Monday, February 11, 2013

Fate of the Union

obama, obama jokes, state of the union, conservative, tea party, stilton jarlsberg, hope n' change, hope and change

Honest, Abe, we're with you on this one. On Tuesday, Barack Obama goes before a joint session and the American public to deliver his State of the Union speech and perhaps shoot a few skeet, with Beyoncé performing the halftime bump & grind show.

The emphasis of his speech is said to be on jobs and the economy, although it's unknown what new he'll have to say since we already know he's against both of them. And to save Hope n' Change readers a bit of time (spoiler alert!) we'll tell you what Barry will say is the only way to restore our nation's employment levels: higher taxes. Surprise!

Looking into our crystal ball, we can also tell you that the president will demonize Republicans by pretending that they (rather then he) are behind the upcoming sequester budget cuts, and he will invoke the victims of Sandy Hook Elementary to disarm Americans (Democrats are inviting victims of gun violence to the speech, although how they can fit in the entire population of Chicago remains to be seen).

President Soetoro will lie about the solvency of Social Security and Medicare and the intentions of those fiscal patriots who would actually like to save those programs. And he will demand that we get really, really serious about immigration reform and just start sending welfare checks to everyone in Mexico to save them the trouble of strolling across our unguarded borders.

Of course, the president will also take this opportunity to finally and fully explain the tragic events which took place under his watch in Benghazi.

Just kidding! There's a better chance that he'll mention the troubling accusations that Donald Duck doesn't like hugging black kids. Surely a Joe Biden fact-finding mission won't be far behind.

Frankly, we don't plan to be watching the president's speech as we prefer to maintain some sense of hope and optimism through our "glass half full" outlook on life.

Mind you, it's a big glass...and what it's half full of burns sweetly going down.


obama, obama jokes, state of the union, conservative, tea party, stilton jarlsberg, hope n' change, hope and change, shotgun

Hope n' Change Trivia: In a recent ranking by Alexa of the 150 most popular conservative websites on the Internet (and therefore the known universe),  Hope n' Change Cartoons placed 140. That means we'll officially be targeted with our own drone and (dare we even hope?) get our own presidential flashcard. Our thanks to the many readers who visit and spread the word!  -Stilton

38 comments:

REM1875 said...

"Other than that Mrs Lincoln, How was the play? "
I feel like this has been the state controlled media's attitude toward most of the major scandals plaguing us today. Yes one more of crap weasel's speeches for the media to fawn over will make any difference. Yes I bet this one will be somehow different than the other 1500 he has give since ascending the throne. Yes this one will have the answers. To bad I will be rearranging my sock drawer and have to miss it.Comes

TrickyRicky said...

My glass will be full to the brim. Speyburn, maybe Laphroig if I can afford it. And, really? Number 140? Stilton, your blog is number one for all of those who follow you and whose M-W-F is ALWAYS started with a dose of HnC. Your kind, not Barry's.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

Ya know? I can't help but think that Øbama's presidency is Wright's "God D@mn America" coming to fruition. I won't be watching, either. Much like I would not watch myself be disemboweled, burned, drawn and quartered - because the experience would not be dissimilar...

Grafton Cheddar said...

Hey, but remember - someone has to build all of those drones - jobs, jobs, jobs... Oh, except that once Skynet becomes self-aware, they will be building themselves! Isn't American Idol on at the SOTU time? Oh no, I forgot - they are one and the same thing.

Well, let's put on a happy face: if SJ is getting his own drone, that probably means that each of us is getting one, too.

Congrats for Alexa award!

Colby said...

I wonder... does anybody besides the press actually WATCH the SOTU address? I don't recall ever hearing talk around the water cooler the next day. And he'll just use the State of the Union to justify the Union of the State.

Super post Stilton and super congrats on being #140! I feel like I'm a teeny part of history now... And the bit about Joe Wilson? How did you tap into Barry's dreams, anyway? I have a fantasy of the entire room standing up and mooning him in the middle of his litany, then walking out in disgust. Or maybe a good old fashioned rotten vegatable toss.

