Saturday, September 1, 2012

Weekend Mischief

Readers- Here are some random bits that I've posted over on the Hope n' Change page at Facebook in the last day or two.

This first one not only represents Obama's "no show" showdown with Clint, but his strategy for putting off deficit reduction...

In response to Clint's funny monologue with an empty chair which represented Obama, the testy president tweeted a picture of himself sitting in a leather chair with a shiny little golden plaque proclaiming him to be "The President." Which was a gift to all conservatives who own Photoshop...

And finally, here's a Zen question that anyone who watches MSNBC should be asking themselves about now...

Enjoy your Labor Day weekend (and yes, I'll be here on Monday!) -Stilton

Friday, August 31, 2012

Pop Goes the Weasel

On Wednesday night, heartland-favorite Paul Ryan delivered a speech that was truthful, powerful, inspiring, patriotic, and eloquent - and the mainstream media immediately pounced on him and proclaimed him to be the biggest liar since Baron Munchausen and the bloodthirstiest killer since Vlad the Impaler.

(At the time of this writing, Romney hasn't given his speech yet - but you can bet he's in for the same treatment.)

In actuality, Ryan's speech was entirely accurate from top to bottom and it is the so-called "fact checkers" who are engaged in lies and misrepresentations. And how bad did it get? The ever-rabid Chris Matthews of MSNBC told the world that Ryan's speech was a call for the return of black slavery.

No, really.

Because Ryan said that we need to "restore" America, and according to Matthews' single sputtering neuron, “to a lot of Americans, if you get back to where we were, there were slaves. If we got back to where we were, women weren't voting.” Moreover, Ryan dared to mention those appalling bastards called "the founding fathers," which Matthews also interprets as nostalgia for slavery.

So if the seemingly inspirational words of conservatism are, when deconstructed by the Left, so disgusting - what soaring rhetoric is Barack Obama offering to inspire Americans?

He says his reelection will be the "popping of the blister" of Republican uncooperativeness, and that in a second term he will increasingly "work around Congress" to get things done "without legislation." In other words, he finds gross medical metaphors charming but the Constitution sickening.

And in the same interview, he claims that Americans (sheep-like, stupid Americans) don't realize how wonderful the stimulus and auto bailout plans were because he didn't spend enough time selling them - what with being preoccupied with fixing the economy and getting in over one hundred rounds of golf.

But if his programs had been successful, wouldn't we all know that without "being sold?" Wouldn't we be able to look around and see that success and a growing economy, instead of the dismal fiscal reality which we do clearly see... and which Paul Ryan so bravely and eloquently described?

Frankly, we don't think our nation's woes are going to be helped in the least by Barack Obama popping any blisters.

But on the other side of election day, we think it's worth considering how to lance the boil of mainstream media lies and propaganda.


Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Smoke Gets In Your IQs

A new study has shown that teens who smoke marijuana can suffer permanent brain damage, including a lifelong legacy of lowered IQ, reduced memory, and a lack of motivation.

Fortunately, this doesn't happen after just a puff or two. Instead, the devastating damage seems limited to those who have had heavy and prolonged Barry "Choom Gang" Soetoro, who now calls himself Barack Hussein Obama because the name gives him the giggles when he tries to say it out loud.

Just how "heavy and prolonged" was young Barry's marijuana use? By his own admission, he used it (and other drugs) "enthusiastically." He and his friends had a VW van they called the "Choom wagon" in which they smoked their dope with the windows rolled up so none of the smoke could get away, and young Barry invented "Roof Hits" - a process of actually sucking the residual smoke off the van's ceiling.

Moreover, in his High School yearbook the future president chose not to give thanks to his own mother... but did give thanks to Ray, his drug dealer, for "all the good times."

Still, if Barack Obama had permanently damaged his brain, it would surely show up in his IQ tests, medical reports, and college grades. But we can't really go by those because the president has had them all sealed to So let's look at the other symptoms of a weed-wrecked brain.

Lowered IQ? Well, we know that he can't do even the simple math it would take to balance a checkbook (and there are reports that he can't even reliably do the "count on your fingers" math involved in keeping track of his strokes on the golf course - usually arriving at a lower figure than his opponents computed). Additionally, he can only speak eloquently when reading words that someone else has written...and even that won't work unless
the words are scrolling slowly in front of his eyes on a teleprompter. And finally, the Constitution of the United States is only 4 pages long but Obama still can't understand it.

Memory Impairment? The Choomer-in-Chief can't remember how many states there are (57 being his most recent guess), he can't remember who America's allies are, and he can't remember that Marxist redistribution of wealth has already been tried by other countries and that it fails spectacularly every time. And when the United States learned where Osama bin Laden was hiding, it apparently took the president months to remember where his testicles were.

Well then, how about Motivation? Surely the president of the United States must be motivated, right? Otherwise, he'd do something like promise to lower the deficit by half...but never get around to it. Or swear he'd close Guantanamo Bay but, you know, not today exactly, but sometime soon. Or maybe he'd dedicate himself to putting a "laser-like focus" on returning jobs to the economy, right after he plays a few dozen rounds of golf and maybe has some vacations in tropical getaways and then sucks a little pakalolo smoke off the ceiling of his rad new black bus. Dude, it's awesome!!!

Wait, what were we talking about? Oh yes, the pot-head president!

Frankly, when we weigh all the evidence we think permanent brain damage from enthusiastic drug use is not only the most likely explanation for Barack Obama's's by far the most charitable one.

"Mitt, Mitt, Mitt! Like a baseball glove, you know? Mitt? Bwah-ha-ha!"

Monday, August 27, 2012

Step By Step

Step by step, it feels like we're losing America's past, present, and even future. And this weekend's loss of astronaut and first man on the moon, Neil Armstrong, was another sad step in the wrong direction - and not "one small step," either.

Not simply because he died. He did, after all, live to be 82 - and he packed a lot of living and heroism into that span of years.

But the sad fact is that he died knowing that America's manned space program was over...and that Barack Hussein Obama had given NASA a new primary mission: "to reach out to the Muslim world and engage much more with dominantly Muslim nations to help them feel good about their historic contribution to science, math and engineering."

In other words, Barack Obama wants the courageous men and women who put a man on the moon to know "You didn't build that - someone else did. Someone Muslim."

Just last year, Neil Armstrong looked at what Barack Obama has done to our space program and declared it to be "embarrassing and unacceptable." But he also said "I am hopeful that, in the near future, we will be doing the right thing."

He did not live to see that future. But this November, your one small step into the voting booth can be a giant leap in the right direction.


UPDATE: Believe it or not, Barack Obama commemorated Neil Armstrong's passing by releasing a photo of himself (B. Hussein) looking thoughtfully into a darkened sky which is empty except for a freaking crescent moon and single star...the symbol of Islam.