Saturday, February 20, 2010

Getting Professional Help

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After personally running up more debt than any president in history, Barack Obama has created a special panel to help find out how to have less debt. Presumably, they'll recommend that the president go immediately into rehab for an out-of-control "spending addiction."

Although Hope n' Change hasn't yet received an expensive, engraved invitation to join the 14-member advisory panel, we'd like to give the president a few helpful suggestions anyway:

• Stop spending money you don't have.
• Stop promising to spend money you don't have.
• Stop borrowing money.
• Stop turning a blind eye to waste, corruption, and fraud.
• Remember the rhyme: "Trillion may be fun to say, but it's awfully hard to pay."
• Treat America's wallet like Tiger Woods' manhood: just keep it in your pants for a change!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Elite Me, Maher

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Alleged comic and HBO personality Bill Maher recently appeared on Larry King Live to deliver another steaming pile of left-wing elitist disdain for the American people.

Maher, who calls "love of the troops the ultimate in fake patriotism," and was recently quoted as saying "We love the troops the way Michael Vick loves dogs," explained to King that Obama should ram through healthcare and other unpopular issues against the will of the electorate because "they're not bright enough to really understand the issues. But like an animal, they can sort of sense strength or weakness. They can smell it on you."

As much as we'd like to disagree with Maher, we have to concede two points. He clearly understands those intellectually-challenged voters who put an insufferably elitist administration into power, and he's made the rest of us very keenly aware that the whole mess smells.

Update: The ever-offensive Maher just gave the following quote to the Huffington Post: "Sarah Palin agreed to do commentary at Fox News. Which is actually very similar to her day job - talking to a baby with Down Syndrome."

We can only assume that Maher is jealous because Trig Palin is something that Maher will never be: loved.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Let Them Eat Cake

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It's hard to believe that it was a full year ago that Obama and the Democrats rammed through a $787 billion "stimulus package."

Sure, it seemed like a lot of money at the time - an unprecedented amount of money, in fact - but one year later we're back at full employment, factories are humming, businesses are hiring, consumer confidence is soaring, and...and...

Oh, wait. Unemployment has risen dramatically, businesses are too afraid of the Democrats to hire anyone, only 6% of Americans believe the stimulus created jobs, and the accounting for where the stimulus funds have gone, or what (if anything) they accomplished, is highly questionable.

What is not in question is the amount added to the deficit, or who will be paying for it: the kids who had no vote, but who have already been saddled with a lifetime of debt.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Just Say Snow

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"Climate Change" has been cited by Barack Obama and the Democrats as the reason to enact massive new taxes which amount to a redistribution of America's wealth, as well as being the central conceit behind de facto government control of all industry via EPA regulations.

But one of the scientists at the heart of the "Climategate" scandal has recently revealed that data was hidden, altered, or destroyed...that the science behind estimations of past climate conditions is fatally flawed...that previous warming periods occurred naturally in the past...and that there has been no "statistically significant warming since 1995."

In other words, there is simply no solid science behind man-made "Climate Change," and no justification for the Democrats to seize control of our wealth and industry. It's a huge story that has been covered by FOX News and the Wall Street Journal...but not many others:

• No mention by the New York Times
• No mention by the Washington Post
• No mention by USA Today
• No mention by ANY major U.S. newspaper EXCEPT Washington Times / Wall St Journal
• No mention by the Associated Press
• No mention by Reuters
• No mention by UPI
• No mention by ABC News
• No mention by CBS News
• No mention by NBC News
• No mention by MSNBC

Apparently, the mainstream media will choose to report this important story NOT when it's cold in all 50 states...but only when it's a very cold day in Hell.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

What's Up Doc?

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Although the Obama administration continues to fail on almost every front, they have accomplished something that previously seemed impossible: they've made conservatives downright nostalgic for the (comparatively) "good old days" of Bill Clinton.

That's why Hope n' Change is sincerely glad that Clinton is doing well after his recent surgery for blocked arteries.

Think about it: he's tirelessly working to help the people of Haiti, he actually seems to be chummier with George Bush than with Barack Obama, and it's widely believed that as long as Bill continues to draw breath, Hillary Clinton won't have a realistic shot at the Whitehouse.

Stay healthy, Mr President!

Monday, February 15, 2010

President's Day

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Okay, we'll confess. Here at
Hope n' Change, "President's Day" is salt on an open wound. Oh, we try to cope by adding lime wedges and tequila...but it still stings.

Fortunately, we can look to great Presidents of the
past to help us through today...and give us hope for tomorrow. Check out the movie below and enjoy more wisdom, strength, patriotism and leadership in 3 minutes than we've heard from this Whitehouse in the past year.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Tight Levis

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Levi Johnston, the monosyllabic sperm donor who impregnated Sarah Palin's daughter then deserted her, has just been featured in an all-nude pictorial in Playgirl Magazine.

It's uncertain whether this photo layout was calculated primarily to embarrass Governor Palin, or to titillate those on the Left who fantasize about sex without consequences. Our guess is that the pictures will fail to have any effect on Sarah Palin, and add very little heat to the already fetid and feverish lusts of liberals.

In the magazine's most revealing picture, Johnston is shown fully nude except for a strategically-placed hockey glove. Which is why we offer the young man this special Hope n' Change Valentine wish: "Get pucked."