You Said A Mouthful

Tomorrow night, Barack Hussein Obama's teleprompter will get a good workout as the president juts his imperious chin and delivers yet another State of the Union address. A great national tradition which we like to think of as "The Fifth of You Lie."

Although the exact text of his remarks isn't yet known, the likely topics he'll cover are already leaking in the media like a dollar store colostomy bag.

His major thrust is going to be "income inequality" and all that goes with it - jobs, the economy, education, and a half-century of progressive, overfunded social programs which haven't made a dent in poverty. Actually, he'll skip that last bit because it now seems like the biggest factor in creating upward economic mobility is having a stable family structure - something to which the Left is adamantly opposed.

The president is also expected to declare that Obamacare is actually a huge success and, after the laughter, hoots, and air horns from the GOP members of the House and Senate die down, quickly change the subject.

Mr. Obama will also push for "common sense" immigration reform, because it's only "common sense" to reward those who've flagrantly broken our laws and strained our national resources. An idea echoed by the Department of Homeland Security's chief on Friday when he declared that illegals "have earned the right to be citizens." Showing that our new secretary at the DHS has an amazingly poor understanding of "rights," "citizens," or for that matter "homeland effing security."

The president will also declare victory in his capitulation...er...negotiation with Iran, avoid saying doodly-squat about Iraq or Afghanistan, and work in at least one major plug for Hillary Clinton's upcoming presidential run rather than run the risk of being kneecapped by a member of the Arkansas mafia.

Finally, Obama is going to put on his frowny face and make it clear that, while he's willing to work with the opposition party (breaking precedent with, oh, his entire life), if he finds the GOP to be foot dragging on little things like the Constitution, the budget, the separation of powers, and an obsessive attachment to reality, he's willing to issue magic executive orders to get his way, and will use the dark side of The Force to crush the esophagus of anyone who dares talk back to him.

Which he can get away with, of course, because criticizing the president's dark side is racist.


BONUS: PUPDATE

We still haven't settled on her name yet (though we're narrowing the list), but the new pup is already bringing a lot of happiness to the Jarlsberg family. Here, she executes a quick security sweep of the perimeter.