Miracle Workers

Michelle Obama, pushing hard to sign up healthy young suckers for Obamacare before registration closes soon, declared that the counselors who help people through the confusing process of enrolling are "doing God's work." Which is good, considering that her husband's administration has done everything possible to downsize the actual number of hours that God Himself is employed.

The first lady stressed that the young and healthy are in particular need of health insurance because they "could get hit by a car," which is certainly true considering that Joe Biden still has a driver's license.

Previously, Michelle said that Obamacare is right for young people because they're "knuckleheads," which is coincidentally why so many of them also voted for Obama, and why the president likes to speak on college campuses and the occasional kindergarten classroom (see below).

Despite the first lady's assertion that Obamacare is somehow holy (unless she means the gaping holes in the programming code for its website), it seems like there may be a bit of theological confusion going on at the White House just now. Why else would the president suddenly carve yet another new Executive Commandment into the Obamacare stone tablet, extending the amount of time that people can hang on to their old, substandard, Satan-based health insurance policies?

Truly, the Obama family works in mysterious ways.

FRIDAY BONUS: School Dazed

To promote his new budget-busting "budget" and its call for universal Pre-K classes, Barack Obama recently paid a visit to Powell Elementary School to pose for pictures.

Pictures which are almost surely being broadcast continually on Russian television to prove, at a time of international crisis, what a derp-emitting dweeby numbnuts our president is.

Beady Eyed

Hope n' Change is condensing our usual detailed analysis of the news today because the events in Ukraine are complicated, the situation is fluid and volatile, and because we've been invited to a Fat Tuesday celebration and can't really type very long at this computer keyboard while wearing all of these beads, feathers, and flashing LED accessories.

We will note that Obama has definitely thrown a darn good scare into Putin with all of his talk of seriously considering joining a coalition of nations in affirming the remote possibility of "costs" for further military activity, which is why Vladimir now says he may not need to immediately invade the rest of Ukraine (boy, that's a relief!).

The fact that he then test-fired an ICBM missile and threatened to destroy the United States economically was probably just a little temper tantrum based on Obama's clear foreign policy victory. Talk about being a sore loser!

But for now, all any of us can do is watch this developing crisis. Specifically, we'll be watching it on a small television in the corner of "The Big Easy" restaurant while drinking hurricanes, eating po boys, collecting tossed beads, listening to good New Orleans jazz, and trying not to think of the boobs on display in Washington.

On His Period Again

Once again, America's chicken has come home to roost. Barack Obama's utterly spineless response to Russian military action in Ukraine has pretty much signaled to the world that the United States is officially no longer a meaningful player in foreign affairs and no advocate for freedom or democracy.

The president's appalling lack of seriousness was on full display when, less than a half hour after tersely declaring that Russian intervention in Ukraine could force the United States to "stand with the international community in affirming there will be costs, including shipping, handling, and sales tax," he rushed to a Democratic fundraiser, declared it to be "Happy Hour," and then swapped jokes with a high-roller about the possibility of nuclear war with Russia.

Then on Saturday, as a freshly-emboldened Russia rolled additional troops into Ukraine, the president's national security team met to discuss the rapidly evolving crisis and, upon finishing their deliberations, noticed that there was one Krispy Kreme doughnut left over because Barry hadn't bothered to attend the meeting. Although, according to a White House spokesperson, the president was later filled in by Susan Rice, who suggested that the president launch a drone attack on YouTube as soon as possible.

Vladimir Putin has correctly assessed that there is no threat whatsoever from the president whose "red line" became a punchline. Barack Obama has turned our once-respected national strength into an international joke.

And it's only the enemies of freedom who are laughing.