Rushing Roulette

After repeatedly having his ass handed to him by Vladimir Putin for the past 8 years, Barack Obama decided yesterday that it was "now or never" to finally take strong action against Russia... whether Russia had done anything wrong or not.

Which is why, in reaction to the so-called "election hacking," Obama ordered 35 Russian diplomats (described by the White House as "intelligence agents") out of the country, closed a couple of domestic Russian facilities (described by the White House as "intelligence agencies"), and promised to unleash a cyber counterattack (described by the computer literate as "fat chance").

Unfortunately, despite requests from the Senate and House Intelligence Committees, Barry has failed to produce any compelling evidence that Russia was behind the Wikileaks document releases which revealed to American voters that the Democratic party, from Hillary on down, is populated by sleazy, bribe-mongering crooks, lunatics, and sex addicts. In fact, it's highly questionable whether any final intelligence analysis will even hit Obama's desk before he leaves office - making the timing of his saber-rattling highly suspect if not downright dangerous.

Mind you, Hope n' Change isn't suggesting that Russia didn't hack into the email servers of Hillary, Leon Panetta, and the DNC. Of course they did; the cyber-porch lights were left on, the cyber-front door was wide open, and there was a big cyber-sign on the porch saying "please don't steal anything while we're not home."

The secret keepers were, in the laughable words of James Comey, "extremely careless." Meaning neither Russia nor anyone else had to be extremely clever to steal documents.

But all of that being said, no evidence has been presented that it was Russia who gave damning but 100% truthful documents to Wikileaks. It could have been a mischievous high school kid or, our personal belief, a Democratic insider who wanted to save our nation from Hillary.

Which is why it's disconcerting that Obama, while still vacationing in Hawaii, has prematurely chosen retaliatory action against the only suspect who has a huge nuclear arsenal and pretty much no sense of humor.

Perhaps, before the big ball drops in Times Square on New Year's Eve, he just wants everyone (especially Historians) to think that after 8 simpering years in office his own balls have finally dropped.

AND ONE MORE THING...



Drink up, drive safely, and join us Monday for "2016 - the year in review!"

Putting the POS in POTUS

Yes, it's an old cartoon - but it's never been truer.

Although Barack Obama has only days left in office, he's doing his best to make every one of them count...in the worst possible ways. As a case in point, witness his almost unbelievable betrayal of Israel by failing to prevent the passage of a U.N. resolution which will do grave damage to our (ahem) former ally for years to come.

Even worse, Israel claims to have evidence that the Obama administration actually helped draft this sneak attack on Israel - clearly missing any moral insight from the recent visit of Japan's prime minister to Pearl Harbor.

Also in his busy, busy schedule, the president has been releasing prisoners from jail faster than Henry Ford churned out model-T's, recently setting a new record by granting 231 pardons in a single day - which is perhaps only a warm-up for setting more felons free in the coming weeks. But at least he's not dumping dangerous prisoners from Guantanamo on the world, right? Wrong! He's taking steps to transfer up to 18 more detainees before Trump takes office (only 4.5 of whom will return to battlefield mayhem and active terrorism, according to the government's own statistics).

But wait - there's more! To help assure that US relations with Russia are as bad as possible on his way out, Obama is about to announce plans to "punish" Russia for their alleged (yet entirely unsubstantiated) role in telling voters the truth about Hillary Clinton, thereby upsetting our precious national system of basing elections on catchphrases, lies, and genitalia. The president's retaliatory arsenal is said to include various harsh sanctions and "cyber-operations," including forcing Russians to use the Healthcare.gov website to get medical treatment.

Besides all of this active sabotage of the incoming Trump administration, Barry is also spending the waning days of his presidency ingesting large quantities of hallucinogens (perhaps with buddies from his Hawaiian "choom gang"). How else to explain his recent declaration that, had be been allowed to run again, he would have won a third term by beating Donald Trump.

Not because of any actual accomplishments, of course, but because "in conversations that I've had with people around the country - even some people who disagreed with me - they would say, 'The vision, the direction that you point towards is the right one.'"

That direction, by the way, remains unchanged after 8 years...although we're still unsure if it points to Mecca or Hell.

Merry Christmas to All

We don't need to elaborate much on the cartoon above - after 8 years, you already know the kind of people who Hope n' Change thinks deserve a permanent place on Santa's "really, really naughty" list.

So let's just move on to wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah! We're going to take just a few days off to enjoy family, friends, and this wonderful season, and we'll return on Wednesday the 28th with new ruminations on whatever insanity occurs between now and then.

Please know that we're not exaggerating when we say we consider you to be an important part of the big Hope n' Change family. Your comments, camaraderie, wisdom and humor are gifts we enjoy all year long and we're sincerely thankful. Have a great holiday, and see you back here soon!

College Education

Run, forest, run!

Hillary Clinton, who was desperately pushing a "free college education" pledge to win votes from the young and simple-minded, got her own college education Monday for the low, low cost of only $1.2 billion in campaign spending. Because Monday was when the members of the electoral college finally voted to officially make Donald Trump the winner of the 2016 Presidential election.

While Hillary still has ongoing grudges (and perhaps assassination contracts) against Vladimir Putin, Anthony Weiner, and schizophrenic FBI director James Comey for her loss on November 8th, the former first lady is blaming one and only one person for her massive electoral college loss: former actress (and recognizable human) Loretta Swit...

