Friday, November 16, 2012

Second Terms of Endearment

obama jokes, second term, obama, stilton jarlsberg, hope and change

In his first press conference in eight months, Barack Obama declared his intention to be an even better president in the future and announced his second term plans ("I'll do to job creators what Israel does to Hamas leaders"), which makes this an appropriate time for Hope n' Change Cartoons to announce our second term plans.

In a nutshell, it will be "Change...but still Hope."

The battle against Obama and for America must continue, and Hope n' Change isn't leaving the fight. But we do have to adjust to the "new normal," which is that Barry isn't going anywhere for the next four years other than the golf course and the occasional taxpayer-funded vacation.

This being the case, I need to start allocating more time to earning a living (something I've put on hold for the past few years) and burying gold in mayonnaise jars in hard to find places surrounded by tripwires and rabid squirrels. (Okay, I don't actually have any gold, but some of the squirrels in my yard look pretty dangerous.)

So here's the plan: as of today, Hope n' Change Cartoons will be published only on Friday - but that doesn't  mean that Barry's indiscretions and screw-ups will get a free pass the rest of the week. Far from it!

Rather, whenever an idea hits me for a cartoon, graphic, or particularly snotty remark, I'll post it immediately on Facebook (which you can see at whether you're a Facebook member or not), and then I'll repost all of that material (and probably something fresh) for a "week in review" here every Friday, where we can continue to kick things around in the comments section.

This will free me to work not only on my personal and (hopefully) profitable ventures, but also give me additional time to  think of interesting wrenches to throw into the gears of the Liberal machinery. I'm not sure what form those wrenches may take yet, but I'm convinced that it's important to create new, non-electoral forms of exercising power (in entirely legal ways) with which to beat the Lefties over the head. And I approach this challenge not only with enthusiasm, but a certain evil glee. "Bwah-ha-ha" is definitely going to be a bigger part of my vocabulary.

Finally, because I lack the eloquence (and frankly, telegenic good looks) of Bill Whittle, I ask you to take a few minutes to watch this video in which Mr. Whittle perfectly expresses not only our disappointment and anger with the election results, but our individual responsibility to keep fighting as others before us have fought in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds.

So I'll see you on Facebook whenever the mood hits, or see you right here next Friday. 

Now get out there, hold your head high, and annoy a liberal!        -Stilton Jarlsberg

obama jokes, obama, desk, jarlsberg, stilton jarlsberg, hope and change, second term, conservative

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Songs in the Key of Strife

obama jokes, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, benghazi, jesus h. christ, conservative, traitor, john kerry, hurricane sandy, sesame street

What today's cartoon lacks in subtlety, it makes up for in accuracy: this is exactly the way Hope n' Change is feeling these days.

We'd sort of hoped that absolute disaster would at least wait until Obama's second term started, but apparently we were over-optimistic. And trust us, that doesn't happen very often.

A growing sex scandal is threatening to topple our intelligence and military communities, leaving tasty vacancies for Obama appointees while throwing a smokescreen over the successful terrorist attacks in Benghazi. Painfully obvious voter fraud is going uninvestigated (how did Obama get 140% of the vote in some areas, and Romney no votes at all?). Employers are firing people or cutting back their hours to avoid the punishing effects of Obamacare.

A report (delayed until after the election) shows an unprecedented skyrocketing of the number of people receiving foodstamps. Recovery efforts following Hurricane Sandy absolutely suck - and yet the media cares not a whit that Obama hits the golf course for the 105th time in his presidency rather than offer aid and comfort to those hardest hit.

And a new report - also withheld until after the election - reveals that Iran is much closer to having nuclear weapons than B. Hussein previously admitted (and which Joe Biden flatly denied in one of his hysterical laughing fits during his debate with Paul Ryan). Meanwhile, John "Heinz 57" Kerry is being considered to become our next Secretary of Defense, despite his history of accusing Vietnam veterans of being psychotic and sadistic murderers, baby rapers, and ear collectors.

At this point in the commentary, Hope n' Change usually likes to make a pithy and funny remark intended to inspire courage and optimism. And we fully intend to do that...on Friday.

Because today, all we're seeing is Hell and Handbaskets.

This picture doesn't really have anything to do with politics, 
but we always thought that the evil living head in "Re-Animator" 
looks like John Kerry and it makes the film more fun to watch!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Dead Quiet

hope and change, benghazi, obama jokes, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg

What if they gave a Congressional hearing and nobody came? We're about to find out - because the Obama admenstruation (hey, he couldn't have been reelected without all those "lady parts") is making sure that nobody will be giving evidence about what happened on 9/11 this year when our consulate in Benghazi was successfully attacked by terrorists while the Whitehouse watched and did nothing.

CIA Director, General David Petraeus, previously said to be "looking forward to testifying," won't be there because - almost magically - the FBI has discovered that he was having an extramarital affair with the authorette of his biography (the title of which, "All In," has taken on an entirely new meaning). And so the president has sadly accepted Petraeus's resignation and request to be immediately transferred to a monastery with a forced vow of silence.

Hillary Clinton, who had previously "taken responsibility" by saying she'd find out who was responsible, has decided not to testify owing to an unavoidable scheduling conflict in Australia which we can only hope doesn't involve sex with her biographer or any marsupials.

Barack Hussein Obama certainly won't be offering up any new information, as he's already told the world (in his U.N. speech) that the death of Ambassador Stevens and three other Americans was the price our nation paid for slandering the Prophet of Islam and having a regrettable "Freedom of Speech" amendment which he now has more flexibility to dismantle in his second term. Although perhaps Barry will update Congress if, like OJ Simpson, he happens to find the "real killers" while on the golf course - where he returned Saturday like a swallow flying back to Capistrano.

All of which means that there's almost no one who watched the slaughter of our Ambassador from the comfort and safety of the Situation Room who's willing to testify...except Joe Biden. But Congress has chosen not to subpoena him.

After all, the situation is bad enough without the vice-president of the United States babbling about the "cue ball" sized testicles of the Navy Seals who lost their lives, and bursting into uncontrollable laughter every time he hears the word "sodomized."

obamaphone, hope and change, benghazi, obama jokes
 "Your call cannot be completed. Please scream for help later."

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Veterans Day 2012

Today, Veterans Day, we need to remember that we still have a lot to be grateful for and many people to be grateful to. Fly your flag proudly, say "thank you" to a veteran, and take time to reflect on the sacrifices made by these men, women, and their families for the sake of our nation.

They are the best of us.