Saturday, March 26, 2011

HnC Vault: Overseas Contingency

Originally published March 27, 2009

Also, instead of "Commander in Chief," the President's title will now be "Obfuscation Executive Extraordinaire."

Update 3/26/11

This cartoon was plucked from the past (exactly two years ago) because of the president's latest assault on the English language. After firing over 100 cruise missiles into Libya, dropping bombs, attacking Muammar Gadhafi's residence, and generally blowing the hell out of a lot of things, the Whitehouse has declared that none of this is "war" - it's simply a "kinetic military action." Which, we suppose, means that nobody will get "killed" - they'll just assume "non-kinetic status."

And here's another "man-caused disaster" in the language department: we're sick of hearing Barack Hussein Obama saying that "our policy is that Gadhafi has to go," but then emphasize that it doesn't mean we'll do anything to make him go.

Here's a news bulletin, Mr. president: "policy" is kinetic. It isn't what you hope for, it's what you do. If you say that American policy is for Gadhafi to go, then it means we intend to take whatever actions are necessary to make it happen. And if we're not prepared to do that, then it isn't "policy" - it's simply self-serving, political wordplay.

Very dangerous wordplay.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Unplanned Presidency

It's a story we've heard all too often. A swaggering young man who wants to impress his homies...a seemingly "easy" target and a promise to "pull out before things go too far"..."boom! boom! boom! boom!"...and then the finger-pointing when things start to grow out of control.

Which is why Barack Obama is learning that even if you're "careful" and use "protection," there's no guarantee that you won't end up with the pitter-patter of little "boots on the ground" when you start screwing around.

It's far too late to abort. And it seems unlikely that his "little problem" will be adopted by someone
else (is the alleged NATO agreement fooling anyone?!)

In these situations, a man - a real man - would take personal responsibility for his actions.

But a boy in a man's body would simply say it's not his fault, declare that he's not sticking around, say he didn't know what he was getting into, then try to hide from the ongoing costs and consequences of what he brought into the world.

And the first chance he gets...he'll happily do it all over again.

"Might not be mine. There were lots of guys at that party."

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Hope's On First

After careful analysis of Barack Obama's shiny new war on Libya and reviewing the state of his "international coalition," we can say with some confidence (and just a tasteful hint of dyslexia) that it is a complete fustercluck.

Not only is no one clearly in charge, nor is there a clear mission, but things are so screwed up that Mr. Obama now has NATO members sniping at each other in a desperate rush to avoid accountability for this mess.

Germany is pulling its equipment out of the coalition, France says that they're not at war with
anyone and want a political committee to start making decisions, Italy is claiming that France is pushing NATO actions only to get oil, and Barack Obama is increasingly stammering that he "vas only followink orders" from the United Nations...despite his earlier assertions that he "directed" the start of this entire endeavor.

Adding to the chaos, the U.S. Secretary of Defense says we've never "done something like this kind of on-the-fly before," and Al Qaeda is rooting for the team which is currently getting air support from the
U.S. military.

But although an international game of musical chairs is now going on to see who'll get stuck with the blame and the rapidly-mounting costs, it's clear that
this is Barack Obama's war all the way.

And sadly, it proves once and for all the tragedy of electing a president whose most obvious qualities are megalomania and complete ineptitude.

Thank goodness there's an experienced community organizer in charge.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Colonel of Truth

The Whitehouse delivered good news to Colonel Muammar Gadhafi yesterday when, in attempting to explain Barack Obama's increasingly confusing goals in Libya (currently believed to be "we're staying until Duke wins") a spokesman said that the American mission is now to "install a democratic system"...which sounds just a teeny bit more ambitious than a no-fly zone.

But the reason this is good news for Gadhafi is because if he just follows Obama's model of "democracy," he won't really have to change very much to be in compliance!

Free elections? No problem...especially when you can have armed hooligans at the polling places (and make sure they're not prosecuted) and a "wink-wink, nudge-nudge" voter registration system.

Bipartisanship? The same kind that Obama used in ramming through healthcare...and adding secret funding language to disempower future legislators? Well, that should be easy.

Election results not in your favor? Again, not an issue - just have your minority representatives ride camels to the nearest Oasis to cool their heels, then have a judge declare that the majority party can't legally make a move without them!