At the plastic surgeon's she went full retread. You should NEVER go full retread.

Swit was one of a handful of alleged celebrities who appeared in a last-gasp ad which encouraged electoral college voters to cast their ballots for somone - anyone - other than the man who actually won the Presidential election.  Clearly, no minds were changed...although we imagine the electors will continue to have screaming nightmares for the rest of their lives.

And so, Hope n' Change is emitting a small (but cautious) sigh of relief as it appears that the election results will really stick, and Hillary will be forced to spend the rest of her days out in that poplar forest foraging for grubs, berries, and nonexistent Foundation donors while muttering obscenities in the snow.

As Tiny Tim would say, "God bless us, every one!"

Alleged Home for the Holidays

Because "Mele Kalikimaka" is so difficult to pronounce

The left-leaning media is still hyperventilating about Russian interference with our election, going so far in some cases as to declare that we are no longer a free country and that Vladimir "Nice Pecs" Putin has successfully pulled off a massive coup d'etat. Apparently, his evil goal is to destroy us from within by facilitating the appointment of brain surgeons to cabinet positions.

All of which would seem considerably more like a terrifying existential crisis if Barack Obama cared enough to have skipped his annual bajillion-dollar Christmas getaway to the five-star environs of Hawaii. But there he is again, thousands of miles from the Oval Office - golfing, gnawing shave ice, eschewing any traditional symbols of Christmas or Christianity entirely, and (understandably) avoiding contact with family members as much as possible...

It's all the more impressive considering her deep sense of hopelessness.

Frankly, we're so sick of the first family and their wretched excesses that we pulled these cartoons out of the vault and can't really work up any enthusiasm about coming up with fresh ways to disparage them today. We're tired, we detest them, and we just want them gone.

Not that it's a bad start having them on Oahu. Which, by wild coincidence, is what we'll be shouting when they're escorted (hopefully forcefully) out of the White House on January 20th.

BONUS: A RANDOM HOLIDAY THOUGHT...
...to help us fill out the page at least a little more.

Seriously, why isn't PETA all over this?!

ADDITIONAL BONUS: YEP, IT'S MONDAY
Unlike sunny, expensive Oahu, it got darned cold in north Texas last night...and we've discovered that the pipes have frozen in one of the bathrooms. We've now got a heat lamp on the exterior wall, and a battery of space heaters and hair dryers blowing on the interior pipes (the area with the actual blockage can't be reached directly).

There is also a real sense of suspense, wondering if - at any moment - our bathroom faucet will simply return to normal operations...or we'll discover that a ruptured pipe is filling the walls of our home with water just in time for a randomly selected plumber to earn enough money for all of his Christmas shopping. And a Hawaiian vacation.

SO STILTON, HOW'S YOUR OBAMACARE DOING?
Thank you for asking. Healthcare.gov finally conceded my imaginary earning status for 2017 so that I could select another crappy, overpriced HMO plan - which I did.

And I assume all of that went smoothly, because last week I received six - count 'em - six new ID cards from Blue Cross. Three for me, and three for Mrs. Jarlsberg who isn't on the policy anymore.  Then on Saturday, I received two more ID's, both of which are in my name but showing different policy numbers.  So there's at least some chance that I now have 8 insurance policies.

None of which stopped Healthcare.gov from sending me daily reminders that I was not insured and needed to hurry to beat the cutoff deadline. Which they've now extended since the website (for the umpteenth time) failed to keep up with the traffic.

They've also let me know that I can pay my multiple insurance policies by giving them my banking information and letting their crack computers siphon money whenever they feel like it.  I'd sooner hand over my information to a Nigerian prince who wants to share his fortune.

(Noon Update: I swear on all that's Holy that I just got two more ID cards in today's mail.)

TRIPLE BONUS: MULLIGAN'S ISLAND

Not, of course, that there's anything wrong with that.

Irony Man

This is SO much funnier when you substitute the correct word for "bleeping"...

The Left is still pushing the story that the integrity of our recent election was fatally compromised by leaked information which, according to unnamed and unsubstantiated intelligence agency sources who are leaking information (if not made up entirely) came from Russia.

We've already editorialized on this nonsense, but found that a new low was reached when White House spokesweasel Josh Earnest declared (not joshing, but earnestly) that "It's just a fact that (Trump) was encouraging Russia to hack his opponent (to) help his campaign."

Well, no - it's a fact that Trump made a very obvious joke about Russia finding the 30,000 emails that Hillary was hiding from investigators. But when this obvious truth was pointed out to Earnest, he glowered, "I don't think anybody at the White House thinks it's funny that an adversary of the United States engaged in malicious cyberactivity to destabilize our democracy. That's not a joke. Nobody at the White House thought it was a joke. Nobody in the intelligence community thought it was a joke."

In other words, nobody in the White House or intelligence community would know a joke if it bit them in the ass. Which this one actually has.

Still, the preposterous hubbub is giving some Leftists hope that Monday's vote by the electoral college might still overturn the will of the people...



We think it's almost impossible that there will be a last-minute upset in the electoral college, but we admit we'll breathe easier when the voting is finally done, and Donald Trump's win is validated. Or is that Vlad-idated...?

