Friday, September 2, 2011

Take Two Tablets And Call Me



After telling the nation that he had miraculously developed a plan to cure joblessness in our country, Barack Obama made the interesting choice of going on an extended vacation in Martha's Vineyard rather than share his great insights.

But having returned from vacation and touched up his tan, the president has now run into another obstruction which keeps him from sharing the joyous news which millions of Americans are clamoring for: his massive ego.


Because rather than just fire up the teleprompters in the Oval Office, Barack Obama has decided to call an unprecedented joint session of the House and Senate, so he can create enough of a "Moses Down From The Mountaintop" bit of theater for his economic commandments and, as he's done in the past, use the opportunity to belittle and malign his captive audience to their faces.


But owing to a scheduling conflict (and a surprisingly resolute John Boehner), Barack Obama now finds himself presenting his twin tablets to a primetime audience that was hoping to watch the first NFL football game of the season.


Unsurprisingly, football fans weren't happy about delaying the game so that the strident, skinny little president of the Algebra Club can deliver a lecture. And the Whitehouse wasn't happy that people started growling "this speech better be damn important"...because they already know that it won't be. After all, an important speech couldn't have waited for the completion of the president's 10-day golf outing.

And so The Greatest Speech Ever Given, by the Smartest Man Who Ever Lived, is now being moved up to 7 pm so that it won't interfere with the football game...even though it means few, if any, people living on the West Coast will be able to see it (at 4 pm, local time).


However, they should have no problem catching the football commentators who will analyze the speech immediately afterwards...and pronounce it a desperate, and failed, "Hail Mary."

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The Big Game starts at 7 pm. After which there will be football.
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29 comments:

Proof said...

I see Obama borrow the "stupid helmet" from That 70's Show!

Anonymous said...

If this speech is so effin' important, then why doesn't he give it tonight?????? Or, better yet, right after Rush Limbaugh's show ends at three P.M.-as he usually does when there's shitty news to announce.

Colby said...

This is the icing on the cake! First, Boehner makes him change days, the the NFL moves his time slot. By the time next week rolls around, he will be coming down from Mount Ararat to deliver his message on a public access channel at 3 AM, stuck between two info-mercials for vegetable slicers.

Pete(Detroit) said...

NICE job on that helmet...

Jim Hlavac said...

Ah, now comes the "malaise" speech! He will tell us we are the problem, that we will not get off our tuckus and make him the best president ever! And if only Bush hadn't lived and breathed all would be well. And the Tea Party is out to destroy all that is holy and good in the land. Then he will call for massive new spending, and green jobs, and bold new initiatives, and perhaps even wield a shovel, to show he's ready! And surely he will call for new tax hikes because his friend Warren Buffett said it was good! Ah, blah, where have I heard this all before? Oh yah, the last speech, (no, I didn't listen to that one either,) um, no, um ... oh: Welcome back Carter!

Frankly, I'd rather watch tight ends and wide receivers and such run around.

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

Jim Hlavac:
Amen, brother (and I won't even make an inappropriate joke about tight ends and receivers).

Anonymous said...

The man who's to stupid to know his head from his butt should never try to suck his thumb. That's not chocolate on your thumb Obama.

Colby said...

Jim H,
Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that MOST of the country will be watching the tight ends and wide receivers. I know I sure as hell will be! Shit, I'd rather watch a video of paint drying than suffer 30 seconds of the Blamer in Chief.

Andrew said...

President of the high school Algebra Club?

In his dreams.

Math is haaarrrd. Algebra is raaaaaaacist.

Smartist. Presadint. Evar.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- As a special timely bonus to today's cartoon and commentary, we now get the latest jobs report which declares that there were NO NEW JOBS last month, for the first time since World War II. Which makes it all the more insulting that Obama claims to have a solution, but didn't want to share it during his vacation, and even now is delaying his revelation for another week.

Of course, I don't blame him...because he's got nothing to offer. The ONLY thing that the government can do now to encourage job growth is to get the hell out of the way, and that is something that this president will never allow.

Bacon said...

Colby, you just gave me the biggest laugh I've had in a looooong time! Thank You.!

John the Econ said...

Tighten your seat belts folks. It's going to be a bumpy ride, especially now that the new jobs numbers are out. Needless to say, they aren't good news of the Obamatons. Here's the narrative I see forming:

"We're the Problem". I'm not certain about this, since it was on in the background (and I can't afford to dedicate 100% of my brain capacity every time an administration spokeshole opens their mouth) but I think the Secretary of Labor just called us all spoiled children for not getting back to work. Yeah, it's all our fault. It was as if we were in an America where millions without jobs were not being paid so they don't have to work, and millions who might be offer a job haven't been targeted for confiscatory taxes, regulatory stranglehold or lawsuits for hiring people.