I'm with Tricky; A glass of Laphroig would be great, but Mrs. Colby started putting Sharpie marks on her bottle.

Chuck said...

@Stilton - congrats on the accolades.

I, too, plan to miss the rerun of the state of the union (I’ve never watched one before and don’t plan to start now. It’s all theater.

@Colby – my solution to that dilemma was to get my own sharpies!

Irene Peduto said...

The State of the Union is apparent to anyone who has a little something called common sense. While I know both Parties distort the truth, I cannot believe the outrageous lies the current admin. tells to those low information people. Why watch 0's Fantasy Hour?
Congratulations, Stilton on the recognition you so richly deserve. I'm with Colby in feeling as though we are contributing to the conservative cause - through SJ, of course!

Jim Hlavac said...

As I titled my own blog's post from yesterday: "There he'll go again: more mush from the wimp." -- Which, if you are politically aware, combines a Reagan 'quote' and the Boston Herald's famous "someone in the press room switched it" headline about Jimmy Carter. (though I think my blog is, oh, the 1.4 millionth on the top blogs list, or, 140th from the bottom.) Other than that, I feel confident in predicting the phrase "new taxes," or a variant (initiative, investment, etc) -- will occur every 5th or 6th line -- sandwiched in between "Right wing obstructionism" or a variant. The rest of the words will be like "the" and "at" and "in" -- you know, the little words. He will avoid "is" -- he's as confused about the definition as Clinton um, is.

On the other hand, there just might be one subject on which he is right (if he mentions it, he did at his "More New Taxes" inaugural speech,) -- and yes, even a broken clock is correct twice a day -- and that's gay marriage -- which, given the RINOs in office capitulating to him on every other subject, which they show no sign of altering, will give them plenty to gnash their teeth about, and the gumption to increase the wasted measly $3 million bucks they found and which couldn't be sequestered either, to "defend" a law refusing to recognize reality -- which, is of course a political speciality -- refusing to recognize reality. Perhaps that'll give the Republicans something to do, in between the capitulations: push again a Federal "marriage" Amendment. So, perhaps Obama will throw some chum to the chumps, and change the focus of what matters: the economy of all -- to fret over sissy smooching. Then, Boehner will feel good as he skips along merrily hand in hand with the president in wrecking the economy while thinking he's protecting the nation from Peter and Lance the hairdressers. Though, I admit, there's something about that image, which is, well, just so gay.

Other than that, enjoy the retread, and try not to barf.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Irene Peduto - DC as a reboot of Fantasy Island? LOVE it!! "Look Boss, de blame, de BLAME!"

Stilt, congrads on making the list! and of course, may the notoriety bring evre more traffic (and possibly revenue!) your way!
To continue a horrific line of thought from yesterday - a Clinton / Obama admin... I may be wrong but as I recall when Agnew was forced to resign, Kissinger was not allowed to be VP as he is ineligible to be president, if needed (not a native citizen). Likewise, as Barry is not eligible to serve as president again (koff, koff) he would not be eligible to be VP. One hopes.

Grafton, several of us are sharing. I'm pretty sure Emmentaller still lives in the area, and there are a few in Jersey that are close enough. Besides, drones are not that hard to defeat - all you need is a wolf and a sniper rifle... oh, wait, THAT'S why they're collecting those...

CenTexTim said...

Speaking of Lincoln, where is John Wilkes Booth when we need him? (kidding...just kidding...honest...)

re: the Alexa rankings - Well done! Since I doubt this administration has the ability to deliver 140 synchronized time-on-target drone strikes, you'll have enough advance warning to go stand next to a liberal.

American Cowboy said...

I still believe that every PATRIOTIC American conservative in the audience for 0's SOTU propaganda speech should en masse get up and chant, "You lie," as they turn their backs to him and walk out.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't be at all disappointed should a 50 lb metior lined up on the Speaker's dias chose to unexpectedly join the throng of mini-nobles on Tuesday evening. Rather a CTRL-ALT-DEL moment, what?

txGreg said...

@Pete(Detroit): You seem to be momentarily visiting an alternate fantasy world where our elected representatives care what the laws say. Sorry to drag you back to reality where such things as laws only exist insofar as they keep the little people under control.