BONUS: GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS PAST
From the yuletide vault in 2012...

And don't forget...

You probably think this was just an excuse to bring back Busty again. And you're right.

Our exclusive Hope n' Change Christmas music collection from Manhole Steamrising is still free for you to download and/or share with anyone you want! Just click on this link: http://bit.ly/2hpIDcs

Circumstances Beyond Our Control

Readers- Believe it or not, it actually takes a modicum of focused thought to do each post on Hope n' Change, and that simply proved impossible today owing to a personal situation which has now been successfully resolved. But rather than leave you in the lurch (as we like to say to John Kerry), here are some cartoons from the vaults which still have something to say about current (and sadly recurrent) stories.

Regarding the wave of accusations about "fake news," Hope n' Change thinks we all know how the game is really played...

And Brian Williams is leading the charge against "fake news?" Really...?!



Meanwhile, as yet another parting gift from the outgoing president, Barack Obama has declared that our nation is still suffering from the effects of slavery. And he makes an interesting point, since by almost every available metric, things have gotten much worse for black Americans...over the last 8 years.

Okay, things haven't gotten worse for EVERY black family...

Ever the whining grievance-monger, Obama has never been shy about bemoaning "the blood of slaves" which courses through the veins of his privileged wife and daughters. But it was only in 2012 that a lone researcher surmised that there might be a scintilla of slave's blood in Obama. Inherited from his white mother's side rather than from Barack senior...



Meanwhile, Barry is criticizing Donald Trump for missing some daily intelligence briefings (a criticism which we find valid, by the way), and saying that a president is "flying blind" without those briefings. But why in the name of Beelzebub's blast furnace didn't anyone say that to Obama for the last 8 years?!

Some reports say that Barry skipped as many as two thirds of his intelligence briefings, including the one the morning after the Benghazi debacle. Instead of attending the briefing, he flew to Las Vegas for a fundraiser at which he compared the "sacrifices" of Democratic fundraisers to the sacrifices of four still-warm murdered Americans. The miserable rat bastard.

Okay, Happy Hour is officially on...which means it's time for us to take time off. Hopefully everything will be back to normal here (or as close as it ever gets) on Friday!  

Russian to Judgement

Barack Obama has ordered a "full review" of cyber-chicanery associated with the 2016 elections, under the belief that Russia may have tampered with our sacred voting process by somehow having created a 30 year history of corruption by Hillary Clinton and everyone she's ever been in contact with.

Where do we even begin? The CIA - no doubt under orders and perhaps the threat of waterboarding - has issued a strong but factually vague statement that people who may have connections to people who may be Russian may have provided Wikileaks with vast amounts of hacked information about Hillary's decades-long history of sleazy deals and ineptitude, which may have influenced the election because (unlike most information given to voters) it was all true.

The accusations would be more plausible if the CIA, FBI, and DOJ weren't so thoroughly compromised by their own political cover-ups and scandals at this point. As their main mission is now the protection of undeserving Democratic asses, we're not exactly impressed with anything they're saying now.

And just how "meta" is the accusation that Russia tried to corrupt our election process by releasing proof (and plenty of it) that Hillary and the DNC had already corrupted the election process? Who's the actual criminal here, and who's simply a witness?

Hope n' Change actually thinks it pretty unlikely that Russia had anything to do with the release of damning information about Hillary and her cohorts in crime. After all, if they had hacked all this dirt (not to mention every Top Secret hosted on her email server) wouldn't they want Hillary to win so that they'd own an American President because of all the blackmail potential?

That's why we think it far more likely that the source of the hacked material was an individual patriot from the Democratic party or a domestic intelligence agency who saw this as the only way to save America from a corrupt, shrieking, money-grubbing, two-faced, brain-damaged harpy with a gift for screwing up every policy issue she's ever touched.

Obama's highly publicized demand for a report on computer espionage is supposed to be rushed to his Oval Office desk (no doubt to be left between his fingernail clippings and scuff marks from the heels of his shoes), but the results may never be made public. Which is hardly surprising, considering that the actual purpose of Obama's call for an investigation is simply to delegitimize the upcoming Presidency of Donald Trump.

In other words, a hostile government really is trying to subvert the will of American voters. It just happens to be the government currently in Washington.

A Moment of Silence

No jokes or politics today. I just found out that my friend and neighbor of 25 years passed away a few hours ago, quite suddenly, from complications of fast-moving Alzheimer's disease.

He was a good guy (and like the rest of us, not a perfect guy) who worked hard his entire life, had a wife and family, achieved a degree of success which transcended his upbringing and education, and who poured me a nicely-spiked glass of eggnog every year at Christmas time while our wives wrinkled their noses and said "how can you guys drink that stuff?!"

He took pleasure in keeping his home and lawn immaculate, loved to engage in long conversations when we met at the mailbox, and he proudly wore his patriotism on his sleeve.

I can't help thinking of the juxtaposition of my friend dying the same day as John Glenn. One was an astronaut who soared the heavens, and the other was an American of the kind who defines the bedrock of our nation.

I'll miss them both.

2020 Visions

Even though Donald Trump hasn't even been inaugurated yet, Joe Biden has already stepped forward to offer himself as a possible opponent in the 2020 Presidential race. When asked by alleged reporters, the soon-to-be-former Veep declared "I am going to run for President in 2020. What the hell, man, anyway."

