Monday, January 2, 2012

Oh, Bummer...

Nothing takes the fun out of a fresh, unblemished new year like a centuries-old prediction that the Earth will come to an end in 2012. Seriously, who wants to get serious about dieting, exercising, or balancing the nation's budget when we're all going up in smoke in a few months?

The apocalyptic prediction is, quite literally, carved in stone - in this case, the ancient Mayan calendar. The stone calendar, hidden from view for thousands of years, was unearthed by archaeologists in 1790. But at that time, scholars had no way of knowing that the Mayan symbols for "Hope" and "Change" were meant as a dire warning rather than a benediction.

Hope n' Change isn't overly worried about this terrifying prophecy, because the Mayan calendar is essentially a document produced by a government... and as we've seen all too clearly in recent years, anything created by a bureaucratic committee is unlikely to correlate with anything even vaguely like reality.

Still, just in case the Mayan calendar
is a warning about the November ballot, we're going to do everything possible to avert electoral disaster.

And if Obama
still wins? Well, then it's comforting to think there's at least a chance that flaming meteors will put us out of our misery before his next inauguration day.

On the plus side, he's given up using Greek columns for Campaign 2012.


Proof said...

Your cartoon reminded me of a little story I like to tell about an Arkansas divorce attorney. He was being brought before an ethics commission for overcharging his clients.

"Here, for example, you charged for an archeologist and a urologist for what should have been a very simple divorce. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Well, the first thing my clients usually ask me is how're we going to decide what's Mayan and what's urine?"

Anonymous said...

If you are interested in such things, the whole "2012" discussion actually comes from a glyph stone tablet known as Tortuguero 6 (pic)

Which has been roughly translated to describe some event happening, near the calender date. Rough translation:

"The Thirteenth 'Bak'tun" will be finished
(on) Four Ajaw, the Third of Uniiw (K'ank'in).
? will occur.
(It will be) the descent(??) of the Nine Support? God(s) to the ?."

Yep that's it and bascially all we know... Fascinating how every discussion you hear about 2012 has nothing to do with this... its actual and source.

Karla said...

If Obama is reelected, it certainly will be the end of the world as we know it.

Jim Hlavac said...

Every doomsday prophecy has been doomed to failure -- now they want us to be worried? Who are "they"? -- Well, those who have something to sell -- which is endless prophecies of the end of the world, with attendant TV shows and talk shows and I'm sure a calendar, coffee cups, t-shirts and whatnot -- and so those who push this piffle will make a goodly buck to support themselves in 2013; meanwhile, the chumps will buy it up.

Meanwhile, the Mayans were off a few hundred years -- for they were long gone as a civilization long before the Spanish showed up -- which shows their ability to predict anything -- for they didn't have a glyph for "European."

Though, if Obama gets reelected in Nov. and the prediction is true, he'll never get inaugurated :)

Though too, if Santorum, Bachmann and Gingrich are right, then it will be legal recognition of gay couples that will bring about the end of the world, and the Mayans and Obama off the hook.

My theory?: Don't worry about others, but prepare for the obvious doom of way too much debt by the US gov't, the collapse of the EuroZone and the implosion of China -- for those are near foregone conclusions for 2012 & 2013.

Other than that, Happy New Year everyone.

Mike Ferguson said...

I'm slow... it took me about 30 seconds to see the center of the stone. I'm afraid if I steal & repost this, most of my even-slower friends will never 'get it'. Maybe you can colorize the center before I pirate ... er, uh, I mean "repost with credits".
Don't make me have to use my PhotoSlop on it... I'm NOT an artist!

Pete(Detroit) said...

Karla - it already WAS. We are becoming increasingly 'knowing' about the corruptions so rife in politics these days (and for decades past). We're learning that our 'strong leaders' are really tear-y caving weenies that NEED to be replaced. Pissant dictators and terror groups have learned they can push us around.
We have apparently come to CAIR who is offended by what, if they're Muslim (not that anyone seems to give a whipped poo if WE are offended by terror, bombings, rocket attacks, tying bombs to (retarded)kids, burning schools, killing teachers, killing priests, killing Christians, killing in general, and Oh, Yeah, a little thing known as 9/11.
Hells yes, I'm OFFENDED. Not that THEY CAIR....
Welcome to the Brave New World, Karla.
I fear we HAVE passed the 'tipping point', and w/o a lot of dedicated hard work to tip it back, we're stuck in this looking glass place, at least until Iran gets a bomb, and a significant amount of surface area gets turned to glass. THAT will be 'man made global warming!'
At least until the nuclear winter kicks in.
Some days, ya just want to stay in bed.
But then, at least we still HAVE beds...

