HnC Vault: Guantanamo

Originally published May 24, 2009


Even in these days of Hope n' Change, it can be tough to be a Democratic politician. They want Guantanamo closed because Bush was keeping those poor souls locked up illegally. But the Dems also don't want to get blamed if the prisoners turn out to be "terrorists" once released on American soil. So they've denied funds to close Guantanamo...thus making themselves the new jailers.

Update 4/2/2011

Guantanamo hasn't been in the news much lately because, two years after the cartoon above, Barack Obama and the Democrats have quietly decided to keep it open after all, even though they'd previously claimed that the simple existence of the prison facility was an abomination which helped our nation's enemies recruit new terrorists.

And oddly, the same mainstream media that had previously lumped Guantanamo in with Auschwitz and Buchenwald has fallen silent. In much the same way that they aren't blaming Obama for the appalling military "kill teams" (who took photos of civilians they'd murdered), even though this same media blamed President Bush personally for the egregious weeny-pointing which occurred at Abu Ghraib.

And so we get back to some very familiar basics: "Presidentin' is hard," "Obama lies," and "the mainstream media is full of hypocritical lefties."

Which brings us to the main reason I pulled this cartoon from the vault: I just really like the punchline about Rocky Mountain oysters and Ritz crackers.
-

What a Difference a Day Makes

Today is April Fool's day...a day in which average people tell flagrant lies, play cruel pranks and practical jokes, raise people's hopes and then send them crashing, and similarly spend 24 hours acting exactly like politicians.

But imagine how great it would be if we could somehow turn the tables and force Barack Obama and other politicians to comply with normal standards of truth and honesty for the other 364 days a year!

Elections would actually mean voting for someone who really represents your values and is clear about his or her agenda. America's word in the world would mean something again. And Americans of all ethnicities and economic levels might actually be united by facing real and undeniable truths and challenges together (like, "Sorry! The government spent all the money years ago!") instead of being deliberately divided with cynical and well-calculated lies coming from our alleged leaders.

It's a lovely thought, isn't it? And just for today, April Fool's Day, Hope n' Change would like to believe that someday it could actually happen.

We're foolish that way.

Another good clue that March ended yesterday.

-

Well Well Well

To address Americans' concerns about the soaring price of gasoline, Barack Obama has outlined an ambitious new program to reduce imports of foreign oil by one third in the next ten years using a combined strategy of imaginary technologies, burning tax dollars, and Hey! Look over there!

Owing to time constraints, the alleged president didn't mention his role in banning oil and natural gas drilling in America's continental shelf, how he imposed a long and seemingly pointless moratorium on deep water drilling following the BP disaster (after he'd previously given the Deepwater Horizon platform a safety award), closed millions of acres of American land to gas and oil exploration, and had appointed an Energy Secretary who said that he'd like to see the price of American gasoline rise to much-higher European levels.

But Mr. Obama did outline some of his ideas for greater energy independence, including stepping up the use of nuclear reactors (which are now heavily discounted from Japan!), greater reliance on bio-fuels like corn and grass (currently used to power entire herds of cows) and, most importantly, solar power generators which will be attached directly to Mr. Obama's many mirrors and produce more electricity than the Hoover Dam.

Unfortunately, not many people are buying Mr. Obama's "running on empty" rhetoric. It seems like his magic is ebbing away...even though, when it comes to an energy policy, he's still practicing wishcraft.
-

The Great Clarificator

Here at Hope n' Change, we've got to admit that we were initially skeptical that Barack Obama would be able to offer a cogent explanation of why he unilaterally initiated extremely "kinetic military action" in Libya without seeking Congressional approval. And then went sightseeing in Brazil.

But after hearing his speech to the American people on Monday night (assuming you consider 4:30 pm "night" on the West Coast), everything has been made perfectly clear. Except...well...for just one or two points.

For instance, Obama described the great humanitarian purpose of sending cruise missiles into Libya, but neglected to mention that it was in support of rebels who were attempting to overthrow the government. Or that some of those rebels are affiliated with Al Qaeda. Come to think of it, he never mentioned the Libyan rebels at all.

The president emphasized that he authorized military force to protect America's "interests and values"...although his Defense Secretary, Robert Gates, says that our country has no "vital interest" there, and Barack Obama has previously only mentioned American "values" when condemning them overseas.

And now that we review his speech, the president didn't exactly make clear why we want to intervene in Libya but not any of the other hotspots in the world... although the distinction may have been made a bit clearer when an official in his administration announced that Libyan rebels (remember them?) could now start selling oil.

