Blackboard of Education

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On September 8th, the president is scheduled to talk to schoolkids about education and getting ahead in America...although it's not entirely clear if he considers this to be one topic...or two very different ones.

Because in these days of Hope n' Change, kids notice things - like scholarships going to poor-performing minority students instead of National Merit Scholars. And a much-praised Supreme Court judge like Sonia Sotomayor ruling that skin color is more important than test results when it comes to job promotions. And a president who declared that a policeman is "stupid" simply because he's white.

See, this is the problem with trying to educate kids, Mr president...they pay more attention to what you do than what you say.

Reading Assignment

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It seems hypocritical for Obama to be encouraging students to "do their homework," when he hasn't read the huge healthcare bills that he's been pushing, nor has he read the McChrystal report of the status in "Obama's War" in Afghanistan.

Indeed, Obama has often said that the healthcare legislation is so important that it should be voted on before anyone reads the 1000-page bill. If that strategy is a bad idea for young test-takers...isn't it also a bad idea for our politicians?

Turn To Page 87

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Prior to the president's in-school speech to students on September 8th, the Whitehouse has encouraged students to read biographies about Obama. Really...?

Those who read "Dreams From My Father" will learn that the young Obama thoroughly enjoyed marijuana, that he bought and used cocaine when he could afford it (not explaining where the money came from...), that his basketball coach was an "ignorant motherfucker," and on the subject of higher education, the importance the president placed on choosing Marxist college professors.

Bonus: A free "back to school" poster from the Hope n' Change Gift Shoppe!

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School Daze

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As the president's popularity with adults declines, he's targeting a speech to schoolchildren on September 8th. The speech will theoretically be about the importance of education, at the same time Obama and the democrats are waging war on the "meritocracy system" which "unfairly" benefits students who get the best grades and highest test scores.

Additionally, the Whitehouse has sent out helpful lesson plans to schools to help teachers soften up young minds prior to the speech. Suggested points include "Why is it important that we listen to the president," and to encourage students to take notes whenever "the president is asking them to do something."

Bonus: Exclusive documentary footage of the first school kids to hear the president's speech!

Dissociated Press

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When the Center for Disease Control issued a report which said that children and young adults are at greatest risk from dangerous swine flu complications, it didn't fit the Associated Press's narrative that "all bad things affect minorities even more."

So they took children out of the story...essentially deciding that kid's health (and the necessity of proper planning and preventive measures right now to protect kids) was less important than a good, liberal sob story.

Unacceptable Torture

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Attorney General Eric Holder has appointed a special prosecutor to track down and prosecute CIA operatives and employees who used "enhanced interrogation techniques" to extract life-saving information from terror suspects. These techniques included waterboarding, spoken threats, and forcing prisoners to listen repeatedly to Barney's "I Love You" song.

Holder's investigation is expected to demoralize the CIA, cripple America's intelligence-gathering abilities, and empower terrorists. Even worse, a certain dinosaur is going to "pout like it's a rainy-wainy day."

You're Getting Colder

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Climate "experts" - especially those who are likely to benefit from the huge "Cap and Trade" energy tax - are arguing that 10 years of declining temperatures doesn't mean we're not in the midst of global warming. To help explain the seemingly contradictory data, Al Gore is currently making a new documentary called "An Incoherent Truth."