Granted, he hasn't officially thrown his hat into the ring, but that's because it's his winter hat and he has problems unfastening the chin strap while wearing the mittens buttoned to his coat sleeves. And a friend of ours posited how much fun it would be if Joe had a match-up against General James Mattis, who could run as "Mad Dog 2020," thus endearing himself to generations of partiers who have a history with fortified wine.

Biden would, of course, bring a lot to such a contest. For one thing, he's a wacky old white guy with a disturbingly unnatural hairline, which was certainly popular in this election cycle. Additionally, he's pretty much the last major Democrat standing; Bernie will be in a soundproofed socialist rest home within four years (perhaps sharing a room with Castro's ashes), and in that same time frame we expect to find Hillary's well-pickled liver floating in a glass jar at the Smithsonian.

Still, all of this is actually good news according to Democrats like Nancy Pelosi...

The newly re-elected House Minority Leader and Botox spokesperson disagreed with reporters who found it odd that, in a time when voters clearly want change, Democratic House members decided to dust off an archeological relic like Nancy to guide them .

"I don't think people want a new direction," Nancy said through clenched teeth while compulsively blinking her tarantula-leg eyelashes. Really? Democrats were swooning over Bernie Sanders and the country actually voted in Donald Trump because they wanted to "stay the course" set by Obama and Pelosi? Seriously, this woman is on some kind of world class drugs. Not that we're ruling out senile dementia.

DEC 7th, 2016: ANOTHER DAY OF INFAMY

The few remaining survivors of that horrible day 75 years ago now have the odd distinction of being attacked twice at Pearl Harbor...once by the Japanese, and once by the Obama administration.

Yes, we understand the symbolic importance of showing Japan and the United States united on this historic anniversary - but it could so easily have been presented to the public without accusing those aging heroes who fought, bled, and saw their friends and shipmates blown to pieces, drowned, or burned alive of "personal bitterness" if they haven't just "moved on" and made their peace with the horror of the sneak attack.

This appalling statement makes it clear that, in the mind of this administration, this anniversary is not about those who fought or died at Pearl Harbor, but rather about one more fatuous photo-op with a foreign figurehead for the sole benefit of the second greatest American tragedy to originate in Hawaii: Barack Hussein Obama.

What Are You Waiting Fir?!

And he probably said where to put them.

Here at Hope n' Change, we find that we're filled with radiant happiness each time Barack Obama does anything as president for the last time. It's a delightful reminder that his days in office - and our days of misery - are literally numbered.

To that end, we're happy to announce the addition of our new countdown clock which you can find in the top left column of this blog. We fretted briefly over whether it was unseemly and disrespectful to headline the clock as showing "time till the screen door hits Obama's ass," but after further introspection we realized that everything else we might have said would be considerably more unseemly and disrespectful.

Seriously, our constipated nation is waiting anxiously for its electoral enema to kick in so we can be rid of this guy. In fact, it now strikes us that we'd like to be at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue the day Barry makes his final goodbyes, so that we could then blast the sound of a flushing toilet through powerful amplifiers. Perhaps we should start a Kickstarter campaign...

BONUS: TWEET REVENGE

"Initial reports are no survivors at MSNBC..."

We almost (but not quite!) wish that Trump would fire off a few tweets like the one above, just to coax more screams and lamentations from those on the Left. Because we're getting so much enjoyment out of their ongoing suffering.

Then again, he doesn't actually need to toy with the Leftists because they're already losing their minds over his excellent cabinet pics.  A Secretary of Defense who understands military might, wants to avoid war when possible, and values the lives and commitment of our troops? Horrors! A Secretary of Education who actually puts quality education (especially in our inner cities) ahead of protecting teachers unions? Madness!

If there's a connecting theme to Trump's picks to date, it's that he's eschewing the ivory tower academics who claim to be experts in their fields, and instead choosing people who have actually demonstrated significant accomplishment in those fields.

It really is beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.

Bar Exam

In an unintentionally hilarious interview with Rolling Stone ragazine (spelling intentional), Barack Obama asserted that the reason Democrats got pulverized in the recent election is because "Fox News (is playing) in every bar and restaurant in big chunks of the country."

While demonstrably not true, Hope n' Change doesn't doubt that the insufferable dimwit-in-chief actually believes his fantasy because it protects him from taking personal responsibility for an historic electoral trouncing.

In Barry's mind, overstuffed white people would sit silent and transfixed at the local Cracker Barrel restaurant, sucking syrup out of their pancakes rather than chewing noisily, all the better to hear the Right Reverend Sean Hannity accuse Hillary Clinton of being a Martian.  Or perhaps he imagines eerily quiet Happy Hours during which patrons sat on bar stools in hypnotic trances while the gospel of hate was preached by Bret Baier, Britt Hume, and other bomb-throwing radical conservatives.

Barry did concede that the Democrat party had a problem with messaging and getting the word out to voters - but we have to disagree. We think their message came through loud and clear: that under Obama, what used to be a part-time job is now considered a career. That a stagnant economy which benefits only the rich and well-connected is the new norm. That laws are only for little people to obey.