And may I join in saying my heartfelt congrats and thanks Stilton, for a job well done. No matter how depressing it might sometimes be.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@REM1875- Apparently one of the new insights Obama has to creating jobs is to focus on rebuilding the nation's roads and bridges, which theoretically were all fixed during the "shovel ready" spending spree. The man will say nothing new, and the old stuff he'll say for the umpteenth time is appalling.

@TrickyRicky- I'm not sure whether I should go with a big glass of a flammable adult beverage or just go straight to an intravenous drip. And thanks for the nice comment about HnC. I honestly don't know what sort of accomplishment this is other than being semi-officially on Barry's radar.

@Emmentaler- This is absolutely a "God Damn America" scenario, whether you're religiously inclined or not. And more to your point, I absolutely believe that Barry is deliberately bringing to life Rev Wright's call for our nation's punishment and/or destruction.

@Grafton Cheddar- As I've said waaay too many times here before, the only think which can "create" jobs is the one thing that Obama and the Dems will never do: get the government out of the way.

And for the record, HnC didn't exactly get an "award" - simply recognition for being in the top 150. Although unlike the Nobel Peace Prize, I actually had to earn that distinction.

@Colby- The SOTU is always awful and I can't stand the Jack-in-the-Box quality of the Dems leaping to their feet and cheering every time Barry promises that, in the future, there will be corn in every turd.

I would love for the GOP to take a big, unified action during the speech: walking out, shouting him down, or just chanting "Benghazi." I'm sick of playing nice.

By the way, Sharpie marks on the bottle are a sign of a marriage in trouble. To reduce the tension in your household, you should send ME the Laphroig for safekeeping (grin).

@Chuck- It's not only "all theater," it's rotten theater. Seriously, I'd rather spend the evening browsing YouTube for videos of unusual boils being lanced.

@Irene Peduto- "Distorting the truth" is putting it very charitably: Barry (and his team) lie enthusiastically, and it's genuinely detrimental to my health to watch him anymore.

Regarding the blog, I've been doing the same thing for a long time. What has made it more popular are all the readers who not only come back (and make things more interesting by commenting), but who also share links with friends and/or liberals. The growth of this blog is entirely the result of what readers have done, and I'm grateful. In part because when I get to Guantanamo, there's a greater likelihood that I'll recognize some of you.

@Jim Hlavac- Actually, Obama will work hard to find euphemisms for "new taxes," preferring to say things like "contributing to our neighbors," "sharing the burden," and "enhancing revenues at gunpoint."

I'm sure he'll also bring up gay marriage - not because he really cares about gay rights but because he loves any topic which is divisive and makes the GOP look nasty - and sadly, this issue does. But let's not forget that when running for president the first time around, Obama was against gay marriage and only found his views "evolving" when he needed gay campaign money.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Pete(Detroit)- I love "De blame! De blame!" Herve Villechaise, we hardly knew ye.

On a side note, this blog doesn't generate any revenue, let alone "more" revenue. I don't take paid ads on the site because I didn't want anything on the page that distracted from the message. And perhaps because I'm dimwitted.

I'd like to think that Barry would be ineligible as veep for the reasons you mention. He could, of course, still be an ambassador in Benghazi.

@CenTexTim- Oh great, you just got my drone fully armed! Regarding the blog, there is rumored to be an organization of "Cyberwarriors for Obama" who will work out of their homes and be given (ahem) "useful" information to disrupt conservative sites and screw up the personal lives of those working on the sites. This may be apocryphal...or not. It certainly smells like the new, highly computerized workings of the Left, though.

@American Cowboy- If that happens, it will be the only reason that I'll be sorry I didn't watch.

@Anonymous- That would be a terrible, terrible tragedy that would sadden us all very, very much. But who are we to question acts of God?

@txGreg- Depressing? This job? I think it says something that I do a comic about a seriously ill kid in a wheelchair to cheer myself up.

It's No Gouda said...