Emmentaler Limburger said...

I predict that the end of the world will come when your close your eyes and fail to reopen them. Apparently, that has already happened for anyone with a (D) next to their name as they've clearly been running around without seeing...

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Proof- Good one!

@Anonymous- For those of us who fluently read Mayan, the meanings are quite clear. 13 is unlucky, and "Bak'tun" is the ancient word for "Bactine." So the 13th Bak'tun will be an "unlucky remedy." The word "Ajaw" means a lot of talking - traditionally understood to be a year. "The third of Uniiw (K'ank'in)" refers to the three branches of government, and specifies that the one to watch is the one that celebrates Kwanzaa. And the Nine Support Gods are, of course, the Supreme Court.

In other words, the Mayans believed that in 2012, the fourth year of talk from the Obama administration, the president would institute a "bad remedy" which will begin when he forces the Supreme Court to step down.

You read it here first.

@Karla- You and I are definitely on the same page.

@Jim Hlavac- I agree that the whole Mayan thing is nothing which should keep us up nights (nor am I worried that apocalypse has a Gay-friendly trigger), but the obvious thing which not only can but will destroy life as we know it, runaway debt, is still being shrugged off and ignored by our alleged leaders.

@Mike Ferguson- But when you DID spot the center of the calendar and got the joke, didn't you feel good about earning your laugh rather than having it handed to you?

You can motivate your friends by sending them the cartoon and telling them "I sent this to one guy who was so slow-witted that he couldn't spot the punchline." Trust me, they'll look till they find it!

@Pete(Detroit)- I think you've just officially christened the first Monday of 2012 with an enjoyable rant. Congratulations!

@Emmentaler- True fact: Democrats don't actually need open eyes to function - just a nose for money.

John the Econ said...

They were wrong. The world ends in 2013 when all of the "temporary" tax rates end and the ObamaCare rates start.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- Say, when Obamacare says that we should "take one tablet," you don't suppose it's referring to the Mayan stone tablet, do you?

pryorguy said...

I remember last year when this 'mayan end of the world' story was out; after several decades of bible study and hearing many dire warnings of the inevitable end of all things, a dumb story on the news just doesn't get me too excited!

The facts concerning the present administration and their failed policies, many misleading statements, and obvious selfish disdain for this nation are what seem to get under my skin.

I KNOW what the truth is, and truth is...I now have some HOPE that there will be a CHANGE...because now, so much unlike in 2008, our country DOES need to be radically transformed after a few years of high-level treachery by the socialistic 'leader' of this land, and the lawmakers who, in large part are totally corrupt and need to go!

Keep the faith!

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

We are starting our new year off right...with a crapload of snow. Frankly, if the world ends in 2012 that's just another winter I won't have to suffer through. The only thing worthwhile about living in Southern California from 68 to 72 was the weather. Other than that I can't think of a thing I miss about the place. If the world doesn't end I hope to be wishing Turdboy and the First Wookie a happy move back to Chicago in 2013.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Stilt, glad you enjoyed.
Some days ya just feel Monday all over
Especially on Mondays

AHD, full agree. We only got a dusting here, so far, but west coast got walloped pretty good, I hear (Hmmm, just occurred to me that MI is ONLY state w/ 'coasts' in all 4 directions, and arguably 2 to the north).

I think one of the transition points b/n youth and adult hood - kids think of snow as fun to play in, $$ opportunity, fun to play in w/ cars.
Adults see it for the Pain In The Arse it truly is (note - not everyone reaches this degree of maturity) Having achieved the 'ripe old age' of 48, I can heartily say "Ufck Snow"
Useless crap.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

@Pete: My snowmobile argues to a higher purpose for snow. Plus, being an almost-antique VMax4, it sucks down the gas, belches 2-stroke smoke, and pisses off Gore and the Greenies! Bonuses all around :o)

Pete(Detroit) said...