"Corporate balance sheets are healthy", meaning that it's America's corporations fault for not blowing their wad in this screwed up environment to commit fiscal suicide just to save the Obama Presidency.

"It's a lack of bipartisanship that's preventing him from saving us", which is only an effective argument if everyone can forget that the GOP was totally shut out between 09 and 11 while he and the Democrats were focused on the biggest job killing agendas since the '70s, like ObamaCare, Cap-n-Tax, non-Energy policy, etc.

I don't think he's going to go the "green jobs" route because everyone is over it, and because of the Solyndra fiasco. For those of you who haven't heard, Solyndra was a former photo-op-prop for Obama and an icon for America's "green" future of cheap solar panels for all and thousands of "green" jobs. After shipping their equipment and most of their "green" jobs to a newly formed company in India, they declared bankruptcy last month, leaving taxpayers on the hook for a $535 million loan from the U.S. Treasury’s Federal Financing Bank.

Oh, and Solyndra was the child of billionaire and Democratic fundraiser George Kaiser. How much of that half-billion of taxpayer "investment" made it back to the Obama 2012 campaign?

Solyndra and its also-bankrupt cousin Evergreen Solar are poster children for the crony capitalism that is at the core of the Democrat's "green" economic agenda. The only things that this "green" crony capitalism has achieved is jobs for workers in other countries, billions siphoned off by mismanagement and corruption, millions sent back to politicians in the feedback loop, and billions of additional debt for the rest of us.

To be continued...

Earl said...

On top of the no new jobs report, we have the bankruptcy of one of the Green ventures that got lots of stimulus money. And I read today about a library in one of the wealthiest counties in the country that got $300,000 in stimulus money to put solar panels on the roof. Authorities boast a savings of $14,000 per year in annual electricity costs. Never mind that the panels have a life expectancy of 10-15 years. You do the math. And Exxon (which can't get permits to drill for oil here) is going into business with Russia to drill for oil in the Arctic Sea. Can we please push the reset button. Now!

John the Econ said...

...continued:

"The New Deal/Great Society, Part ][" might be something he'd pitch. Of course, he doesn't have any political capital left to actually achieve anything of such scale and reach. But "Recovery Summer, The Sequel" has been a bust; worse than the first, and "Recovery Summer, Part 3" set to be released only months before the election isn't likely to be any better.

The "Hope and Change" coalition that swept him in in the wake of the Bush years isn't coming back. So he's gotta shore up a new base of more cynical but reliable voters. Who could that be? America's growing class of dependents! Enough of them are desperate of gullible enough to buy such a pitch, even though it has a snowball's chance in hell of every happening.

Expect to see a pitch to extend unemployment benefits for nearly everyone through January of '13. The not so subtle message will be "Vote for us, because you know that money will stop if the GOP takes over in '13".

There will be plenty of "crony capitalism" and more "stimulus" proposed, but it won't be limited to just "green" jobs for the reason mentioned above. He's targeted all the money America's corporations are sitting on. Let's get all of America on the gravy train to the fiscal black hole. Those who don't play along will be slated for some form of punishment.

There will be some sort of housing plan to wash out the inventory of unsold/unsaleable houses the federal government and banks are stuck will. (This might actually be the only constructive idea, but I'll have to see the details before signing on to this)

Drilling? I'd even be willing to bet that he'll propose opening up drilling in currently off-limits areas, with the expectation that it would stabilize energy futures. Literally tens to hundreds of thousands of potential jobs could happen there. Plus, it plays into the "energy independence" theme. Yeah, that will piss off the Democrat's eco-fascist base, but who else are they going to vote for? Sarah Palin?

Stay tuned for anything else that pops into my head...

John the Econ said...

I think we'll be spared the High Speed Rail push this time around, in light of the recent and spectacular crash & burn example set by the Chinese.

gray lady said...

Last night I got down on my knees and thanked God that my son, a disabled vet whose disability benefits have not yet kicked in, got a job, after 4 months of scrambling and searching, with a company that admitted they hired him for the tax break. They say they will work with him and find him a position he can do in spite of his disability. God bless them if they're for real. To see the PutzOTUS delay his jobs initiave until the time is right for him reminds me of the "intimacy drug" commercial ---- 2 people taking a bath, one's dirty and the other one knows they're going to get screwed.