Stilton, et al.
Well we can ALL ratchet up the paranoia a notch or two. Yikes!!
http://www.smh.com.au/digital-life/consumer-security/google-for-spies-draws-ire-from-rights-groups-20130211-2e75y.html#ixzz2KY9r4cJJ

Colby said...

@It's No Gouda,
I tried Facebook for about a week a year or two ago, but came to the conclusion that it was a huge waste of my time. The link you posted gives me confirmation that I did the right thing by cancelling my Facebook account.

Folks, I don't mean to be paranoid, but suddenly I feel like we're in that famous Orwell novel. Seems to me like cell phones, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and such are all evil. Hell, now you can't even go get your prostrate checked without some gubmint agency knowing about it. I don't know how the hell you "disappear" without being a zillionaire, but I'd sure like to find out!

@Chuck and Stilton,
Gee thanks... Mrs. Colby read your posts and NOW the Laphroig is locked up!

Chuck said...

@Colby - Orrysay! Extnay imetay I'llway useway inglatinpay - illway atthay orkway?

Irene Peduto said...

@Chuck - just laughed out loud - what the hell is that? Pig Latin of some sort? What a hoot!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@It's No Gouda- Ha! The cyber-tracking program won't do ME any harm because I rarely post personal pictures on social networks, and (more importantly) my pictures DON'T have geographical information embedded because I use a cheap old camera rather than a government approved smartphone.

@Colby- Facebook is, to me, mostly annoying. But that being said, it's a good way to get the HnC message out so I have to play the game.

And you're right about our Orwellian reality. The gummint is absolutely consolidating unbelievable amounts of data from our phonecalls, emails, social network sites, security cameras (with facial recognition), credit card receipts, media consumption, web searches, and who knows what else. I don't think at this point any of us can disappear - though if the government decides we're a problem, we can be "disappeared."

Regarding the Laphroig, you have my apologies. You can still get high during the president's speech by snorting the Sharpie, though.

@Chuck- I didn't know you spoke Arabic!

@Irene Peduto- Say what you will about pigs, but any animal that invents Latin has got to be pretty smart.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

I'd rather spend the evening browsing YouTube for videos of unusual boils being lanced.

Please share the URL. Hopefully it's something so ugly, that it binds the attention. Much like a massive wreck... or an Øbama speech.

Chuck said...

@ Irene - Yes ... Pig Latin (iglatinpay). Amazing how that crap sticks with you. I can't even imagine what useful information was expelled (or blocked) from my conscious memory to make room for this.

@ Stilton - Actually, I do know some Arabic, and if the path we are on remains unaltered, we'll all know more than we care to ... sooner rather than later.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Emmentaller - if you want a real train wreck, look up 'bottle rocket butt' on youtube. 2,390 hits. I don't know what is more disturbing, that people are dumb enough to TRY this, or 2400 of them a) had a camera running b) POSTED it!!!!
W
T
F?!?!?!

Grafton Cheddar said...

Pete, I can't believe I just watched that - does that make me an ObamaBot?

And Chuck, in a few years either that Arabic or perhaps Mandarin will come in handy when stopping by the bank.

CenTexTim said...

Pig Latin ... mmmm ... bacon...

As for the great YouTube vs. SOTU speech, I'm hoping for reruns of Honey Boo Boo.

Helped along, of course, with generous helpings of Sharpie-free Laphroig ... or Shiner ... or 'coffee'...

Red said...

I'll be watching Perfect Strangers the series on dvd. #timewarp

PRY said...

7750omg...I can't wait...actually, I do usually watch an O speech even tho I get dry heaves every time...this time however, we KNOW what's going to be said, he's that predictable (he really aint too smart)...I think I'll just watch Dr Ben Carson on youtube again...such a huge breath of fresh air!!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Emmentaler- Thought I was kidding, huh? Well, enjoy the video.

@Chuck- The only Arabic I know is to yell "Almond Clark Bar!" before pushing my detonator.

@Pete(Detroit)- Looking for extreme, life-threatening dumbassery on YouTube generates a lot of hits, but does nothing to make us feel better about the intellectual capacity of the average Obama voter.

