Crystal Balderdash

Although foretelling the future isn't necessarily our specialty here at Hope n' Change, we've done a remarkable job of accurately predicting where Obama's policies would lead over the past seven years - albeit while making an effort to use the word "Hell" as infrequently as possible.

In any event, even though the results of the Super Tuesday polling aren't in yet at the time of this writing, we're going to indulge ourselves in a bit of prognostication. Which, no matter what you've heard, doesn't lead to blindness or hair on your palms.

We think both Hillary and Trump will have done very well. Enough so that each will start seeming to be the inevitable candidates. We think Bernie Sanders will get a sound thrashing owing to an interesting demographic oddity having to do with the youth of his supporters: they love rallies because they feel like attending a party, but loathe standing in lines at the polls to actually vote because it feels like work.  We also think that the overall Democratic turnout will be low because, seriously, who's really excited about voting for Hillary?

We're further predicting no favorable upsets for Cruz or Rubio, and Ben Carson needing a big sympathy hug at the end of the evening.

But now, let's look farther into the future. We'll lower the lights, turn up the creepy violin music, and ask everyone to lower their heads and join hands around the crystal ball to assure that no one can grab our drink while we've got our eyes closed.

Ah, the mists are clearing...

We see...less than a 50/50 chance of Hillary being the Democratic candidate in November owing to legal troubles currently known and yet to be revealed. We see...Bernie Sander's chance of being the nominee as zero, much like the tax rate he proposes for most Americans. Which is why we predict a 55% likelihood of...of... Joe Biden topping the ticket.

We see... Donald Trump running as a third party candidate after he is denied the GOP nomination at an ugly brokered convention. The actual GOP candidate will either be Marco Rubio or, more likely, Mitt Romney - simply because Mitt won't be covered head-to-toe in feces flung by other Republican political opponents during the primaries.

And because of this three party dynamic, we see...we see... a Democrat win for Joe "God love ya, what am I saying?" Biden and Elizabeth "The tepee VP" Warren.

Obviously, we hope we're wrong - but this is what the spirits are telling us. Then again, the only spirits we can afford aren't exactly top shelf brands.

IN REMEMBRANCE



According to the calendar, Andrew Breitbart has now been gone for four years.  But his legacy lives on and remains a huge influence and inspiration for many.

We miss you, Andrew, and need you more than ever. But your work is continuing.