Friday, August 26, 2011
It's true: there is no such thing as a vacation for the president of the United States. While in Martha's Vineyard, Barack Obama has had to deal with a major earthquake, about which he did nothing, a huge hurricane, about which he is doing nothing, and now reports of gas attacks in populated regions of Afghanistan... with our own marines to blame!
According to a published report in the Military Times "Battle Rattle" section, Marines have been ordered to suppress audible farts because it offends the Afghans.
Now you might expect Hope n' Change cartoons to mock the Afghans for their hypocrisy and squeamishness...but in this case, we've got to take their side. After all, biological weapons are strictly forbidden under the rules of the Geneva Convention...and it's our considered opinion that despite the potential devastation of mustard gas, chlorine gas, or nerve agents on the battlefield, a genuine made-in-America Marine's Fart could be more destructive than all of those things combined.
We're not talking about the little hummingbird tweets which squeak out of the commander in chief and smell like cotton candy. No sir, we're talking about thundering, armor-piercing, white hot, "Don't look inside the Lost Ark of the Covenant!" 10-megaton MARINE farts! Even one of which is said to make a measurable change in Global Warming, especially if released near Al Gore.
And so, Marines, "hold 'em if you got 'em"...and keep that gas from passing while you're "guests" in Afghanistan!
When you get home, you can finally let it all out.
Hopefully during a tour of the Whitehouse.