@CenTexTim- I've never actually watched Honey Boo Boo, but Tuesday might be the day. I have, on the other hand, consumed liquor before (and am doing so right now).

@Red- I think you're making a wise choice. Hey, those guys were funny!

@PRY- I'll admit, just between friends, that I may try to watch the speech out of a sense of duty. Or maybe masochism.

But let me take a moment to applaud the absolutely wonderful and courageous Dr. Ben Carson for speaking truth to power, unlike the GOP leadership that seems to find it a virtue to speak truce to power.

REM1875 said...

Evolving? hmmm good thing Darwin wasn't a republican as I have doubts that darwin's theory of flip flopping would have been exactly as earth shattering. (but in my mind it would have better conveyed and justified some of his adherents leaps of faith)
de blame boss! de blame! I would use that as wall paper. too funny thanks for that mental picture.
Congratulation Doc on a job well done (bravo zulu in naval service terms)

Colby said...

I may get brave and steel myself to watch the crap weasel tonight because a real American is coming on for the official "Response from people with brains, TO people with brains."

@Stilton,
Carson's speech was absolutely freaking awesome, and what sort of gonads does this guy have to do that in directly front of Narcissus? My hat off to you, Dr. Carson! Please consider a life in politics.

And, what about this idiot, Deborah Feyerick blaming the asteroid flyby on global warming? I will ask, what is more scary? Her ignorance and inability to pass 5th grade science, or the people that watch her and agree with her assessment?

Pete(Detroit) said...

Colby - right up there w/ the idiot that claimed that 'legitimate' rape doesn't cause pregnancy... Morons abound on BOTH sides of the aisle.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Colby- Sadly, I now have official duties which will prevent me from watching the SOTU. I will be officially attending a "Fat Tuesday" celebration, wearing beads, and officially drinking hurricanes. This is not a decision I've made lightly, but is intended to show my support for the victims of Katrina.

And hokey smokes, Bullwinkle - how flipping stupid does someone have to be to think that incandescent lightbulbs cause global warming and global warming attracts ASTEROIDS?! Seriously, these nitwits stare into the sky with no more understanding than that of a turkey.

@Pete(Detroit)- Idiocy is certainly not limited to either party, although it's more likely to be policy on the Left.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Stilt - full agreed on the policy comment... Is a "Katrina" a hurricane stirred w/ a broccoli stalk (ie, a 'bush')?
Like a regular hurricane, only bigger, w/ 'chocolate sprinkles' to serve as looters?
Layer it over a mudslide?
Ah, the possibilities!

True story - I was in NO for Mardi Gras, caught a string of beads thrown by Sandra Bullock! High point of the year!
Yeah, I have a pathetic life...

Colby said...

@Pete,
Yep, nobody is exempt, but for some reason, the ill-informed ones get under my skin more (not that I'm not guilty occasionally!). My favorite is the guy who didn't want to send more military to some island because it might tip over. Can't remember his name, but that was a knee slapper!

@Stilton,
How absolutely HORRIBLE! But I guess someone has to do it, and I can think of no better person to take the hit. Happy Hangover!

PRY said...

Pete...caught Bullock's beads???? Thats not too pathetic, brother!

mjloehrer said...

Why have to listen to the Bamster's chewed cabbage tonight. Do something else then get excited about Justified. The ideal would be to kidnap Obama and send him down to Harlan County, Kentucky as a hostage

Sparky Hudson said...

My glass is only half full so I'm not drunk enough to watch another Obama LieAThon. I'll pass. #SOTU

@Stilton ~ Congrats on being 140th! You deserve the attention. You're helping to keep us (semi) sane in an insane world. My blog is 140th (from the bottom) of about 100 million. Hey, at least I'm Out There being a pain in the arse to Barry Hussein and that's worth it. :) God bless.

REM1875 said...

How could they be so darned inconsiderate as to take down that cop killer in the middle of Ø's droning? I am sure the usual crowd will be telling us how racist this was just as soon as the media gets done slobering on themselves over Ø's recycling.
Good job to those who stopped this psycho, next time you might want to fire a few 50BMG warning rounds in the direction of the media helicopter that was endangering your lives.