As 2014 draws to a close, it is only natural for
Hope n' Change to reflect on the events of the year gone by in hopes of coming to a better understanding of our tics, twitches, and crying jags.
After even a cursory review (and trust us, we're cursing), it becomes clear that in 2014 Barack Hussein Obama distinguished himself as a truly historic "war president," marking significant victories in the War on Health, the War on Wealth, the War on Whites, the War on Borders, the War on Cops, the War on Israel, the War on Energy, the War on Fiscal Responsibility, the War on Veterans, the War on Racial Harmony, the War on Citizenship, the War on the Unborn and, of course, the War on the War on Terror.
There were some actual
military wars, too, but the president wasn't particularly interested in them as they were unlikely to help him raise campaign funds, get votes, or improve his golf game.
And so
Hope n' Change presents the following samples of cartoons from the past 52 weeks. If these don't put you in the mood to chug a bottle of champagne on New Year's Eve, then
nothing will.
January
Barry kicks the year off by declaring that all he really needs to run the country is his super-duper magic Executive Pen. Little did we know that he actually meant it.
Thanks to the president's bold military decision to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, Fallujah was among the first of many bloody dominoes to fall in the Middle East. It fails to generate as much news - or political outrage - as a traffic jam in New Jersey.
February
Mr. Obama celebrates Black History Month by officially becoming the biggest liar in Black History.
March
As a gesture of good will and "spreading the wealth" to communist dictatorships, the United States spends approximately three jillion dollars on sending Michelle Obama and her daughters to China to get a better understanding of life in 5-star hotels.
The drumbeat starts revving up to bring illegal aliens "out of the shadows" and into the sunlight where they can do a better job of mowing the lawns of wealthy Democrats.
April
Following the nightmarishly bungled roll-out of the multi-billion dollar "Healthcare.gov" website, Kathleen Sibelius receives presidential accolades, a taxpayer-funded pension, and a healthcare plan which, unlike everyone
else's new plan, actually involves doctors.
Having successfully ignored "Fast and Furious," Benghazi, the IRS election scandal, Black Panther voter intimidation, and the prosecution of federal immigration laws, the never-industrious Eric Holder decides to kick off the administration's "War on Cops" with a $5 million fishing expedition.
May
Proving himself fully capable of stepping into the pantsuit of his predecessor, Secretary of State John Kerry makes the bold claim that sex slavery is even worse than Obamacare. No one believes him.
A wide-ranging scandal involving the execrable medical care at VA hospitals comes as a
complete surprise to Barry because it hadn't been mentioned on ESPN. The president declares himself to be "angry" about the situation, then does nothing about it until...
June
Proving that he
does care about veterans, the president releases five veteran Taliban terrorists from Gitmo in exchange for suspected Army deserter Bowe Bergdahl. Bergdahl is given a hero's welcome by Mr. Obama, after which all records relating to his possible deserter status are locked away.
Keeping the illegal alien bandwagon rolling, Obama declares that America has no future if it's relying on kids who are too stupid to break the law.
The situation in Iraq continues to worsen. Obama resents getting any blame, claiming that his military decisions were based on "bad intelligence." The same media which crucified Bush for using the same phrase suddenly declares Obama to be an innocent victim.
We learn that Obama had good reason to say there wasn't a "smidgen" of evidence of IRS corruption because, as part of routine office procedure, all of the IRS's hard drives, laptops, mainframes, and backup devices have been put into woodchippers.
Hillary Clinton attempts to jumpstart her 2016 presidential campaign by identifying with the
little people and claiming that she and Bill were "dead broke" when they left the White House. The claim is so ridiculous, even Monica Lewinsky can't swallow it.
July
Much to the consternation, or possibly constipation, of Judge Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the Supreme Court decides that Obamacare doesn't quite trump Freedom of Religion, and Hobby Lobby doesn't have to pay to terminate the lives of the unborn.
Tens of thousands of children illegally enter the United States - apparently with the active assistance of the Obama administration - and are redistributed to secret locations around the country at huge taxpayer expense. The children who, after all, are our nation's
future do not come empty-handed - bringing with them a wide variety of interesting third world diseases.