We got the message that the Left considers ordinary Americans (also called "a basket of Deplorables") to be racists, misogynists, xenophobes, homophobes, ignoramuses, gun nuts, religious fanatics, and potential terrorists.

We got the message that a boy who believes he's a girl has more rights than all of the actual girls in a school shower. We got the message that inner city schools should never be improved, and that loans for uselessly self-indulgent college degrees need never be paid back.

We got the message that there is no gestational time limit on killing the unborn, up to and including the moment of birth. We got the message that illegal aliens have a "right" to jobs and benefits that legal citizens lack. And we got the message that as bad as things were under Obama, they were about to get a whole lot worse under Hillary.

And then we voted.

Which is why Barack Obama's actual legacy may only turn out to be a few soon-forgotten interviews in yellowing issues of Rolling Stone.

BONUS: DECEMBER ALREADY?!

Lots of you may be putting up Christmas decorations this weekend, which is why we're giving you a FREE no-strings-attached downloadable album of relaxing instrumental Christmas music!

Not available in stores. Trust us on this one.

It's the "Manhole Steamrising Complete Christmas Collection," consisting of 15 soothing tracks of Christmas favorites, two of which are "Adeste Fidelis" and are done (as Basil Fawlty would say on gourmet night) "in two extremely different ways."

It's all perfectly legal, and you're free to share the music and/or the link with as many people as you like. In fact, we encourage you to share! Please! Tis the season! Just click this link to get your download started.

You'll end up with a ZIP file which, when double-clicked, will open up into a folder with your 15 songs in MP3 format. No spam, no viruses, no hassles whatsoever. Although if you downloaded the album when we offered it last year, you may experience some holiday deja vu while listening.

If you'd like to sample the music (or just enjoy it without downloading), we've also put the album on Youtube. Just click below to play!

Room For Rant

Quick! Get this man pain-killers instead of a pacemaker!

There are reports that Obamacare reform may be one of the first things addressed after President-elect Trump is sworn in ("Nuke it from orbit," he may say, "it's the only way to be sure") and we're certainly hoping it's true. Because it's "renewal time" again...by which we mean not only renewing our health insurance, but renewing our hatred and disgust with the whole furshlugginer process.

Currently, we are receiving multiple email and telephone messages daily warning that our access to health insurance will be cut off soon unless we provide a host of documents to prove what our income will be in 2017. Documents which are pretty freaking hard to come by for self-employed cartoonists and gadabout authors.

Adding to the fun, we have to change policies because Mrs. Jarlsberg has just started Medicare. Interestingly, taking one person off a two-person policy costs you 75% of your subsidy. Because, according to Healthcare.gov, "screw you."

And speaking of Medicare, we just got a letter that Mrs. Jarlsberg's rates are being doubled before her first day of coverage because the same government which says they lack enough information about our income has simultaneously decided that we have an income of several hundred thousand dollars a year. A number which is only off by several hundred thousand dollars. And not in a good way.

But wait! There's more! The majority of policies being offered to us have only "restricted area" coverage - meaning if we're more than 50 miles from our north Texas home when our car is hit head on (perhaps by an angry young Muslim hoping to get eternal boning privileges in return for killing aging infidels) that we're not insured.

But at least if we stay home, we'll have coverage - right? Not necessarily. Because it turns out that in a medical emergency (say, an aneurysm which explodes violently while waiting for the electoral college to finally take their damn vote) you may be taken to a hospital that accepts your insurance, but there's no guarantee that the doctors who see you will accept your insurance. So again, no matter how much you're spending on premiums, you're not necessarily insured.

On a closing note, now that Texans are only offered HMO plans which funnel all medical treatment through a "gateway" doctor (and not the one Obama promised you could keep), we recently had our first visit with our assigned Personal Care Physician. We had intended it only as a friendly meet and greet, but for some reason, after only a brief conversation, the doctor wrote us a prescription for a powerful anti-anxiety medication and suggested that we fill it as soon as possible.

Which struck us as being the first and only thing about Obamacare which has been useful so far.

BONUS: PLEASE JOIN US IN SAYING...

Darn right she's getting champagne. She's earned it!

Rubik's Cuba

"That's what Monica said!"

Hope n' Change Monday Pop Quiz: Please read the following eulogy carefully, and then choose whether it's about A) Mother Teresa, B) Adolph Hitler, or C) Florence Henderson...

"We know that this moment fills (people) with powerful emotions, recalling the countless ways in which (this person) altered the course of individual lives, families, and of (a culture). History will record and judge the enormous impact of this singular figure on the people and world around (her or him). // We offer condolences to (the deceased's) family and our thoughts and prayers are with (those closest to the deceased). In the days ahead, they will recall the past and look to the future."

Okay, so let's make this easy - is it the eulogy for a wonderful person or a rotten one?

Wait, now that we're read it again, maybe even that's not so easy to tell.

Give up? Well, it could clearly be about any of the choices listed above - or any other human who has ever lived - but these actually are the entirely meaningless words babbled by Barack Obama regarding the passing of Cuba's monstrous, murderous, freedom-suppressing, communist dictator for life, Fidel Castro. A man who has been a blight upon the people of his nation and a sworn enemy of the United States for more than half a century.

Not that you'd know any of this from Barry's bland and non-judgemental pronouncements. But then, what would you expect from the president who recently "normalized" relations with Cuba in order to direct American funds to prop up the Castro dictatorship and further kill hopes for freedom and democracy among the oppressed still trapped within Cuba's borders?

