Monday, July 21, 2014

One Giant Leap...Backwards

hope n' change, hope and change, obama, obama jokes, cartoon, political, kennedy, kopechne, benghazi, moon, chappaquiddick, stilton jarlsberg, conservative, scandal

This past weekend saw the 45th anniversary of two significant events: Teddy Kennedy causing the death of Mary Jo Kopechne at Chappaquiddick (and getting away with it), and astronaut Neil Armstrong taking the first step onto the moon. Hope n' Change is old enough to remember both.

Which is why we're feeling wistful and angry today about what this country once was...and what it doesn't seem to be anymore. The drive for great accomplishments seems to have sputtered to a halt and our past achievements have fallen into disrepair. It seems that no one sane is actually looking forward to the nation's future anymore. Instead, the (ahem) "vision" of the government is simply managing (and not incidentally hastening) America's decline.

Today, the United States has no independent capacity to put a man in space. We are simply passengers in someone else's vehicle - and Mary Jo Kopechne found out how well that works.

So it's legitimate to ask, can we go back? And the answer is yes - in fact, Barack Obama announced just last week his multi-million dollar plan to go back to the place that captured the world's attention 45 years ago.

Not the moon, of course.

He's going back to Martha's Vineyard - the home of Chappaquiddick Island - for yet another vacation from his exhausting schedule of scandals and failures.

"History, we have a problem..."

Friday, July 18, 2014

Killer Jokes

obama, obama jokes, political, cartoon, malaysia, jet, missile, ukraine, stilton jarlsberg, hope n' change, hope and change, fort hood, jack lew, biden  
There's nothing funny about the cartoon above, because there's nothing funny about Barack Obama's public reaction to the missile attack and downing of a Malaysian Air jet carrying 295 people, 23 of whom were Americans. All were killed.

Which prompted Barack Obama, speaking at a Republican-bashing event in Delaware, to issue a passionless 40 second acknowledgement in which he said the attack "looks like it may be a terrible tragedy" (note to the president's speechwriters - a "tragedy" is an earthquake or tsunami, not a missile attack on innocents) before rolling immediately into joking with the audience .

"It's great to be in the state that gave us Joe Biden," the grinning president said, "And we've got actually some better-looking Bidens with us here today. We've got Beau and his wife, Hallie. Give them a big round of applause - we love 'em!"

The lounge-lizard-in-chief then made a joke about Treasury Secretary Jack Lew, who was also in attendance.

"Jack Lew's signature is actually on your money," Obama laughed, "although it's kind of illegible. We teased him when he first became treasury secretary that he was going to have to fix his signature a little bit because it looked just like a caterpillar running along the bottom!"

Yes, there's nothing to take the sting out of American deaths like a well-timed caterpillar joke. And also, no more telling sign that this president is an ice cold America-hating sociopath.

His easy transition from making a perfunctory statement about American deaths and then rolling into jovial comedy is nothing new. He did the same when he announced the many deaths and injuries at the Fort Hood massacre, before immediately starting to crack jokes and laugh it up with his fawning audience.

And while he resisted the urge to do a stand-up routine when surrounded by the flag-draped coffins of those who died in Benghazi, he certainly wasn't moved to treat the occasion seriously enough to tell the truth, or take even a modicum of responsibility.

In complete fairness, at the point Obama started his shuck-and-jive routine with the crowd, he didn't know that 23 Americans had been brutally murdered (or know that the missile attack was quite likely coordinated by Russian military personnel) - but he did say "right now, we're working to determine whether there were American citizens on board."

Knowing both the likelihood and the gravity of this possibility, this should have been the moment that he elected to act like a president instead of a politician.

To speak as an adult rather than a comedian.

And to finally show that he has a heart and soul...rather than a chilling, bottomless contempt for everyone other than himself.

UPDATE: Details about this event continue to come in. It now seems that rather than 23 Americans on the doomed flight, there was "at least one American." In the interest of accuracy, we wanted to post this information - but it doesn't change our feelings about the president's reaction in the least.


Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Just Joshing

obama, obama jokes, josh earnest, white house, liar, tranquility, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, conservative, jay carney

Like most Americans, you're probably asking yourself why every corner of the world is suddenly so peaceful and loving, why there are always rainbows in the sky, and why pastel clouds of butterflies rise from fields of flowers as unicorns gambol and gallop in the sunshine.

And the answer, of course, is that the policies of Barack Obama are so darned successful!

Then again, maybe you haven't been asking those questions because, unlike White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest (who still has that showroom fresh "new spokesweasel" smell), you're not filled to your freaking eyeballs with prozac, fortified wine, and crack cocaine.

We base our conclusion on Mr. Earnest's bizarre  response to questions about a recent Wall Street Journal article which points out that the world is currently a ticking timebomb, with the greatest amount of global instability and militant whackjob craziness since the late 1970's.

When asked (and we paraphrase ever so slightly here) why Barack Obama is simply watching the world go to blazing hell with his thumb jammed waaaaaay up his ass, Mr. Earnest blew out a lungful of meth smoke then asserted that the president's policies have "substantially furthered American interests and substantially improved the, uh, you know, the – the tranquility of the global community."

Tranquility, Josh? Really...? Although to be perfectly fair, the Press Secretary only referred to the "global community" and didn't specify whether he was referring to Earth or perhaps some other globe which only he can see in those spectacular "eyes rolled back in the head" first moments after the heroin screams into his thirsty veins.

All of which brings us to the legitimate question raised in today's cartoon: do we miss Jay Carney yet?

No we do not. We will never miss Jay Carney. We would miss having Ebola and bleeding out from every orifice before we would miss Jay Carney.

Which is why Hope n' Change was very disturbed to read recent reports that Apple Computer is considering Jay Carney to become their new head of PR. For one thing, this would drastically affect our retirement portfolio as we dump Apple stock like there's no tomorrow. It would also force us to renounce Apple products, computing in general and, in all likelihood, electricity just so we wouldn't run the risk of accidentally hearing Jay Carney make a wholly unbelievable announcement about the wonders of a new "iPhoney."

Frankly, we think a better job for Carney would be working as a padding-free dummy at a facility which trains attack dogs. Sadly, this isn't likely to happen...but even imagining it gives us (in the words of Josh Earnest) substantially improved tranquility.