Saturday, August 7, 2010

Air Force Number Two

Following the less-than-enthusiastic public reaction to Government Motors new $41,000 Chevy Volt, an electric car which goes only 40 miles on a battery charge, it's time for Washington DC to turn their attentions to using their most plentiful natural resource via the Bio-Bug: a new car which runs off of human waste.

Specifically, the modified VW bug runs off of the methane gas produced as human waste breaks down. Developers say that the (ahem) raw material from just 70 homes can power the car for up to 10,000 miles.

Which, if we're doing the math right, means that Congress could power an infinite number of cars, traveling to the farthest reaches of the universe, at approximately twice the speed of light!

Hope n' Change applauds the inventors of the Bio-Bug and, if a prototype of the car really is sent to Washington, we sincerely hope they've included really, really good brakes.



Friday, August 6, 2010

It's Also A Lie Detector

One thing we have to admit about the Obama administration: they are unparalleled in their ability to lie to the American people with a straight face.

As a case in point, it now turns out that government officials have been collecting and storing the naked, full-body scans of airline passengers despite repeated declarations that the machines weren't capable of storing or transmitting the highly-personal images.

To help placate the public, the manufacturer of the scanner is saying the machines have technology "that eliminates the need for constant user observation." In other words, human TSA employees can enjoy coffee breaks while the machine itself checks out naked bodies and decides whether someone is carrying a weapon or is simply "glad to see you."

All of this would be funny if it weren't for the fact that the government has been lying to us about the scanner's capabilities. And now that the naked truth is out, someone needs to answer for it.


It knows what you've got and knows what it likes!


Thursday, August 5, 2010

"No Comment" Is Not Acceptable

An earlier draft of the cartoon above contained images which were much more graphic and disturbing...and we decided that it wasn't fair to subject readers to such sights without warning.

But the men, women, and children in the World Trade Center on September 11th weren't given any warning before their lives ended in smoke, fire, indescribable pain, and desperation...caused by a terrorist attack from Islamic radicals.

And now, an Islamic mosque is to be built at the site of Ground Zero. A mosque which is intended to either heal the wounds between Islam and the West...or to celebrate radical Islam's greatest contemporary victory over the heretics and infidels. A mosque which will cost $100 million...with an unclear funding source.

Our Constitution ensures religious freedom for all religions, including Islam. And that's an argument in favor of building the mosque. And yet, many people feel that the Ground Zero mosque is an insult, a provocation, and a desecration of sacred ground. And their feelings deserve to be considered too.

But although passions run high on both sides, there is one man in America who has no opinion whatsoever: Barack Hussein Obama.

Through his official Whitehouse spokesperson, the president has said that he feels the question of the Ground Zero mosque is entirely "a local matter," and so he has nothing to say.

Barack Obama has seen the pictures above, and other pictures that are even worse. He knows
America's pain and loss. Barack Hussein Obama also has deep ties to the Muslim world, and has often referred to Islam as being one of the great influences on American culture, and the Muslim "call to prayer" as one of the "prettiest sounds on Earth."

All of these factors being the case, we can assume that the president must actually have an opinion about whether a mosque should be erected at Ground Zero.

We can also assume that he is not sharing his opinion because it would not be popular with those people who look at the images above as an occasion of tragedy...not triumph.

Obama had the tremendous gall to vote "present" for most most of his Senatorial career, rather than taking an actual stand on any issues. In a recent interview, when asked to grade his presidency, he claimed "incomplete." But for the president to consider the carnage and tragedy of the worst terrorist attack on U.S. soil and claim he has "no opinion" is completely unacceptable.

There are three possibilities: he is lying, he is a coward, or he is a traitor.

And sadly, in the absence of his voiced opinion, the likelihood is that all three are true.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Have Your Cake And EAT IT Too

Today, the man who currently calls himself Barack Hussein Obama is celebrating his alleged occasion for which, amazingly, we've been unable to find a Hallmark card. Mind you, we're told that such cards exist...but they're kept in a locked safety deposit box.