Colby said...

@Bacon,
Thanks! Glad to be of service.

@John the Econ,
You have no doubt hit the highlights, but don't you think he has worn the blame game thing just a bit thin in the eyes of most people? He has made such a big deal about his grand plan, I think it will just piss people off if it consists of nothing but blame. The idea you put forth about opening up drilling had never occurred to me before, and I find it scary. If he actually did something like that, it would give him a huge boost, but you can also bet there would be strings attached like you wouldn't believe. He would set it up to look really good up front, but down the road, all the BS rules and regs will come out... AFTER the election. Then gas goes to 8 bucks a quart and all the eco-nazis will have orgasms!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- Great analysis, and I'm sure you're going to prove prophetic.

@Earl- It seems like there's an endless supply of stories about the ways the stimulus money was squandered (and a matching number of analyses that now show that the program killed jobs). I hadn't heard about Exxon deciding that it was easier to deal with the Russians than with Obama, but it doesn't surprise me.

@gray lady- That's wonderful news, and please thank your son for his service to our country. You should also alert the media: it sounds like he got the only new job in the country last month!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Colby- The blame game will not only continue, I predict it's going to be notched up in a big way. When you only have one arrow in your quiver, that's the one you've got to shoot.

John the Econ said...

The Blame Game: Yes, it's grown tiresome, and by now only the truly delusional still believe that he's anything more than an empty suit. The Keynesians have fired all their ammo, and the GOP-controlled House isn't going to let them have any more. He's a dyed-in-the-wool Marxist, so he's never going to say "Big Government has failed. It's time for the free market to reign again". The "green scam" is over.

"Blame" is all he's got.

JustaJeepGuy said...

Barack Hussein isn't going to actually propose anything like actually drilling for oil, certainly not in the U.S. He'll talk about proposing it, but he'll never let it happen. He won't actually help eliminate job-killing regulations, he'll just blame people who won't hire because of those regulations. If he had anything actually helpful to say, why couldn't he have said it instead of vacationing?

Could it be because he's an arrogant, self-centered, dyed-in-the-wool socialist weasel scumbag? And those are his good points...

JustaJeepGuy said...

Well, now I see Michelle Malkin notes that Barack Hussein has told the EPA not to go ahead (just yet?) with an ozone regulation because it will hurt the economy! It's all just window dressing, of course. The Demo_rats think they can fool the voters with this one concession, but it's still a long way to the election.

Doktor Paulie said...

Refreshing as always, friends, for me to study the wonderful font of knowledge, wisdom, and common sense that is this blog and your comments.

@gray lady: please allow me to tender my thanks as well to you and your son, for the costly sacrifice you have both laid on the altar of freedom. If his company DOES turn out to be legit, please let us know and tell us their name then, so that we can buy a ton of their products, tweet about them, etc.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- As often as I read "Keynesian," I still momentarily think it's a citizen of Kenya. It's sort of like the whole Obama/Osama confusion; a difference without a meaningful distinction.

@JustaJeepGuy- Obama pulling back on the EPA regulation is actually trickier/sleazier than it first appears. In part he's delaying implementation because it would be yet another huge, job-crushing burden on employers. But he's also doing it so the regulation can live on in "stealth" mode (by not being enforced) so that anger about it won't affect his chances of reelection. It's sort of like the many (MANY!) waivers for Obamacare; the goal is to hide the damage until we're too far down the line to change course.

@Doktor Paulie & Gray Lady- That's a great suggestion! If you and your son would be comfortable with sharing the company's name, I'm sure that there are a number of people here who would like to show their support. And if modesty and/or privacy forbid, it wouldn't hurt to know if your son has any soldier support organizations we might donate to (like "Mission Able" which I always have a link to on the left side of each page).

flyfishnevada.com said...

What? There's people on west coast? Since when? I had no idea. Some one should tell the media.

See, were so easy to forget, I even forgot and I live out here.

John the Econ said...

Thanks "Health Online". Another URL to add to my client's blacklists.

Death to spammers.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- John the Econ is referring to a spam post which appeared here. I nuked it...but left John's good idea about keeping a black list of companies promoted by spammers.

Chuck said...

I've not posted in a couple weeks. I've been checking in daily, of course ... repeatedly ... but you all have said it all, and I have nothing to add, except that I agree!

Hence this post: just to add my affirmation!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Chuck- Thanks for the affirmation and for letting us know that you're out there!