest (citizens will be required to work with government-certified investment counselors who will charge hefty fees), as well as making it harder to buy and sell stocks without hanging onto them for extended periods.

The rationale isn't hard to figure out: Progressives are against anything which might further enable individualism and self-responsibility...like prudent investing. Basically, the Left gives you only two choices: you can be a ward of the state, or an enemy of the state. And if Hillary is elected, those choices will get real teeth.

But on a lighter note...

BONUS: SHOCK AND ODD


We think Hillary Clinton deserves an Olympic trophy for the most bizarre - and yet most believable - political statement of the last week.

When it was pointed out that she claimed FBI Director Comey had said she was entirely truthful in her statements about her secret private email server (when videotape showed him saying exactly the opposite), the fast-thinking cyborg started wafting wifts of smoke from her ears, vibrating wildly, then gasped that the discrepancy in statements occurred because she had a "short-circuit."

Frankly, we admire her candor in finally coming out of the cyber-closet and admitting that she's an Assembled-American. And despite being inhuman, we'll also point out that if she's elected (albeit electrified) that it will still represent a historic shattering of the flesh ceiling.