But even without a card from Hope n' Change, Barack Obama has plenty to celebrate today, including a very, very special gift from the State Department: in response to a Freedom of Information request, they've just announced that they "accidentally destroyed" the passport records of Obama's mother, Stanley Ann Dunham, making it impossible to say whether or not she was in the United States at or around the time of Barack Obama's birth.

The Freedom of Information request wasn't completely useless, though. The records which were not accidentally shredded reveal that Obama's mother married his Indonesian step-father, Lolo Soetoro, on March 4th, 1964 in Maui, Hawaii.

And, uh, again on March 15th, 1965 in Molokai, Hawaii.

The records also show that in 1965, Obama's mother listed his name as "Saebarkah," but in 1968 she decided to go back to calling him "Barack Hussein Obama" (which is not to be confused with his other name, Barry Soetoro).

Fortunately, there are still no hospital records of Obama's birth or long-form birth certificate to add to the confusion, and Hawaii has passed a law to prevent further inquiry into the alleged president's citizenship.

So just for today, we'd like to put all of that aside and wish Barack Barry Hussein Soetoro Saebarkah Obama many happy returns!

To wherever the heck he really came from.


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Hitting Bottom

To the great disappointment of many on the Left, the White House Correspondents Association has voted to move FOX News to the front row of the Whitehouse pressroom to the fill the vacancy left by Helen "Get the Jews out of Palestine" Thomas.

Despite the online efforts of and liberal bloggers to move NPR to the front row, FOX got the well-deserved nod. But the lefties still hilariously claimed victory for their 411,000 signature campaign because Associated Press (which had already been in the front row) was moved into Helen's still-moist seat, and FOX took the AP's former seat.

All of which would seem like a silly game of musical chairs, except for our delight that FOX's Major Garrett will not only be in the front row, but increasingly in the faces of the Whitehouse spokespeople.


Monday, August 2, 2010

Mr. Popularity

Poor Barack Obama. First he didn't get an invitation to Chelsea Clinton's wedding ("It's going to ve a very small, inexpensive ceremony," Hillary told him. "Just six people, and afterwards we're going to Cici's pizza for the buffet.")

And now, Congressional Democrats are telling the alleged president that the best way he can help them get re-elected is by staying far, far away.

Considering the stress of all these rejections, the president should consider treating himself to a relaxing first-class, five-star, taxpayer-funded luxury vacation in Spain with Michelle!

Oh, that's right.

She's going without him.


Sunday, August 1, 2010

Close Call

The economy is in the dumper. Unemployment is at record highs, consumer confidence at a record low, and the nation is despondent. But to extinguish any final flicker of hope, the Democrats are preparing to raise taxes.

The so-called "Bush Tax Cuts" are scheduled to expire soon...and the Democrats have been making the rounds of the chat shows (and feeding press releases to the mainstream media) suggesting that the only people who will be affected are the filthy, despicable "evil rich" who steal $250,000 a year or more from the noble proletariat.

This is, of course, a lie.

If the Bush Tax Cuts are allowed to expire, the tax rate for the lowest tier of taxpayers will be raised 50%, costing 88 million taxpayers an average increase of $503 next year. Another 31 million taxpaying families will lose half of their child care credits, and 35 million married couples will pay an average of $595 for the renewed "marriage penalty."

To avoid punishing families who are already suffering, Barack Obama has made some unconvincing noises about leaving their tax cuts in place, while putting punitive tax increases on those nasty rich people.

The problem, as economists point out, is that those "rich people" tend to do two very important things with their money: buy the goods and services that keep the economy going, and create the businesses and jobs that are our nation's lifeblood. In fact, most of the people in that $250,000 bracket aren't "evil rich" people at all...they're small business owners, already on the brink, who will be pushed into the abyss by a Democratic tax increase.

Which, as we've seen again and again, is not an unintended consequence. It is the goal of the radical left, and specifically the Obama administration, to destroy our nation's economy so that something they believe to be "better" can be built from the smoldering ruins.

Much the way there will soon be a beautiful new mosque where the capitalist's World Trade Center used to be.