Saturday, October 23, 2010

Juan for the Road

Striking a resounding blow against racism and prejudice, National Public Radio fired black journalist Juan Williams for saying "when I get on a plane, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and they're identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous."

Williams - the liberal author of multiple books on the Civil Rights movement - did not say that Muslims should be discriminated against, and in fact stressed that it's important to differentiate between average Muslims and radical Islamists.

Unfortunately, he forgot to differentiate between liberals and radical liberals, which is why his boss, lily-white NPR CEO Vivian Schiller, fired Williams without giving him the chance to respond. Moreover, she sneeringly announced to the world that she thinks Williams needs psychiatric care, because it's obviously crazy to think that a terrorist is more likely to be Muslim than Amish.

Williams considers the firing to be "vindictive," "antagonistic," "personal," and "vicious" - and numerous voices in politics and journalism are calling for an investigation of NPR, and a termination of the funding they receive from taxpayers.

In the meanwhile, we hope that on Vivian Schiller's next flight, she's seated between two young men wearing traditional Muslim garb...and that she has a long, long time to quietly think about whether or not their shoelaces look like fuses.


Friday, October 22, 2010

Hide and Sikh

As plans are being finalized for Barack Hussein Obama's "get me the heck out of Washington after the elections" overseas tour, the president has managed to insult a huge number of people in India by refusing to visit the "Golden Temple" which is sacred to people of the Sikh faith.

The reason? Mr. Obama would have to wear a traditional head covering in the temple...and his handlers fear that this would make him look like a Muslim, even though Sikhs
aren't Muslims and, to hear the president tell it, there is no culture in all the world so wonderful and beloved as that of the Muslims.

It's hard to find a positive spin for the president's position. Is he declaring that it's
bad to "look Muslim?" Is he saying that Sikhs and Muslims "all look alike?" Or is he asserting that the American people are too stupid to understand that all visitors to the Golden Temple wear headcoverings as a simple show of respect...and not a religious conversion.

In one masterful stroke, the president has managed to offend Sikhs, Muslims,
and Americans. Not because of a headcovering...but because of his clumsy asscovering.


Thursday, October 21, 2010

Which Way to the Jon?

Jon Stewart, the so-called "most trusted newsman in America for those who don't really understand the concept of news," got good news and bad news relating to his October 30 "Rally to Restore Sanity" in Washington DC.

The good news is that Barack Obama has endorsed the event, thereby putting his official stamp of approval on the notion that voters should get their news and views from a comedy show. Moreover, the president will appear on Jon Stewart's program to support the rally...while avoiding news programs on which he might have to support his policies.

The bad news for Stewart is a critical lack of available portable toilets for his rally, owing to the fact that the Marines have already reserved 800 of them for a previously scheduled event, and they don't feel like sharing the facilities with Stewart's audience.

We don't know if the "Rally to Restore Sanity" needs so many portable toilets because a large crowd is expected or, more likely, if it's because the Park Service is estimating that each attendee will be filled with more crap than usual.

But rest soon as we find out, Hope n' Change will give you the straight poop.


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Obama One Kenobi

Out on the campaign trail, lukewarm Barack Obama is trying to portray himself as Luke Skywalker, and warns against the potential resurgence of the GOP by saying that "The Empire is striking back."

Obviously, the farce is strong with this one...because it's the Democrats who control the presidency, the House, the Senate, and the mainstream media. And it's the grass roots "rebel alliance" known as the Tea Party that is fighting the oppression of the Democrats and the potential enslavement of future generations by the terrifying "Debt Star" which has grown by over $3 trillion just since Obama took office.

Frankly, we think the president looks desperate and more than a little ridiculous when he tries to make "Star Wars" comparisons to his administration. But then again, he can't really go back to making speeches about "Hope" and "Change"... because people only fell for
that a long time ago, in a galaxy that seems increasingly far, far away.


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Eyes Don't Have It

Although critics say the Obama administration has underplayed the threat of foreign powers who intend to harm America, the president has recently announced that the threat is very real, and the potential foreign terrorists are working through...the Chamber of Commerce.

Say what?!

The Chamber of Commerce runs political ads which are pro-business, and which may benefit either Republican or Democratic candidates. But because the Chamber has received a small amount of money (about 300 thousand dollars) from foreign countries, the president claims that the Chamber's entire $75 million advertising budget is "tainted" by shadowy foreign figures who wish to cause the collapse of American democracy. An accusation which even Robert Gibbs found embarrassing to defend.

Ironically, the Chamber of Commerce had been having fundraising problems owing to the fact that they'd worked with Obama as much as possible, causing some business leaders to withhold donations. But now that the president is attacking the Chamber as a terroristic threat, donations are flooding in.

Who knows, if enough money is raised, maybe they can build a "Ground Zero Chamber of Commerce" office! We're sure that the president would firmly assert their right to do so...even if he questions the wisdom.


Monday, October 18, 2010

New Dog, Old Tricks

In Sunday's NY Times magazine article, Barack Obama admits that one of the failings of his first two years in office is that he concentrated on pure policy so much that he didn't pay enough attention to politics. This from the man who routinely describes elected Republicans as "bomb throwers" supported by "shadowy" foreign powers.

But to prove beyond doubt that he's willing to play political games now, the president has just declared that he wants every senior citizen in America to get another $250 "stimulus" check, and he's making that offer just before the midterm elections. What a stunning coincidence!

Unfortunately for Mr. Obama, senior citizens are not quite so easily fooled...and a politician's empty promise of $250 will not make them forget or forgive the fact that Obamacare has just stripped $500 billion out of Medicare in order to provide healthcare to seƱors instead of seniors.

Which is why the voters who use walkers are likely to take out their anger on every Democrat who's running.


Sunday, October 17, 2010

Monster Turnout

Here at Hope n' Change, we really enjoy everything related to Halloween. But this year, the holiday is being overshadowed by a much bigger event (and probable cause for celebration): Election Night!

And really, the two occasions have a lot in common: both are about tricks and treats, concealed identities, spooky sounds (and soundbites), and lots and lots of scary stories. And monsters, for that matter...although Halloween is intended to attract them, while Election Night will confirm that we've gotten rid of them.

Similarly, a lot of Election Night parties will have Halloween-styled activities. Homes will be decorated with Barack O'Lanterns, Democrats will be gasping for air while bobbing for votes, conservatives will be playing "Pin the Tail on the Donkeys," and at the Whitehouse they'll be passing out apples with razor blades in them to the Democrats who actually ran campaigns in which they admitted supporting the president's disastrous policies.

All in all, we're looking forward to a grand old party!

The Whitehouse has already hired the band for Election Night.

BONUS: Don't forget this "Hit from the Crypt" for your pre-election Halloween Party!