Friday, November 14, 2014

Spring Forward, Fall Over

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On Saturday, reopens for "open enrollment" so that everyone can see the wonderful new prices that the government didn't want you to know about until after the election.

The Jarlsberg family will be getting involved this time around, thanks to the affordable care act raising the cost of our old "like it, keep it" policy by another $4,000 this year while reducing benefits.

Checking at using their "sneak preview" function, we've already discovered a few things about finding a replacement policy: none offer as much coverage as our old policy, anything even remotely comparable is going to have a much higher price (although with subsidies, some other poor jerk who is trying to earn a living would have to pick up about half of our bill), and - oh yeah! - virtually no doctors in the area will accept any insurance plan obtained through because the rate of reimbursement sucks like a Hoover vacuum cleaner on steroids.

But hey, it could be worse. At least the people who made healthcare less accessible and more expensive when they wrote the Obamacare bill aren't laughing about how stupid the American people were in failing to stop the law. Oh wait - yes they are.


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In the face of a whole bunch of potentially bad news for the president, including leaked word that he will use an Executive Order "and a sprinkling of fairy dust" to give amnesty to over 5 million illegals next week, Hope n' Change believes that White House strategists decided to use the so-called "nuclear option" to distract the news watching public.

Specifically, the well-publicized release of photos of Kim Kardashian's gigantic naked ass.

Oh sure, it sounds like a tinfoil hat conspiracy - but consider this: instead of the weekend news programs discussing Obama's flagrant abuse of authority, his refusal to accept the will of the people as expressed in the midterms, his ridiculous "carbon emissions" plan to cripple American industry, Iran's imminent arrival in the "nuclear nutjob nations" club, or skyrocketing Obamacare costs, they'll be talking about some idiot celebrity's bulbous, oiled-up, "has its own zipcode" keester and whether or not you could use that thing as a bottle opener (answer: probably).

Frankly, Hope n' Change wishes the "news" media would someday try to get to the bottom of something other than a Hollywood attention whore.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Collar Blind

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For those who thought nothing could make Barack Obama look worse than last week's election results, the crafty president unleashed a surprise in Beijing by dressing like a complete dork (while chewing gum, no less).

Online debate has raged about whether Barry looked more like an aging hippy, a waiter in a Chinese restaurant, or a Bond villain. To Hope n' Change, he looks like a slightly updated iteration of the infamous Democratic "Pajama Boy," an opinion which is only bolstered by reports that Obama blushingly confessed to Chinese president Xi Jinping that he wants to move their relationship to "a new level." We're not exactly sure what that means, but it's a safe bet it will involve lube.

And speaking of Barry sticking things where they don't go, he's now thrusting his proboscis into a renewed push for "net neutrality," which is a highly technical term which more or less means "breaking the Internet." Seriously, he wants to regulate Internet Service Providers (and if you're reading this, you've got one) and tell them how fast data should flow, how much they should charge, collect taxes, and discourage competition and innovation. 

The regulations would be based on rules originally cobbled together to handle railroads back in the 1800's, and just might return us to that same era of primitive technology. Think we're kidding? Just keep in mind that Obama's Internet experts are the same babbling idiots who gifted us with "" last year.

It's entirely conceivable that Barry's ham-handed toadies in the FCC could screw up the Internet enough to seriously damage our nation's economy. Which seems like a very high price to pay just to keep us from seeing pictures of the president looking like the doofiest nitwit in China.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Veterans Day 2014

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Today isn't a day for politics - it's a day for humble and profound gratitude to those who have worn the uniforms of our nation's military. Let us all give thanks, and do our best every day to be worthy of their service and sacrifice.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Stark Waving Mad

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Following last week's blowout election, Democrats are scrambling for ways to put a positive spin on their wretched, all-encompassing defeat. Specifically, they're denying that they were defeated at all.

The most recent voice of insanity is that of Nancy Pelosi, who said of the Republican victory: "I don't consider it a wave - I think of it as an ebbing of Democratic voters." In other words, the Dems had more than enough voters for a commanding victory if the voters had just, you know, voted.  But instead, they stayed home - watching TV and, you know, ebbing. But outside of that little technicality, the midterms should be considered a huge win for the Left and other clinically insane people.

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In the months leading up to the midterms, Democrats running for election avoided Obama like he was firehosing the Ebola virus out of his every orifice. But what is a lonely president to do in circumstances like that?

It turns out that Barry used the opportunity to write a chummy, and secret, letter to Ayatollah Khamenei in which he suggested that if Iran would help us deal with ISIS, the United States would give Iran more time to put the finishing touches on nuclear weapons with which to destroy Israel and generally set the entire world on fire.

All of which should remind every American to be grateful when this president is toodling around the greens in a golf cart instead of playing with the pens and papers he finds on his desk.
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And finally, we'll note that Obama has named Loretta Lynch as his nominee to replace Eric Holder as Attorney General. It is unknown whether she will also continue her country singing career.

Lynch is considered to be singularly well-qualified for the job, having gained a reputation as an advocate against "human rights abuses" committed by the filthy, horrible police (in fairness, the case she's most associated with really was a vile crime committed by a policeman against a minority).  She also recently given a speech in which she characterized voter ID laws as attempts to "take back" the gains made by Martin Luther King Jr.

She is expected to win unanimous approval for the position, because no one but no one in the GOP wants to be described in the MSM as being part of a "Lynch mob." And trust us, they would be.