Saturday, October 9, 2010

Unhappy Meal

When Barack Obama was cramming his healthcare plan down the throats of Americans, he emphasized one point over and over: "If you like the healthcare plan you currently have, you can keep it. Period. Case closed."

What he didn't mention was that you could keep your policy only if you got a special waiver from the government...and that those waivers are only going to 30 big corporations and Democrat-heavy unions. Period. Case closed.

And amazingly, the corporations - including McDonalds and Jack in the Box, need the waivers so they don't have to end employee health insurance...which is what Obamacare demands. In fact, without the waivers one million currently insured people would completely lose their policies. Which isn't exactly the message that the Democrats want coming out just before elections.

The problem is simple: Obamacare demands that employers either give employees a terrific insurance plan which is nearly impossible to afford...or no insurance at all. And so companies that have traditionally offered inexpensive healthcare plans to employees have no choice but to drop those policies.

You might compare it to a starving man who is being offered a hot, fresh Big Mac...but who isn't allowed to eat it because the Democrats insist that he deserves nothing less than a 7-course meal with vintage wines and strolling violin players. And so the man gets nothing.

None of this should come as a surprise to anyone who has paid attention to Obamacare. It has always been about killing the private insurance industry. It has always been anti-business. It was always going to raise costs and decrease quality of care. It has never been about medicine, and always and exclusively been about seizing power over our lives.

But still, when it comes to Obamacare, the Democrats are telling us to "eat it." And they don't even ask "do you want fries with that?"

Friday, October 8, 2010

When The Going Gets Tough

Fulfilling his promise to be our most transparent president, Barack Obama is taking an extended trip overseas...with the departure date rather transparently moved up to be as close to election night as possible.

So as much as Obama might like to make himself available to domestic reporters and answer questions about the expected drubbing of Democrats and what the election returns mean about the mood of America toward his failed policies, the president feels it is more urgent that he arrive in India in time to help celebrate the Hindu holiday Diwali.

And while Obama would surely like to have the opportunity to let American voters know that he's heard their voices, this overseas trip will be among the longest in his presidency - with additional stops in Indonesia (where the president lived as a boy and earned pennies from the local children by showing his birth certificate), Japan, and South Korea.

The first lady will be accompanying her husband on the trip, just in case there's more lobster than he can eat without assistance...but Malia and Sasha will be staying behind in the USA, strongly suggesting that their parents will return once the fuss over the election dies down.

Darn it.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Like Carter, Like Sun

Once again demonstrating the leadership and forward-thinking that has made his name synonymous with progress, thrift, and government efficiency, Barack Obama has ordered that solar panels be added to the Whitehouse to commemorate the one year anniversary of his not so efficiently named "Executive Order 13514 on Leadership in Environmental, Energy, and Economic Performance."

Of course, the "leadership" shown in installing solar panels isn't exactly groundbreaking. It was first tried by previously-worst president Jimmy Carter way back in 1979. And President George W. Bush installed three separate solar energy systems on the Whitehouse grounds, thereby triggering global warming.

Obama's new system will consist of solar energy panels to generate electricity (which he has been unable to do personally since 2008), and a solar water heater which will send hot water directly to the family residence.

And of course, the system is predicted to be the most efficient in the world because, as the mainstream media so frequently reminds us, the sun rises and sets on Barack Obama.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Times Square Marches On

To the disappointment of the 72 virgins in paradise, unmartyred (and fortunately unsuccessful) Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad has been sentenced to life in prison.

Apparently missing the memo that said followers of Islam are mostly interested in building multi-ethnic recreation centers, Shahzad announced in court that Americans should "brace yourself" because "the war with Muslims has just begun."

Judge Miriam Cedarbaum, who administered the life sentence, told Shahzad that she hopes he will spend his prison time "thinking of whether the Quran wants you to kill people."

But considering the fact that the would-be terrorist frequently interrupted the sentencing by saying things like "Allah Akhbar" and "the defeat of the United States is imminent, inshallah,"
we're guessing that Shahzad has already given a lot of thought to his personal interpretation of the Quran.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Global Harming

The world is holding its breath under the threat that terror attacks, authorized by Osama Bin Laden, may take place in major European airports. The danger is considered to be very real, very credible, and very difficult to prevent.

Clearly, the reason to attack airport terminals is because they're "soft targets;" lots of innocent victims, lots of suitcases in which to conceal guns and grenades, and huge economic impact if people become afraid to travel.

But to try to obscure the unspeakable evil of such an attack, a recent audiotape from Osama Bin Laden says that the terror mastermind is really concerned about Global Warming, and the "great catastrophes to the Islamic world" (such as the flooding in Pakistan) which are supposedly caused by the kinds of energy use (including transportation and manufacturing) that Democrats are also eager to curtail...or at least tax.

And by inference, if terror attacks on airports keep jets from polluting the skies, it will be good for the climate, the Islamic world, the trees, and the forest creatures.

When it comes to combatting so-called global warming, Al Gore is barely tolerable...but blood
and gore is unacceptable. As is every day that Osama Bin Laden continues to draw breath.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Meet Depressed

A recently released study shows that nearly 10% of Americans are suffering the symptoms of depression...with the rate significantly higher among those who, ironically, aren't getting hired.

Scientists say that the real numbers are probably even worse, because the study didn't collect data from prisoners or the homeless...although both groups can presumably be measured while
being driven to the polls by Democrats in November.

In making their assessment, researchers looked for hopelessness, disinterest, lethargy, and feelings of failure...which are coincidentally the same qualities that Barack Obama recently accused Democratic voters of having.

But while Hope has fallen on hard times under the Democrats, Change is coming in just a few weeks. And we're confident that when it comes to improving the nation's mood, progress will beat prozac.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Down For The Count

To prove that Glenn Beck's huge "Restoring Honor" rally in Washington was a fluke, a consortium of over 400 far-left organizations and unions forced their members to attend Saturday's pro-Obama "One Nation Working Together" rally.

Unlike Beck's grass roots rally, "One Nation Working Together" was extremely well funded by powerful political groups including the NAACP, SEIU, and American Communist Party, and had the
additional crowd-building incentive of union bosses reminding their members that non-attendance could lead to "on the job accidents," if you know what we mean.

An eager mainstream media wanted nothing more than to report that the rally was a
huge success, with throngs of people jamming the national mall! But that wouldn't be entirely accurate.

Early reports on the rally spoke exclusively of the many thousands "
expected to attend," even after the event was underway. And photographs were carefully cropped to show people packed tightly...but only in very small groups. In fact, the only aerial shots of huge crowds proved to be (barely labeled) file photos from...Glenn Beck's rally.

At the event's peak, there was clearly a substantial number of people in attendance - several dozen of whom might have actually been there voluntarily. But in the end, it would appear that "One Nation Working Together" might more aptly be labeled "400 Liberal Organizations Failing Together."

CNN experts estimate the massive crowd was approximately "one hundred bajillion."