Friday, November 18, 2016

Over The Hil

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After spending nearly a week in isolation, pulling the wings off butterflies and jabbing pins into a little James Comey doll, Hillary Clinton returned to the public eye on Wednesday night. Not that the public eye was particularly delighted by what it saw.

In marked contrast to her campaign appearances, Mrs. Clinton appeared to be wearing almost no makeup (causing a brief panic among building contractors that this might have been indicative of a spackle shortage), had puffy red eyes, lank hair, and in general looked about 10 years older than the last time we'd seen her.

Hillary's supporters, still active on Twitter because, frankly, what else do they have to do with their miserable lives - seized upon Hillary's low-glam look as a victory for feminism because Hillary was boldly bucking our patriarchal society by not tarting herself up as a sex object to please male eyes.  All we can say is "Mission Accomplished!"

Hillary was speaking at a fundraiser (no, really?) for the Children's Defense Fund, a group which presumably tries to keep the young and innocent from swapping online photos with Huma Abedin's husband, or climbing aboard a private jet to "Pedophile Island" in the company of Bill Clinton.

Despite a clear lack of energy, Hillary did address the outcome of the recent election, saying "I know that over the past week a lot of people have asked themselves whether America was the country we thought it was."

And the answer, of course, is no - it's NOT the country she thought. It's not happily dependent on goverment handouts, not willing to accept declining standards in healthcare and education, not ashamed of exhibiting faith nor patriotism, nor is our nation the racist, sexist, xenophobic nightmare which she never tired of condemning.

Whether Hillary wants to go back to wearing makeup is her business. Whether Hillary can make up with actual Americans is our business - and it must never happen. She's already done too much damage to ever be forgiven.

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"Well, there was that time when I cut in line in front of Putin to get a shave ice..."

We can't help but laugh (and it's that shrill, scary laugh) when we hear Barack Obama telling Donald Trump to "stand up to Russia where they are deviating from our values and our international norms."

You know, sort of like Barry has stood up to Russia regarding Ukraine, Syria, the build up and redeployment of nuclear missiles, cyber attacks, and the increasing games of "chicken" Russia is playing with its warcraft and the borders of our allies.

Seriously, it's time for someone to stage an intervention for the Lame Douche - er, Duck - president. He's out of touch with reality, and he should really look into getting mental help while it's still covered on his presidential healthcare plan instead of Obamacare.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Full Moon and Empty Head

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Okay, it's not subtle - but every time we've heard about the "supermoon" recently, we imagined that it was what Donald Trump and the American voters just gave Obama, the Democrats, and the mainstream media.

Not that the jug-eared Lame Duck in Chief is admitting it. Rather, while in Greece, he took yet another opportunity to distance himself from the election results and, of course, to disparage our nation while overseas.

"People seem to think I did a pretty good job," he told the Greeks, no doubt referring to the fairy people from the Land of Unicorn who frolic and gambol in his mind.  Because actual American voters were pretty unhappy about losing their doctors, having their healthcare premiums skyrocket, living with a stagnant economy for eight years,  having their religious faith and culture attacked, and only being able to find jobs in fast food restaurants which the president's wife said shouldn't be patronized.

Obama then told the international audience that America's Presidential election had been determined by "anger and fear," and "we are going to have to guard against a rise in a crude sort of nationalism or ethnic identity or tribalism that is built around an us and a them."

In other words, Obama is wrapping up his presidency the same way he started it: by telling the world that Americans are, by and large, ignorant assholes who shouldn't be trusted.

If that doesn't make him worthy of being on the receiving end of a supermoon (or in this case, millions of them) we don't know what would.


On the first episode of Saturday Night Live following Trump's election, the show kicked off with a combined tribute to the recently deceased singer/songwriter Leonard Cohen and the politically-dead Hillary Clinton.

With great solemnity, SNL's "Hillary" character played the piano and sang Cohen's achingly beautiful song "Hallelujah," carefully selecting only those verses which would make Hillary seem like a noble victim. Which inspired us to come up with some more appropriate lyrics...

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With apologies to Leonard Cohen

Monday, November 14, 2016

Grinding Sounds from the Transition

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Bonus! The souvenir t-shirt sales ALONE will help balance the budget!
As the Presidential transition moves ahead, and the Left continues to lose whatever semblance of sanity they might once have had, Hope n' Change would like to share some rambling ruminations on a variety of Trump-related topics.

First, let's talk about the thousands of anti-Democracy protesters clogging streets around the nation, all of whom are struggling desperately with the very real problem of shooting selfies which also include their "Not My President" signs. The protesters can generally be broken into two groups: paid agitators and idiots. The idiots can also be broken into two sub-groups: those for whom stupidity is simply a lifestyle choice, and those who are genuinely in fear...

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The insensitive cartoon above notwithstanding,  we have sympathy for those who are truly terrified, and towering anger for those in the media who are lying and fear-mongering about the President-elect for the sole purpose of stoking panic.  A genuinely responsible media should now be running stories about why neither Trump nor any President can run the country like a complete lunatic thanks to the Constitution and separation of powers.  And they might also finally mention that Trump is, by almost any definition, a social liberal.

But nooOOooo. You've got the New York Times telling readers that they are suddenly going to "rededicate ourselves to the fundamental mission of Times journalism; to report America and the world honestly, without fear or favor." And on the very same day, here's how they "honestly" and "without favor" describe the election's consequences: "Suddenly, the progressive, post-racial, bridge-building society (of Obama) has given way to an angry, jeering, us-against-them nation to be led by a new president who relishes reality-show name-calling with racial overtones." Sheesh.

But the mendacity of the media is old news, and Hope n' Change would like to address another, newer problem - this one coming from Trump's staunchest supporters. As various names are floated for Trump's cabinet, some on the Right are fretting over what they see as a less than complete break from the past. They're upset that Rudy Giuliani, Pete Sessions, Newt Gingrich and others may end up on Trump's team.

To those who are worried: don't be. The reason you supported Trump in the first place is because you believe in his ability to hire and fire the right people - so give him a chance to do what he does best. And don't discount the need for him to bring in some experienced Washington players... because he's about to run headfirst into very experienced Washington opposition.

In other words, on both the Left and Right, it's time for all of us to take a deep breath and actually see how President Trump will govern.  There will be plenty of time for panic - or hopefully celebration - in the next four years.

Oh, and one more thing...

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