Yet another reason why the radically anti-Freedom socialist in the Oval Office can't hit the street soon enough (hopefully on his rear end).

Meanwhile, Barry's not the only one feeling grief in the White House...

The hospital gift store was selling Whitman Sampler boxes from 1957.

Axe Not What Your Country Can Do For You

While we wouldn't have been surprised to see the above scenario actually happen, it now appears less likely that Hillary "I Lied About Everything" Clinton will be in need of a presidential pardon to escape justice.

President-elect Donald Trump has said he no longer intends to request a special prosecutor to go after Hillary. Instead, according to Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway, "if Donald Trump can help her heal, perhaps that's a good thing."

Uh...no.

Look, we understand the bad optics of having the new President zero in on a former political rival, and are fine with the idea that he doesn't do it personally. But healing?! Give us a break. Do any of the Bond villains get a hug after their plans for world domination fail? They do not. In fact, they usually disappear in gigantic, satisfying explosions.

And while Trump should not pursue Hillary his DOJ most definitely should, in order to send a signal that criminal activity simply isn't excusable in the privileged and well-connected classes anymore. If Trump truly wants to send a message about Law & Order, that's a good place to begin.

Additionally, on his first day in office we think Trump needs to permanently cancel security clearances for Hillary, Bill, Huma, Cheryl Mills, and the rest of the gang that so blithely gave away our most guarded intelligence. They should never, ever, under any circumstances, be privy to national secrets again.

On top of that, we'd like to see President Trump make it publicly known that anyone (individual, corporation, or nation) donating to the Clinton Family Foundation will be considered persona non grata by the new administration. Which should finally mean the end of any million dollar speeches or book deals by these detestable grifters.

BONUS: A LOT TO BE THANKFUL FOR


Our good friend Johnny doesn't appear on Hope n' Change very often, but we thought his perspective for this Thanksgiving was worth sharing.

Every one of us in this country has a lengthy list of things to be thankful for - and not just the fact that following the election, we'll be eating turkey this year while half the country and all of the media are forced to eat crow.

Here in the Jarlsberg household, we're grateful for many good things which have happened this year, especially in the life of daughter Jarlsberg (including a new job and a new dog, Ladybug - the world's most watchful watchdog). 2017 beckons as a fresh start, and we're feeling an optimism that has been missing for a long time - as you may have noticed in these pages over the past 8 years.

On a very personal level, we're truly thankful for YOU - our many loyal friends who have supported this website and shared your thoughts, insights, humor, and camaraderie on a daily basis.

Here's hoping you all have a wonderful and meaningful Thanksgiving!

NOTE: Unless something crazy happens (which is never unlikely), we'll be taking Friday off to spend time with family, catch up on some TV, or maybe hit some crazy sales at the stores. Because #BlackFridayMatters.

Cabinet Maker

Donald Trump continues to interview everyone under the sun for potential cabinet appointments, and Hope n' Change is enjoying the torment each new name causes those on the Left.

As of this writing, the President-elect is said to be considering General James "Mad Dog" Mattis for Secretary of Defense, which we're enthusiastically in favor of if only to watch liberal heads explode after hearing that Trump has appointed someone nicknamed "Mad Dog."

Much like Trump, the General isn't shy about generating attention-grabbing quotes. Among our favorites is "be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet."  Granted, there are rumors that the phrase was originated by Hillary Clinton, but we find it unlikely owing to her inability to be either polite or professional.

We don't have much to add just now, other than that we're pleased to see the outreach that Trump is making, and delighted with the quality of the people he's putting in important roles. The next four years are looking better and better.

Also, in case the position of Secretary of Smart-Assery is still available, our phone lines are open.

BONUS: STAGED FRIGHT

Yes, that's really the price.

It's hardly shocking that Broadway is something of a liberal cesspool, but those on The Great White (Privileged) Way hit new depths of dipshittery on Friday night when VP-elect Mike Pence attended a performance of "Hamilton."

Pence was booed by the audience, and at the evening's curtain call the cast delivered this insulting message from the stage: "We are the diverse America who are alarmed and anxious that your new administration will not protect us, our planet, our children, our parents, or defend us and uphold our inalienable rights."

As much as Hope n' Change would like to call for a boycott of the show (a retelling of our nation's formation in Rap music), it would run contrary to our support of our precious First Amendment right to say things that are stupid and offensive.

Rather, we're thinking of kicking off a fundraising campaign. If a bunch of us can put together $849, we can buy a ticket to the show for Mad Dog Mattis and encourage him to (ahem) meet the cast.

Over The Hil

After spending nearly a week in isolation, pulling the wings off butterflies and jabbing pins into a little James Comey doll, Hillary Clinton returned to the public eye on Wednesday night. Not that the public eye was particularly delighted by what it saw.

In marked contrast to her campaign appearances, Mrs. Clinton appeared to be wearing almost no makeup (causing a brief panic among building contractors that this might have been indicative of a spackle shortage), had puffy red eyes, lank hair, and in general looked about 10 years older than the last time we'd seen her.

