Friday, August 2, 2013

Have Your Cake and EAT IT Too

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According to at least one of his many Social Security cards, Sunday marks the alleged birthday of Barack Barry Hussein Soetoro Obama. The president is turning 52 which, by almost unbelievable coincidence, is also the exact number of weeks each year he lies his butt off, creates dissent, and cripples the American economy! There's one for Ripley's Believe it or Not!

The president has already been presented with a cake by Nancy Pelosi, whom a spokesman described as being "known for her affinity for dark chocolate." We can only pray that this in reference to the cake itself, and not some personal gift she's planning on sharing with Obama involving lingerie and WD-40.

The birthday boy was able to enjoy not only his own slice of cake, but also an extra slice which was left over because, for reasons still unexplained, Ambassador Chris Stevens failed to show up for the party.

In any event, Hope n' Change Cartoons wants to wish the president the very happiest of birthdays.

Specifically, we "want to" - but can't and won't. Because what we really wish is that his sorry keester would be dragged before several investigating committees which would put him under oath about Benghazi, Fast & Furious, and the IRS attack on conservatives (you know, the scandals that the president and Jay Carney dismiss as being "phony.")

We wish we could ask him why people really can't keep their health insurance policies if they liked them, and why Obamacare is raising costs by preposterous margins and pushing people out of the system instead of in?

We wish we could find out why he hates small businesses and American energy production. We wish we could force him to tell us why he identifies with Trayvon Martin but not the black kids in Chicago being killed by other black kids, why the Ft. Hood massacre was an incident of "workplace violence," and why the Whitehouse is closed to ordinary visitors but is still wide open to celebrity galas and five-star (well, maybe one star and a crescent moon) Ramadan dinners?

But none of these wishes is likely to come true. No, this miserable little sheepdip who made his political name by squeaking "present!" in the Illinois Senate will be opening expensive presents from his various syncophants, toadies, and special interest lobbyists.

And of course, he'll be opening a very special present from Hope n' Change Cartoons, too.  And it will look a lot like dark chocolate. Bon appétit!

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Carney draws a line in the sand. Specifically, the sand at Martha's Vineyard.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Bones of Contention

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Apparently, Hillary Clinton is livid because people are comparing the way she "stood by her man" (her cheating, philandering, sexually harassing, alleged rapist man) with the way Hillary's suspiciously close friend Huma "Death to America" Abedin is standing by her man - Anthony Weiner.

It seems that the Clintons believe that emailing penis-grams and sexy texts is far worse than actually screwing a long list of women, lying about it under oath, and spritzing semen all over the Oval Office ("Mommy, why does that painting of George Washington have a runny nose...?")

If Lewis & Clark had tried to find their way across America using the Clintons' moral compass, their bones would still be missing and moldering in some godforsaken Brazilian jungle.

In any event, Hillary is furious about Weinergate and the fact that she's getting splashback (so to speak). Which is why she's now angrily insisting that anyone who dares to compare the scandals is part of a "vast cock-ring conspiracy."

Monday, July 29, 2013

Time Tripped

Readers- Rather than revisit the issues of this past week, we've decided to invite you all into the Wayback Machine to see what was going on in Hope n' Change four long years ago. It's interesting and depressing!

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The Democrats have now enlisted union members to help them "punch back twice as hard" at townhall meetings, drowning out and physically intimidating anyone who questions the president's healthcare bill. But why would the unions support Obamacare unless it was good for their membership? Because the healthcare bill gives union members a better deal than everyone else (except politicians) will get. And all the unions have to do in return is pay off the Democrats with forced union dues, and occasionally beat the snot out of people who get in the way.

July 2013 Update: The unions are now up in arms because it turns out Obamacare will cripple their healthcare insurance and destroy fulltime jobs. Too bad the unions weren't reading Hope n' Change four years ago, huh?

Other news from that first week in August, four years ago:

• The president's poll numbers took a dive as the effects of his policies started becoming clear. And his job performance numbers still stink now, although his personal numbers show that many people still believe him to be someone who is clean, articulate, "lacks a Negro dialect" (credit to Harry Reid for that one) and has perfectly-pressed creases in his pants.

• Obama's economic advisors admitted that just maybe there would have to be an increase in middle-class taxes after Obama promised repeatedly that it would never, ever happen. Then Supreme Court Justice Roberts ruled that Obamacare is a tax...making it the largest middle-class tax hike in history.

• Barry's administration announced a draconian program which encouraged Americans to report their friends and neighbors who disagreed with the president's policies. The email address was, disgustingly, "" - and it quickly became overwhelmed with people self-reporting that they were friends of America and enemies of Barry's latest attempt at totalitarianism.

• Panicky elected Democrats were trying to figure out how to avoid returning home to their districts where they were facing increasingly angry constituents at townhall meetings. In the short term, they solved the problem by either not showing up, or by doing "teleconferences" which kept them safe from the rabble. In the long term, however, the IRS was directed to put an end to this sort of inconvenience and come down hard on fiscal conservatives and patriots to prevent them from organizing to express their opinions and concerns. And, oh yeah, make their lives hell.

• And finally in the Hope n' Change news of that week, we reported on a woman who contracted HIV from a gorilla.  Which doesn't really have an exact corollary at present time, other than to let us point out that "safe sex" is rarely safe, especially if you're doing it with a gorilla...or your Twitter account.