Bill "Stinky Finger" Clinton to be "Father of the Year." And technically, it seems like they might have jumped the gun a little since the awards ceremony won't happen until June, and just maybe someone will show himself to be an even better father than Bill Clinton in the next six months - perhaps by not sexually abusing anyone.
Of course, the award isn't given solely because of what Mr. Clinton has done for his own alleged daughter Chelsea (and we say "alleged" because Bill Clinton personally claimed to be sterile after raping Juannita Broaderick), but because of the great fatherly messages which he's delivered to all of our nation's youth.
For instance, he taught young girls that oral sex wasn't sex at all - it was just really, really, really friendly. He improved women's health by pointing out that when a tampon wasn't readily available, a cigar could be substituted in an emergency. He bested Martha Stewart by showing how to make a beautiful, inexpensive fashion accessory out of bodily fluids. And giving the best fatherly gift of all to teens across the fruited plain, he made it perfectly acceptable to lie about sex. Including under oath - let alone when being questioned by pissed off parents!
Frankly, Hope n' Change Cartoons suspects that the "National Father's Day Council" isn't really using their heads when they make a selection as stupid as this one (or, in 2007, when they chose Democrat John Edwards, who created an out of wedlock child while screwing around on his cancer-stricken wife).
In fact, we're rather suspicious that there is no "National Father's Day Council," and that it's really just a cover story for a bunch of guys who go out whoring once a week and don't want their wives or their children to find out.
Or was that the Secret Service?