Hillary's supporters, still active on Twitter because, frankly, what else do they have to do with their miserable lives - seized upon Hillary's low-glam look as a victory for feminism because Hillary was boldly bucking our patriarchal society by not tarting herself up as a sex object to please male eyes.  All we can say is "Mission Accomplished!"

Hillary was speaking at a fundraiser (no, really?) for the Children's Defense Fund, a group which presumably tries to keep the young and innocent from swapping online photos with Huma Abedin's husband, or climbing aboard a private jet to "Pedophile Island" in the company of Bill Clinton.

Despite a clear lack of energy, Hillary did address the outcome of the recent election, saying "I know that over the past week a lot of people have asked themselves whether America was the country we thought it was."

And the answer, of course, is no - it's NOT the country she thought. It's not happily dependent on goverment handouts, not willing to accept declining standards in healthcare and education, not ashamed of exhibiting faith nor patriotism, nor is our nation the racist, sexist, xenophobic nightmare which she never tired of condemning.

Whether Hillary wants to go back to wearing makeup is her business. Whether Hillary can make up with actual Americans is our business - and it must never happen. She's already done too much damage to ever be forgiven.

BONUS: "STAND UP" COMEDIAN

"Well, there was that time when I cut in line in front of Putin to get a shave ice..."

We can't help but laugh (and it's that shrill, scary laugh) when we hear Barack Obama telling Donald Trump to "stand up to Russia where they are deviating from our values and our international norms."

You know, sort of like Barry has stood up to Russia regarding Ukraine, Syria, the build up and redeployment of nuclear missiles, cyber attacks, and the increasing games of "chicken" Russia is playing with its warcraft and the borders of our allies.

Seriously, it's time for someone to stage an intervention for the Lame Douche - er, Duck - president. He's out of touch with reality, and he should really look into getting mental help while it's still covered on his presidential healthcare plan instead of Obamacare.

Full Moon and Empty Head

Okay, it's not subtle - but every time we've heard about the "supermoon" recently, we imagined that it was what Donald Trump and the American voters just gave Obama, the Democrats, and the mainstream media.

Not that the jug-eared Lame Duck in Chief is admitting it. Rather, while in Greece, he took yet another opportunity to distance himself from the election results and, of course, to disparage our nation while overseas.

"People seem to think I did a pretty good job," he told the Greeks, no doubt referring to the fairy people from the Land of Unicorn who frolic and gambol in his mind.  Because actual American voters were pretty unhappy about losing their doctors, having their healthcare premiums skyrocket, living with a stagnant economy for eight years,  having their religious faith and culture attacked, and only being able to find jobs in fast food restaurants which the president's wife said shouldn't be patronized.

Obama then told the international audience that America's Presidential election had been determined by "anger and fear," and "we are going to have to guard against a rise in a crude sort of nationalism or ethnic identity or tribalism that is built around an us and a them."

In other words, Obama is wrapping up his presidency the same way he started it: by telling the world that Americans are, by and large, ignorant assholes who shouldn't be trusted.

If that doesn't make him worthy of being on the receiving end of a supermoon (or in this case, millions of them) we don't know what would.

BONUS: SATURDAY NIGHT LAME

On the first episode of Saturday Night Live following Trump's election, the show kicked off with a combined tribute to the recently deceased singer/songwriter Leonard Cohen and the politically-dead Hillary Clinton.

With great solemnity, SNL's "Hillary" character played the piano and sang Cohen's achingly beautiful song "Hallelujah," carefully selecting only those verses which would make Hillary seem like a noble victim. Which inspired us to come up with some more appropriate lyrics...

With apologies to Leonard Cohen

Grinding Sounds from the Transition

Bonus! The souvenir t-shirt sales ALONE will help balance the budget!

As the Presidential transition moves ahead, and the Left continues to lose whatever semblance of sanity they might once have had, Hope n' Change would like to share some rambling ruminations on a variety of Trump-related topics.

First, let's talk about the thousands of anti-Democracy protesters clogging streets around the nation, all of whom are struggling desperately with the very real problem of shooting selfies which also include their "Not My President" signs. The protesters can generally be broken into two groups: paid agitators and idiots. The idiots can also be broken into two sub-groups: those for whom stupidity is simply a lifestyle choice, and those who are genuinely in fear...

 

The insensitive cartoon above notwithstanding,  we have sympathy for those who are truly terrified, and towering anger for those in the media who are lying and fear-mongering about the President-elect for the sole purpose of stoking panic.  A genuinely responsible media should now be running stories about why neither Trump nor any President can run the country like a complete lunatic thanks to the Constitution and separation of powers.  And they might also finally mention that Trump is, by almost any definition, a social liberal.

But nooOOooo. You've got the New York Times telling readers that they are suddenly going to "rededicate ourselves to the fundamental mission of Times journalism; to report America and the world honestly, without fear or favor." And on the very same day, here's how they "honestly" and "without favor" describe the election's consequences: "Suddenly, the progressive, post-racial, bridge-building society (of Obama) has given way to an angry, jeering, us-against-them nation to be led by a new president who relishes reality-show name-calling with racial overtones." Sheesh.

But the mendacity of the media is old news, and Hope n' Change would like to address another, newer problem - this one coming from Trump's staunchest supporters. As various names are floated for Trump's cabinet, some on the Right are fretting over what they see as a less than complete break from the past. They're upset that Rudy Giuliani, Pete Sessions, Newt Gingrich and others may end up on Trump's team.

