Saturday, September 26, 2009

Mmm Mmm Mmm!

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It's hard not to feel a chill run down your spine when watching the video of schoolchildren singing the "Mmm Mmm Mmm" anthem in praise of Barack Hussein Obama. "Black, yellow, red, and white - all are equal in his sight" - the kids do everything but finish the song with an extended "Amen."

And it's a particularly tasteful touch to have them conclude with a big "Seig Heil!" salute. Well done, American school system!

Bonus: Here's the video with lyrics, so you can sing along Karaoke-style...or else!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Ars Gratia Grantis

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Audio tapes have revealed collusion between the Whitehouse and the National Endowment for the Arts to fund artworks which celebrate the president's policies and, disturbingly, encourage citizens to serve the government.

It's hard to know which is more troubling: the blatant illegality of misusing public funds, or the Obama administration's continuing efforts to brainwash the population by any means possible.

Bonus: A Hope n' Change pop quiz! Can you guess which piece of government-funded art your tax dollars paid for? No cheating by peeking in history books!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

BULLETIN: Stilton Jarlsberg on Friday's JimmyZ Show!

Ever wonder what goes on behind the scenes here at Hope n' Change? You can find out by listening to the exclusive Stilton Jarlsberg interview on the JimmyZ Show for Friday 9/25! It's online now!

Click on JimmyZ's picture to visit his site!

All Aboard

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With all of the political emphasis on Obamacare, stimulus packages, cap-and-trade taxes, and funding ACORN, it seems that the little matter of terrorism had slipped between the cracks. Until now...

After discovering an active terror cell in New York with apparent plans to bomb commuter trains, the authorities are scrambling to find other potential terrorists who may plan "domestic contingency operations" for sports stadiums, theaters, hotels, shopping centers, or public transportation.

Unfortunately, none of this has deterred Barack Obama from his plan to investigate and prosecute the CIA, despite receiving a letter signed by 7 former heads of the agency (from Republican and Democrat administrations) warning him that he risks destroying the agency's ability to fight terror.

Bonus: from the Hope n' Change Gift Shoppe, Obama's official counter-terror strategy.

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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Top Ten List

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In these turbulent days of Hope n' Change, Obama appeared on the David Letterman Show to prove that he's man enough to answer the tough questions posed by a flamingly liberal comedian.

While on the show, the president got a huge laugh and riotous applause for saying "you know, I was black before the election." So far, no one has been able to explain why this remark is clever, or even what the hell it means. Much like the rest of the president's policies.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Nothing To Sneeze At

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In these strange days of Hope n' Change, the government is actually promoting "safe sneezing." Some conservatives are arguing instead for teaching "sneezing abstinence," but liberal critics call that unrealistic in today's wild and crazy "anything goes" sneezing culture.

If a Sneezing Czar is actually appointed by the president to demonstrate the proper technique to school children, Hope n' Change would like to nominate Monica Lewinsky...and suggest that she pack plenty of blue dresses.

Bonus: From the Hope n' Change Gift Shoppe, a handy reminder about government approved sneezing technique.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Free Lunch

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Many people are feeling like they've been "force fed" after the president's sweep of five Sunday news shows to promote his increasingly unpopular healthcare plan.

Interestingly, FOX News was the only network that Obama refused to appear on, despite their requests that he do so...and despite the fact that they have the highest news ratings. This would seem to indicate that the president either:

A) doesn't want to answer actual questions about healthcare
B) doesn't plan for conservatives to get healthcare in the future, or
C) could pass a visual inspection to qualify as a runner for the South African women's track team.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Who's Telling This Story?!

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The president told the joint session about a man who lost his health insurance over a petty problem...and died. The only problem is, as Joe Wilson would say, "You lie!" The man got his insurance back, received treatment without any delay, and died years later.

So Barack needed another sad story, and started to talk about his daughter's "touch and go" battle with life-threatening meningitis. But when Michelle tells the story, it's clear that their daughter never actually had meningitis, or any other "touch and go" healthcare crisis. Oopsy!