Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Man of the Cloth

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Barack Hussein Obama recently took time off from impeding Israel's efforts to defend itself and not giving a flying fornication about the anti-Christian slaughter in Iraq in order to do what he does best and most enthusiastically: praise Islam.

In official comments for the celebration of the Eid-al-Fitr feast which comes at the end of Ramadan's month-long period of fasting, the president praised Muslim-Americans for their many "achievements and contributions...to building the very fabric of our nation and strengthening the core of our democracy."

Sadly, very few people care enough about history anymore to acknowledge the great contributions of our nation's Muslim founding fathers, including Thomas Mohammed Jefferson,  Alexander Hussein Hamilton, and John Allah Akbar Adams. And speaking of the "fabric of our nation," fewer still know or care that the Declaration of Independence is written on the back of a prayer rug.  And don't bother checking it on Snopes - we already did, and it's true.

The president is also correct in his assertion that Muslim-Americans strengthen the core of our democracy - or at least the core of Obama's Democrat voting bloc.  According to a recent study, Obama enjoys greater support from Muslims than any other religious group in America - perhaps because he voices greater support for Muslims than any other religious group in America.

Seriously, have you ever heard the president praise Christianity for its role in putting a man on the moon? Have you heard him say that one of the "sweetest sounds on Earth" is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir? Can he even spell Presbyterian? We think not.

But in the spirit of Eid-al-Fitr, let us not bicker about religious differences but instead celebrate the strong fabric of America.

A strong fabric which, above all else, we'd like to see made into a straightjacket for Barack Hussein Obama as soon as possible.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Uncle Ream Us

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In case you're wondering why the president is now greeted with the musical strains of "Zippity Doo Dah" rather than "Hail to the Chief," it's because Barack Obama has decided that the only way he can pull the midterms out of the fire for the Democrats is to deliberately try to get himself impeached. Which is why the White House has started floating accusations that some unnamed person or body is thinking about impeaching the alleged president.

But why would Barry want to get impeached? Because in the current political climate, he could never actually be convicted by the other Democrats and so he can happily use the mere threat of impeachment as "proof" that he's the victim of racism. And the GOP knows this, which is why it doesn't want to start impeachment proceedings despite the fact that Obama is so clearly guilty of a vast buttload of high crimes and misdemeanors (including using the IRS as a political weapon, and rewriting healthcare law on a nearly daily basis for his own political benefit).

In the Uncle Remus story about Brer Rabbit, the wily hare begged the fox not to throw him into the briar patch - which was actually what he most wanted. Similarly, Brer Obama is doing his best to goad the GOP into throwing him into the impeachment patch. And since just being a wretched anti-American president hasn't been enough, he's now upping the ante to "triple dog dare" status.

Failure to support Israel in a time of war didn't get impeachment started...so the president sent $47 million in relief to Israel's opponents as provocation.

Failure to secure our southern border didn't start the impeachment ball rolling...so the president is starting a new program to let kids apply to come here without even bothering to make the trip across Mexico. Moreover, he's openly declared that this week he's going to take some major unilateral (and entirely illegal) executive action to shred our nation's immigration laws.

Sadly, the "Brer Rabbit" strategy is a win-win for Brer Obama: he can operate in an absolutely insane manner to enact any destructive policies he wants...and if the GOP tries to stop him via impeachment, his race-baiting party will clean up in the midterms.

This is one fairytale that can't possibly end "happily ever after."

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Friday, July 25, 2014

TGIF It

Eat your heart out, Tony Stark

Hope n' Change is taking the day off owing to the stringent requirements of our "Vow of Sanity."

Seriously - more plane crashes, more anti-Israel rhetoric, more IRS obfuscation, more Boko Haram violence, more presidential fundraisers, more of everything that (as Aristotle once quipped) "blows donkey dicks." Although admittedly, that phrase sounded a lot more urbane when he said it in the original Greek.

So we're spending the day cleaning the vast Hope n' Change office complex while listening to  relaxing New Age music (if you have Amazon Prime, you can listen to the same album for free!) and sipping decaf.

And by "decaf" we mean cheap box wine (but we checked - it's caffeine free.)

Enjoy your weekend and, if you happen to see me lumbering down the street in the metal suit above, give me a "shave and a haircut" knock on the helmet when it's safe to come out.    -Stilton