Friday, June 8, 2012

Down In The Mouth

Just when we thought there was no possible way that Barack Obama could further debase the dignity traditionally associated with the office of President of the United States, he chose to ignore any observance of the anniversary of D-Day and instead attended a Gay fundraising event at which he drew appreciative laughs by joking about Michelle having oral sex with Ellen DeGeneres.

In his scripted double-entendre, the president mentioned Michelle's appearance on Ellen DeGeneres's show during which the two did push-ups...and Michelle did the most, causing Ellen to get "some teasing."

"But," Obama said slyly, "I think she claims that Michelle didn't go all the way down..."

This generated a
huge laugh from the Gay attendees, which Obama enjoyed for a few seconds before adding - like the seasoned comedian he is - "That's what I heard!"

Once the media backlash started, the president's handlers immediately started calling the remark
entirely innocent, suggesting that the first Gay president is so innocent that he has no idea what the euphemism "going down" commonly refers to - even though he was quite conversant with the sexually-loaded (and perverse) term "teabagger."

Other presidential supporters claim that he was blindsided by simply reading the double-entendre off his teleprompter - mounting the odd defense that when words come out of Obama's mouth, they aren't
his words and we shouldn't assume he even knows what he's talking about.

But anyone who has worked professionally in standup comedy (full disclosure: that would be me) can listen to the tape of Obama's remarks and tell instantly that the joke was intentional and skillfully milked for its full potential.

To make a few things absolutely clear, Hope n' Change has no problem with Gays or issues of Gay equality in law. In fact, we think it's hypocritical that Mr. Obama recently expressed his "personal preference" for Gay marriage to please donors but when it comes to signing legislation which would actually make it happen, his pen doesn't "go all the way down."

Nor do we have a problem with jokes, including dirty jokes. Even filthy dirty jokes.

But we do have a problem with a president who refuses to act in a presidential manner or show at least token respect for the office he holds and the people he serves.

That being said, is it hypocritical for Hope n' Change Cartoons to "diss" the first couple instead of showing respect for the office?

Oh Hell, no. Barack and Michelle Obama used up all of our charity (and patience) years ago. And it is our respect for the office which demands that we continue to point out this president's seemingly endless insults to America, so that November's election will see his loathsome administration go all the way down.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Mickey Mouse Operation

Although Barack Obama is far too busy fundraising to worry about attending to the nation's business, Michelle Obama is still tirelessly pursuing her all-important quest to keep America's children from eating anything even vaguely enjoyable.

Which is why she was the centerpiece of a ceremony yesterday in which she announced that the Walt Disney Company was joining her crusade to end childhood obesity by instituting new policies which would keep junk food from being advertised on Disney radio, television, or Internet sites which target kids 12 and younger.

And seriously, who could have a problem with that?

Time's up! Hope n' Change has a big fat problem with it!

Not because we're in favor of childhood obesity or against healthy eating. Quite the contrary. Nor is our particular objection that Mrs. Obama praised Disney's new policy of asking "is this good for our kids?" even though her husband has never asked that question before raising lifelong taxes on those kids, or making sure that countless kids would never even be born.

No, our problem is that this whole deal doesn't pass the smell test. Because Disney isn't instituting this new policy out of altruism (in fact, they'll continue running junk food ads through 2015) - it's the kickoff for their new "Mickey Check" label which will go on foods in grocery stores so that feeble-minded parents can more easily figure out whether broccoli is a healthier choice than Frosted Pop-tarts.

But Disney doesn't give away anything for free - especially anything with Mickey's picture on it. Rather, they'll be licensing that "Mickey Check" label to food companies for untold millions of dollars. And the nation's first lady just gave their profit-making venture a huge boost with her endorsement.

But as an outspoken enemy of corporations and capitalism, why would Michelle do Disney such a huge favor? What's in it for her?


Because Disney just happens to own ABC News (and the rest of ABC for that matter) as well as television and radio stations all over the country. Stations that could do a lot of good for Barack Obama's reelection campaign depending on which news stories they choose to cover...and which they choose (or are told) to bury.

So Michelle helps Disney rake in money, the ABC Networks help Obama get reelected, and everyone's happy!

Except kids who want junk food.

And adults who don't want junk news.


Monday, June 4, 2012

Seems More Like Tailwinds

When the latest "unexpectedly" catastrophic employment numbers were released last week, Barack Obama had to struggle to come up with someone to blame, since George W. Bush was actually in Washington at the time and could kick his ass if he played the usual "Bush's fault" card.

But the ever-eloquent Obama was undaunted, and said that the unemployment rate had risen because of....clouds, headwinds, and shadows.

Clouds, headwinds, and shadows?! What?! Seriously, it sounds like someone slipped a copy of Harry Potter into the teleprompter, because Obama is apparently blaming our nation's disastrously high unemployment on escaped Dementors from Azkaban!

Granted, J. K. Obama was referring to concerns about the debt crisis in Europe - but he failed to make a compelling case that domestic employers aren't hiring new cesspool cleaners because they're wringing their hands over Greece's underfunded pension plans.

Wouldn't it make more sense to think that potential employers are actually worried about Obama's debt crisis? You know, the one they're expected to pay for? Or perhaps they're feeling a bit nervous over not knowing their tax rates for next year? Or just maybe they're reluctant to hire anyone and be stuck with either an unaffordable bill for Obamacare or a fine?

Nope. The problem is clouds, headwinds and shadows!

Still, Obama's bizarre non-explanation did some good by causing the stock market to drop like a Flying Wallenda hitting a banana peel, thereby punishing a lot of the stinking millionaires and billionaires and jillionaires in the evil 1%.

Of course, that same nosedive ripped a lot more money out of pension plans for the other 99%, but as the president likes to say, "you can't make an omelet without breaking capitalism."

Happily, Barack Obama isn't going to just accept rising unemployment, and is bravely fighting back with an increased number of tough, take-no-prisoners campaign fundraisers (including six he held the same day the unemployment numbers were released, since he had nothing else to do back at the oval office).

Oh sure, it might seem like mingling with wealthy liberal donors all over the country won't do a damn thing to help save the nation's unemployed from the "clouds, headwinds, and shadows." But
appearances can be deceiving...

According to Whitehouse Spokes-elf Jay Carney, Obama is also looking for horcruxes.