Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Early Worm Gets The Bird

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Barack Obama traveled to Chicago on Monday in order to cast his ballot early and avoid the long slow-moving lines of dead voters who appear in huge numbers closer to election day.

"I'm so glad I can early vote," the president gushed while standing at a voting booth next to a young woman named Aia Cooper. "It's so exciting. I love voting!" Which will certainly come as a surprise to anyone who knew him in his Illinois senate days.

The president's visit to the polling place was not without moments of levity. For instance, after watching Obama direct small talk and googly eyes at Ms. Cooper, her fiancé, Mike Jones, warned "Don't touch my girlfriend."

The good-natured and heavily-guarded president laughed off the threat, saying that it was "an example of a brother just embarrassing you for no reason." Which seems like a pretty blatant example of racial stereotyping to us, but then again if Obama claims to know how all "brothers" act we're certainly not going to question his half-white judgement.

The president's arm-waving, "hey, look at me!" trip to the polls is part of a broad campaign to raise awareness of early voting in order to maximize voter turnout in the midterms, especially among African-Americans. Because, according to an expert witness funded by the Justice Department, black voters "tend to be less sophisticated" and "less attuned to public affairs."  In fact, according to one pollster,  fewer than half of African-Americans even know when the midterms are.

So here's a Hope n' Change helpful reminder: Republicans vote Tuesday, November 4 and Democrats vote Wednesday, November 5.

You're welcome.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Used Czar Salesman

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Last Friday, White House spokesweasel Josh Earnest announced Barack Obama's appointment of a new Ebola czar, explaining "what we were looking for is NOT an Ebola expert, but rather an implementation expert - and that's exactly what Ron Klain is."

Because, you know, the White House has done such a bang up job using non-expert "implementers" to do things like design the Healthcare.gov website, keep an eye on "Fast & Furious" guns, clean up IRS abuses, run VA hospitals, provide security in Benghazi, and - oh yeah - being president of the freaking United States.

Of course, there are those who believe that Klain doesn't actually need any medical knowledge as long as he's a tippy-top management kind of guy who knows how to work with large, ungainly, purely partisan bureaucracies and break the knee caps of political enemies. And in the words of Josh Earnest, "that's exactly what Ron Klain is!" 

And as a bonus, Klain can help formulate well-reasoned, calming messages for the public, much as he did when working as chief of staff for vice presidents Al "The World is Coming To An End!" Gore and Joe "If You Hear a Sound, Run Outside and Blast Your Shotgun in the Air!" Biden.

Klain also has experience handling large, complex, financial operations - such as when he ran point for the Obama administration's "$500 million down a rat hole" investment in Solyndra.

Still, there is at least a modicum of good news for those who believe that putting a political hit man in charge of our nation's Ebola response isn't a great idea: so far, he's already skipped two emergency meetings on the viral crisis - so at least he hasn't done any real harm. Yet.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Keep Your Pucker Up

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Following the latest round of news about his administration's stupendously inept handling of the Ebola crisis (including the CDC's recommendation to a feverish Ebola patient to fly on a commercial aircraft), Barack Obama actually cancelled a fundraising event on Wednesday, then ice-skated across Hell to hold a press event to reassure the increasingly worried American public.

"I hugged and kissed a couple of the nurses at Emory hospital because of the valiant work they did in treating one of the patients," Obama said, "and I felt perfectly safe doing so."

Following CDC protocol about exposure to possibly contagious individuals, those nurses will now be closely monitored for 21 days to see if they start golfing, blame their mistakes on others, show unusual sensitivity to Fox News, or scratch their crotches during the national anthem.

BONUS CARTOON: EBLOA PROTOCOL
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"Bodily Fluids" haven't been in the news this much since the heyday of president BJ Clinton and his faithful humidor, Monica Lewinsky.  Which is why this seems like a good time to remind the current occupant of the Oval Office of the potentially disastrous consequences of not taking common sense precautions, no matter how hard they are to swallow. 

So to speak.

HOPE N' CHANGE RECOMMENDS: MAC & WALLY
 

Politics has gone to the dogs - but in a good way! "Mac & Wally" are two funny, conservative dogs appearing in their very own comic strip which you can find on Facebook, Twitter, Ricochet, and probably some other social media services which we're too old to understand.

Hope n' Change has nothing to do with this strip other than really liking it. Click on the link and "like" or "friend" or "follow" or "poke" or whatever to get on the "Mac & Wally" bandwagon!