Saturday, March 1, 2014

Saturday Special Edition

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On Friday, B. Hussein put on his frowny face and warned Vladimir Putin that Russia's aggression in Ukraine was putting a damper on all the good will generated by the Sochi games, and further warned that if Russia didn't back off right away, there was a damn good chance that the United States might join in a coalition of nations and send harshly-worded tweets of condemnation.

Unsurprisingly, when Putin stopped laughing he immediately sent buttloads of troops into Ukraine. And speaking of buttloads...

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Hope n' Change thinks it's pretty safe to say that the conversation above really happened. And finally...

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In Barack Obama's unending quest to bring all Americans closer together, he announced an initiative called "My Brother's Keeper" which would funnel tax funds into helping only young black and hispanic males lift themselves up by their bootstraps, instead of lifting other people's wallets as they're presently doing. Or at least that's what Hope n' Change thinks after watching hundreds of episodes of COPS.

Of course, the "Brother's Keeper" program rather begs the question of how Barack Obama's own half-brother is doing. And the answer is: not great, because he's still living in an African slum and getting no help whatsoever from his fabulously wealthy half-brother, who just happens to be the most powerful man in the world - at least when he's not out of the White House and taking multi-million dollar vacations.

For now, Hope n' Change would like to encourage Mr. Obama to make use of the NSA's vast databases to do a little basic genealogy. If he finds any actual brothers (or sisters) we didn't know about who need help, we'll happily do so. If not, then he can STFU and start trying to serve all Americans regardless of race.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Tea-riffic Anniversary

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Yesterday marked the fifth birthday of the Tea Party movement, and Hope n' Change thinks it's a cause for genuine celebration - not least of all because it makes the Lefties so freaking miserable that we've lasted this long and aren't going away.

The Tea Party is, and always has been, a pretty simple movement based on easy to understand principles: government limited by the Constitution, and the long-overdue establishment of fiscal restraint and responsibility.

But that's not how we've been depicted. The Left and the mainstream media (or is that redundant?) have painted the Tea Party as terrorists, serial killers, racists, misogynists, hostage-takers, and xenophobes...all without a scintilla of truth.

The Left has done everything they can think of to discredit us. Remember when Nancy Pelosi accused Tea Party members of being paid shills who she referred to as "astro-turf" rather than a true grassroots movement?

And how about the Left's attempts to create counter movements: the "Coffee Party" was supposed to be the liberal answer to the Tea Party but it quickly fizzled because it didn't actually exist outside of a few bogus news stories. After that, "Occupy Wall Street" was vigorously promoted as a true "people's movement" to shove the Tea Party aside.

Unfortunately, despite massive praise from high-ranking Democrats and alleged newspersons, Occupy Wall Street lost its luster when it turned out that the membership mostly consisted of unwashed drug-using hippie types who enjoyed destroying property, beating on drums, committing casual rapes, and defecating on police cars.

Of course, the Tea Party hasn't exactly been embraced by the barnacle-encrusted GOP, either - owing to the fact that the old guard GOP isn't really keen on the whole "fiscal restraint" and "limited government" thing.  Nor does the old guard GOP show anything but resentment about the fact that it was the Tea Party- and ONLY the Tea Party - which won back the House in 2010.

Moreover, the Tea Party might have had a huge impact in the 2012 elections if it weren't for the inconvenient fact that IRS harassment made it nearly impossible for Tea Party action groups to organize. Currently, the government's investigation into the IRS abuse is deliberately going nowhere... and new government rules are going into place to further inhibit conservative political speech.

And yet, after five years, the Tea Party is still here.

Still fighting for what's right, still working for the best interests of this country and, importantly, still giving genuine hope that there are better days ahead.

Happy Birthday, Tea Party Patriots!

BONUS: Here's Mark Levin's keynote address at the Tea Party Patriots 5th Anniversary.

And while we're on the subject...

Until working on today's commentary, we didn't realize that we'd somehow missed the 5-year anniversary of Hope n' Change's creation last month! Sincere thanks to all of you for your much-appreciated support and friendship!

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

In Arrears

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Barack Obama, known throughout the land as "the thriftiest president ever," has shockingly declared that with his new budget he intends to "end the era of austerity" in our nation's capital.

The sudden change of heart and decision to start spending money more generously came after the president, in his palatial bedroom, was visited by three spirits: the ghosts of fiscal responsibility past, present, and future.

All of whom he had shot by the Secret Service.

Still, inspired by the ease with which he had the spirits executed and buried in his wife's vegetable garden (next to a dessicated corpse which may or may not be Osama bin Laden), Mr. Obama rededicated himself to spending even more money than he was spending before: which is to say, all the money in the world and then some.

The president is calling for tens of billions in new domestic spending, the elimination of the horrible "GOP sequester" which, oh yeah, the president himself created, and an allowance for increasingly magnificent presidential vacations with more slaves, orgies, human sacrifices, and solar-powered grape peelers.

Some critics have suggested that the president wasn't exactly exercising "austerity" before this announcement - or at least that's what we assume the critics were about to suggest when blood started spraying out their ears just before their heads exploded.

But to prove that the president actually knows what the word "austerity" means, he has announced that even though he'll be spending more money on everything that his "Spending Money Foolishly Czars" can think of, he is going to be drastically cutting back funding for our military.

 Former VP Dick Cheney summarizes the president's priorities quite neatly, saying Obama would "much rather spend the money on food stamps than he would on a strong military or support for our troops."

Although in fairness, that may not be a bad idea considering how many more of our troops will now be forced to go on foodstamps.

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BONUS: To make up for the lack of cartoon on Monday, here's a little additional "piling on" for today's topic...

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Monday, February 24, 2014

Technical Difficulties

Readers- Sorry, no cartoon or commentary today because I'm waging a man vs. machine war against one of my computers. It is my experience that once a computer tastes your blood, it will always be a danger unless you immediately whip it into abject submission.

I usually accomplish this by repeating the same feckless actions over and over, shouting obscenities at the computer and drinking hard liquor.  If this fails, I will call tech support and ask them for additional obscenities in Hindi.

See you Wednesday (or sooner)!  -Stilton