To those who are worried: don't be. The reason you supported Trump in the first place is because you believe in his ability to hire and fire the right people - so give him a chance to do what he does best. And don't discount the need for him to bring in some experienced Washington players... because he's about to run headfirst into very experienced Washington opposition.

In other words, on both the Left and Right, it's time for all of us to take a deep breath and actually see how President Trump will govern.  There will be plenty of time for panic - or hopefully celebration - in the next four years.

Oh, and one more thing...

The Wizard of Beating The Odds

Actually, a Senate fell on her too.

The twister has blown through, the election is over, the Wicked Witch of the West Wing has been vanquished, and Donald Trump has not only opened the door to a strange (not to mention Technicolor) new world, but he also stands ready to pull back the curtain which has concealed the many manipulations and misdeeds of a fraudulent, out-of-control, anti-American government whose only real wizardry has been to buy favor by giving things away when they get caught ("By the power vested in me, I now declare that every millenial will get a free college degree in Thinkology!")

There may well have never been an uglier and more contentious election. But now, in the great American tradition, it is time for healing. In complete seriousness, Hope n' Change believes the moment has come for outreach, empathy, unification, and making peace with those with whom we've had deep and vocal political disagreements.

We're only talking about people on the Right, of course. We need to unify with each other. As far as the Left goes, well, they can take a flying fornicatory fling at a rolling donut. Seriously, every time we see a weeping liberal on television, we can't stop our convulsive laughter. Their pain and grief is like a delicious, refreshing sorbet which we're enjoying from an exquisite silver dessert spoon.

Please, sir, may we have some more?

Mind you, our attitude would make us cruel and insensitive if those panicking on the Left were in real jeopardy - but they're not. The Trump Gestapo will not be beating down doors to grab Hispanics. Women will not be forced to leave the workplace or be required to submit to government pussy grabbing (except during TSA searches and elevator rides with Bill Clinton).

Neither will women lose their freedom to abort the next generation of women (and men) if it suits their whim. And the KKK won't receive government funds to raise hell and burn things down, unlike many "activist" liberal groups which enjoyed such taxpayer largesse during the soon-to-be-buried Obama years.

The reality is that the snowflakes on the Left aren't actually afraid of Donald Trump, the man (although they believe themselves to be) - they're terrified of the gigantic mythological monster which the media - their media - has created out of whole cloth.  The greatest threat Donald Trump actually presents to millenials is that he may succeed in creating jobs for them. And work is a lot less fun than endlessly whining, marching in the streets, and burning American flags for no particular reason.

Of course, we'll concede that it is frightening to hear a presidential candidate call for the creation of a "National Civilian Security Force" to conduct (ahem) special policing within our borders. A new force as large and well-funded as the military. Fortunately, that isn't anything Trump called for - it was Barack Obama in 2008.

And how should LGBT Americans feel about a candidate who opposed Gay marriage rights and has close ties - personal and financial - to those who persecute and even murder homosexuals? That's definitely scary, and yet another reason that we're glad the candidate in question, Hillary Clinton, lost to a man who got a standing ovation at the GOP convention for proclaiming his unconditional support of LGBT rights.

In the interest of complete honesty, Hope n' Change concedes that we haven't been big fans of Trump in the past. But what he's accomplished is nothing short of a miracle, and he's now going to be heading a team which will presumably include some of the best minds in America for America. We honestly believe that he's going to try his best - however good that may prove to be - for people of every race, creed, color, religion, and sexual orientation in America.

For the first time in years, Hope n' Change really does have Hope. And we're pretty damn sure that we're about to see real Change.

Don't use your wipers - pantsuits leave streaks.

TODAY IS VETERANS DAY

 

If you get the opportunity to say "thank you" in person, then do so. If not, then do it in your heart. Hope n' Change is grateful, now and always, to America's military veterans. We owe you a debt which can never be repaid.

BONUS: FIRST CAMPAIGN PROMISE FULFILLED...

To Sleep...Perchance To Dream

...but not for sure.

Hope n' Change had every intention of staying up late to report on the winner of the 2016 election - but things are puttering out on the news networks at 1:30 a.m. without a definitive winner...and we're not as young as we used to be.

Happily, we're not as pessimistic as we used to be either, owing to it being a near certainty (at the time of this writing) that Donald Trump will have beaten Hillary, and will become President with a GOP majority Senate and House. Which means that Obama's "legacy" can go into the woodchipper beginning with Trump's first day in office!

Analysts have not yet determined how this major upset happened, although we'd like to think that we helped a little by having actively distributed a Wikileaks story about Hillary that may not have been entirely accurate...

 

We'll soon have a LOT to say about this election and what it means for our future, but for now we're calling it a night (just like Hillary's campaign director, John Podesta, did when he told all of her supporters to go home and not wait for any announcements from her - no doubt because she's in a towering rage and can't get her eyeballs to align).

We don't want to jinx anything by absolutely declaring Trump the winner yet - but we will say that we're currently experiencing more hope for change than anything we've felt in the past 8 years.

UPDATE: TRUMP WINS! HILLARY LOSES! OBAMA'S LEGACY? HA HA HA HA HA!

In honor of National Schadenfreude Day...