True, snomobiles are fun, just wish it wasn't so cold / wet.
Ah, well, I'm just crotchety some days, not happy if I can't bitch.
Have much fun annoying the greens, and remember NO amount of 'armor' is enough for 'jousting.'
(Yeah, I know, we ALL like to think we don't get 'that' drunk)

Colby said...

I predict an abrupt end of the world for BO and Chewbacca in January 2013; an abrupt end to their 24-7 vacation, that is. All who are sick and disgusted by the lavish lifestyle at our expense please raise your hands. No... scratch that. If you are sick and disgusted, go vote for some Americans for POTUS and Senate and Congress.

Pete and AHD... As a former resident of the U.P of Michigan, I feel your pain. When I start missing riding a snowmobile, I just put dry ice on my face. It's about the same sensation! I do not, however, get the same thrill of pissing off Liberals as you do with your smoke belching, gas guzzler. Maybe I'll get an old lawnmower...

Emmentaler Limburger said...

@Colby: "...if you're lookin' fer heaven, it's north of the bridge." - Albert Soady, Escanaba In Da Moonlight

There's this stuff they've invented called "clothing". They make it for all kinds of seasons. When snowmobiling, I use the stuff called "winter clothing" filled with this miracle material called "Thinsulate" :o) My only real complaints are (a) the Vmax weighs a freakin' ton, only likes to go in a straight line, and has no reverse and (b) I haven't yet been able to afford a heated face shield for my helmet, and seeing is a requirement...

@Pete: I hear ya on the jousting bit. Especially when jousting with inanimate objects...

Speaking of winter clothing: haven't heard much about the "occupy" ninnies of late. Hmmmm. Oh, wait. They celebrated New Year's in a manner indicative of who they are:

Chuck said...

You know what concerns me about 2012? When Ă˜bama is "ousted" in November ... what comes after HopeNChange cartoons to complete my day? Seriously! After what will be nearly 4 years of dependency, what am I supposed to do ... cold-turkey?!?!?

Pete (Detroit) said...

Emmentaller - yah, trees typically do NOT 'flinch'

Chuck, good reason to buy the books

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Chuck- I wonder about what will happen with Hope n' Change after next November, too. Or more significantly, inauguration day - because even if Obama loses the election, I'm not resting until he's out of the Whitehouse and the whole place has been steam-cleaned. And if he wins...? Well, that's a decision I hope I'll never have to face.

But that's pretty far in the don't worry about that cold turkey thing yet. And remember, Johnny Optimism is almost as good as methadone!

@Pete(Detroit)- Thanks for the free plug!

Gang of One said...

@MikeFerguson -- Don't feel too bad, Mike. I posted this strip on my FB page, and two of my friends from my days living in Mexico City saw only that Dr. Jarlsberg had used the Aztec [Sun Stone,the only difference being the names of days] version of the Mayan calendar, and that gringos cannot only get things wrong, but stoop to mocking alien cultures. I responded by saying that they had to look CLOSELY at the strip. One came back and made a typical illiberal Leftoid comment that it must have been done by a "Santorum Head". I again responded by saying one should look at the last panel, center of the calendar. No response yet ...

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Gang of One- By the way, I was entirely aware that I was using the Aztec version of the Mayan Calendar, but it's A) the version most people are familiar with, and B) the only version that would work for the gag. So I didn't get anything wrong, but I did take creative license. And in case your friends hadn't noticed, I'm not mocking the Mayans - I'm mocking Obamans.

Gang of One said...

@StiltonJarlsberg -- I know ... apparently, my friends are not that astute, or they are in high dudgeon at your joke on NObama. Makes the gag that much sweeter, if you ask me.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Gang of One- By the way, I got your snapshot of the posted cartoons. Very funny - and thank you!

Gang of One said...

@StiltonJarlsberg -- My pleasure, Doctor! Ain't we a pair?
I also have employed Johnny Optimism. HappySnaps to follow shortly.