Friday, December 19, 2014

Barry Mitsvah

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In yet the latest surprising revelation about America's first half-black Irish Native-American Indo-Hawaiian Islamo-Christian president, Barack Obama has announced that he is also Jewish.

At the annual White House Hanukkah reception, the schlemiel-in-chief was greeting guests with a festive "Torah, Torah, Torah!" when he was approached by a reveler who quoted a friend as saying, "I didn't know the president was Jewish!"

After a short, gagging pause to wash down a mouthful of Matzoh with a nice not-too-expensive Mogen David wine, Obama replied "I am, in my soul."

The president then addressed the party attendees, carefully avoiding stereotypes by praising lox and latkes ("Not as good as your mom’s," he whined with a Borscht-belt accent, "but they're good") before saying, "I can’t think of a better way to mark this holiday, with its message that freedom is possible, than with the historic changes that I announced today in our Cuba policy."

Because what says Hanukkah more than embracing an oppressive regime, right? Not that Hope n' Change isn't anxious to see how the Castro brothers look sporting the new yarmulkes Mr. Obama gifted them with.

The nation's first Jewish president then concluded his holiday remarks by asking everyone to raise their glasses to join him for a traditional Yiddish toast.

"Molotov!" he said, then made a wish and blew out the candles on the Menorah.

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...And to all a good night.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Christmas Shocking

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Sometimes it takes two seemingly unrelated news stories to tell the whole story. 

In this case, the first story is about a Census Bureau study which shows 65% of kids in America are in homes receiving aid from federal programs. And the second story is about Barack Obama winging his way to Hawaii ("The Least Christmassy State in America!") for yet another insanely expensive 17-day vacation and choom fest.

The Census Bureau report is based on statistics from 2011 - meaning that the actual numbers are probably even worse now. But it's shocking and depressing to think that the majority of kids in America are now being brought up with the expectation that nothing is more normal than needing and receiving a government payout. That's a mindset which suggests a very bleak future for those kids and our country.

Meanwhile, the president who has tirelessly devoted himself to gutting the middle class and turning America's citizenry into indentured servants is still living like a king (Kamehameha, to be exact) on our tax dollars.

We wish we had a snappy punchline with which to wrap up the commentary today, but those statistics have sapped our sense of humor. Maybe we need a 17-day luxury vacation...

Monday, December 15, 2014

EWWwww Tube

Reader Poll: Help us decide. Which of these cartoons should be Hope n' Change's official submission for the Pulitzer Prize this year?

1) The sophisticated play on words...

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2) The classic sight gag...

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