Friday, December 13, 2013

Unreality Show

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As Barack Obama delivered a self-serving eulogy which was only marginally about Nelson Mandela, his words were interpreted for the deaf by a man communicating in sign language which grew increasingly bizarre, while the message he was delivering became entirely meaningless. In other words, it was exactly like most of Obama's speeches.

But in this case, the alleged sign-language interpreter, Thamsanqa Jantjie, claims he was actually having a severe schizophrenic episode in which he started hearing voices, seeing angels, and believing that if he liked his health insurance he could keep it. Adding to the problem, it now seems that Mr. Jantjie knew as little about sign-language for the deaf as Kathleen Sibelius knew about hiring competent web designers.

To his credit, Mr. Jantjie tried to remain cool and composed when he noticed the winged lizards crawling out of Barack Obama's ears because he was still sane enough to realize that he was surrounded by dozens of well-armed security people who have extremely little tolerance for people who start to shriek and roll around on the ground near the president unless the SEIU has paid them to.

Happily, Mr. Jantjie is once again taking his anti-psychotic medications and should soon be ready to tackle an exciting new assignment:  hosting his own show on MSNBC and using sign-language to communicate with their many "differently abled" audience members who are hard of thinking.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Oh, Bother

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We were tempted to call this "TelePrompter Practical Jokes," because it's so easy to picture Barry reading these words verbatim if he thought it would make him look good with the whole world watching.

Or at least the part of the world which was delighted when he skipped Margaret Thatcher's funeral entirely, but lowered American flags to half-staff for Nelson Mandela and hurried to South Africa with half his cabinet to share his inconsolable grief and maybe get in a few rounds of golf.

Some cynics were annoyed that Obama went out of his way at the funeral to shake hands with Cuban dictator Raul Castro, but we think the president deserves brownie points for fighting his normal impulse to bow deeply and give the dictator permission to start enriching uranium.

The assembled crowd greeted a video appearance from President George W. Bush with booing - despite the fact that during and after his Presidency,  Bush's efforts in the war against AIDS in Africa have saved literally millions of lives...while Barack Obama has actually cut funding for AIDS reduction in South Africa.

Meanwhile, in his carefully-scripted eulogy, Barack Hussein Obama referred to Nelson Mandela as "the last great liberator of the 20th century," and this may well be true.

Because whoever finally takes our presidency back from the Democrats is going to be the first great liberator of the 21st century.

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"Okay, everybody smile and say Apartheid!"

Monday, December 9, 2013

Many Are Cold, But Few Are Frozen

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We're taking a snow day today, owing to the circumstances described above. A major ice storm hit north Texas last Thursday and knocked out our electricity and heat for 44 hours. This was amusing for about the first 15 minutes, but after the first full day (and interminable, freezing night) the Jarlsberg family found itself drifting toward Donner Party territory.

The thick ice-covered roads wouldn't allow an escape attempt, and the temperature inside our home eventually dropped into the 30's (it seems that Al Gore's promise that "if you like global warming, you can keep it" was as big a whopper as anything Obama has been saying).

And although everything isn't always about politics,  I've got to truthfully admit that in some ways my dark, frostbite-inducing home made me start drawing metaphorical comparisons to Obama's America: the familiar became unfamiliar, the safe became unsafe, and of course - there was nowhere to hide from the encroaching darkness and soul-deadening chill.

Eventually, in the dark of the third night, the electricity popped back on, and my family was magically transformed into the Amish in Wonderland - happily turning on electrical appliance with delight, wonder, and a sense of awe. Miracles! And heat!

Frankly, the whole situation was physically and emotionally draining enough that I just didn't have the marbles to make a standard post today. I'm still trying to get my mind out of survival mode and get it back into "life as usual" mode.

By which I mean I'll go back to worrying about Obama's healthcare plan killing me eventually, instead of worrying about Jack Frost killing me today.

Hawaiians have no idea what "yellow snow" is.