But despite his "go it alone," "cowboy diplomacy," "do it for oil," attitude, Mr. Obama took time to distance himself from President George Bush...making a sneering reference to the many years that "regime change" has taken in Iraq, versus Obama's "days not weeks" miracle in Libya.

Although he didn't quite explain exactly when our military involvement there will end. Or what our ultimate goal is. Or why he prefers to consult with the U.N. on military matters rather than America's elected officials.

But other than that, Mrs. Lincoln...it was a great speech.
-

Borderline Madness

Proving once again that the American government is always willing to provide charity to the needy in other lands, the ATF (under Eric Holder's Department of Justice) apparently helped smuggle more than 1700 weapons to Mexican criminals and drug cartels "to see where they'd surface."

Theoretically, this would provide valuable information which would allow the ATF to shut down gunrunners. But in this case, "theory" went out the window... and the AK-47s and armor-piercing shells were unsurprisingly used to murder dozens (if not hundreds) of people, including a U.S. Border Patrol agent and a Customs Enforcement agent.

When a huge operation like this goes so badly awry, it's important to find out exactly who authorized it and just what the hell they were thinking. And already, an investigative House Committee has been able to strike two names off the list: Barack Obama and Eric Holder - both of whom claim they knew absolutely nothing about the operation.

Mr. Holder denied responsibility for the actions of his people, claiming that he'd established in previous testimony that "my people" are actually the Black Panthers.

Mr. Obama went even farther, explaining that he couldn't possibly be aware of every Justice Department plan to ship guns to the Mexican drug cartels because he oversees "a pretty big government" with "a lot of moving parts." He then added that many of the moving parts are "really shiny" and that he blacks out if he watches them too long.

While it's disturbing to think of so many high-powered weapons heading into Mexico, we doubt that the problem will last very long. Because considering the porous state of our southern border, we're pretty sure a lot of those weapons will be coming back eventually...

Barack Obama and Eric Holder - "No Guns" Heroes?

-

Victory Speech

Tonight, our nation will once again be gifted with a speech made by the greatest orator since the dawn of time. Barack Hussein Obama has deigned to give Americans a hint of insight into why he went to war with Libya and, since he declared that the operation would take only "days, not weeks" over a week ago...how he won the war.

Publishers of history books have surely stopped the presses, waiting for Mr. Obama's inspirational words. Because in times of great crisis, this man...this great thinker...has shown over and over again that he can magically and poetically capture the very essence of any issue, armed with nothing but a team of speech writers and a bank of teleprompters.

Who among us can forget his famous "Speech on race," in which Mr. Obama balmed our nation's racial wounds by declaring that his own grandmother, a "typical white person," was uncomfortable around black men...making her a racist. And in that same speech, Mr. Obama declared that he could no more disown the racist Reverend Jeremiah Wright than he would his racist grandmother, which brought healing tears to the eyes of every racist in the country, secure in the knowledge that Obama loved them unconditionally, whether they changed their ways or not.

Similarly, words did not fail Barack Hussein Obama when he first toured the world as alleged president and repeatedly declared that America, until his takeover, had "shown arrogance and been dismissive, even derisive" to her allies. And we're pretty sure he's subsequently changed that dismissive, derisive arrogant attitude toward our allies, but we can't check it out with the UK or Israel because they're not talking to us anymore.

One thing for sure, though, the parts of his speech crediting Islam for all good things in modern civilization certainly struck a responsive chord...and it's safe to say that the Muslim world (not to mention the Muslim Brotherhood) has never glowed with greater ambition and self-esteem!

And so we look forward to Mr. Obama's uplifting victory speech tonight, in which he'll explain exactly how he was able to wrap up America's "kinetic military involvement" in Libya so quickly and efficiently.

It will surely be a "teachable moment" for all of us.

---------

A special "Hope n' Change" thanks to Michael Ramirez, the world's greatest political cartoonist, for the "Mission Accomplished" banner used in today's cartoon!
-
-

Hnc Vault: Obama Osama

Originally published June 7, 2009


As Obama and Osama compete for media attention in the Muslim world, you just know things like this are bound to happen.

Update 3/26/11

Early on in his alleged presidency, it seemed like everyone was confusing the names of Osama and Obama. But now, over two years later...well, people are still getting them mixed up.

Especially members of Al Qaeda who are now fighting alongside the rebels in Libya, while the United States provides air cover and clears the way for them by attacking ground targets.

Having two commanding officers with such similar names could create dangerous confusion on the battlefield, but fortunately the jihadists have found an easy way to differentiate between the two leaders.

If they refer to "He who can grow a beard," everyone knows which one they're talking about.
-