Monday, September 22, 2014

Fencing Lesson

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The Secret Service is in some not-too-secret trouble following an incident Friday in which a man with a knife climbed over the White House fence, ran 70 yards across the lawn, and then entered the White House through an unlocked front door.

Fortunately, and entirely unsurprisingly, neither the president nor his family were in the White House at the time, having left for a weekend retreat at Camp David. Not that one man with a knife could really do much damage anyway without access to ISIS's YouTube account.

Still, this breach of security raises some troubling questions. For instance, why didn't the Secret Service react immediately, why didn't the White House snipers shoot the intruder, why weren't the trained guard dogs released, and is it too freaking much to ask Barry to lock the damn front door to OUR house when he sneaks off for more golf?!

Subsequently, the president has expressed "full confidence" in the Secret Service. Then again he also had "full confidence" that Assad wouldn't use chemical weapons, that Iran would stop trying to build nukes, that Putin would leave Ukraine alone, and that Al-Qaeda was "on the run."

Interestingly, neither Obama nor the Secret Service has issued any statement that the knife-wielding intruder was not part of an evil plot by Joe Biden to take over the presidency. If you know when to read between the lines, we think that says a lot.

The intruder, Omar Gonzalez, has now been given medical care, hot meals, counseling, comfortable lodging, a Swedish massage, aromatherapy, a full complement of welfare services, permission to fly without identification or hassles from the TSA, and he'll eventually be given a comfortable home at an undisclosed location somewhere in the United States at taxpayer expense.

Only kidding! That's actually the president's "come on in, everybody's welcome" policy for the tens of thousands of illegal intruders who violate the borders and land of ordinary riff-raff Americans on a daily basis. 

Gonzalez, on the other hand, got his ass arrested all to hell and gone for walking on Barry's lawn.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Terrorists Will Roo The Day!

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Hope n' Change has been considering the institution of "Good News Fridays" in which we help kick off your weekend with happy, uplifting, optimistic news items. Unfortunately, this is unlikely to become a regular feature because it doesn't seem like there is much good news lately, and the odds of it happening on any given Friday are about as likely as Barack Obama spontaneously singing "God Bless America" at one of his $100,000 a plate fundraisers.

That being said, there was good-ish news from Australia yesterday, after some 800 federal and state police officers raided and rounded up a group of Islamic State terrorists who were about to move on their plans to start grabbing ordinary Aussies off the streets, behead them, then distribute videos of the brutal murders on social media sites.

But Hope n' Change has a better idea.

Now that these wankers have been caught, how about putting them into the ring with really skilled boxing kangaroos, and then release the video of the terrorists getting the ever-loving crap knocked out of them!

Not only would the terrorists lose face (perhaps literally) in the eyes of the world, but it would make for some great video. In a world that desperately needs good news, it's time something went viral other than ebola.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Double Trouble

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Owing to circumstances beyond our control related to whose turn it was to keep the dog ("Penny - the official pooch of Hope n' Change") from eating the furniture, we didn't have time for a great deal of editorializing today and will let the images do the heavy lifting.

Per the cartoon above,  we're actually glad that the president is committing 3000 troops to the fight against ebola - we're just surprised that he was able to do it without lecturing us about the many cultural and scientific contributions ebola  made to helping us land a man on the moon.

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And speaking of things which make blood spurt from our every orifice, it seems that in the wake of the Benghazi debacle Hillary Clinton's staffers raided State Department records to remove or destroy any paperwork that might make her look bad.

On the plus side, while we still don't know who exactly is to blame for the death of Ambassador Chris Stevens, we at least know who it was that defiled his corpse.