Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Running on Empties - Pupdate 2015

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Hope n' Change has received no compensation from Black Velvet for this endorsement. Damn it.
When better than the dog days of summer to report on, um, the dog days of summer? Which is why we're sharing this update on Penny (the official dog of Hope n' Change) and her favorite game. We've tried lots of toys, but her absolute favorite is an empty (and thoroughly rinsed) whiskey bottle with one marble dropped inside. We shake it tantalizingly, pitch it across the yard (the spout has a nice "German hand grenade" feel) and Penny fetches it. Or rather, she grabs it and brings it close enough for us to wrestle it away from her bared fangs - carefully counting our fingers afterward.

Frankly, it seems ironic that nothing makes her happier than an empty whiskey bottle, while few things make us sadder. Still, considering the unrelentingly negative nature of the news and Penny's delight with empties, it seems like we've struck the perfect symbiosis.

Penny will turn two in a couple of months and, despite the fact that she sometimes barks and chews the corner of our desk during critical editorial sessions, she's an ongoing joy to the Jarlsberg family.

What do you think - is it time to put Bark Obama and Joe Bitem back into the rotation?

Great Expectorations

Monday, August 24, 2015

Naive American

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Whether she lives in a wigwam or tepee, the race is definitely getting in tents!
If you happened to encounter political cartoonists and comedians high-fiving over the weekend, it was almost certainly due to the news that Joe Biden met with Elizabeth Warren to strategize about the 2016 election.

With Hillary increasingly looking like she's more likely to end up in the big house than the White House, Biden is thought to be kicking his creaky campaign machinery into gear. Of course, he has something of a financial disadvantage owing to the fact that he hasn't been actively fundraising yet (nor, like Hillary, selling American influence abroad) but this might well be counterbalanced by adding a popular minority-status VP candidate who is willing to work for beads and trinkets.

Frankly, the possibilities of this pairing seem like comedy gold, and darned if Hope n' Change is going to use up all our jokes now in case we need to stretch them out over the next year.

If they don't use this as their slogan, it could still make a good Disney film title.

Another day, another stomach-churning video, another yawn from the media and the Left.

But Hope n' Change would like to salute the many, many people who participated in peaceful protests against the anti-life abuses of Planned Parenthood this weekend. Abortion may well be here to stay, but profiteering, law-breaking, and flagrant disregard of human dignity doesn't have to be.

By the way, the executive who shared the above bit of wisdom was laughing about it.

Friday, August 21, 2015

Trust But Don't Verify

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Obama's Iran deal just keeps getting better and better - assuming, of course, that you're either Iranian or just a rabid anti-Semite who wants to see Israel vaporized on general principle (hint: we're referring to B. Hussein).

How else to explain the recently revealed little detail in "the toughest deal ever made" that says inspection of Iran's Parchin nuclear weapons development site will be handled through the International Atomic Energy Agency, which has agreed to let the Iranians themselves conduct the inspections.

Unlike most agreements of this sort (which is to say, agreements not negotiated by our ludicrous, Lurch-like, Nobel Prize-chasing Secretary of State) the IAEA experts who would normally conduct investigations and take samples will be barred from visiting the Parchin site, and must instead rely on whatever samples and photos the Iranians decide to give them. Even more astoundingly, the Iranians are already saying that the deal allows them to withhold photos or video of anything being worked on that has military significance.

So there's Barry's "years in the making" deal in a nutshell: all sanctions on Iran will be lifted immediately, Iran will receive $150 billion with which to buy weapons and deploy terrorists, further billions will roll in from oil sales with which to raise hell, AND they're free to work on nuclear weapons as long as they have military significance.

Hope n' Change is still somewhat undecided about Donald Trump, but for the love of all that's holy it's time we got someone in office who knows how to negotiate a critically important deal without being rolled like a drunk.


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Subway spokesman Jared Fogle has confessed to kiddy diddling and collecting child pornography which was produced by the former director of his charitable foundation. And although the Left no doubt thinks that Christian bakers should be forced to make cakes celebrating pederasty ("We want lots of cherubs, and make them sexy"),  Hope n' Change thinks that these scumbags deserve whatever rough jailhouse justice they receive from fellow inmates.

But per the cartoon above, it strikes us as sadly ironic that the world can seemingly collapse on predators who want to use children for sexual purposes, but the penalties are far less - indeed, nonexistent so far - for those who kill and butcher children then sell their organs.

Did Jared go too far - or just not far enough? And what the hell kind of world do we now live in that even requires us to consider such questions?


The two items above are so depressing that we decided that you (and we) needed a good cheap laugh to get our Friday back on track. So here it is...