August
As things go from bad to worse in the Middle East, Barack Obama decides to send just a few troops back into action in hopes of recapturing some strategically vital popularity poll points.
Major General Harold Greene becomes the highest ranking soldier killed in Afghanistan, and the president shows himself to be
also highly rank when he decides to go golfing instead of attending the funeral. He does, however, comfort Greene's family by pointing out in a brief cellphone call, "it could be worse, Harold could have ended up in a VA hospital."
Following the 100% justified shooting of not-so-gentle giant Michael Brown in Ferguson, Eric Holder decides that Officer Darren Wilson is almost certainly one of those racist cops he's been spending so much money looking for, and that "America is a nation of cowards unless we can have a race war."
September
ISIS, annoyed that Barack Obama has completely ignored them for two years as they laid waste to the Middle East, starts beheading people on YouTube in hopes that Susan Rice will see it. Joe "I think I forgot my meds again" Biden declares we'll follow ISIS to the gates of Hell, while Barry "I'm the only man in the world who calls them ISIL" Soetoro hopes merely to make them a small ongoing annoyance like jock itch. Neither of these things happen.
The Secret Service is enveloped in scandal when it's revealed that they're not actually doing a very good job of protecting the president. Fortunately, their morale gets a significant boost when people start slapping them on the backs and buying them drinks.
Still diligently working at ginning up a race war, Barack Obama goes to the United Nations and declares that no matter
what brutal human rights violations are taking place elsewhere, they can't be as bad as what the police are doing to black Americans.
October
Although it's getting late in the year, there is finally good news in October. Bill and Hillary Clinton become grandparents when their daughter Chelsea, in a show of support with Hobby Lobby, brings a child to full term. This is not, however, the good news we were referring to. The good news is that Halloween is coming. We like Halloween.
Shortly after the president assures the nation that Ebola will never enter our country, Ebola enters our country and Joe Biden starts campaigning to bring it "out of the shadows" and maybe give it a free college loan.
As the days tick down to the mid-term elections, it becomes increasingly clear that Democrats would rather be seen with a projectile-vomiting Ebola patient than with their unpopular president. In a genuinely brilliant act of revenge, Obama announces that no matter where an election takes place, or who the candidate is, it's actually a referendum on his policies.
November
Following a landslide GOP victory in the mid-term elections, Obama decides that it wasn't a referendum on his policies after all, and that everyone who didn't vote would have voted for him if they could have, thereby giving him a mandate to kiss his sanity goodbye.
Following months of provocation from every race hustler in the United States, riots erupt when a grand jury declares that Officer Darren Wilson did nothing wrong in the self-defense shooting of Michael Brown. Barack Obama, ignoring the grand jury findings, says it is necessary for black people to demonstrate and make things "uncomfortable."
December
The president gives amnesty to five million illegal aliens and snidely implies that everyone else is here illegally too. Clearly, we should
celebrate the fact that we're a nation of outlaws - held in check only by those damned racist police officers.
The "hands up, don't shoot" gesture becomes a popular way for liberals of every race, creed, and color to say "cops are evil and something needs to be done about them."
Something
is done about cops when two are (in the president's words) "made uncomfortable" by being assassinated in cold blood by a whackjob who was inflamed by anti-cop rhetoric.
Suddenly, all of the liberal race hustlers declare that they have
no idea where the killer got his ideas from, looking around and shrugging as if the teacher in "A Christmas Story" had just asked them if they knew where Flick was after recess.
And that's more or less where 2014 comes to an end: our foreign affairs are in disarray, our borders have essentially collapsed, race relations are as low as they've been in a half-century, there is the looming threat of outright war between the federal government and America's police departments, and Barack Obama has decided to spend his last two years in office as an out-of-control king. And that's only counting the stories we wedged in here - there were plenty more, but the warning light on our blood pressure cuff was blinking red.
Still, 2015 is a new year and we're expecting great things. Well, not
great things, but we expect Harry Reid to be absolutely
miserable - and that's something.