With conditions this easy to meet, we assume that Colonel Gadhafi will be striking a deal with America's alleged president any day now. Before anyone thinks to really raise the stakes and demand not just democracy...but freedom.


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Muammar Than He Bargained For

A baffled world is still trying to figure out exactly what caused Barack Obama (described by many as a "loner") to go on a sudden, unexplained shooting spree in Libya.

Among those a bit
hazy about the alleged president's motivations and goals are the members of his hastily-assembled "international coalition" to prosecute the war, which includes Arab states that thought the action would consist only of jamming Libya's radar rather than firing off million-dollar American cruise missiles like they were ten-cent bottle rockets.

Republicans are demanding answers about what the heck the actual goal of the mission is, since Mr. Obama has remained coy on the subject.

And Democrats are not only questioning the
constitutionality of the entire action, but are suggesting that it may be time to impeach the previously Chosen One. Or failing that, at least take a much closer look at the whole "birth certificate" thing.

In any event, anyone looking for answers had better look fast. Mr. Obama has already announced that he plans to "transition" the actual work of fighting the war to his international "partners," and end his personal involvement in the Libyan theater of war "in a matter of days and not a matter of weeks."

Because like a child easily bored with a new toy, his attention span just can't handle anything longer.


Monday, March 21, 2011

Barack Obomber

Barack Obama surprised the world (and probably himself) by authorizing a full-out military assault on Libya while heading out the door for his trip to Brazil. According to inside sources, the critical moment occurred when the Joint Chiefs asked the alleged president if we were in "Go mode for Operation Odyssey Dawn," and he said "whatever..." while trying to decide which Speedos to pack.

Libyan facilities have already been on the receiving end of 112 Tomahawk missiles, which is part of our military's contribution to the "international coalition" which is finally standing up to Gadhafi.

And since
Hope n' Change really doesn't like genocidal, terrorist despots, you'd think we'd finally applaud something that Barack Obama has done. And you'd be dead wrong!

Our military assault on Libya isn't a show of's a show of having America's bluff called after two years of Obama showing no discernible strength to the world. Meaning that for all of our military strength, America had lost the all-important tool of deterrence, which previously allowed us to suppress violence by making credible threats.

But Mr. Obama's threats
weren't credible. Or even discernible. Which is why Gadhafi felt confident about slaughtering his own people. And it was only when Gadhafi prepared the "final cleansing" that Obama was forced to take last-minute action...a large, violent, and potentially long-lasting action...because any smaller measures had already been taken off the table by the president's previous dithering and failure to show real interest in the earliest days of the conflict.

Libya's Colonel Gadhafi is now said to be arming one million of his people for ground operations. Which seems fairly stupid at first glance. After all, how can one million poorly trained, poorly armed Libyans stand up against American soldiers? Well, it turns out they won't have to, because our alleged Commander in Chief has
already announced that we won't put any "boots on the ground," which surely came as a relief...and highly valuable military intelligence... to Muammar Gadhafi.

Additionally, Navy Admiral Mullen told NBC news that Gadhafi may remain in power, and our military action "isn't about seeing him go." Meaning that the primary purpose of this action is to protect Barack Obama's political ass after he's pushed his doctrine of weakness - and the world - into the danger zone.


Sunday, March 20, 2011

HnC Vault: Lincoln Knocks

Originally published February 23, 2009

Isn't it odd how we celebrate President's Day by making sure that no government services are available? Then again, maybe that is something to celebrate!

Update 3/20/11 - This cartoon was pulled from the vaults because it mentions the sad state of our public schools; a topic I'd wanted to touch on this week - but which got pushed aside by more urgent news events.

According to the "No Child Left Behind" standards which President George Bush instituted for assessing the quality of education being delivered, more than 75% of all public schools will receive a failing grade this year unless something is done. Unfortunately, the "something" being proposed by Barack Obama is a lowering of the schools don't actually have to improve to get a passing grade.

Additionally, it was announced this week that the "Barack H. Obama Elementary School," which was renamed two years ago to "inspire" students, will be closing permanently owing to dwindling attendance. Which just goes to show that if you name a school to honor a man whose greatest accomplishment was being "present"...students won't be.