Born To Run (to the Ladies Room)

"We've gotta NIP it! Nip it in the bud!"

Rocker Bruce Springsteen has cancelled a concert appearance in Greensboro, North Carolina to protest the state's law which segregates bathroom privileges based exclusively on an individual's God-given plumbing rather than their current (and sometimes flexible) gender self-identification. Moreover, in an additional show of solidarity for the "whichever damn bathroom we choose" crowd,  Springsteen has changed the name of his backup group to "The P Street Band."

Mind you, Hope n' Change is a vocal advocate of gay rights, including gay marriage and tiered cake consumption. But we still have a significant problem with a lipstick-wearing man visiting the powder room to drain his lizard in the sink next to a stunned 6 year old girl.

A potential governmental solution is to require buildings in every state to have separate restrooms for each sexual identity group (indeed, even the White House now sports transgender bathrooms). The problem is that, according to Facebook, there are 51 such classifications now - meaning that every room in a public building will soon have to be a bathroom, and the odds are that your bladder will explode long before you're able to decipher the cryptic icons on bathroom doors representing the Genderqueer, Transgenders, Pangenders, Androsexuals, Demisexuals, Intersexuals, Lipstick Lesbians, Skoliosexuals, or Native American "Two-Spirits."

Not to be outdone by Springsteen, geriatric rocker Bryan Adams also stunned the music world on two fronts: first by pointing out that he's still alive, and second by cancelling an alleged concert in Mississippi (disappointing dozens) to protest their antiquated binary bathroom laws.

Who knew, after all this time, that his fleeting radio hit "Cuts Like a Knife" was about gender reassignment surgery?